Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Vent your rants and raves here about whatever makes you mad, angry or frustrated.
We can end-up lonely and with no-one to hang out with for reasons beyond our control. We might not be in a job that gives us a social circle, our friends may be moving away, or have become too tied down with work or families and we simply don't have anyone left to hang out with anymore. Trying to meet new people and make new friends might be a nightmare.
You may have tried the many suggested ways to meet new people and only been met with dissappointment.
Technically, loneliness isn't 'forced' on anyone. What if one is faced with the choice of doing things alone? For people who are not ready and don't know how to go about it it can easily feel forced. It can be easy to focus on what has put us in the situation, rather than what we can do to get ourselves out of it.
Fr people who feel that their loneliness is 'forced' the best thing you can do is acknowledge them and relate to how they're feeling. You might try to get to the bottom of what makes it difficult for them to put any advice you give them into effect. It's no good making suggestions then yelling at people if they don't do them, try to take the time to find out why they don't put your advice into effect.
Last edited by mattyman on August 6th, 2017, 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
For most of us, there are very few things in life that we cannot control. That being the case, loneliness is not forced on us. It is but the result of the choices we make and the lack of changes we implement.
The True Forced Loneliness movement is pathetic and weak-minded. I hope TFL never becomes associated with MGTOW which is men taking life by the horns and twisting them into the position they want.
The only times I have felt lonely was when I lived in more suburban middle-class areas. Move to an urban coastal city, get involved in some activities, and your problem will be solved. I have never had problems making friends in America, it's just the women that are shit. The only effect that has was no girlfriend -> depression -> not a good mindset to seek out new aquaintances or maintain friendships.
The advice society gives you is "just focus on friends and don't worry about relationships". This is great advice for women because they will always be asked out, because whatever soccer team, running group, etc. they join will have three times as many men. This is terrible advice for men because it will drain your energy and frustrate you.
Yes, if you live in a suburb of the bay area like Winston grew up in, it is sterile and antisocial as hell. This is why people hate suburbia, and flyover country = suburbia. Why do you think everyone pays a premium to get packed into dense cities like San Francisco?
Last edited by Nailer on July 28th, 2017, 4:16 pm, edited 5 times in total.
+1. TFL Sounds so helpless and pathetic, like simpering whiners
Did anyone actually listen to the OP, or did they just throw their own manufactured prejudiced soundbytes that they think their mates want to hear to make themselves feel better?
What I was getting at was that your social life contracts as you get older, and that you find yourself with fewer people to meet-up with. This is frustrating. When you find yourself faced with the choice of being cooped in or going out alone, it can very much feel like the situation is 'forced' on you, and it is normal to feel frustrated. I think that it's OK to express such feelings, and I think that everyone should have the right to express such feelings without fear of ridicule. Secondly, it's not always as easy and straightforward to fix a situation like that, that's the acknowledgement a lot of people are looking for. Although it's true that we may have control over our situation, that doesn't veto the fact that we have no right to express any frustration we might have towards our circumstances and be ridiculed for it. I feel that this site is losing it's climate of openess.
If you're going to resort to 'negative whiner' trope to silence anyone who brings up such feelings of frustration, then sorry mate, you're guilty of suppressing free speech. Happier abroad is about free speech, and that includes talking openly about feelings of loneliness. Using labels like that is exactly what feminists & the PC brigade do, they use shaming and personal attacks to attempt to silence discussion. That appears to be exactly what you're doing. If you have any intelligence, you shouldn't be resorting to those kinds of labels to shut someone up, implicit or explicit.
What's this association with TFL? Guilt by association, stereotyping all people who bring up a certain issue; again, that's another tactic that the PC brigade use to shut-down discussions. For example, look at the way feminists are quick to label people as rape supporters? You're using exactly the same techniques to supress free speech & open discussion that the PC brigade do.
The older you get, the less social contacts you have and thus the more difficult it is to make friends and meet women. The easiest time in your life to make friends and meet girls is when you are in school, that's when you have the most social contacts.
Like Winston has stated, when you go out by yourself in America, (like to restaurants, bars and movie theaters) you feel like a complete loser. This is why a lot of single people just stay home on the weekends.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
Nailer you nailed it, I never had much of a difficult time making male friends In the USA and I guess I'm around 80% Introvert/ 20% Extrovert.
Dating? now that is a different story and I think TFL applies more to men having difficulty attracting women which is more of a looks issue then anything else.
It my impression a lot of MGTOW's are TFLers in denial.
This post is ONLY true for America but:
Quality over quantity.
Honestly I have 400 "friends" on FB and maybe 500+ on LinkedIN. Honestly only 10% of those people I either know IRL or have a meaningful connection with.
Most of these people I know there is virtually zero benefit they provide to my life outside of entertainment or a small chance at networking with the right person to further my career. It is incredibly daunting to imagine and I am not even that old having to start from scratch in America (as an American male) at 30 years old. I simply don't have the energy, perhaps because I know there is very little chance of return, perhaps because I am incredibly jaded and "cynical" if you will.
I am very fortunate to be in the place I am at right now career wise and relationship wise otherwise things could be very miserable. If anyone is interested in all the social experiments and networking I did from roughly 2010-2013 just let me know. I have many experiences in NYC that have proven to me that many individuals unfortunately are simply not worth interacting with and are of virtually no consequence to your life on average.
Even some people you will meet who have the same interests you will not fully "gel" with. This is one thing that resounded with me in Winston's analysis is that there is a fog in the air and it is causing this inexplicable conundrum here in the U.S.
There is no logical reason this should be happening, but at least we are all ahead of the game and realize at least that it IS happening and coming up with ways to cope.
The problem is that it's hard to meet people. Now they can order everything shipped to their house without having to go outside, even groceries. I rarely see pretty women out anywhere anymore. Very rare to see a woman. But before 2013 there used to be women everywhere. It almost feels like the world is shutting down, like closing time.
It used to be you could go to the supermarket or to the mall, and chances are, there would be cute young women there, in their early 20s, just making some money on a summer job.
Now if you go to the mall or to the supermarket, you will not see any many girls in their 20s. You will find people who are in their 50s and older working as a cashier, not the hot almost teenage sweet babe.
Older people have taken the jobs that were once reserved for young people. So where are the young girls working?
And if you go to the park or to the beach, what do you see there? Couples and families.
There's the work place but of course that may lead to embarrassing public humiliation if she's crazy enough to play stupid games, or a sexual harassment charge.
And now working at Best Buy isn't like a summer job or a temp position for a young person. It is a career with upward mobility in retail management. Start as a sales associate and hope to make manager one day.
Adama they are at home taking Instagram photos and getting wired money from Old Men on PayPal and through Zelle.
I figure there are some women who love to bask in their own glory, but it can't be all of them.
I remember going to QuickChek after school to get sandwiches made. Girls would go in there to buy whatever they buy. That was back in 2008. Now? This place is like a desert as far as young women. They are gone. Where to? I still can't figure this out.
I really think the only solution just to find women is to expatriate, sadly.