Even though we've been divorced for many years already, I still have to communicate with my ex-wife from time to time because of our children. I try to always use email but sometimes on some matters, it's not possible. She still acts the same way, embittered now by divorce and still emotionally unstable and angry. I hate talking to her because she's a seething volcano underneath, ready to explode at the slightest hint of provocation. Even though I was already genetically predisposed, I am positive that my high blood pressure accelerated more rapidly because of my ex-wife.Mr S wrote:Yeah, I'm going through what you went through for the sake of my kid, it's hell at times, but at least I'll have a decent daughter; hopefully with her head straightened right rather than a mess like most modern women nowadays. I figure it's a mid-range time sacrifice for long-term father/daughter stability. Yes, it sucks right now but it'll be over once she hits her teens and that only around 5 years give or take from now. I did meet a decent compatible Filipina during the first year my daughter was born and if I didn't have to choose between my daughter or her or had not gotten the wrong women pregnant then I probably would have found the perfect long-term female companion for me. I had to let her go and some other lucky American guy scooped her up and flew her to somewhere in Tennessee. Oh well, live and learn. I suppose if I keep my eyes open down the road someone else may be compatible for me. (I'm a bit difficult to match-up with so I'm also psyched myself to accept being alone for the rest of my life, possibly) I suppose the only problem will be age, but it also depends on the location too, and I don't plan on living in America again or another Anglo-Western country, which discriminates against older men. I just gotta keep my health up as best as possible and see what happens in the 2020's.smallcheese wrote:+1Mr S wrote:I second this notion, living through this kind of illogical, emotion based with the mother of my kid. Most women are emotionally based and only respond to triggers that reciprocate that response. The key is to figure out those triggers with these kind of women to limit damage control. The best thing to do of course is to not get involved with women like this, but since at least 3/4th's of women are like this anywhere in the world, most guys have been stuck after the fact with their hands in the air grasping for a sense of emotional stability with their woman. If one understands that their emotional level is generally stunted to pubescent age, then one can use emotional stop-gaps to lessen the blows. Logic just doesn't work. I think mostly Introvert type women are perhaps a better chance with being more logical than the extrovert types, so if you want a women that understands or appreciates logic or at least one that isn't a drama queen then go for the introverted type, even if they aren't intellectual then at least they shut their mouth a majority of the time and are quiet in comparison to dealing with emotional women who fly into beast mode in any kind of emotional tirade over the stupidest shit.smallcheese wrote: I don't think it was lack of tact. It was the tactic that was wrong.
You can't use logic on a woman, especially if you're arguing with her. With most women, that's the worst possible thing you can do, especially with Westernized feminist leaning women. Going Mr. Spock on a woman in an argument will only infuriate them and make them angrier at you. Double down by continually throwing more and more logic at them and eventually they'll explode and start yelling, screaming and cursing at you. You can't believe the type of profanities that can come out of a woman when they're in this emotional state.
This is especially pertinent if you're married to the woman you're arguing with.
Been there. Done that. Total waste of time.
It's better to run as fast and as far away as possible from women who act like this.
You are sooo right Mr. S!!!!! I was married to a woman who acted just like that and I persevered for as long as I could for the sake of my children.
It will always be a tradeoff between intellectualism or peace and quiet. Having learned my lessons the hard way, I'll trade for peace and quiet over intellectualism every time! There are plenty of other venues available now to stimulate your mind so I don't need that much in a woman. Just basic common sense and a willingness to listen and learn is all I would look for now.
Having a simple woman that doesn't talk back and cause drama and does typical womanly type stuff without fuss is I think a better long-term solution for compatibility than trying to find an intellectual equal who may evolve differently than you as you age and totally destroy your life in the process. I guess it would be nice being with an intelligent woman, but in todays world its rather dangerous as well, especially if you're in a Western country with liberal no-fault divorce laws. I admit screwing up and playing the field a bit too much and hopping over some good girls always looking for the next best thing, but sometimes one needs to learn these hard lessons to not make them again in the future.
If you are with a woman and she stays the night and either makes dinner for you at your place without asking or cleans your entire place or both, she's a keeper. I've met a few of those out of many women I've been with and at the time I didn't think it was such a big deal, now I know better, ha ha. A modern Western (or even Eastern or Latina women) woman cleaning your place cause she likes you? Good luck finding one of those in the modern dating world nowadays.
I kick my a** every day now thinking of the opportunities I dropped the ball on. UGH!
