Winston's Satire Tales of Monkro, the Indian Terror. LOL

[Winston]

Hi all,
Here are some satire stories I sent to my WeChat group about Monkro, since I like to imagine the extreme opposite of what is. Lol. Satire tales are my weird quirky style of humor. Lol. Ive been tellimg them to my friends ever since i was in elementary school in the 1980s. I guess some people never grow up. Lol.

If you don't know, Monkro was Rock's tenant in Taiwan. He is Indian American and grew up in the Bay Area, like me. His personality ks very mild mannered and non-confrontational, hence the satire. Lol. Though he is brilliant in his anti-feminism rants, he is very paranoid about his privacy and identity being exposed through his writings. So he keeps a low profile. Though brave in cold approaching, he is very fearful of me for some odd unknown reason and won't hang out with me unless Rock is there to protect him. LOL. Anyway, hope you all enjoy my extreme and melodramatic satire stories about him being super brave and fierce, like you see in the movies. LOL

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Winston:

Can u imagine monkro in a bat cave with hundreds of bats swirling around him, and him saying to himself, "in order to conquer fear, i must BECOME FEAR". Lol. Like in that scene from the movie "batman begins" with Christian bale? Lol

Can you imagine monkro leading an army of scots in Scotland, saying to his men, "they can take our lives..... but they can NEVER take....... our FREEDOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!" And his men are cheering and rallying? Lol. Like in the movie Braveheart with mel gibson? Lol.

You guys are probably rolling your eyes and thinking, "winstons been watching too many movies". Lol.

Ethan_sg:

Yeah Monkro is way too chill and laid-back for us to imagine shouting a battle cry and leading an army out to fight lol, but that's what I like about him, I don't like high strung self important people lol.

Winston:

Yesterday I watched braveheart and i kept thinking, can u imagine monkro leading a charge across the battlefield? Lol. Or him holding up a sword in front of his troops and yelling while they all do the same? Lol. Can you imagine falcon doing that too? Lol.

Winston:

Lol i got some more scenarios for you guys to imagine. Lol

I cant stop laughing at picturing this one: can you imagine monrko in front of his soldiers on the battlefield drawing out his sword and yelling, "infantry........ CHARGE!" And then leads a charge across the battlefield with his sword drawn while all the men following behind him yell as they run to pump up their adrenaline? Lol.

Then monkros general watches him from across the battlefield and says to his officers: "there goes monkro ...... he smells blood..... he knows when to go for the kill...... excellent...... so he takes all the glory shall he?"

Lololololololololol. @Monkro 

Heres another one. Can you imagine falcon with a samurai sword approaching @ian with sword drawn and saying to ian: "you have brought shame and disgrace to my family. I must kill you. Prepare to die son of singapore!" Then ian backs off and says "wait a minute.... wait.... lets talk about this andy....." lol.

Then falcon swings his samurai sword at ians head and ian ducks to avoid the blade. Then falcon swings his sword at ians feet. In response, ian does a back flip to avoid the blade and ends up landing on a table. Lol. Then ian says "andy listen to me..... i know who killed your parents..... it wasnt me....." then falcon says "i dont believe your lies..... i must avenge my family and honor!" then ian says "look! Your father gave me this...." and pulls out a special object. Then falcon says "you have 5 seconds to tell me how you got that! or im gonna slice you into singaporean barbecue!"

Lolololololololol

Ethan_sg:

Lol, you have such a wild imagination Winston, I can't imagine what your sexual fantasies must be like Lol.

Winston:

Lol. Wait I got more.......

Can you imagine @Monkro wearing a cowboy outfit with a hat and guns in his belt holster? Lol. Then he rides into an old west town and approaches his target man. Then he says, "you! Come here! Draw!" Then the guy runs away in fear and says "it wasnt my fault, it was my boss. He told me to do it. Honestly. Dont kill me please!" Then monkro says "i said DRAW! Or i will!"

Then the guy nervously goes for his gun. Suddenly, monkro draws with lightning speed! In an instant, he pulls out his gun and fires multiple shots of lead into the guy. While doing so, his left hand skillfully cocks the back of the gun after each shot, to provide a steady stream of bullets. Like a skillful gunfighter. Lol.

