Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.
Hi all, just want to report on a recent situation and how I owned it.
This was at a local bar, I was with acquaintances of and joined some associates of theirs at a table, including this pissed women who after introducing herself off the bat started questioning me. Questions such as 'what do you do with your time' and worse, 'what's the highest qualification you've got'.
I openly explained to her that these are not the sort of questions you go asking total strangers, a better thing to ask is 'how do you know so and so (my acquaintance)'. I made a few jokes regarding being more merry than me to lighten the mood.
I confronted her about why she was asking these questions (she was taken aback, as if she's not used to guys reacting the way I was). She openly admitted to me that she asks these questions to screen people as potential friends, can you believe that? I told her a) that she was the one not making a good first impression on me and b), that this is not the best approach to make friends and be a good companion. The former is more important, I displayed that I HAVE STANDARDS, and don't accept shitty, unacceptable behaviour. That's confidence.
When I openly told her she was not making a good impression on me, that sent her from manipulative and testing into apologetic. The thing is, she probably took me as some mug who thought I was more concerned about being rejected that she was. She probably thought I was more worried about making a good first impression to her than she was with me, but got a shocking surprise when my attitude came out. When she gathered it was the other way round, she got a shock, and then went all apologetic, saying I'm lovely and all that load of rubbish, and even tried to kiss me. Unfortunately my impression by then was a bit soured.
Guys, this is how you display confidence.
The brutal honesty (especially for guys with aspergers) can be a good thing.
Check out our Dating Sites and International Romance Tours!
Special Offer! FREE 6 Month Membership on ForeignWomen.com! Sign up here.
Find Your Foreign Sweetheart Now! Try our international Dating Sites and Overseas Romance Tours!
If an inebriated woman I didn't know started asking stupid questions and behaving like that I'd have walked off. They'd soon get the message.
Anyway, it's not really a good idea to speak your mind to a female stranger who's had a few drinks inside them because you don't know how they'll react. It doesn't take them much to kick off when their ego gets bruised and the alcohol starts to talk. They can get physical too.
You've identified her as a gold digger and a social climber so she basically screened herself out of long term consideration.
The strategy I use is a cryptic, "I do well for myself, but I'd rather get to know people before disclosing those types of details about my life." This gets her even more interested in you and might pave the way for you to pump and dump.
However, there are all kinds of tests women use. Most of them are negging, berating, provoking or trying to see how easy you can lose frame. I simply walk away from these women with a quip that I'm going to the restroom. Reject drama queens at all costs.
You see, there is no reason to call a woman out on her nonsense when you see it. I figure this, if you do NOT call them out, they will not adopt a better strategy to trick the next man. The solution is not to call them out, but simply to make an excuse to leave and leave within a moment or two. That way you are not informing her that she needs to improve her strategy of deception.
As Contratrian Expatriate has said, once a woman has marked herself, avoid them. Why? Because they will only bring you grief and psychological trauma. You don't need to let them know that you've found error or fault in them. Because them fixing that fault doesn't fix them. It just makes them better at what they are doing.
Basically any woman (or anybody ever) who automatically thinks they are better than you, acting pushy, being demanding or commanding, or who has rage, or who is critical of you and in your business, is somebody you want to avoid.
People give women permission to be pushy, but not me. That's a real indicator to avoid them. I am looking for sweetness in character, not someone who is going to bust my chops for her ego boost.
Loud talking, pushy, bossy women, women with attitude, judgmental women, well someone else can deal with them. I have no time or energy for them.
I read a bit on a forum once that said that all women 'fitness tested' men. That was the more polite term for the 'test' women give. That is, they give the man a hard time, tease, or maybe misbehave a bit, and the man has to push back, show the boundaries, or put her in her place or whatever. It doesn't have to be an extreme 'test.'
Even if you find a really sweet, well-behaved decent woman, she might slip up, get in a bad mood, or whatever and display some disrespect. Then it is up to the man to react in a way that shows that he is in control of himself, and also that he won't put up with disrespect. It sets the tone for the relationship and she hopefully learns to not cross the line and to be respectful. That's the general gist of the theory. It seems to be true. The idea is that women automatically test men, as a biological urge, to make sure the man is tough enough for the woman. The theory goes that she wants him to win the test, and she craves a man who behaves in a way she can respect (defeat her in the fitness test) whether she realizes this is going on or not.
But it wouldn't be a good idea, IMO, to choose a woman who constantly tests.
The OPs kind of tests are something a bit different-- asking a list of personal questions about a man she just met. I suppose that could be considered a 'fitness test', since the personal questions could be perceived as disrespectful. Her asking the hard questions could also be seen as a power play, putting her in control. The questions were too personal. That could be explained by her drinking enough alcohol to cause her to bring down her 'filter' of what she says. Or it could have been that she really did jump right into those questions. The questions about 'highest qualification' and career sound like questions for a potential partner, not a friend. But many women may not want to be forward or admit that they like you. She said friend instead of 'love interest.' That would have been humiliating for her.
Is she a gold digger? To some extent it is normal for a woman to want a man who can support her. Even in our feminist contaminated culture, women still want a man who makes more money than themselves or at least the same. Part of this may reflect the craving a woman has to have a man who leads her, who is more powerful than her, who is in charge, etc.
