Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Thurs nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts with FREE Prizes!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE Live AFA Seminar! See locations and details.


Scam free! Check out Christian Filipina - Meet Asian women with Christian values! Members screened.
Exclusive book offer! 75% off! How to Meet, Date and Marry Your Filipina Wife



View Active Topics       Latest 100 Topics       View Your Posts       FAQ Topics       Switch to Mobile


Feminism has destroyed Scandinavia (this is Sweden)

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the European Countries.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Postby Guyver » Sat Jul 13, 2013 9:36 pm

publicduende wrote:I thought you meant metaphorically, referring to a couple/family as the ship. Not sure where you're going with said metaphor, though. A man and a woman can still thrive in a relationship by having similar duties and responsibilities, and sharing the pleasures and joys of life whenever possible. When motherhood/fatherhood calls, the roles are a bit more clear-cut, yet nothing stops a good teacher, or office manager, or software developer, from also being a good mom.


That is what I was talking about, metaphorically. So far, I hardly found anything that I disagree with, but I still think you are missing the point. You say that a man and woman can thrive in the relationship even when you share the duties. How long have you been married exactly? Yes, I have been following some of your previous posts, so I do know that.

publicduende wrote:Teamwork is the key - a good couple is one where, if really only one Captain were to exist at any one time, that hat is exchanged several times a week, or even a day.


Yeah, I'm going to hold back on answering that one for the moment. First, I'll wait for your reply.
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am







Postby publicduende » Sat Jul 13, 2013 10:09 pm

Guyver wrote:
publicduende wrote:I thought you meant metaphorically, referring to a couple/family as the ship. Not sure where you're going with said metaphor, though. A man and a woman can still thrive in a relationship by having similar duties and responsibilities, and sharing the pleasures and joys of life whenever possible. When motherhood/fatherhood calls, the roles are a bit more clear-cut, yet nothing stops a good teacher, or office manager, or software developer, from also being a good mom.


That is what I was talking about, metaphorically. So far, I hardly found anything that I disagree with, but I still think you are missing the point. You say that a man and woman can thrive in the relationship even when you share the duties. How long have you been married exactly? Yes, I have been following some of your previous posts, so I do know that.

publicduende wrote:Teamwork is the key - a good couple is one where, if really only one Captain were to exist at any one time, that hat is exchanged several times a week, or even a day.


Yeah, I'm going to hold back on answering that one for the moment. First, I'll wait for your reply.


Well thanks for your polite reply, but I am not sure what you expect me to say. :) As you may have inferred from some of my old posts, I have been married with Monica for little more than 4 years, and have known her for about 6. It's a "normal" relationship. We live in London and the fact she's Colombian doesn't appear any more exotic than me being from Italy. She has a job, I have a job. She likes high street fashion (= look gorgeous without spending a fortune), reading poetry and geeky US comedy. I like programming, reading non-fiction and controversial movies.

When one cooks the other does the dishes. She serves me coffee in my study room when I'm busy and we have this ritual where I prepare her a hot chocolate before she goes to sleep. I never clean the house (apart from my home office desk) nor iron, she does it every week. We often have a cleaning lady who comes in once a week. I take care of sorting the bills and paperworks for the limited company I run (I'm a consultant). We have a few common friends we often go out with, and also our own friends/colleagues/acquaintances who are good for the odd round of drinks or pizza. Most of Monica's friends happen to be gay.

We still have very good sex: the fact the still looks hot helps quite a bit. Like most women, she is keener on sex 7 to 10 days before her period. I'm always up to it, although my sexual drive is heavily influenced by stress levels, either way of the scale.

What else...don't know...are you expecting me to say something shocking, or revealing? Perhaps a secret recipe for happiness? :) I think I simply found the right woman for me, or a good match, and I do believe my previous experience with girls - trials and errors, pains and joys - did help. I have always believed in the gnōthi seauton ("know thyself") concept. Know yourself well and, as you mingle with those around you, you will naturally drift towards - and possibly attract - the kind of woman who's best for you. Most people here on HA talk about finding the woman of their dreams, but few pause to think whether the woman they dream of marrying/living with would actually make them happy in the long term. I mean everybody wants a 20-something hot blonde with large assets from an exotic country. Yet, when the honeymoon is over, the gifts of a shared culture, common values, a language mastered at native (or nearly native) level by both on which to build communications, similar wills and wants...all of this becomes much more important.