Then after his opponent falls dead, monkro turns around to the towns folk crowd watching him and says, "any of you got a problem?" And they back off in fear saying "no..... no...... sir..... no problem..... anything you want...... ok?" Lol.

Then one of the onlookers turns to another onlooker and asks "who is that?" The other onlooker replies "thats monkro. Hes the fastest gun for a colored man this side of the Mississippi. They call him 'the indian terror'. His smoking pistol is hotter than his spicy indian curry they say. I never seen no colored folk draw as fast as him." (Southern accent)

Lololololololololololol

Ethan_sg:

Lol. Ok I burst out laughing on this one LOL...

Winston:

Ok last one......

Can you imagine the history channel showing an image of @Monkro in an amored suit and flowing cape. The the narrator then says:

"His armies were willing to die for him....... His enemies trembled at the sound of his name....... He united vast lands in many kingdoms to forge a great EMPIRE...... For over 10 years he was unstoppable....... obliterating everything and everyone who got in his way....... his name........ was Monkro the Great. Join the history channel as we explore the life and times of monkro the great. See his triumphs, as well as his tragedies. In this episode we will take a look at one of indias great enigmas...... join us for......"

Then the image of monkro in armor and cape shows on the screen and underneath it this title appears: "The Conquerors: Monkro the Great".

Narrator: "our story begans in a quiet village in india........"

Lolololololololololol

Winston:

Lol i like imagining ians skinny body doing a back flip to avoid falcons swinging sword. Lol

Isnt monkro gonna be insulted by all this? Lol

Dont i have such a warped imagination? Dont i watch too many movies? Lol

Ethan_sg:

Lol. I would love to see the expression on Monkro's face after reading all of this lol

I see no reason why he should feel insulted though lol, surely he has a sense of humor lol

Winston:

Yeah but he knows im making fun of him. Lol

Ethan_sg:

Haha don't you think Monkro must be laughing to himself reading all these messages and feeling extremely tempted to reply, yet has to force himself not to, in order not to break his vow of silence? Lol.

I know he enjoys a good laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously , so surely he won't be offended by all this

Lol

It's funny because Monkro seems like one of the most gentle and mild mannered guys around, so it's hard to imagine him leading an army out into battle, slaying white knights right left and center lol

Winston:

Lol or as a gun fighter. Or as a great conqueror and forger of empires. Lol

Lol. I should post those stories about monkro in the forum in the humor section. Lol

I have two more exciting tales of monkro in the wild west to tell you about. Lol

Ethan_sg:

Lol. Go ahead

The indefatigable Monkro appears to be unfazed, for over 180 days now no man has succeeded in luring him into breaking his vow of silence in the real happier abroaders group. This stoicism is the mark of a true warrior. Surely no man can doubt now that he is the living descendant of a long line of Indian Gurkha warriors, the ashes of his long line of warrior ancestors scattered throughout the river Ganges, a trail of honor that spans across the vast Indian continent, whose inhabitants' heads all bow in humility and gratefulness, at all that the Monkro the Great and his long line of ancestors have sacrificed in order to protect the precarious continent from its covetous and decadent neighbors.

[Winston]

Ok here are two more stories I have for you about Monkro in the Wild West. LOL. As you imagine these stories, listen to this great soundtrack for "The Quick and the Dead" so you know what tune I'm hearing as I imagine these stories. It's a legendary wild west theme that I love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9vFcCb7j_M

Story #1: Monkro vs. 6 Outlaw Gunfighters

A remote town in the wild west has been hijacked by outlaws, and the sheriff is powerless against the outlaw gang. One day, from the distant horizon, a lone rider rides toward the town. As he does, this soundtrack theme is playing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9vFcCb7j_M . The rider arrives into town with his horse and spiffy looking cowboy outfit with two guns in his holster. It's Monkro! Aka "the Indian Terror". He has come to save the town and clean it up of vermin.

As he enters the main street, an outlaw appears on the roof with a rifle and says, "Hey, this town is restricted. It's our territory now. Get out of here! Or we'll burn your ass back to India." Monkro replies, "Not a chance. I'm bringing the law back to this town." Then the outlaw says, "Whatever you say varmint. We'll just use you for target practice then! Whooo hooo!" As he points the rifle at Monkro, Monkro quickly draws his pistol and shoots the guy on the roof. The outlaw falls down and rolls off the roof. Then another outlaw across the street tries to shoot him from the roof too. But Monkro picks him off as well with a swift turn and great marksmanship. After that, Monkro twirls his gun around his finger back into his holster.

