It's the ladies job to ask the guys to dance at nightclubs!

[traveller]

It is technically proper etiquette that, at all nightclubs in the United States of America, it's the ladies' job to ask the guys to dance with them, no questions asked. The philosophy is especially very strict when a slow song is played at a nightclub. From my point of view, guys who ask the ladies to dance with them at any American nightclub, even in a polite and friendly manner and even for the first time ever, are among the first people to get thrown right out of the club by the bouncers. In other words, a friendly and polite "Would you like to dance with me?" coming out of a man's mouth to a woman is normally followed about 2 to 5 minutes later by the dreaded words "Okay, you're gonna have to leave!" coming out of the bouncers' mouths to the man.

Coincidentally, people all over, even a few nightclub DJs, always love to tell me that it's the guys' job to ask the ladies to dance. Of course I tell them; "In China, India, eastern Europe, etc, yes it likely is the guys' job to ask the ladies. But in America, it's the ladies job to ask the guys!" But sometimes they say; "In the USA, too, it's the guys' job to ask."

It's practically driven me to the point of saying, especially on the Internet, that either the ladies will ask the guys to dance with them, or American nightclubs are strictly forbidden to all singles and may as well start immediately printing those "No Single Persons Allowed" signs, taping them to their entrance doors, and the bouncers making sure that everyone who enters is with a group of at least 2 or more people, and saying to singles; "You're single? Then you can not go in. Those are the rules. You don't have someone with you, you're gonna have to leave!"

I even have signs taped to both my bikes that say that it's the ladies' job to ask the guys to dance with them at all nightclubs in the United States of America. And in fact, I even have thoughts of, if I were to be confronted by either club security or police that tell me that it's the guys job to ask the ladies, making warning signs myself that say; "No Single Persons Allowed" or "No Single Customers" and putting them either at the front entrance of that club, or better yet, the entrance to that club's parking lot, and possibly even adding; "Violators subject to immediate arrest and imprisonment" to those signs. Which also brings more thoughts of "what if you got in trouble for those signs?" which my mind replies with; Then the rules shall be changed to "No singles allowed in any outdoor area within less than three (3) miles of the club between the hours of 7 pm and 7 am the following day." And if I were to still get in trouble, then; "No singles allowed in any outdoor area within any part of the USA regardless of distance from any nightlife venue between the hours of 5 pm and 8 am the following day, for there is a nationwide Federal curfew for single adults that begins at 5 pm local time and ends at 8 am the following morning. Violators subject to immediate arrest, up to 75 years to life in Federal prison. Use of Deadly Force Authorized."

[Wolfeye]

Not too familiar with that myself, but it sounds like maybe things have changed. I've got to ask: Are you Arabic or Arabic-looking? I'm a bit suprised that asking a woman to dance, in itself, would get you thrown out of a club. Maybe it's just some chicks making themselves feel hot by acting like every guy is "perving-out" on them? I don't get what's pervy about a guy approaching a woman with romance or recreation in mind.

[traveller]

Not too familiar with that myself, but it sounds like maybe things have changed. I've got to ask: Are you Arabic or Arabic-looking? I'm a bit suprised that asking a woman to dance, in itself, would get you thrown out of a club. Maybe it's just some chicks making themselves feel hot by acting like every guy is "perving-out" on them? I don't get what's pervy about a guy approaching a woman with romance or recreation in mind.

I am actually not Arabic at all. I am actually half Italian, as a matter of fact. And yes, in the USA, normally asking a woman to dance in itself will get a guy thrown out of a nightclub. Even if the asking is done in a polite, friendly manner, and even if the guy is asking her for the first time in his life. It allready happened to me at a nightclub in Chicago when I was walking around, being heavily social and mentioning that I was single, and then the ladies complained and I had to leave the club. Which brings another rule of American etiquette; the guys are required to only let the ladies approach them first.

They say that guys may wait up to an hour or two before a woman or group of women asks or invites him to dance with her/them. The wait is easily worth it. Now, I am sure a lot of you are familiar with the phrase "out of the frying pan and into the fire." Basically, waiting hours to get asked by the ladies is sitting in the frying pan. Snapping and going up to the ladies and even politely asking if you can dance or join in, and often getting thrown out of the club, is going into the fire.

So, in other words, any man who goes and asks ladies if they'd like to dance with him or if he can join in is, very literally, jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[travelsouth]

The first words out of your mouth shouldn't be would you like to dance. You gotta have a little I can't hear you/you can't hear me convo first. Then you agree that you can't hear and it's better to just hit the floor. And guys don't like to dance and turn women down all the time btw. That's one thing dudes should really work on. It's on everyone's list to sign up for lessons. I'd suggest it.