Even if the mother of my kid were to drop dead tomorrow, I probably wouldn't get involved with anyone new anyways cause it's too weird dating a 'new' woman while trying to raise a kid. I'd rather the kid be out of the picture than have to worry about what she thinks of me dating other women and the girl I'm dating having conflicts with a teen daughter who is still attached to her father. I especially wouldn't want to all of a sudden have another ready made family or the girl getting pregnant or something then my life would truly be over again. At least I can have a new life at late 40's with no kid in the picture than be saddled with more kids or something like that.
Listen up all you guys get rid of the drama queens and stay single or choose wisely and date more simple minded women if you want to keep your sanity and hair on the top of your head! Stress does make you go bald, I'm a living example of that circumstance now unfortunately.
The good thing is my sons have lived with her now for several years and they've realized that it wasn't me. They both understand now why I had to leave and divorce their mother. This is what I was hoping for when I decided to divorce their mother but stay in Hong Kong and remain a part of their lives growing up. I just wanted them to learn the truth on their own, but not feel abandoned by their father.
I only have 4 more years to go until my youngest son goes off to college. My oldest son is going to college in the U.S. this coming September. The good thing is that after several years of living alone in Hong Kong (except whenever my boys came over to visit), I got married last year to a well spoken, college educated, former beauty queen from a province a couple of hours away, outside Manila. So over the next 4 years I'm making my plans to finally escape my ex-wife forever.
I've already purchased a large tract of land in the province and will spend the next couple of years, slowly designing and building a nice home there for my wife and any family we might have in the future. I'm funding my wife's studies now as she's getting her masters in education while teaching English and other courses at the college level. My plan is to bring her here to Hong Kong on a spousal visa for a few years so that she can get some international teaching experience on her resume before we go back to the Philippines. I'm also looking at several business opportunities in the Philippines. I know I will pass away long before my wife does. So I want to set up for my wife and all of my children a future that is as financially secure as I possibly can.
Mr. S, I don't know you. I've never met you or talked to you before. I only know you from your writings here in this forum and I appreciate your willingness to share your life experiences with others so that they might learn from your hard earned wisdom. And I really appreciate how you're respectful to others and thoughtful in your writings. If no one has ever said this to you before, then I will.
Thank you for sacrificing for your daughter now. I'm sure after she grows up, she will realize (just like my sons have) what you have given up for her. She will know that you love her unconditionally and you always will. There's no greater satisfaction for a father than knowing that.
I greatly admire what you're doing because 99% of the men in the world wouldn't make the same life choice that you did. No one knows that better than I.
I know you're looking forward to being alone and enjoying your life after your daughter grows up and moves into another phase in her life. And I hope you will be succeed and get the happiness that you deserve. But don't give up on women yet.
I lived mostly on my own for several years after my divorce and like many men would do after being locked in a sexually deprived cage for many years, I sowed my oats over and over again throughout Asia. Thailand, the Philippines, China, Hong Kong, Macau, Korea and on and on. How can you not, when you're living in the world's sexual breadbasket? But after awhile, I still felt like I was missing something in my life. P4P and pseudo P4P (called dating with benefits) is great fun and you can have many wonderful experiences but in the end, it's unfulfilling as it becomes more and more like a business transaction. You go into a store, look around, see what you like, make your choice, pay for the service, have some fun and then go back to the solitude of your life.
If the Philippines isn't for you anymore, then I think you should strongly consider Vietnam. They have the type of woman you're looking for and hopefully you can finally find the woman you've been looking for, after all these years. I find Vietnamese women to be just as beautiful as Chinese women. Many women there are simple, unassuming, hard working with a good heart. I'd avoid women from the major cities as they seem to be getting corrupted more and more by money and Western influences. But it still may be possible to find some gems there.
The biggest barrier there might be language as their English skills are poor to non existent. For me, choosing to settle down came down to between the Philippines and Vietnam. But I felt that I was too old, lazy and stupid to learn a new language at my age.
But my white Jewish American friend is about to marry a Vietnamese woman, more than 20 years younger than him, and bring her into the U.S. (I know, a potentially fatal mistake! I've warned him many times already). After 5+ years of courting, he can't speak Vietnamese and she can't speak English (I wonder how their U.S. embassy interview is going to go) But they're still happy and in love. So some food for thought.
But Mr. S is right!!!! The simpler the woman the better! Common sense, basic intelligence and a good heart are much more important. You don't need intellectual stimulation from a woman, just other types of stimulation.
P.S. Mr. S, please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk or vent your frustrations. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone who's in the same situation you're in. I travel to the Philippines almost on a monthly basis to see my wife and I always go through Manila. So if you're living there and you'd like to meet up, we can. I think we have much in common. At least we can commiserate together over some cold drinks!