My thoughts on pua dating advice

[mattyman]

I feel that there is a lot of terrible advice out there with regards to talking to women. As an experiment, I did a lot of googling one afternoon when I was bored into the topics of talking to women, dating, attraction etc. and a lot of the stuff I found had several recurring themes. Try googling any queries around the subject and almost all the results you will get will be this pua crap. There are a few things about this sort of stuff that I want to share here that I believe can damage the self-esteem and confidence of guys. I believe that a lot of the stuff out there is mostly myths, since I can't see myself taking that stuff on board and attracting a nice girl who likes me for me. A lot of it is not very empowering at all to read and sometimes quite undermining. I just want to share my thoughts on a few themes that commonly crop up and explain why I get annoyed.

1. Excess focus on body language; It's true that your body language communicates a lot more powerfully than words. The problem is that a lot of this advice can be anal and worst of all, gets you to focus on how you come across. It's common for pua advice to say things such as 'you must not show any signs of nervousness otherwise you'll be percieved as zero value'. The worst thing to do when interacting with women in my opinion is to focus on how you're coming accross. How can one possibly relax and be their best, charming self with that sort of thought in their head? 'If she sees I'm nervous then I'll be rejected'. That's what this sort of stuff encourages, self-conscious thinking. It can thus become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

2. Telling you that if you become friends with a girl, you have next to no chance of taking it further; what utter bollocks! I have known many people who've ended up become boyfriend-girlfriend through friends. My own brother is a living example. This kind of advice gets guys to rush, it puts pressure, it makes you feel that you're under competition. What an unhealthy way to think about things. That's not the sort of thinking that makes you feel relaxed and confident!

3. Religiously against niceness; Excess, i.e. approval seeking behaviour etc. is not exactly a turn on however, I wouldn't call it niceness. The problem is that a lot of this advice preaches that you must constantly. Some advice out there can really get guys to feel that they are weak, unmasculine etc. and can instill an unhealthy belief that they're 'second best'. This can be really undermining to one's self-esteem, especially of a sensitive guy.

4. Learning lines and routines; come on, life's too short. I'd rather learn the vocabulary of a foreign language. The reality is, what you say as an opener really isn't that important. The best thing you can do is keep it simple and not feel underpressure to try and impress. If you're under pressure to come up with a good opening line you won't make a good first impression.

5. Women love to test guys for 'manliness'; My opinion on this is that if you can make them trust you, i.e. get to know them the normal way without any of that 'game' shit and find common ground with them and build a rapport, then they shouldn't feel the need to test how genuine you are. I think there are a lot of women in western countries are so you to being approached by dicks and phonies that they're always on the defensive. I do see how persistence can be attractive. I think a lot of women feel they have to test guys because they feel or suspect that they're not genuine. If you are a true, sincere man who is happy being himself, then she shouldn't need to test you. The goal is to make her feel comfortable, not to manipulate her! If you try the pick-up stuff, any genuine, descerning girl will most certainly think 'cor, typical bloke, just wants to get inside my pants'.

6. Labelling guys as alphas or betas; This one really gets up my nose. Guys are told that if they don't have 'alpha' traits, they're unattractive. If guys doubt that they lack some of those traits, it can lead to insecurity. Now, a lot of guys who read this sort of stuff are no doubt insecure in this area in one degree or the other. What I feel is the problem though is that it gets guys to see the whole thing as a competition. When in actual fact, guys should focus on what strengths they have got goin for themselves that women are likely to find attractive. Some of this advice makes especially the more introverted and sensitive guys, in my opinion, feel inferior. It makes them feel that they're not OK the way they are, that they have to change they're personalities or else remain lonely. This sort of thing can cause self-doubt on a massive scale.

A lot of this probably explains why so many guys try to act cocky and compensating, because they have had this sort of rubbish conditioned into them. It makes me so cross, that there are so many lonely guys out there who are bound to start searching for things such as 'how to attract women' only to find the degrading crap just mentioned. Most of it is written by absolute cretins who's social and relationship skills are probably questionable. Why is there so much terrible advice out there? Most of it comes from America though there are even young guys here using pua tactics and language. Profiteering bastards hell-bent on exploiting the insecurities of dateless guys.

[Winston]

Exactly, the whole thing is fake, artificial and unnatural. I've never seen any proof that any of it works.

See this article. You will love it.

http://lifestylejourney.blogspot.com/20 ... -scam.html

[Winston]

25 Gold Articles Against The Seduction Community

http://www.puahate.com/showthread.php?t=3558

[jamesbond]

A lot of this probably explains why so many guys try to act cocky and compensating, because they have had this sort of rubbish conditioned into them. It makes me so cross, that there are so many lonely guys out there who are bound to start searching for things such as 'how to attract women' only to find the degrading crap just mentioned. Most of it is written by absolute cretins who's social and relationship skills are probably questionable. Why is there so much terrible advice out there? Most of it comes from America though there are even young guys here using pua tactics and language. Profiteering bastards hell-bent on exploiting the insecurities of dateless guys

This explains why most guys who are into the "bar scene" tend to be assholes! They are doing what the PUA crowd says to do when attempting to meet women, acting tough, coming across as an "alpha male" and acting "dominant."

When you meet these guys at bars and clubs, they are the ones who are acting like total douche bags. They are arrogant, rude jerks who are TOLD to act this way in order to come across as an "alpha male" and this will supposedly "impress women."

Maybe this is why I was never into the "bar scene" as it is filled with guys who are jerks and women who are stuck up!