The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

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MrMan
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by MrMan »

I barely dated in college, if you could call it that. When I graduated, I went to South Korea, where I did get some interest from some women and started dating a bit. When I was in Indonesia in my mid-to-late-20's, I could tell a lot of girls liked me. Some showed interest directly. Others gave off signals. I spoke briefly to a young woman on the bus. She gave me her business card. A fat girl with short hair would always hit on me at the department store at the mall that had clothes and shoes that actually fit me. I told her I needed to go home. She asked if she could join me. Girls would make eyes at me. One girl on the bus, shortly into a conversation about her work as a kindergarten teacher, asked me how I handled my libido.

I think being 26 is better for starting a relationship with a 22-year-old Asian girl... in Asia... than being 22. If you are a college student, you aren't quite ready to get married. You might be a decent prospect, but you aren't quite there yet. But if you are 26 and working, and you have a job that pays better than most people around you (e.g. English teacher in Southeast Asia), and you are 'exotic looking' (e.g. white man in Asia) and tall, women are going to be more interested in you.

In the US,you have to be 'cool' or whatever to get some girls interested in you. Asians tend to be nerds, depending on where you are living. Being cool doesn't matter as much. In the US, you may have to have some 'game' or just be bold enough to tell a girl whose about to friend-zone you that you find her attractive and want to date her, have a relationship, or whatever. Asian American girls are influenced by the dominant US culture in how they think about this.

I noticed in Indonesia, that I'd see a young man and young woman go everywhere together and call themselves 'friends'-- not 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend.' Then, the couple announced an engagement. Then, I'd see couples doing the same thing and other people would ask them when they were going to get married. I don't think they have a category for two young single people who aren't related just 'hanging out' and being friends.

I used to go into Jakarta from the suburb where I lived to go to church. There was a young woman in the town I lived in who wanted to go with me. People assumed we were dating. I just considered her a friend. She wasn't bad-looking either, better than average probably, but just didn't really interest me. But the people at the church meeting I went to just didn't really get the idea of two friends going to the same place together. It turns out the girl liked me, which was why she wanted to go there with me.

I went home for Christmas. One girl from church I hadn't spent much time with sent some kind of little gift for my mom. I had an older Chinese-looking friend who was really, really good-looking, like a 9+, who was older than I was. She was clear that we were 'just friends' and had her reasons related to another man she was interested in. But I could tell there were feelings there at some point. Anyway, she eventually gave me this plant holder thing to give to my mom. I was a bit upset because I'd got my luggage down to one carryon and a personal bag so I wouldn't have to check any baggage, and she brought me a plant holder thing at the airport, so I wouldn't have a free hand. I didn't check it.

Later, I was talking about girls giving presents to my mom. My mom? They didn't know her? Why are these girls giving presents to my mom? An Indonesian explained it probably meant a girl was probably hoping we'd date, get married, and she'd have already warmed up her mother-in-law with a gift. That was probably the case. The very pretty slightly older friend I'd spent a lot of time with who sent the plant holder probably sent that gift just in case, on the outside chance, we ended up together. I'm glad that didn't happen though, since she had a dominant personality that was difficult to deal with in a friendship, and would have been really rough for me in a marriage. I saw a video clip of her online from a few years back, and, while she looked pretty good for her age, she looked a lot older and less attractive ago than my wife does now.
MrMan
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by MrMan »

I barely dated in college, if you could call it that. When I graduated, I went to South Korea, where I did get some interest from some women and started dating a bit. When I was in Indonesia in my mid-to-late-20's, I could tell a lot of girls liked me. Some showed interest directly. Others gave off signals. I spoke briefly to a young woman on the bus. She gave me her business card. A fat girl with short hair would always hit on me at the department store at the mall that had clothes and shoes that actually fit me. I told her I needed to go home. She asked if she could join me. Girls would make eyes at me. One girl on the bus, shortly into a conversation about her work as a kindergarten teacher, asked me how I handled my libido.

I think being 26 is better for starting a relationship with a 22-year-old Asian girl... in Asia... than being 22. If you are a college student, you aren't quite ready to get married. You might be a decent prospect, but you aren't quite there yet. But if you are 26 and working, and you have a job that pays better than most people around you (e.g. English teacher in Southeast Asia), and you are 'exotic looking' (e.g. white man in Asia) and tall, women are going to be more interested in you.

In the US,you have to be 'cool' or whatever to get some girls interested in you. Asians tend to be nerds, depending on where you are living. Being cool doesn't matter as much. In the US, you may have to have some 'game' or just be bold enough to tell a girl whose about to friend-zone you that you find her attractive and want to date her, have a relationship, or whatever. Asian American girls are influenced by the dominant US culture in how they think about this.