As Monkro walks down another block, suddenly two men appear on the roof behind him, both with rifles. As they move to shoot, Monkro draws both his pistols at the same time and fires behind himself by crossing his arms in an X fashion. Again, both men fall simultaneously and roll off the roof onto the ground beneath.

A boy watching nearby exclaims "Wow! How did ya do that mister? You got em both without even looking or aiming!" Monkro replies, "Boy, when you've mastered the art of Indian yoga as I have, you can see behind you as though you had eyes on the back of your head." LOL

Just as Monkro says that, another outlaw appears to the side from a balcony and fires his rifle at Monkro. Right away, Monkro ducks the shot and then instantaneously draws his pistol and fires three times, cocking the pistol back with his left hand after each successive shot, pumping three lead pellets into the poor bastard. He then falls off the balcony and breaks the wooden rail as he comes down, in classic wild west fashion." LOL

Then the bystander boy again exclaims, "Wow! Where did you learn to shoot like that mister? Do they have guns where you come from?" Monkro replies, "Mind body unification through yoga allows you to do anything, when you are at one with the universe."

Monkro continues walking down the street and then when he reaches the end of it, a haze of dust begins to clear....... revealing six armed outlaw men with black vests. Any other man would coil at the intimidating sight of six gunfighters in front of him, but not Monkro.

One of the six men says to Monkro, "Alright, that's as far as you go. Who do you think you are meddling in our town.... You curry smelling turd." Monkro replies, "By purifying this town of scumbags like you, I am following my dharma." One of them asks, "Your what???" Then Monkro declares, "I am bringing you all to justice..... dead or alive." Then they burst out laughing and chuckle, "Hahahahahaha. You and what army? No matter how good you are...... you're no match for the six of us. Go back to your stinking country you little turd. Or we'll tie you up, slice you up and put your pieces into dat stinkin curry you eat!"

In an authoritative tone, Monkro declares, "Through Shiva and Krishna, I will prevail. Their power gives me the strength of the dragon and the speed of the cheetah." They laugh again and remark, "This fella probably had too much whisky. His kind probably ain't used to it. He's as mad as a raccoon with rabies...... Look at him. He ain't even scared......" To that Monkro replies, "Through my mastery of yoga, I have conquered all fear." Then one of them then asks, "Just who are you anyway?" Monkro answers, "I am Monkro, known as the Indian Terror." They then ask, "India? Where is that at? Under my ass? Wahahahahaha" Monkro then tells him, "You'll have plenty of time to look at maps..... while you're in JAIL!"

"Now", Monkro continues, "you men have two choices, either you come with me and surrender, or you all die right here. Which will it be?" Again they chuckle and laugh, "Alright you little brown twerp, you better get on outta here, or we'll start shooting! How would you like the taste of lead in your scrawny little hide?" At that, Monkro gets tough and delivers his challenge while bracing for combat, "Alright. If you wish to die, it will be your karma then....... now...... prepare to DRAW!" The men pause and then Monkro yells, "Go for it. Draw!....... I said DRAW! Or I will!"

The outlaws finally get annoyed and fed up, so they say, "Alright boys, this little turd is becoming annoying. Let's cook him!" As they all reach for their pistols, Monkro, with lightning speed that is barely visible to the naked eye, draws two pistols and fires both of them, immediately taking out two of the outlaws. As the other outlaws shoot their guns, Monkro dives onto the floor and rolls to the right to avoid their bullets. As he comes out of the roll into a crouching position, he swiftly raises his two pistols again, firing and taking out the next two outlaws, his third and fourth targets. With four dead and two remaining, the last two fire at Monkro again. This time our Indian hero rolls forward to dodge the bullets. As he completes the roll, he grabs one of the outlaws and uses him as a shield to protect himself from the sixth guy. As the sixth guy shoots, his bullets hit the fifth guy shielding Monkro. Then Monkro takes the pistol the fifth guy is holding and finishes off the sixth guy with it.

Monkro did it! All six outlaws are now lying dead. As Monkro gets up, the towns people are elated and thank him. But then one of the fallen outlaws, still barely alive, rises to shoot Monkro in the back. Seeing this, the boy admirer yells out to Monkro, "LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU!" Rapidly, Monkro ducks as the bullet whizzes by him. Then he turns around and taking a dagger out of his boot, throws it at the outlaw. It pierces his neck and finishes him off.