Let me know if I eased at least a few of your curiosity tickles.
User avatar
publicduende
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2630
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:20 pm

Postby Guyver » Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:26 pm

publicduende wrote:Well thanks for your polite reply, but I am not sure what you expect me to say. :) As you may have inferred from some of my old posts, I have been married with Monica for little more than 4 years, and have known her for about 6. It's a "normal" relationship. We live in London and the fact she's Colombian doesn't appear any more exotic than me being from Italy. She has a job, I have a job. She likes high street fashion (= look gorgeous without spending a fortune), reading poetry and geeky US comedy. I like programming, reading non-fiction and controversial movies.

When one cooks the other does the dishes. She serves me coffee in my study room when I'm busy and we have this ritual where I prepare her a hot chocolate before she goes to sleep. I never clean the house (apart from my home office desk) nor iron, she does it every week. We often have a cleaning lady who comes in once a week. I take care of sorting the bills and paperworks for the limited company I run (I'm a consultant). We have a few common friends we often go out with, and also our own friends/colleagues/acquaintances who are good for the odd round of drinks or pizza. Most of Monica's friends happen to be gay.

We still have very good sex: the fact the still looks hot helps quite a bit. Like most women, she is keener on sex 7 to 10 days before her period. I'm always up to it, although my sexual drive is heavily influenced by stress levels, either way of the scale.

What else...don't know...are you expecting me to say something shocking, or revealing? Perhaps a secret recipe for happiness? :) I think I simply found the right woman for me, or a good match, and I do believe my previous experience with girls - trials and errors, pains and joys - did help. I have always believed in the gnōthi seauton ("know thyself") concept. Know yourself well and, as you mingle with those around you, you will naturally drift towards - and possibly attract - the kind of woman who's best for you. Most people here on HA talk about finding the woman of their dreams, but few pause to think whether the woman they dream of marrying/living with would actually make them happy in the long term. I mean everybody wants a 20-something hot blonde with large assets from an exotic country. Yet, when the honeymoon is over, the gifts of a shared culture, common values, a language mastered at native (or nearly native) level by both on which build communications, similar wills and wants...all of this becomes much more important.

Let me know if I eased at least a few of your curiosity tickles.


You are killing me here. Dude, no offense, but I asked you how long you've been married. Not your life story. I really don't need to know about your sex life, so please keep that to yourself. I'm trying to keep it simple, so lets do that shall we? Since you are coming off as the expert on what a man and woman relationship should be, then I was expecting you to be in the double digits at least in your marriage? Only 4 years? I would say that you are in no position to claim authority on the subject. I have listened to the wisdom of married couples who are in the 10+, 20+, and 30+ years of marriage. The usual stuff you hear is the other person comes first. The family comes first. Work hard. All that good stuff. However, the foundation of each of these successful marriage's is the same as my ship metaphor. There is only one captain of the ship (the husband), one valued first mate (the wife), and the deckhands (the children). The captain does not share his hat with his first mate, but he does weigh all of his decisions heavily on the input of his wife. If sharing the hat happens, then how long do you think it would be before the first mate starts challenging her captain for that hat more and more? How long do you think the ship would stay afloat if the captain and first mate are constantly butting heads on important decision making in the home?

Look, you seem like an okay guy with a good head on his shoulders, and I hope you two stay happy together. But, I would advise you to listen to your elders who have been there done that. You are only in the beginning, so you have time to adjust, but if you think that exchanging the captain's hat is a healthy thing for your marriage, then your ship will sink in time. I have seen it happen way too many times. You are free to disagree and argue all that you want, but I guarantee that you can't undo thousands of years of human evolution surrounding the male and female roles because a few moronic feminists say so. The reality is the basics will always stay the same. One captain and one first mate. No switching in between.