I noticed in Indonesia, that I'd see a young man and young woman go everywhere together and call themselves 'friends'-- not 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend.' Then, the couple announced an engagement. Then, I'd see couples doing the same thing and other people would ask them when they were going to get married. I don't think they have a category for two young single people who aren't related just 'hanging out' and being friends.

I used to go into Jakarta from the suburb where I lived to go to church. There was a young woman in the town I lived in who wanted to go with me. People assumed we were dating. I just considered her a friend. She wasn't bad-looking either, better than average probably, but just didn't really interest me. But the people at the church meeting I went to just didn't really get the idea of two friends going to the same place together. It turns out the girl liked me, which was why she wanted to go there with me.

I went home for Christmas. One girl from church I hadn't spent much time with sent some kind of little gift for my mom. I had an older Chinese-looking friend who was really, really good-looking, like a 9+, who was older than I was. She was clear that we were 'just friends' and had her reasons related to another man she was interested in. But I could tell there were feelings there at some point. Anyway, she eventually gave me this plant holder thing to give to my mom. I was a bit upset because I'd got my luggage down to one carryon and a personal bag so I wouldn't have to check any baggage, and she brought me a plant holder thing at the airport, so I wouldn't have a free hand. I didn't check it.

Later, I was talking about girls giving presents to my mom. My mom? They didn't know her? Why are these girls giving presents to my mom? An Indonesian explained it probably meant a girl was probably hoping we'd date, get married, and she'd have already warmed up her mother-in-law with a gift. That was probably the case. The very pretty slightly older friend I'd spent a lot of time with who sent the plant holder probably sent that gift just in case, on the outside chance, we ended up together. I'm glad that didn't happen though, since she had a dominant personality that was difficult to deal with in a friendship, and would have been really rough for me in a marriage. I saw a video clip of her online from a few years back, and, while she looked pretty good for her age, she looked a lot older and less attractive ago than my wife does now.
Nailer
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Nailer »

Maybe you and your people should stay in Asia.
Nailer
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Nailer »

Maybe you and your people should stay in Asia.
Adama
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Adama »

As far as American women are concerned, I did have one European woman friend tell me that, "It's because you've spoiled them [American women]." I certainly agree with her, and it was a very good observation. And she hasn't even met that many AWs, but she already knows the score with them. See, many people understand perfectly that American women are not the best. Their reputation is widely known.
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Adama »

Falcon wrote: But my girlfriend told me that in Thailand, it is inevitable many of the girls would start to show interest in me. And she was right - she looked at how the girls were talking to me on Facebook, and told me not to tutor them anymore. They were clearly looking for marriage partners, and were asking about my family, my relationship history, and giving telltales signs of being interested.

In the US, I would tutor girls and help them out with homework for days, and they would not flirt at all or show interest. That simply does not happen in Thailand. Many girls are eventually going to flirt and feel some attraction towards you, and it often takes less than a month or two for relationships to start happening once they start to spend quite a bit of one-on-one time with you. But in the US, the girls would just use me for homework and then leave. I am simply in their "friend zone."
Yes, but there is no reason to mourn any longer. The problem was not YOU Falcon. The problem is that American women are regarded as gods, and men are mere ants compared to them. That is the problem. They've been exalted and pumped up with pride.

This is why things cannot run naturally or easily with American women. Their pride causes them to make every step a painful one, because it's power for them to exert control. They are the ones in the control, so everything about American dating is meant to enforce that.

That's why men are completely beggars. It's because this is not really the natural gender role for women to be worshiped. The woman is the servant, not the master. Now they're the masters in dating, and men are the slaves, who must perform.

In other countries the women actually step up to the plate to do work for the man. But American women are gods. You are the ant. WORK. But you must first be worthy.

Now, who is worthy to be the mate of a god? This person also should be a god or a slave. Hence rich men beggars, football captains, beta males, etc.

And if you are a man who is probably decent and traditional, many of these American women, with their androgynous-evil spirit can sense that, and avoid you. They are not seeking normality or peace. They are seeking to make the relationship a battle for control, but she ultimately wants the man to let her win. She wants the pretense that she's with a real man but she wants to always get her way in the end. But there must be the battle, and if you are not willing to battle, then you're not game. And when she puts you to the test, because you are not a mentally twisted person, you will fail that test (to see if you will war with her but let her win after a fake power struggle), without knowing you were tested. Then you're cast aside. It's because you won't play their game. Therefore you're no fun to play with. That's all. Don't be mad.
MattHanson1990
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by MattHanson1990 »

Even I try hard to put the U.S. dating scene behind me, now that I have been living abroad (Mexico) for over a year, and now that I finally have a girlfriend. But every now and then I would get reminded of how I missed out when I was in college. Looking back, I too come from an upper middle-class family, am talented in music as I can play several instruments and even compose. But there were a few detriments holding me back when I was in the States.

