Socialising rationed to loud bars and clubs

[mattyman]

There are times in the weekends when I want to go out and socialise, but not necessarily in loud blaring club-type environments where it's difficult to have a conversation, full of drunk people and has an edgy, unpleasant atmosphere, but I have no other choice. It's a choice between that and being cooped-in, neither of which are particularly appealing, though going into that is something I because it's the lesser of two evils rather than being something I genuinely enjoy or like doing. Why is that? because there's no CHOICE of more pleasant social outlets (even so, that depends on whether I have someone to go out with). Why can't there be more quiet, laid-back places like the tapas bars one can find in Spain? Why is there such a lack of places that are pleasant and laidback to go to? Is there a reasons why so many of the nightlife venues strive to create such an edgy, unpleasant and un-relaxed atmosphere?

In my town, trying alternative social avenues that don't revolve around heavy drinking and loud music tend to be either low on numbers, or else is a demographic that's not appealing (e.g. mostly old people, few women). The meetup scene is completely dead too. I've heeded the cliched advice of 'do things you're interested in', take classes, go to meetup events, but every time I have, I have run into the same hurdles time after time after time after f***ing time.

Why is it that where I am people's idea of 'going out' is to get as wasted as possible? Why is that the ONLY choice for a lot of young people? Who in their right mind thinks that is a vibrant social scene? What are people's arguments in favour of maintaining the status quo?

Anyone else been in this situation? You want a social outlet at the weekends, but you want the choice of something that doesn't involve being surrounded by drunken morons and blaring music in a high-tension, edgy atmosphere, but have no choice other than that or staying-in on Saturday evenings?

Judging by Winstons original articles, this site looks like a fairly safe place to rant and moan about such issues without being accused of 'playing the victim' or other infuriating individualistic bullshit.

Going out on your own is only an option if you know people who you know already are going to be out and you can guarantee bumping into them (the big social catch 22 Winston talks about). If not it can be a downright awkward, intimidating and unpleasant experience. Given how unpleasant a lot of the nightlife is locally, I would rather into a war-zone than venture into town on a Saturday night. In Spain it's different. Firstly, it's nothing like as scary and intimidating to go out in the evenings. Secondly, people don't have weird prejudices of people who go out on their own without their little clique of friends. Thirdly, people are more open to having conversations with people outside their cliques.

[jamesbond]

Why is it that where I am people's idea of 'going out' is to get as wasted as possible? Why is that the ONLY choice for a lot of young people? Who in their right mind thinks that is a vibrant social scene? What are people's arguments in favour of maintaining the status quo?

Anyone else been in this situation? You want a social outlet at the weekends, but you want the choice of something that doesn't involve being surrounded by drunken morons and blaring music in a high-tension, edgy atmosphere, but have no choice other than that or staying-in on Saturday evenings?

Going out on your own is only an option if you know people who you know already are going to be out and you can guarantee bumping into them (the big social catch 22 Winston talks about). If not it can be a downright awkward, intimidating and unpleasant experience. Given how unpleasant a lot of the nightlife is locally, I would rather into a war-zone than venture into town on a Saturday night. In Spain it's different. Firstly, it's nothing like as scary and intimidating to go out in the evenings. Secondly, people don't have weird prejudices of people who go out on their own without their little clique of friends. Thirdly, people are more open to having conversations with people outside their cliques.

The bar scene is really big in America, it is the only place where it's socially acceptable to approach women. Also, in the US, going out alone means being even more lonely as all you see are people in groups with their friends.

[IraqVet2003]

Why is it that where I am people's idea of 'going out' is to get as wasted as possible? Why is that the ONLY choice for a lot of young people? Who in their right mind thinks that is a vibrant social scene? What are people's arguments in favour of maintaining the status quo?

Anyone else been in this situation? You want a social outlet at the weekends, but you want the choice of something that doesn't involve being surrounded by drunken morons and blaring music in a high-tension, edgy atmosphere, but have no choice other than that or staying-in on Saturday evenings?