Best Regards
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am

Postby publicduende » Sun Jul 14, 2013 12:44 am

Guyver wrote:You are killing me here. Dude, no offense, but I asked you how long you've been married. Not your life story. I really don't need to know about your sex life, so please keep that to yourself. I'm trying to keep it simple, so lets do that shall we? Since you are coming off as the expert on what a man and woman relationship should be, then I was expecting you to be in the double digits at least in your marriage? Only 4 years? I would say that you are in no position to claim authority on the subject. I have listened to the wisdom of married couples who are in the 10+, 20+, and 30+ years of marriage. The usual stuff you hear is the other person comes first. The family comes first. Work hard. All that good stuff. However, the foundation of each of these successful marriage's is the same as my ship metaphor. There is only one captain of the ship (the husband), one valued first mate (the wife), and the deckhands (the children). The captain does not share his hat with his first mate, but he does weigh all of his decisions heavily on the input of his wife. If sharing the hat happens, then how long do you think it would be before the first mate starts challenging her captain for that hat more and more? How long do you think the ship would stay afloat if the captain and first mate are constantly butting heads on important decision making in the home?

Look, you seem like an okay guy with a good head on his shoulders, and I hope you two stay happy together. But, I would advise you to listen to your elders who have been there done that. You are only in the beginning, so you have time to adjust, but if you think that exchanging the captain's hat is a healthy thing for your marriage, then your ship will sink in time. I have seen it happen way too many times. You are free to disagree and argue all that you want, but I guarantee that you can't undo thousands of years of human evolution surrounding the male and female roles because a few moronic feminists say so. The reality is the basics will always stay the same. One captain and one first mate. No switching in between.

Best Regards


Well, since I opened up even more than I ought to on my personal life (ya know...I'm Italian...), would it be fair to ask what your marriage/love experience is? Have you ever been married? Happily? Divorced? The way you speak, you sounds like having even less experience than I do. And while it's laudable to seek advice from couples who started their families in the 60s or the 70s, I would personally never weigh their wisdom heavier than my own experience, whether direct or directly (and continuingly) observed.

That's why, to reiterate, I'm no longer so keen on this forum: 1) most of you guys are too biased and resented and 2) the matters discussed - the personality of another (female) human being, and whether she matches the values and expectations of a man who is not me - are way too subjective to be generalised and make useful ground for little more than sex tourism advice and expat divertissement.

True, I have been married for 4 years "only", but have been mingling with women since I was 14 (and I've just turned 39) and, most importantly, I am not stupid and have been observing my extended family for at least as long. My extended family has zero, zilch divorces. My mom and dad have been married for almost 40 years. Same for my (passed away) maternal grandparents. And, even if you will consider this none of your business, I have to tell you that neither my mom is, nor my granny was the submissive, second-in-command type!

And all I have seen and lived, not just from a mid-size town in southern Italy but in that amazing melting pot that is London, too, leads me to a different metaphor. Where you have a ship, I see more of a coxless pair, one of those rowing boats designed for two. You have your captain who takes all the decisions, whispered in the ear by the ever-loyal and submissive "first mate", I have a fellow rower to whom I chose to entrust short of 50% of the health and success of my relationship with her. Even a good captain, or any sort of manager for that matter, knows that the best recipe for success is not centralise all decisions, but 1) find a good team and 2) delegate decisions to them, in order of importance, and wait for the results to come.

A good couple never butts heads on the important decisions. If they have been together for all the good reasons, they will have had enough in common, in terms of way of thinking, to reach an agreement with no major pain. If they are constantly locking horns on even the most trivial of decisions, then it means neither party trusts the other and they were never such a good match after all. If the latter is the case, no measure of 'captainship'/authoritativeness on the man's side, or willingness to stay behind on the woman's side will be sufficient to keep the relationship serene and trouble-free. Tension, frustration and misery will always bottle up, slip through the cracks, and explode. And that's when you hear about even those oh-so-devoted Filipina wives cheating on their fist-wielding husbands and abandoning them for someone, perhaps a slightly younger and open-minded type, who at least promises to afford them a little more space.
User avatar
publicduende
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2630
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:20 pm

Postby zboy1 » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:44 am

Guyver, why the hostility towards publicduende? He's giving you some good advice. No need to be so rude...