As Monkro rises again, the towns people thank him and congratulate him. Then the sheriff comes and says, "Son. You saved out town. I don't know how we can ever repay you." Monkro replies, "Don't mention it. No repayment is necessary. My good karma will be my reward." Then Monkro pauses and say, "Oh wait...... you wouldn't happen to have any pretty white fair skinned saloon girls would you?" The sheriff replies, "Why yes we do. Just down the street. We have a great saloon with many pretty young ladies. They will make you feel like you're in heaven. Come on, I'll take you. It'll be on the house! Afterward, I'll buy you some beers." Smiling, Monkro says, "Thanks. I've always fancied them white girls. Always wanted a taste of them. We don't get many of them in India. They are my exotic fantasy." Then Monkro grins and says, "You know, I'm beginning to like America."

As the sheriff puts his arm around Monkro's shoulder, they walk off toward the saloon and the story ends.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Story #2: Monkro Rescues A Train From Robbers

A gang of robbers hijack a train. They hold all the passengers hostage and take their valuables on them. Upon hearing of this, Monkro takes a horse and rides out to rescue the passengers. As his horse approaches the train, he lines up alongside the train and matches its speed. Then he crouches on top of his horse and jumps onto the side of the train. From there he climbs to the top of the railway car. Then he walks along the top of the train and heads toward the passenger area. Using his "yogic sixth sense" he intuitively feels where the passengers are being held.

Then one of the robbers sees Monkro walking on top of the train and says to the leader of the gang, "Boss! It's that Indian fella again! He's on top of the train!" Angrily, the leader says, "That meddling brown fool. I thought we saw the last of him. Alright boys. Go get him! Bring him to me dead or alive! Whoever gets him will get this bag of gold coins as reward!"

One by one, five outlaws get on top of the train to deal with Monkro. As they spot him, they move in to subdue him. When they reach him, they say "You're coming with us mister!" Monkro replies, "Alright, here grab me then." The men all grab Monkro at the same time, but he seems immovable as if some hidden force were bolting Monkro steadfast. Then Monkro summons his yogic prana power and using its energy,, causes all five of them to fall to the floor! One of them says, "Alright. It looks like wer gonna have to do dis da hard way." They prepare for a fist fight.

Using hand to hand combat, Monkro knocks them down one at a time. He flips several of them as they throw their punches, by grabbing their fist and flipping them. With swift punches and kicks, Monkro knocks three of the robbers off the roof of the moving train. The remaining two men surround Monkro at his front and back and say "Haha. We gotcha now." They take out their sticks and start swinging at Monkro. With cat like reflexes and agility, Monkro ducks the swings easily. After a while, the two men swing and hit each other while Monkro ducks. While they are dazed from the strike, Monkro takes their heads and bashes them together. Then he throws them off the train.

Next, Monkro heads to the train car where the leader is remaining, using his "yogic sixth sense" to guide him. When he finds the train car, he leaps down into the entrance of the car. As he appears in the doorway, some of the passengers exclaim, "It's that Indian. He's come to save us!" When the leader of the robbers sees Monkro coming, he grabs a pretty young blonde lady nearby and puts his gun at her head, and says, "Don't come any closer. Or I'll blow her head off! I mean it!" Monkro replies, "Alright. Relax. Don't hurt anybody. Just let her go. Let's you and me settle this." Angrily, the robber replies, "Shut up you brown bastard! Now..... throw your gun out the window....... or this lady gets it! DO IT!"

Monkro complies and throws his pistol out the train window. Then the robber says, "Alright now. I'm gonna hold this lady hostage until we get to the next stop. She'll be my insurance that you will stay put right where you are!" Nonchalantly, Monkro says, "Alright. Fine. But since it will be a while before we reach the next stop, let me entertain you with something from my country of India." As Monkro reaches into his pockets, the robber says, "Wait now. Very slowly. Let me see what you got there." Monkro takes out an Indian rope and says, "It's just a rope...... but no ordinary rope...... watch this."