[MrMan]

I've been off the market for over 15 years and I never asked a woman to dance in a night club before that. So I don't know if this is true or not. But I don't get why a night club would be a good place to meet women. Depending on the club, you may have the fact that it's the kind of place to go to meet people of the opposite sex going for you. But going some place where it's too loud to even talk to meet women doesn't make much sense to me. Maybe if a guy can dance and wants to show it off, it may give him an advantage meeting women.

I was never looking for the 'party girl' type, and some clubs might attract that type.

[pete98146]

From my point of view, guys who ask the ladies to dance with them at any American nightclub, even in a polite and friendly manner and even for the first time ever, are among the first people to get thrown right out of the club by the bouncers. In other words, a friendly and polite "Would you like to dance with me?" coming out of a man's mouth to a woman is normally followed about 2 to 5 minutes later by the dreaded words "Okay, you're gonna have to leave!" coming out of the bouncers' mouths to the man.

This is a clear sign that women have too much power in this country if this is the case. I'm sorry but if I'm a nightclub bouncer or owner and this topic came up I would tell the lady to go home instead. She'd get a firm, "you do realize you are in a dance club don't you? If you don't want to be asked to dance then you can leave." Plain and simple.

These American women want their cake and eat it to. Forget that! How are folks supposed to meet, mingle and have fun if guys are walking around petrified to talk to women? Wondering if this is a new counter PUA approach or something? Nonetheless it's wrong. A guy who goes up and politely asks a girl to dance is NOT violating any rules.

How much more uptight can American become? Jeez......

[chanta76]

This reminds one time when I was single. I went to an Asian American bar/club in NYC. Most of the patrons are Asian (Koreans for the most part) in Manhattan. I saw a couple of girls sitting by themselves and decided to cold approach them. I mean this is bar/club and people go there to socialize as I thought. Anyway..I cold approach the girls and they didn't want me to talk to them and one of them actually called the waiter to back us off. I told my friend if that waiter touches me I'm going to punch someone . I told the girls that this is a public places and I thought it's because they were from Korea ,the girls I cold approach are Korean international judging by the fact they didn't speak English that well, and that socializing is normal in public.

I really don't know how people meet nowadays..and YES women have all the power nowadays. Bars and clubs give free ladies night or free happy hour for the women thinking if the women come men will follow BUT the women are sooo standoffish. It's either you have to fit whatever their ideal man is or I don't know.

I been married for 3 years so I don't know how the club scene is like nowadays but I imagine men still do the approaching but the women do the judging and dismissing. It's harder being a single guy than a girl..I understand the bitterness men have.

[jamesbond]

How are folks supposed to meet, mingle and have fun if guys are walking around petrified to talk to women? Wondering if this is a new counter PUA approach or something? Nonetheless it's wrong. A guy who goes up and politely asks a girl to dance is NOT violating any rules.

How much more uptight can American become? Jeez......

Exactly, just how are men going to be able to meet women when the women in America don't want men approaching them. This is why cold approaching women in America does not work. Women in the US prefer to meet guys through their friends.

Cold approaching does work in other countries like the Philippines, Russia and Brazil.

[Wolfeye]

I think maybe some of them instantly associate "man" with "attack" & don't even notice if that's not what happens. It's like thinking a gun is loaded even if it's empty or that someone is shooting one even though they're not. I keep saying it: Americans are inaccurate. They frequently think by adjudication & at the very least they act congruently with a "reality is what I say it is" situation.

A story will be a certain way & they'll just put down a different one in the report. Something will be a certain way, but they'll present it as something else & they'll also act accordingly to this situation. If this is how things work here, how can someone presume that it's a reasonably safe environment to start a family in? I know that someone might not be looking for that in a club, but it CAN always happen by accident. Even if you don't ever know about it, would you really want your kid growing up in this environment?

[Wolfeye]

Just remembered: Wasn't there a whole big thing when a girl pecked a guy on the cheek in school? I think this was at 5 or 6 years old.

[travelsouth]

The club is one place where you know the women are/should be single. What troubles me about this whole thread is how much you guys care. Where the hell is your WTF approach guys?

Your greatest weapon is to stay indifferent and calm. Believe it or not most of these women are in fact planning on getting free drinks from smucks like you. You guys should all try a sales job or something. You have to learn not to care. And that doesn't make you a bad person. The thing is you don't know these girls and you shouldn't feel invested at all. And who knows what nonsense is swirling around in their skulls, so there is no need to get your feelings hurt if she isn't receptive.

"Good Evening, I'm Mark/Steve/Brad, Cait(Lol), etc".... " When I go out I always just end up ordering a beer. Do you have any better ideas?"

Then just like you are closing a deal... shut the f**k up and let her talk... and talk and talk.... as much as she will/wants.

"A peach puke fruity sugar libation sounds great". "I'll order a couple for us"

There is no reason to spend your time trying to come up with something super witty or creative. You don't want to present yourself as trying to pick her up. You aren't trying to showcase your game. Your goal should be simple. Be nonchalant and chill. Introduce yourself. Ask her for her "expertise". Then you STFU. Let her talk and talk. Then agree with her (in this case follow up with buying you both drinks). Then let conversation flow naturally from there.

