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Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countries?

Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.

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mattyman
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Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countries?

Post by mattyman » March 21st, 2016, 8:19 pm

When I went to Spain recently, I went out alone more than I would at home, mainly due to the fact that the night-time environment is nicer and less threatening. People there go out to socialise rather than to get as drunk as possible. I felt comfortable going out alone to Spanish tapas bars mainly because it felt that people there don't care as much who you're with as in England, plus I didn't get that awful feeling that people were looking at me. It might be partly to do with having a 'reason' for being their; for food, for dinner, and also, the fact that I was travelling. Anyway, those reasons aside, I feel that in the UK, there is a definitely more of a prejudice against people going out without their little clique (though this doesn't apply so much to older people in the more traditional 'local' pubs). Last time I did it in my hometown, I felt very uncomfortable, felt like I was getting suspicious looks. There was none of that in Spain. I want to bring-up the topic of prejudice towards people who go out alone.

So, why would people go out alone? Most obvious answer someone might want to go out alone is that their friends are not available or reliable and are sick of relying on others; e.g. have settled-down, gotten relationships, become 'too busy' or else dropped-off the radar and disappeared. Another reason might be having friends that are too much stress and hassle to go out with. A further reason might be being new to an area, or travelling through. As for people who think going out alone is weird, I think it's more their own problem, hang-ups and insecurity, and I pity them greatly.

As for those who think those who go out alone are 'losers', there's a great irony. They consider taking positive action to meet new people and socialise free from the contraints of one's clique a 'loser' act!? Relying on an ever-shrinking, increasingly unreliable (& increasingly dead-ended) social network for your social life and to meet people through; now that's what I call a loser's strategy.

What's more, the above circumstances are often arise from no fault of the person concerned; they're structural changes that happen to your social network as you get older so it's a bit silly to harbour the narrative 'loser with no friends'.

So, why would people have prejudices against people who go out without their clique? Especially if they haven't got any evidence to back-up their prejudices? Is it simply outside their paradigm?

Also, and most importantly, why is the negative attitude to going out alone so acute in English speaking countries? Is it to do with individualism?

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jamesbond
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Re: Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countrie

Post by jamesbond » March 22nd, 2016, 10:52 pm

mattyman wrote:So, why would people have prejudices against people who go out without their clique? Especially if they haven't got any evidence to back-up their prejudices? Is it simply outside their paradigm?

Also, and most importantly, why is the negative attitude to going out alone so acute in English speaking countries? Is it to do with individualism?
Winston has talked about this a lot. It seems that in the Anglo countries you are a loser if you go out by yourself. It makes you want to stay at home and not go out, since going to restaurants alone, bars and clubs alone and movie theaters alone, makes you feel like a loser.

No wonder why so many single guys stay at home on the weekends and play video games. :lol:
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

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Hero
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Re: Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countrie

Post by Hero » March 23rd, 2016, 2:31 am

I used to go to dances by myself to meet girls. This proved to be impossible because nobody else showed up without a date.

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Adama
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Re: Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countrie

Post by Adama » March 23rd, 2016, 3:43 am

I don't think there's much point to going out to bars and clubs, unless you are just one of those guys who's got "it" with women. Otherwise do something else with your time. Besides, most women are there to socialize with their friends. At least that is their excuse.

As far as going out to the movies or to restaurants alone, there is no shame in that. When I went to the movies alone, I went to matinees or other showings that were early enough that I could sit wherever I wanted. And some of the restaurants out there now are so dark inside during the daytime that most people couldn't see you anyway, unless they are just that nosey. Who cares? I bet if you took a magnifying glass to them, you'd find more flaws in them than they could in you. Forget their opinions.
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Jester
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Re: Stigma of going out alone; Is it acute in Anglo countrie

Post by Jester » March 25th, 2016, 8:29 am

I think some pubs in Britain and Ireland might work okay for this. Maybe Germany?

You can talk to people at some bars in the US, if its a working class place, but you have to sit at the bar, and there will be no quality women.

That said, it really really helps to have a wingman or two who you really have fun with. If you are having fun, people are attracted and want to join the fun.

Women generally go out in groups, so a wingman or two equals the odds a bit.

I wonder if any PUA coaches have free YT videos on this topic?
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."

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