As Monkro puts down the Indian rope on the train floor, he pulls out a flute and begins playing an exotic Indian tune. While he does, the rope on the ground begins to RISE off the floor, like a cobra snake! The passengers watch with shock and bewilderment. The Indian rope and music then begin hypnotizing the robber into a trance. After a while, Monkro sends a telepathic message to the girl being held hostage, using his yogic powers. He tells her to bite the robber's hand that's holding the gun. She does so and he drops the gun to the floor. Then he tells her to kick the gun away, and she does.

Realizing what has just happened, the robber comes out of the trance and turns and runs down the aisle to try to escape. Quickly, Monkro takes the Indian rope, turns it into a lasso, and launches it at the robber. It coils around his neck and knocks him down to the ground. Monkro then pulls the rope and drags the robber to him. Defeated, the robber then asks Monkro, "Alright. Ya got me. I just gotta ask though, how did you get that rope to rise up in the air all by itself?! That's the darnest thing I ever saw!" To which Monkro replies, "Well you'll have plenty of time to figure that out...... IN JAIL! Tie him up." The passengers then take the robber and bind and gag him, to await arrest at the next stop.

The pretty young blonde hostage, now rescued, goes up to Monkro and gives him a big warm hug, saying "Thank you for saving me. I knew you could do it. You're my hero." Then she puts her hands on Monkro's shoulders and says, "Hey darling.... I'd like to ask you a little favor..... when we get to my stop, whadda ya say we go to my place for a roll in the hay? Ya know, I never tasted Indian before...... And your manly brown skin and that trick you did back there..... oooowwww it just gets my juices flowing...... I make a mighty fine meal too....." Looking flattered and honored, Monkro replies, "Ma'am, I'd be honored to come to your place and bring you pleasure." She then exclaims with a glee, "Ohhhhh wonderful! I'm really looking forward to it."

Then Monkro looks at us, the viewers, and says, "You know, America isn't so bad after all. I'm beginning to like this country." And the story ends with the train going off in the distance and the words "The End' at the bottom. LOL

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

What do you think? How you like them? LOL

[Winston]

Bao3niang wanted a story too, so i gave him this:

Ok @Andrew Bao3niang, heres one for you then. Lol.

Can you imagine andrews mom coming out of nowhere and appearing in front of him? Then he notices that his mom has a glowing radiant face and aura and wholesome smile. Andrew gasps in disbelief and mutters, "uh...... mom"?

Then andrews mom says: "fear not my son. I have been reborn and awakened. My ego is dead. I am born again in spirit and consciousness. I am no longer a tiger mom, or a greedy mom, or a materialistic mom, nor a gold loving mom, nor a cruel mom. No. I am an AWAKE mom.

Now, every moment i experience is like a miracle. I see and feel the richness of every moment in life. I am more alive than ive ever been.

Within me is a state of perfect unconditional BLISS. Nothing in the material world can add or take away from this bliss. It is unconditional, beyond time and space.

Oh my child, i am dearly sorry for being a bad mother to you. Please forgive me. From here on i will be your strength, your guide, your comforter. Within me are ever flowing waters of love and peace. They shall soothe you and heal you in times of need. I shall always be with you, in this life and beyond."

Then his mother puts her glowing tender hand on andrews bruise on his arm, and instantaneously the bruise vanishes and heals with no trace! Stunned, andrew is moved and tears begin to form in his eyes as he moves into his moms embrace and her glowing light around her....... O:-)

[Falcon]

Brilliant stuff Winston!

[Winston]

Brilliant stuff Winston!

Thanks. Listen to this wild west tune from the movie "The Quick and the Dead". It was the background theme I had in mind when writing these wild west stories featuring Monkro. lol. Isn't it perfect for the theme and mood? lol

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9vFcCb7j_M[/youtube]

[starchild5]

I'm not sure how that Indian guy would take it. Indian's are fine with satire to a point but then after a while Ego, Degraded DNA would kick in and you could expect a reply from him.

[Winston]

We should create a poster of Monkro like this one. LOL. If only he'd let us post his picture here. LOL

[Winston]

Did any of you see the beginning of the magnificent seven movie remake? Theres a scene at the beginning with Denzel Washington walking into a saloon that i want you to see. It makes me imagine monkro the cowboy doing it. Lol. I found it on YouTube. Here. Lol

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kv0hpKtn9_Q[/youtube]

Imagine monkro walking into an old west saloon and doing that. Lol