I was more introverted, but still liked joining clubs and getting out as I got older. For instance, I was in the Kiwanis Club from my senior year in high school up until my sophomore year in college. Then I joined LULAC (League of United Latin American Citizens), though I am not a Latino nor am I of Mediterranean descent. And I also joined the InterVarsity Christian fellowship my last two-and-a-half years in college. But because of my introversion, I didn't get out as much as Falcon did, although I did attend a few school dances, once in middle school and the rest during my junior and senior years in high school (prom and homecoming).

In high school, I noticed girls were gravitating towards a really popular extroverted guy who graduated the year before me. He was muscular, tall, and was on the varsity football team at the time. I wasn't as popular as he was despite my unique talents. But at the same time, girls liked socializing with me. They were mostly average to slightly-above-average looking.

It wasn't until I was in college that loneliness began to take a toll on me, especially in the years following my mom's passing. Freshman year I befriended a very attractive Mexican-American girl from San Diego. But she did a 180 on me after a misunderstanding, thus, she made up excuses not to hang out with me. I finally got a sigh of relief my second year when I became very close friends with two Hispanic girls I met in high school. Stuck with me through the good and bad. And I thought they would be dating material because of how sweet and feminine they were (even in New Mexico, girls like that are very hard to come by). Alas, they friend zoned me, but we had deep friendships. However, one drifted away as she got more serious with her boyfriend (now husband).

2012 to 2014 were the absolute worst years of my life. My mom suddenly passed away in August 2012, and I really longed for female companionship. Knowing that many girls close to my age (I was 22 at the time) were already taken, I turned to the 18-19 year old freshman girls. But even they put me into the friend zone, although they liked socializing with me. Also at that time, smartphones and social media were already in full swing. And I noticed the girls were even more immature than before. I got so depressed (both from my mom's passing and from constantly getting rejected and even verbally bullied by girls) that I began overeating and eventually became obese.

One thing I regret is not going abroad right after my mom died. If I had done so, I wouldn't have been a mess during those years. But thankfully, Mexico eventually saved my life.
Last edited by MattHanson1990 on August 27th, 2017, 10:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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jamesbond
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by jamesbond »

Adama wrote:The problem is that American women are regarded as gods, and men are mere ants compared to them. That is the problem. They've been exalted and pumped up with pride.

This is why things cannot run naturally or easily with American women. Their pride causes them to make every step a painful one, because it's power for them to exert control. They are the ones in the control, so everything about American dating is meant to enforce that.

That's why men are completely beggars. It's because this is not really the natural gender role for women to be worshiped. The woman is the servant, not the master. Now they're the masters in dating, and men are the slaves, who must perform.

In other countries the women actually step up to the plate to do work for the man. But American women are gods. You are the ant. WORK. But you must first be worthy.
In english speaking countries, women are exalted to god like status thanks to puritanism and the liberal media and Hollywood. What man is worthy of a female god? He had better be everything that she is looking for in a man (high status, good looking and wealthy).

Women in America DO NOT flirt with men (because they feel the man should be able to read her mind and know that she is interested in him). They also don't know how to turn a man down gracefully (they are usually very rude when rejecting a man).

Thank God women in non english speaking countries actually know how to flirt with men and they also turn men down gracefully without being rude.
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Adama
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Adama »

jamesbond wrote: Women in America DO NOT flirt with men (because they feel the man should be able to read her mind and know that she is interested in him).
Yes, exactly, and thank you for pointing this out. Naturally an ant should know what is the will of their god. They should automatically know how to give glory to these women. And if you don't know what's in her mind, then you get insulted.

As for turning down gracefully, also a part of the exercise of their overwhelming power and control between men and women. I even had a girl who kept asking me out, and when I finally said yes, she stood me up and then spread rumors that I was unworthy of her. She turned it to seem like I was begging her and beneath her. This is a sick game for souls.
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Eric »

jamesbond wrote:
Adama wrote:The problem is that American women are regarded as gods, and men are mere ants compared to them. That is the problem. They've been exalted and pumped up with pride.

This is why things cannot run naturally or easily with American women. Their pride causes them to make every step a painful one, because it's power for them to exert control. They are the ones in the control, so everything about American dating is meant to enforce that.

That's why men are completely beggars. It's because this is not really the natural gender role for women to be worshiped. The woman is the servant, not the master. Now they're the masters in dating, and men are the slaves, who must perform.