If she came off as angry, asked rude questions, it doesn't make sense to pursue a relationship. If it wasn't that extreme and there was something you really, really liked about this woman, maybe it would be worth it. But you know off the bat that she may be a bit rude or lack a filter. She may try to put herself in a dominant place in the relationship. If all women test their men a bit,even if it is just a little and subtle, you don't want to be with a woman who is poorly behaved and tries to push the boundaries. Why try to tame the shrew if there are non-shrews available?
Definitely. Red flag right there!
The definition of a female "creep" with the usual hidden agenda. Makes out she likes you and in the meantime tries to be subtle but fails miserably. Questions about qualifications and shit? WTF!
It's like me talking to a woman and asking about her dress size and stuff.
Yeah, just another gold digging creep. Jog on sweetie.
I'd have just said "If you're worth my time, maybe I'll show you, but given your first impression I highly doubt that'll be the case. And higher than yours, that I can guarantee."
Girls like this are fun to mess with though. You drag them along and make them think they might get something, then wait for a day when they decide to be a bitch and cut off all contact. You get to have your fun and put them in their place, it's great. But never, ever pay along with the games, always put your foot down.
One of my friends is a lawyer for a major NY law firm and another is a high school dropout. I do judge people based on intelligence, personality, and what they have done with their life, but that does not really correspond much with degrees or income.
Typically these kind of people are from the lower strata of society. That's why they're so obsessed with "qualifications". Either they don't have any, or they associate with a lot of shady characters.
Another thing is that if you blow these people out of the water with your qualifications, they will get very uncomfortable. Real estate agent? Good, you're "rich". Actually wealthy? "Ummmm, that's weird, I don't know how to react to this because I have never encountered it."
Basically, they're looking for something on the high end of white trash, i.e. a $26,000 Ford Mustang, not a $60,000 Mercedes.
I encounter a lot of these bitches, and your money gives you the opportunity to jump through all their hoops, play a supporting character role in their lives, while they completely ignore anything that makes you who you are or your views and ideas on life. Oh boy, thanks for the opportunity.
Coming back to life.
What was really disturbing me about this occasion was, is this woman used to getting away with behaving like that with other men? That's what's really disturbing.
Are most men not as up front and blunt as I was? Are most the men that she meets that desperate that they'd let her get away with unacceptable behaviour just because she's a woman? That's what's disturbing. Are women like that not used to being called out? I'm guessing that this is one explanation as to why foreign women are on the whole nicer than anglo women. I get the impression that women are let off for unacceptable behaviour just for being women. I would even argue that the degree to which it's true in the UK and US is even more so than most other countries.
One of the things that annoy me about western women is their arrogance. For instance, you could show a degree of interest in one and they automatically assume it's game, set and match. They've got you in their pocket - or so they think.
But in my mind, I'm interested in getting to know her more. Nothing is set in stone but they're too obnoxious to realize their behaviour can have an adverse effect. Mind games and testing. Playing hard to get. All that nonsense. It doesn't impress me and I become bored quickly with the same old tedious scenario's. Fortunately women overseas are refreshingly pleasurable to connect with.
Western women are now this way because in the past, deadly wars, disease, nature, and dangerous occupations killed off many men making women more appreciative of a good one. Today, western societies has an "excess" of men who mostly pedestalize young women and giving them an inflated sense of self-worth. This of course wears off as the woman ages, but it is the cause of the problem you discuss.
Go abroad to poor and traditional cultures to avoid women like this. You will not regret it!
It's because they are gods in their own eyes. It's fun for them to show and exercise their dominance and sexual power over men. They want to see how much the man will put up with their abuse. The more abuse a man will put up with, the higher the female sociopath's ego goes into the stratosphere.
The game becomes the life of these gods. They don't live for peace, harmony or goodwill. They live to exalt themselves and to glorify themselves through oppression of others, namely in this case men. Their egos have destroyed their sense of humanity, and they live for their own glory, worshiping themselves and their egos as their god.
These are wicked people, also known as workers of iniquity, who are seeking to destroy the souls of the men they meet. They will be consumed by fire for eternity, and they will not be in God's new earth after the millennial reign of Christ.
Yes, there are women who love men for resources. Then there are women who love the men for who they are as persons.
That's also why I wonder why everyone is always so worried about money. If she loves you, then money is not an issue. She will go with you if you have no money if she loves you. If an evil woman does not love you, she may still go with you, just for access to your money.
So it's easy. You just have to figure out whether or not she truly wants you, or whether she just wants to extract your resources.
For by means of a whore-like woman (adulteress, slut) a man is brought (reduced down) to a piece of bread. And the adulteress will hunt for the precious (of high value) life.
That's probably fun, but it may backfire for the next man, in that, for the ones who are capable of learning from their mistakes, they may learn how to better conceal their treachery.
That's it. That's because as women, they're so exalted that they are beyond criticism. They are righteous and good by virtue of being women. Now you see, with your evaluation, that these prideful (gods) would give you a response to murder you, such as, that a person who dares to evaluate women is a loser and other terrible things. They want to silence anyone who's smart enough to understand and revile them as unworthy. This is also how you know they think they are gods. They are cruel oppressors with evil speech, for their own pride.
Always remember: The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.
God hates those who speak evil for purposes of uplifting themselves in pride, and that pride will take them down to the pit.