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Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.
8 posts • Page 1 of 1
I admit that my mother is a feminist but being the single mother to an only son she could hardly practice misandry. She is a great mother and part of what made me sensitive to women. Sadly most women will never get past their preconceived notions of who I am to see the real me and that is what made me a masculinist. I find the gender debate is really one-sided. Neither really looks at the others' perspective but rather both play the victim card and preach about equality when it benefits THEM.
So yeah my mother is a feminist and I keep my views to myself most of the time. Women get emotional and it isn't worth the hassle.
I heard my mother repeatedly tell my sisters not to be lazy and learn how to cook and clean "for your future husbands and children". For that reason alone, I believe she does not qualify as a feminist.
Not feminist in what she says, but feminist in action. My mom was a "career woman" and put off having kids until late, so I have Aspergers and my sister has an other disability possibly because of this. My mom says she married my dad actually because her biological clock was ticking. My dad actually literally was a bit of an outlaw biker (literally fitting the stereotype, but he wasn't in a gang as far as I know, just had a bike and went to biker bars) and actually was somewhat misogynistic for real, and my mom brings up how bad he was constantly, and constantly compared me to him negatively. As kids, she split the kids against my father, and I was the only one who took my father's side, but even then she eventually got me over to her "side" by basically saying we could do whatever we wanted and eat candy everyday.
Even things like diet, she wouldn't agree with my father on, my father would cook fairly normal meals like brown rice, some veggies, and salmon, some salad, and I'd be the only one at the kitchen table eating them. And my mom would basically protest and make my sisters and her some canned or frozen thing instead of eating actual food my father cooked. Said my dad was being like abusive for trying to limit candy or fast food to once or twice a week. Tons of arguments in the same way with money, my mom would spend gobs of money, and my dad had a more logical way to spend it (or not, usually) and she bought, say, VHS tapes from Time Life, and my dad rightfully bought up "You know, we could have a pool for the money spent on those." My father thought more future and distant in his thought processes, and my mother right now's comfort. My mother also could not cook at all besides some very basic things like steaming burgers, used no spices when cooking, etc. Was not able to keep the house clean or command us to clean it.
Divorce occurred. After the divorce I was expected to do tons more work than my sisters. Any heavy moving or lifting, I had to do. Any repairs. Figure it out. My sisters never had to do the same kind of thing. I remember very distinctly moving into this house I'm in now, my sister got to paint her room purple with her friend who moved in with us for basically no reason. While she painted her room purple, I had to do a much larger majority of the actual moving and my mom bitched I wasn't fast enough. When I was younger, she'd pay for cosmetics and nicer clothes for my sister, and I'd have holes in my clothes. My mom never actually yelled, in fact she's the opposite. She just guilts and uses passive aggressiveness to get what she wants. She'll leave the kitchen while I'm cooking and be like "FINE I GUESS I DON'T GET TO EAT" whereas my sister will be able to work in nicely or will wait 5-10 minutes (and she will tell me to wait 5-10 minutes as well while she's in it.)
So, probably? I dunno, I love my mother, but now that I'm older and have to have the same arguments my father had with her and carry lots of weight on my shoulders it's not fun at all.
As bad as your mother sounds (and she sounds like a horribly unfit mother to me), what you describe is natural. Upon the divorce, you became the man in the house. Thus, heavy lifting and other hard physically demanding chores became yours to do. Cooking and cleaning are a woman's work, but a work that requires physical strength is a man's duty.
My mom isn't a bad person, just I think wasn't fully prepped for being a mother and a wife. The thing is, and I don't know if I should feel good or feel horrified, but I know people with significantly worse family situations than mine with significantly worse mothers.
So, that's why I don't wanna raise kids here.
I admire your loyalty towards your parents in spite of their flaws, and the way you put things in perspective. Those are good qualities to have, and sadly most of your peers lack them.
A dilemma you can solve quite easily, by relocating yourself to another country and culture. Once you have established yourself there, a wife and family are the logical next step. You are still young, and I am sure your future will not be in this country. Your future will be wherever you want it to be. Because the world, my friend, is yours!