Sorry, publicduende, for the behavior of some of the forum members here. I don't know why some of them react the way they do on this forum...sigh.
zboy1
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 4441
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:33 am

Postby Adama » Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:06 am

Duende is one funny dude. I think the fundamental problem with this board is that apparently half of us are conservative and pro-patriarchy, while the other half are either communist, feminist apologists, or pro-matriarchy.
Look for women who automatically want to please you because it pleases them. Any woman who seeks to please her man is a treasure. Even better if you don't have to ask but rather suggest.
User avatar
Adama
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 3949
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:37 pm

Postby Cornfed » Sun Jul 14, 2013 6:52 am

publicduende wrote: The world changes, the female condition changes and evolves, whether you want it or not. None of us is in a position to influence how a country, or even a small community, is run and deals with women. Face it: the development of gender dynamics is completely out of our control.

Obviously no individual one of us can turn back the ZOG agenda by himself, but we can stir up resistant sentiment which will hopefully one day lead to something. The stakes are the very physical survival of our genetic lines, so it is not as if we have much to lose.
Cornfed
Elite Upper Class Poster
 
Posts: 4633
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2012 4:22 am

Postby ssjparris » Sun Jul 14, 2013 7:47 am

jesus christ she turned into a SHE-BITCH. i actually like swedish women. some of them look like models. beautiful. and MOSTLY peaceful. mostly.

that lady was like a nazi professional in heat.

way the reverse of america. police women have to keep calm. but are waiting for an excuse to taser you.

this swedish woman can get her ass beat real bad by a man if they wanted to. to bad the laws are in a woman's favor. thats not good at all.

lets me know to be cautious in sweden when i am there around swedish authority.

here is a comment from the video on youtube:

"I know a few Swedes, they have all said feminism is stupid or over the top.
Hating feminism is not the same as hating women."

"I hate dealing with female cops for this very reason. They get angry because they believe I'm defying their authority because they are a woman when I'm simply defying their authority. Then they get angry and emotional, and usually it ends up with a bully boy white knight cop making the actual arrest."

"Swedish police has killed 4 people this year. If the police woman is PETRA VIKLUND, then she is the MANIAC that tried to murder Rickard in September 2010 when he tried to drive away cuz his car was illegal."

"Shouldn't this 'woman' be behind bars? What is going on there in Stockholm? Looks more like Nazi Germany"

"And what gives this policewoman the right to beat a non combative man? Moreover, why did this policewoman need to ask him to lie down on the ground like a dog? She could have placed him under arrest and cuffed him while he was standing on his own two feet if an arrest was warranted"

end of comments here.

man all i personally can say is what the f**k is going on with people today in the world. its getting zanier and zanier with people acting crazy like this. !!!!
ssjparris
Junior Poster
 
Posts: 819
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2010 2:47 am

Postby Guyver » Sun Jul 14, 2013 10:53 am

zboy1 wrote:Guyver, why the hostility towards publicduende? He's giving you some good advice. No need to be so rude...

Sorry, publicduende, for the behavior of some of the forum members here. I don't know why some of them react the way they do on this forum...sigh.


I was actually being polite. If you want to construe that as rude, then that is your own perspective. Why are you quick to perceive it as rude? You probably thought this because I don't react well to any self-righteous behavior which is what I found with him, but I was holding back. Oh by the way, the advice he is giving me is nothing new. I'm not of the young and stupid crowd.
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am

Postby Guyver » Sun Jul 14, 2013 11:03 am

publicduende wrote:Well, since I opened up even more than I ought to on my personal life (ya know...I'm Italian...), would it be fair to ask what your marriage/love experience is? Have you ever been married? Happily? Divorced? The way you speak, you sounds like having even less experience than I do. And while it's laudable to seek advice from couples who started their families in the 60s or the 70s, I would personally never weigh their wisdom heavier than my own experience, whether direct or directly (and continuingly) observed.

That's why, to reiterate, I'm no longer so keen on this forum: 1) most of you guys are too biased and resented and 2) the matters discussed - the personality of another (female) human being, and whether she matches the values and expectations of a man who is not me - are way too subjective to be generalised and make useful ground for little more than sex tourism advice and expat divertissement.