Now let's look at it from here angle. She's thinking okay what slick shit is this smuck going to try and get past me. Oh he didn't say anything I expected. He asked a question. I give him my advice. I'm so smart, important, interesting, etc.

Now at this point just be chill and let her yap. She'll end up feeling great about your time together because you are talking about crap that interests her. Your goal is to get her contact information. If you spend a lot of time together you might give her a hug as you both leave or some sort of very basic non sexual physical contact. Pull her in like a latina and give a peck on the cheek for example. Offer to call her a cab to "get home safe". Basically... don't ruin your work by thinking with your dick. Unless she is slammed and hints (which does happen).

If you approach her, use a standard intro confidently, and she gives you a bitchy attitude (or things just aren't going well in general) just move on. You should feel it out quickly. After you ask your question if she acts annoyed, bitchy, etc just tell her to enjoy her evening and move on.

I've never ran into problems like this. Being direct, confident, and relaxed is the way to roll. Your job is to make a classic introduction, get her talking, and just stfu. Your job is to just hit the ball back and forth with her as she talks. Agree with her... "it's too bad your last relationship didn't work out, but you are right...."

You get the idea. Just remember if she isn't receptive you should be able to tell in less than a minute and you should immediate excuse yourself. Once that nightspot plays itself out just move on to the next one. You could be in and out or you could stay a few hours. It all depends on what women are around and their moods. Just remember to chill and not take things personally.

[newbgold]

This is newbgold again. I wrote here about plastic surgery half a year ago, and I followed this forum ever since. I have been very depressed in the past several months, and I have been barely coming out of the depression just now.

Unfortunately, what you wrote about nightclubs is very true. I am very pessimistic about the very near future of our relationships with women.
As of now, asking a woman to dance with you in a nightclub may get you kicked out by bouncers. In a year, I predict that politely asking a woman to dance with you may get you arrested and imprisoned with a sex offender charge for ten years. By 2020, this same "crime" may be punished by a death sentence in those states that have death penalty.

This all seems very depressing and almost tragic, but with the way things are going, the above is not the worst that can happen. Just five years ago, if someone would have told me that there will be a hysteria of false rape accusations and a consent movement, I would have laughed them off. I would have said that they should write an apocalyptic anti-utopian science fiction novel. Now, you have the whole talk of rape culture. Five years ago, if someone would have told me that men would be getting tattoos, growing huge muscles, injecting testosterone and steroids, saving money to get plastic surgery, just so that they would not be invisible to women, I would have ridiculed the person predicting that as a lunatic. But now, this is the reality.

In this reality, one can only expect the very worst and have the most pessimistic outlook on relationships between women and men.

[travelsouth]

Also guys, if yo are literally getting tossed out of bars and clubs you are doing something wrong. You are either too drunk or not realizing immediately that she's just not interested. If that's the case then you are wasting your time. A big part of what you want to do is rule women out so you don't waste your time either.

What women are guilty of is not being direct with guys that are working their game. And then sure they go tell some authority figure to toss you out. I could easily see that. That's why you introduce yourself and immediately roll into your question to get her to talk. If she is doing a lot of talking and you are just bouncing the ball back, then you are doing great. If you keep having to drum up conversation and she doesn't take any conversation cues to run with (especially if you are asking her opinion) then you need to move on. If you are doing "all the work". Move on.

IF you are polite, work your intro, ask your big question, and then politely excuse yourself when things don't go well you did nothing wrong. If a bitch tries to get you tossed for something like that, then your best bet is to stay calm and relaxed. That's one reason you shouldn't try this stuff intoxicated. Be sober. Don't argue with the staff. Comply with them. Let them know that you introduced yourself, asked her a question, and immediately noticed she had no interest so you excused yourself. Then let the staff know that you will leave, but immediately assuming the man did something wrong without speaking to both parties involved is highly inappropriate and reflects poorly on their business. That's how a sober mind would treat that situation. Tell the "bouncer" to ask what you did wrong and how long you were talking to her. The bouncer can bring it up on camera. So if you stay calm you might even come out on top. But more importantly you don't want to be apart of a scene. Because if you just comply you can go back to that club in a few weeks with no problems.

And remember this isn't about winning an argument with a bouncer. You clearly aren't going to get in her pants, you definitely don't want to approach any other women in the place at this point, so your best bet is to just quickly get out of dodge. You can even tell the bouncer that. Even if he has your back on it and tells her to deal your best bet is to still move on to the next club. There are so many of them... who even cares??

[droid]

This thread is irrelevant to the site.
It's all about getting out to where things are better instead of over-analyzing and conforming to a crappy environment.

[Ghost]

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