My friend is not supportive of me for going abroad

[tennisdude494]

Hi guys, I need your help and advice on a topic that has been bothering me a lot. I have a friend who is flip flopping from wanting to go abroad to wanting to find someone in america. I am going abroad and I am supposed to be marrying this girl in vietnam who I am being introduced to by my aunt. My friend couldn't find anyone also so I told him that he should go abroad too. One minute he is supportive of me and the next minute he is against going abroad and he would put me down so much. He calls me a loser and says that only losers would go abroad to find someone and says that the problem is me not the women in america. I get rejected by every woman here so I don't get how is it my fault. It makes me feel very depressed when he puts me down and thinks low of me. I told him that me going to vietnam to meet this girl is normal in my culture. I am vietnamese also too and our parents helps us out by setting us up with someone when we reached a certain age and can't find someone. He just flips flops from being supportive to being against me the next minute. He told me he rathers listens to this other friend of his who is only 17 years old and is still in high school and probably doesn't have any experiences in life. I am 25 years old and I am angry that he doesn't listens to someone who is older than him and has went through the same thing as he did with rejection. My friend is 22. What should I do ? Has anyone ever been put down like I have for going abroad ?

[Yohan]

You are responsible only to yourself. You have to decide what is good for yourself.

It is OK to listen to some advice and opinions from other people, why not?

But don't care what others are telling you in a rather aggressive way, what you should do and what not. It's somewhat about 'man-shaming' what this 'friend' is doing with you.

There is no reason why not to travel abroad and to see how is life beyond the borders of the United States.

[zboy1]

Sounds like your friend is your typical, blue-pill Asian American. I say, go ahead and go abroad. The U.S. is a total shit country.

[chanta76]

You got to do what's right for you in the long run. It's OK to listen to what your friends say but still you have to decide for yourself.

The stereotype here in America is that only loser goes abroad or guys who failed here. Some of it is true and some of it is not true. What I mean is let say you got a girl friend in America would you be traveling overseas?

In America things are just harder dating wise and soon everything wise..

[onethousandknives]

I've thought of this, too. I'm white and talking to a girl in Vietnam right now. You have to get past the "What will people think?" part of it all. I'm sure if things go well with me and the girl I'm talking to, I'll face the "mail order bride" stigma here. But, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to go home to your wife and live with her, not your friends, not your family, but you yourself. So she should be somebody YOU are comfortable with and want to marry, because it is you and her who will be together.

I would say "just never talk to anyone else ever as they're all dumb." But I understand even with bad friends who even might as well be enemies, you still must keep them sometimes. So instead just respond back "OK, so you're saying I should marry a fat single mother, have a $30,000 wedding, a $10,000 divorce then have all my stuff taken away and never see my kids again? And this would be better than marrying a girl from Vietnam how? I'd be a loser then? What about your own parents' marriage, how's that going?" Instead of you trying to defend your beliefs to your friend, make him defend his beliefs!

Anyway, everyone eventually takes different paths. We all become... something. Do not worry about winning the argument with your supposed friends now. Worry about how you look at 35 years old, compared to your "friends" then, when they're all talking about how bad their wife is, their divorces, all their debt, etc. Then you can win the argument without saying a word.

Anyway, I wish you the best in Vietnam!

[Yohan]

The stereotype here in America is that only loser goes abroad or guys who failed here.

This is really better, if you are from Europe despite the entire EU-zone is strongly pro-feminist.

Basically everybody within the EU zone has a passport (despite not required if traveling within the EU-zone, ID card is OK) and has been somewhere else - away from the own native country, either by airplane, by train or by driving the own car.

There is no objection if you invite a foreign woman outside the EU-zone, there are some formalities for visa, but not so complicated as in USA. Nobody sees anything wrong if you travel abroad or living abroad.

This strange image about losers only going abroad is maybe because of the US military, I don't know. US-external politics is under critics almost everywhere. - USA wants to force other countries to follow its rules, not only politically, but even deep into how families are arranging their way of life, showing up with 'universal laws' like human rights, animal rights, women rights, children rights, religious values, moral values and so on.

However many individual US-citizens living abroad and they do not report any problems while being abroad from locals and in general US-citizens abroad are not known to be troublemakers in any way despite US is well-known worldwide for its gun culture, crimes and its huge prison population.

Living in Japan I know several US-citizens living here like myself as residents, they are medical doctors, technicians, etc. - all with good jobs, all are nice hard-working people.

I feel, it is just the opposite - the US-loser stays in USA in his or her ghetto, while the successful US-citizen is looking into contacts/travels/business/relocation/marriage etc. to overseas.

[chanta76]

Yohan,

There still this belief among some Americans that America is the best so therefore if you look overseas what's wrong with you. Saying that behind every stereotype there is an ounce a truth. If a guy is successful in his native country and has no trouble making friends or making girl friends. A guy like this is looked upon as being successful but if a guy has a hard time making a girl friend or making friends he is consider a loser .
I mean if you look at some of the expats that go to the Philippines or Thailand ..some of these guys are not the best quality of men. So some other people use that as ammunition to say that guys that go overseas are losers.

[cbcsurvivalist]

f**k your so called friend. Real friends support you, so called "friends" like to tear you down and trample on you. If you feel this is the right decision then the only person you should be listening to is yourself. I had the same experience with my ex-friends as well when I told them I wanted to go abroad to just test the waters and see how the women there were like. They tried to shame me and put me down but I said to hell with them. You know what happened in the end? I met and went out with a model there. In fact I was literally having chicks bump into me on purpose there to try and get my attention, it was such a huge mindfuck. This never would have happened here in North America because these chicks are so self-entitled with their huge inflated egos that they think they all deserve 10's. You only have one life man, don't let a little thing like what your so called friends think determine your future.

[Yohan]

Yohan,
I mean if you look at some of the expats that go to the Philippines or Thailand ..some of these guys are not the best quality of men. So some other people use that as ammunition to say that guys that go overseas are losers.

But the same can also be said about guys who are not going overseas, and there are a lot of them - never been beyond the borders of USA - and they are clearly not the best quality of men. USA has a remarkably high prison population and a lot of troubles with racist BS, violent crimes, gun culture and so on.

You have to see both sides of foreigners in Thailand and also in Philippines.

Of course you have Western men in Thailand or Philippines etc. who are losers, sitting somewhere next to the public beach near my home in Pattaya in front of a 7/11 with a bottle of cheapest alcohol all the day - however look around in Pattaya - all these many expensive condominium buildings near Wong Amat/Dusit Thani Hotel, on Buddha Hill near Sheraton Hotel and Convention Center, all these large condominium buildings near Jomtien North with their huge private swimmingpools - the majority of people living there are foreigners - for a few foreign losers, there are 1000s of foreigners, who live in Thailand with a stable financial situation and no visa problems and they are far away being a 'loser'.

Check out the Hilton/Central Shopping Mall, just one example - there is nothing 'cheap' there - what kind of people do you see there?

Of course if you go to Asia only for women and your only destination is a girlie-bar to find a 'girlfriend'... what to advice these men? They will not listen to me. I cannot help such men.