True, I have been married for 4 years "only", but have been mingling with women since I was 14 (and I've just turned 39) and, most importantly, I am not stupid and have been observing my extended family for at least as long. My extended family has zero, zilch divorces. My mom and dad have been married for almost 40 years. Same for my (passed away) maternal grandparents. And, even if you will consider this none of your business, I have to tell you that neither my mom is, nor my granny was the submissive, second-in-command type!

And all I have seen and lived, not just from a mid-size town in southern Italy but in that amazing melting pot that is London, too, leads me to a different metaphor. Where you have a ship, I see more of a coxless pair, one of those rowing boats designed for two. You have your captain who takes all the decisions, whispered in the ear by the ever-loyal and submissive "first mate", I have a fellow rower to whom I chose to entrust short of 50% of the health and success of my relationship with her. Even a good captain, or any sort of manager for that matter, knows that the best recipe for success is not centralise all decisions, but 1) find a good team and 2) delegate decisions to them, in order of importance, and wait for the results to come.

A good couple never butts heads on the important decisions. If they have been together for all the good reasons, they will have had enough in common, in terms of way of thinking, to reach an agreement with no major pain. If they are constantly locking horns on even the most trivial of decisions, then it means neither party trusts the other and they were never such a good match after all. If the latter is the case, no measure of 'captainship'/authoritativeness on the man's side, or willingness to stay behind on the woman's side will be sufficient to keep the relationship serene and trouble-free. Tension, frustration and misery will always bottle up, slip through the cracks, and explode. And that's when you hear about even those oh-so-devoted Filipina wives cheating on their fist-wielding husbands and abandoning them for someone, perhaps a slightly younger and open-minded type, who at least promises to afford them a little more space.


Long post, my plate is completely stacked today so I don't have time to answer all of it right now. Good to hear that your extended family has no divorces, but I'm pretty sure you still don't get what I was saying. Did I say "submissive" when I was referring to the first mate? Why is that word always used and assumed to be so? I'll finish up later.
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am

Postby publicduende » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:02 pm

Guyver wrote:Long post, my plate is completely stacked today so I don't have time to answer all of it right now. Good to hear that your extended family has no divorces, but I'm pretty sure you still don't get what I was saying. Did I say "submissive" when I was referring to the first mate? Why is that word always used and assumed to be so? I'll finish up later.


Guyver, I do get you. I look forward to your next post(s). Zboy, thanks for taking my side, but I don't really think Guyver was being impolite. As you probably know I have endured much worse! :)
User avatar
publicduende
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2630
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:20 pm

Postby publicduende » Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:17 pm

Adama wrote:Duende is one funny dude. I think the fundamental problem with this board is that apparently half of us are conservative and pro-patriarchy, while the other half are either communist, feminist apologists, or pro-matriarchy.


Thanks Adama. I love your posts too. If the balance between parties were 50/50, that would make for an awesome debate. Unfortunately, it seems that a majority of posters hold views that are too radical and pander to a traditional model of society that perhaps existed 40 years ago, but will never come back, not in our lifetime at least. Whatever the level of debate we have here, I will always believe it's more constructive to adapt to the current environment and make good of what's left for us to grab (in a twisted, cynical, way, that's what the PUA movement is all about).

Alternatively, if one wants to be truly consistent with their views and are idealistic enough to believe they can make a difference, then the best thing they could do is lift their asses off the basement and start an anti-feminist group and campaign for men's rights. Reach a much wider audience than HA. Build a blog, a website, join public debates, hit the road, appear on radio and TV programs, even lobby local Congress and Senate reps, etc. I am sure there is more one fringe in the political community (mostly Republican, I would presume) ready to listen to them, and even sponsor them.
User avatar
publicduende
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2630
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:20 pm

Postby Guyver » Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:42 pm

publicduende wrote:
Guyver wrote:Long post, my plate is completely stacked today so I don't have time to answer all of it right now. Good to hear that your extended family has no divorces, but I'm pretty sure you still don't get what I was saying. Did I say "submissive" when I was referring to the first mate? Why is that word always used and assumed to be so? I'll finish up later.


