online dating replacing natural channels; causes

[mattyman]

Hi all,

I think it's fair to assume that regions, countries and cities in which a high percentage of couples meet through online dating have only one thing in common; the social environment is shit, to put it bluntly. I think it's fair to say that an environment where it takes years to make friends will also be an environment where people will face the choice of resorting to the internet or facing a career as a monk. I believe this is not acceptable.

A poor-quality bar scene;
Not that there's anything wrong with socialising in bars and clubs, there are few places that are actually pleasant to go to. Firstly, what makes a pleasant, laidback socially-conducive venue? A non-intimidating crowd, lack of drunk people, lack of overcrowding, high percetage of customers sitting, quiet areas inside. What makes an unpleasant venue? One that caters exclusively to the party brigade, the people that get drunk before they go out, one that's full of loud and intimidating people, high percentage of customers standing, overcrowding, music too loud to have a conversation, widescreen tvs, focus on things like ‘pulling’, a competitive vibe and atmosphere. Unfortunately, the latter description is true of too many of the town centre venues, at least the ones that are popular with a younger crowd. The only pubs that are friendly, laidback and non-intimidating tend to be patronised by an older crowd (parents and granparents age). What’s not acceptable is the lack of places to go that fit the former description that are popular with a younger crowd. In other countries, bars of the former description where you can actually meet younger people seem more common.

See the sub-heading 'creating the right atmosphere'
https://www.essex.police.uk/getmedia/24 ... lcohol.pdf

Few good alternatives to meet new people
Generally, good places to meet new people have the following characteristics;
[*]Opportunities to break the ice
[*]Is drop-inable; doesn't require pre-arrangement or booking
[*]A core of regulars, allows you to see people regularly and make 'nodding acquaintances'
[*]New people coming and going all the time

Social skills getting worse;
I've on countless occasions been in this situation on a night out; a friend I've been with has bumped-into someone they know or are acquainted with and gotten talking. They either don't introduce them to me, nor introduce themselves or worse still, they don't even reciprocate when I introduce myself or chip into their conversation when something comes up. That is just plain unacceptable. One would have thought that introductions or at least acknowledging another person introducing themselves would be a pretty basic social skill wouldn't you? You would have thought that I can say that this has been far less the case with foreign people. I don't care what justification narrative is used, there's no excuse for indifference if you make the effort to introduce yourself

Cliqueyness
Not only is it difficult to meet people, but people in anglo countries are incredibly difficult to hang out socially, nor are they that open about having you tag along in their social network. This of course restricts the number of people you can meet and of course, restricts indirect opportunities to meet new people through those people.

I think that this article tells a lot about why online dating is replacing natural channels to met new people.
http://www.succeedsocially.com/hardertomakefriendsareas

What I don't understand is, why does nobody complain that meeting new people of the opposite sex is increasingly restricted to online?

[jamesbond]

Cliqueyness
Not only is it difficult to meet people, but people in anglo countries are incredibly difficult to hang out socially, nor are they that open about having you tag along in their social network. This of course restricts the number of people you can meet and of course, restricts indirect opportunities to meet new people through those people.

I think that this article tells a lot about why online dating is replacing natural channels to met new people.
http://www.succeedsocially.com/hardertomakefriendsareas

What I don't understand is, why does nobody complain that meeting new people of the opposite sex is increasingly restricted to online?

You hit the nail on the head regarding the cliquishness of people in Anglo countries. Winston has talked about this too how much more open the people were in European countries and in the Philippines compared to people in the USA.

There has to be a logical reason for this, it must be some sort of cultural thing for people in Anglo countries being so unfriendly and anti social. Winston often talks about the "icy barrier" between people in America. He also said this barrier did not exist in Russia, Ukraine, Poland and the Philippines.