In other countries the women actually step up to the plate to do work for the man. But American women are gods. You are the ant. WORK. But you must first be worthy.
In english speaking countries, women are exalted to god like status thanks to puritanism and the liberal media and Hollywood. What man is worthy of a female god? He had better be everything that she is looking for in a man (high status, good looking and wealthy).

Women in America DO NOT flirt with men (because they feel the man should be able to read her mind and know that she is interested in him). They also don't know how to turn a man down gracefully (they are usually very rude when rejecting a man).

Thank God women in non english speaking countries actually know how to flirt with men and they also turn men down gracefully without being rude.

Have you seen how Asian women act - like they are on a freaking pedestal? What about Spanish girls....like they're so much higher than you, you aren't fit to walk the area they are in, that everything revolves around them and you should worship them. You guys make American women sound terrible, but some of these women are much, much worse. I can guarantee you that.
Have you seen Chinese 'women'? How about any Asian women... they are just, nevermind.
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chomommablack
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by chomommablack »

I got virtually no booty on campus. I was fortunate enough to have abroad internships where I was able to get some tail despite being for the most part a broke college student. I got some from a Senior my freshman year (lucky) and then that was it as far as on-campus was concerned. I would venture to say from observation that 50% of American college males don't have sex more than a few times a year at best.

OP is correct in that I checked off most of the boxes as well. I knew something was wrong with this society but at 18 you are just trying to pass a class and are looking at the short term. I was not focused on the analysis I am now from the comfort of the experience and existing relationship I have. Hypothetically if I got divorced I would still be in a good position with the knowledge I've obtained. But I would not fare better with American Women - Primarily because I would not CARE to...

MrMan - That is one thing that turned me off about Indonesia. The religion is way too thick there. I just can't deal with it. I was raised Christian but I am really more of a Buddhist. So I prefer the more secular Asian cultures. Indonesia is practically the Middle East in some ways. Their values are extremely conservative, which may be good for some Men but not others.

The whole giving a gift to your mom thing is hilarious because a Korean Ex tried that and I immediately shut that down.
chomommablack
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by chomommablack »

Also I want to say you have to meet foreigners who have lived here for a couple of years. You will get a mixed bag, but preferably network with Western European Men who have lived in the States 5-10 years. They pretty much will be on the same page. I know a Spaniard who is extremely vocal anti-feminist and sees the regression of Quality Women in Spain and Women there acting more and more like American Women. There is even a group of Italian Men who do not date Italian Women at all. People think Italy has some of the most beautiful Women who can cook well. Well I have met many Italian Men who tell me it's all hype now and the modern day young Italian Women act ridiculous similar to American Women. So there are many people that are just sheltered and don't socialize outside of their social circles even within their own culture. I am sure if you asked another Italian about that they would call them "weird" or "lame". Western cultures focus a lot on polarity and the concept of "us" and "them" even within their own ethnicity and culture.
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Falcon
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Falcon »

No Southeast Asian woman would believe my claims about how American women just focus on their work and don't randomly flirt with me. It's literally incomprensible to them. I might as well talk about space aliens. They all genuinely think I'm a playboy attracting girls left and right.

From their perspective, I'm:
Tall (185 cm), athletic (good upper body strength), young (mid-20's), quite decent-looking, smart, works out (fast runner), good personality, has enough money, multiple languages, international experience, grew up in California's famous cities, graduated from a top college ... perfect guy to show off to Mom and Dad. Gotta get this guy to be a fiancé before all the other ladies swarm in!

American woman's perspective:
Not sure what goes on in their minds and why I'm their perpetual "friend." Maybe ask them? Not sure if I missed something from their checklists.
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Master
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Master »

Friendzone just means you havent taken out the f**k zone card.

You havent taken out your dick and showed them your serious.

How the f**k can you not get laid in cali and have all that shit?!!!
I have to wonder.

Theres nothing wrong with raising up to challenge where you once fail and going back manning up and prove you could do still this late in the game.

Dont quit. Go back. Face your past, face your fears, and conquer them!
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Falcon
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Re: The "friend zone" and never having dated in college

Post by Falcon »

Master wrote:
November 25th, 2017, 1:16 am
Friendzone just means you havent taken out the f**k zone card.

You havent taken out your dick and showed them your serious.

How the f**k can you not get laid in cali and have all that shit?!!!
I have to wonder.

Theres nothing wrong with raising up to challenge where you once fail and going back manning up and prove you could do still this late in the game.

Dont quit. Go back. Face your past, face your fears, and conquer them!
Watch this video man.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU58jrx4pXs

And all sorts of other related videos.

Really handsome guy who can't get an not-so-good-looking chick in Cali. Happens all the time.

So tell us how to properly take out that f*** zone card.
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