Why rates of loneliness are so high in English countries

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mattyman
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Why rates of loneliness are so high in English countries

Post by mattyman »

Throughout the years I've been following this forum, one of the things I admire is the open discussion on factors behind social disconnection and datelessness in English-speaking countries vs. abroad. Although I am an infrequent poster, I do like a lot of the issues that are talked about. Anyway, the main reasons we have such a loneliness problem are as follows;
[*]Meeting people is restricted to meeting people through your friends, associates and colleagues, this is by far the most natural way to meet women and get into relationships but;
[*]If you didn't get into a good clique at school, college or uni, opportunities are limited (though a lot of people say they get a social life through work and meet their partners directly and indirectly there-through)
[*]A lot of people are not lucky enough to have a job that gives them a social life with people their own age they can meet-up with socially (and meet people through)
[*]Even so (particularly in England, (though I've heard similar complaints about America and Canada), people go their own seperate ways after work and at lunch times. This is something that French and Spanish people have observed about the UK. This bizarre, anti-social keep yourself to yourself culture. I haven't done enough research to give answers as to why this is
[*]There is a lack of informal, extra-curricular activities (depending on whether you're in a city or a small town), socialising is far too restricted to bars and clubs (not everyone's cup of tea), the reason is simple, there is a dearth of avenues that have the same degree of convenience and accessibility
[*]There is an increasing lack of 'third places', where people can form 'nodding acquaintances' by seeing regulars; local shops, pubs (the traditional kind, not the quasi club), cafes etc. This is probably the number 1 reason why so many people increasingly don't know their neighbors
[*]Car-centrism; again, restricts opportunities for people to interact informally, and see other regulars on a nodding acquaintance basis (bus stops, cycling and traffic lights).
[*]People are increasingly scared of strangers as a result

A lot of what Winston says is totally correct and a lot of people will relate to it having affected them. These are all valid criticisms and insights. What I want to get to is why people don't listen to criticisms of the social environment and instead seek to attack individuals.

Likely criticisms;

'Am I being negative?'
Of course not, I'm just stating that my suspicions have been confirmed by going outside my country and meeting people from outside my country. This accusation is a common way of trying to deflect attention of valid points.

'Don't you have poor social skills, aren't you too shy and unattractive'
There maybe validity, but the degree to which this is true is beside the point. What I've mentioned doesn't just affect the shy, the socially-unskilled, this shouldn't be used as an argument to de-validate any valid criticisms of the social environment that are playing an enormous role in people's social isolation and datelessness. This clearly explaining the increasing restriction of meeting women to dating sites. For people who want to use the 'shy loser' trope to de-validate these criticisms, how come it was through going abroad that the greatest gains in confidence has been realised for me? How come many others report similar on this site? Also, I reject the notion that just because someone has poor social skills, it's a fault of who they are, no, it's a matter of lack of practice. How can someone get good at playing guitar without having a guitar to practice on? It's the same with social skills, the above factors prevent people who are isolated from practicing.

I believe we all do our bit to reduce the cliquiness and anti-sociality of this country. I do my part in trying to understand why our society is the way it is and why people behave the way that they do. Blaming individuals who complain about it is not doing one's bit. It could be argued that blaming individuals is a way to shirk one's own responsibility of making our society better. I believe individualism goes too far. Anyone heard of 'working together'? Antithesis of anglo-individualism.

Why people might resort to criticizing the individual; theories

My theory is that people might feel personally insulted by criticisms of their social environment, or see themselves being partly responsible for what's being criticized. That's that only innocent reason I can think of for people being hostile to complaints about social isolation.

The other reason is not so innocent. people may possibly feel insecure themselves and feel the need to be better than someone else and see a lonley individual as an easy target to validate their ego. If criticisms are meant to help, they would generally be well thought out and balanced. All too often, lonely people are criticized in an insulting manner. A lot of criticism I see directed to people with complaints about loneliness is certainly not born out of thoughtfulness.
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jamesbond
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Re: Why rates of loneliness are so high in English countries

Post by jamesbond »

The English speaking countries are very lonely places to live. I think men in English speaking countries have it far more difficult than women do when it comes to meeting people and making friends.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Taco
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Re: Why rates of loneliness are so high in English countries

Post by Taco »

jamesbond wrote:The English speaking countries are very lonely places to live. I think men in English speaking countries have it far more difficult than women do when it comes to meeting people and making friends.
Men in English speaking countries are basically cannon fodder. Most have low social status and few legal rights. In addition, the rate of narcissism is very high which makes difficult to make long term friends with anyone, especially women.

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Kradmelder
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Joined: September 6th, 2016, 5:59 am

Re: Why rates of loneliness are so high in English countries

Post by Kradmelder »

Go to the scandinavian countries. people dont greet each other and avoid eye contact, If you talk to a stranger they think yu are nuts. Even the pubs are like that, if any one can afford over 5 pounds for a beer.

In the UK you can talk to people in pubs, but not on the street. The USA is friendly, but it is a false friendly.
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