Guyver, I do get you. I look forward to your next post(s). Zboy, thanks for taking my side, but I don't really think Guyver was being impolite. As you probably know I have endured much worse! :)


Publicduende, if you got me then you wouldn't be arguing so much, so I'm pretty sure you don't 100% get me.
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am

Postby Guyver » Sun Jul 14, 2013 4:24 pm

Guyver wrote:
publicduende wrote:Well, since I opened up even more than I ought to on my personal life (ya know...I'm Italian...), would it be fair to ask what your marriage/love experience is? Have you ever been married? Happily? Divorced? The way you speak, you sounds like having even less experience than I do. And while it's laudable to seek advice from couples who started their families in the 60s or the 70s, I would personally never weigh their wisdom heavier than my own experience, whether direct or directly (and continuingly) observed.

That's why, to reiterate, I'm no longer so keen on this forum: 1) most of you guys are too biased and resented and 2) the matters discussed - the personality of another (female) human being, and whether she matches the values and expectations of a man who is not me - are way too subjective to be generalised and make useful ground for little more than sex tourism advice and expat divertissement.

True, I have been married for 4 years "only", but have been mingling with women since I was 14 (and I've just turned 39) and, most importantly, I am not stupid and have been observing my extended family for at least as long. My extended family has zero, zilch divorces. My mom and dad have been married for almost 40 years. Same for my (passed away) maternal grandparents. And, even if you will consider this none of your business, I have to tell you that neither my mom is, nor my granny was the submissive, second-in-command type!

And all I have seen and lived, not just from a mid-size town in southern Italy but in that amazing melting pot that is London, too, leads me to a different metaphor. Where you have a ship, I see more of a coxless pair, one of those rowing boats designed for two. You have your captain who takes all the decisions, whispered in the ear by the ever-loyal and submissive "first mate", I have a fellow rower to whom I chose to entrust short of 50% of the health and success of my relationship with her. Even a good captain, or any sort of manager for that matter, knows that the best recipe for success is not centralise all decisions, but 1) find a good team and 2) delegate decisions to them, in order of importance, and wait for the results to come.

A good couple never butts heads on the important decisions. If they have been together for all the good reasons, they will have had enough in common, in terms of way of thinking, to reach an agreement with no major pain. If they are constantly locking horns on even the most trivial of decisions, then it means neither party trusts the other and they were never such a good match after all. If the latter is the case, no measure of 'captainship'/authoritativeness on the man's side, or willingness to stay behind on the woman's side will be sufficient to keep the relationship serene and trouble-free. Tension, frustration and misery will always bottle up, slip through the cracks, and explode. And that's when you hear about even those oh-so-devoted Filipina wives cheating on their fist-wielding husbands and abandoning them for someone, perhaps a slightly younger and open-minded type, who at least promises to afford them a little more space.


Long post, my plate is completely stacked today so I don't have time to answer all of it right now. Good to hear that your extended family has no divorces, but I'm pretty sure you still don't get what I was saying. Did I say "submissive" when I was referring to the first mate? Why is that word always used and assumed to be so? I'll finish up later.


Okay, now that I have a bit of time, let's move on. If you want to start asking personal questions about me, then take it to a PM. You will not get any answers in here. I sound like I have less experience that you do simply from the way that I talk? Only a few posts and all of a sudden you know me inside and out? Walked with me every step of the way? Know all the circumstances surrounding my life which leads me to HA? Oh wise one please tell me more.

It's not only laudable to seek advice from couples who know what they are doing, it's required. You need to weigh in their experiences with your own. I didn't say make it more important than your own flavor of doing things, but you still need it. Not putting much importance on it will prove to be a mistake on your part. You said that you have been observing your own extended family your whole life. So where is the middle ground? What have you learned from them? Are you applying that to your own marriage?

As for your metaphor, it sounds like you still don't understand mine. I never implied that the captain be the tyrant decision maker. The first mate makes decisions too, but there are some decisions that only the captain can make. It's when the first mate is always challenging the captain's decisions is when you find war between the two. A good couple agrees on who chooses what. My fault for not extending what I meant, but please be sure to read between the lines instead of assuming something else.