Going out on your own is only an option if you know people who you know already are going to be out and you can guarantee bumping into them (the big social catch 22 Winston talks about). If not it can be a downright awkward, intimidating and unpleasant experience. Given how unpleasant a lot of the nightlife is locally, I would rather into a war-zone than venture into town on a Saturday night. In Spain it's different. Firstly, it's nothing like as scary and intimidating to go out in the evenings. Secondly, people don't have weird prejudices of people who go out on their own without their little clique of friends. Thirdly, people are more open to having conversations with people outside their cliques.

The bar scene is really big in America, it is the only place where it's socially acceptable to approach women. Also, in the US, going out alone means being even more lonely as all you see are people in groups with their friends.

Hey Jamesbond and Mattyman I happen to agree with both of you on this topic!!! Just as Winston has stated in other post, the is no singles scene in America, only abroad. Everything in the U.S. is geared towards couples, families, or groups not singles (or lone individuals) especially if you're a guy. Personally, I also sometimes feel like the "odd man out" when going out in my town (usually to either the movie theatre or to Barnes & Nobles bookstore). Otherwise, I just love going to the beach when in Hawaii. But, I hope to someday soon visit Spain and the rest of Europe!!!

[traveller]

There are times in the weekends when I want to go out and socialise, but not necessarily in loud blaring club-type environments where it's difficult to have a conversation, full of drunk people and has an edgy, unpleasant atmosphere, but I have no other choice. It's a choice between that and being cooped-in, neither of which are particularly appealing, though going into that is something I because it's the lesser of two evils rather than being something I genuinely enjoy or like doing. Why is that? because there's no CHOICE of more pleasant social outlets (even so, that depends on whether I have someone to go out with). Why can't there be more quiet, laid-back places like the tapas bars one can find in Spain? Why is there such a lack of places that are pleasant and laidback to go to? Is there a reasons why so many of the nightlife venues strive to create such an edgy, unpleasant and un-relaxed atmosphere?

In my town, trying alternative social avenues that don't revolve around heavy drinking and loud music tend to be either low on numbers, or else is a demographic that's not appealing (e.g. mostly old people, few women). The meetup scene is completely dead too. I've heeded the cliched advice of 'do things you're interested in', take classes, go to meetup events, but every time I have, I have run into the same hurdles time after time after time after f***ing time.

Why is it that where I am people's idea of 'going out' is to get as wasted as possible? Why is that the ONLY choice for a lot of young people? Who in their right mind thinks that is a vibrant social scene? What are people's arguments in favour of maintaining the status quo?

Anyone else been in this situation? You want a social outlet at the weekends, but you want the choice of something that doesn't involve being surrounded by drunken morons and blaring music in a high-tension, edgy atmosphere, but have no choice other than that or staying-in on Saturday evenings?

Judging by Winstons original articles, this site looks like a fairly safe place to rant and moan about such issues without being accused of 'playing the victim' or other infuriating individualistic bullshit.

Going out on your own is only an option if you know people who you know already are going to be out and you can guarantee bumping into them (the big social catch 22 Winston talks about). If not it can be a downright awkward, intimidating and unpleasant experience. Given how unpleasant a lot of the nightlife is locally, I would rather into a war-zone than venture into town on a Saturday night. In Spain it's different. Firstly, it's nothing like as scary and intimidating to go out in the evenings. Secondly, people don't have weird prejudices of people who go out on their own without their little clique of friends. Thirdly, people are more open to having conversations with people outside their cliques.

I hear you on that! It's especially terrible when the only type of music being played at 90 percent of the bars and clubs is rap! Then I have to worry about if there's going to be a shootout involving a mob of AK-47 wielding psychopaths or even a truck bomb going off. Because those kinds of people listen and dance to rap! Plus I hate the lyrics of rap! All the yelling, profanity, glorification of illegal drugs and the gangster life, especially with the F-bomb dropping on the dance floor like an Oklahoma hailstorm.