No comments on your last paragraph because I 100% agree. However, I still think you are missing a pretty big issue here. Your solution is to adapt to feminism, modern times of what is defined as marriage and live happily ever after. My thinking is how many couples have already tried that, and then Murphy's Law kicked their asses? You can do what you want, but I will stick with what actually works.
Guyver
Freshman Poster
 
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:13 am

Postby publicduende » Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:16 pm

Guyver wrote:Okay, now that I have a bit of time, let's move on. If you want to start asking personal questions about me, then take it to a PM. You will not get any answers in here. I sound like I have less experience that you do simply from the way that I talk? Only a few posts and all of a sudden you know me inside and out? Walked with me every step of the way? Know all the circumstances surrounding my life which leads me to HA? Oh wise one please tell me more.


Exactly, I don't know you, that's why I want you to tell me. If you want to tell me privately, that's fine by me, but please bear in mind that you asked to reveal the same kind of information on a public post, hence publicly. I have nothing to hide, so be it.

Guyver wrote:It's not only laudable to seek advice from couples who know what they are doing, it's required. You need to weigh in their experiences with your own. I didn't say make it more important than your own flavor of doing things, but you still need it. Not putting much importance on it will prove to be a mistake on your part. You said that you have been observing your own extended family your whole life. So where is the middle ground? What have you learned from them? Are you applying that to your own marriage?


If you're still asking those questions it means you didn't read that paragraph well, either. Of course I am putting those observations and conclusions at work in my marriage. That's (part of the reason) why I am like this. If you want to call me a "feminist" because I believe in gender equality and equally shared duties and rights within the family walls, on the basis of the fact that it worked for 3 generations in my family, then feel free. It's a very peculiar definition that only finds fertile ground on this forum, not much of the rest of the world out there.

Guyver wrote:As for your metaphor, it sounds like you still don't understand mine. I never implied that the captain be the tyrant decision maker. The first mate makes decisions too, but there are some decisions that only the captain can make. It's when the first mate is always challenging the captain's decisions is when you find war between the two. A good couple agrees on who chooses what. My fault for not extending what I meant, but please be sure to read between the lines instead of assuming something else.


A metaphor is, by its very definition, leaving things in the realm of the vague and the symbolic. You can't blame me for not giving your metaphor the exact interpretation you had in mind. To keep it real: what exactly are the decisions only the Captain is allowed to take? Moving state? Choosing jobs? Mortgage payments? Children education? I can't think of a single decision in a couple's life where the woman is "naturally" in a position of inferiority or submission with regard to the nature and quality of that decision.

Then you're making yourself a lot clearer when saying "a good couple agrees on who chooses what". Wouldn't that mean that the couple can mutually agree for the woman to be the Captain on certain things and the man on some others? Well, that's what I too meant when I mentioned the hat sharing.

The thing is, delegation of responsibility implies trust, a great deal of trust. Which leads to the elephant in room of the conversation: have you chosen to be with a woman who you can (or learned to) fully trust? Would you choose a woman because you want her to be your equal half - your fellow power rower so to speak - or because she's young and cute and, by nature or nurture, will never get too much in the way of your decision-making thus validating your masculinity and sense of authority?

Could it be that, perhaps, it's better to try and find a woman with enough wit to make good decisions and whom you can fully trust, rather than resting on the idea that all women are flawed and corrupted by feminism, or even intellectually inferior, and prepare yourself for an asymmetrical relationship no matter what?

Guyver wrote:No comments on your last paragraph because I 100% agree. However, I still think you are missing a pretty big issue here. Your solution is to adapt to feminism, modern times of what is defined as marriage and live happily ever after. My thinking is how many couples have already tried that, and then Murphy's Law kicked their asses? You can do what you want, but I will stick with what actually works.


Man, who's talking about adapting to "feminism"? To me "feminism" is a fringe cultural movement. If I respect Monica and her decisions and inputs, it's not because she's a capricious bimbo and I am beta enough to give into her ways in exchange for pu$$y, but because I know she's smart and value those decisions and inputs. In other words, to come back to that metaphor for the last time, we're on the bow deck together and we both wear that hat.

Summoning Murphy's Law is good for a joke. Couples try "that" countless times and may succeed or fail, depending on the partners' unique personalities and events surrounding the relationship. It's hard to generalise, let alone single out the evils of "feminism" as the sole reason for failure.

PM if you want.
User avatar
publicduende
Veteran Poster
 
Posts: 2630
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:20 pm

PreviousNext

Return to European Countries

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest