Women in East europe marry without love

[ssjparris]

okay so i just had a conversation with a man from albania. he told me that the women all over europe are not in love with the man they are married too. he said they will stay with them because they are married to them. but they are not in love with them.

Is this true ? I heard the women have a hard time there because of very little money. So they seek men with money for a better living. i would assume that they are so desperate they will marry anyone just get out of that misery. plus competition is steep there too for the women. so i assume also that this may have a factor in this. i do not know.

would love to know peoples experience with these.

[ladislav]

Albania is a Muslim country, and it is now quite poor so it must have many such women. This is quite common among poor Muslims to do that. But to project that whole picture upon the entire half of Europe is inaccurate to say the least. Most women try to find a guy whom they like and who also has a future from the economic perspective. Failing that, many will marry a guy with money and then just learn to love him. But I do not think any kind of studies have been carried out so without stats these are all just observations.

[ssjparris]

@ ladislav okay buddy thank you so much for your opinion. i agree with you because it did sound to out stretched. like he was generalizing ALL of europe. it did not seem realistic. but your view on the other hand is definitely realistic and makes sense. thanks again buddy.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Albania is a Muslim country, and it is now quite poor so it must have many such women. This is quite common among poor Muslims to do that. But to project that whole picture upon the entire half of Europe is inaccurate to say the least. Most women try to find a guy whom they like and who also has a future from the economic perspective. Failing that, many will marry a guy with money and then just learn to love him. But I do not think any kind of studies have been carried out so without stats these are all just observations.

I traveled to Albania several times for work and I know the place rather well.

It is a myth that Albania is a muslim country. Most Albanians consider themselves muslim only because their family's history is muslim, but they are not practicing muslims and few have ever been to a mosque. All religion was stamped out during the 50 years of Enver Hoxha's dictatorship. Same goes for the Orthodox Albanians and the Catholic Albanians. Albanians are secular and the now don't care about religion in most cases.

Albanians are uber-traditional and quite tribal in their view of family and clan. This contributes to the women sticking to their husband like glue and they are extremely loyal wives. However, there is much downside to Albanian women in that you must take on the family too, not just the wife. You will be hit up for money, favors, jobs, etc. all the time.

Albanian women are extremely attractive, but not good choices for most men given the nature of the culture and the influence of the family and clan.

[ijohn]

Perhaps someone here can define what they mean by love? There seems to be a lot of people searching for it without having found it.

It is worth restating, women do not love the way men do, they do not feel the way men do.

Marriage has always been primarily a social arrangement bringing two families together to provide a good space for raising the kids, to ensure sexual desires can be fulfilled and so that people will not end up living and dying alone.

Love comes afterwords if at all, the by product of having learnt how to live a life together, and a major part of it constitutes familiarity of knowing someone, having the history and companionship and commitment.

Feelings of romantic love rarely last more than a couple of years at max, if they are reciprocated at all. We live in an overly romantic age, so it would be good to deromanticize this a bit. It might save many men from pointlessly pining away for nothing really or going from one heartbreak to another.

[ijohn]

There is a nice scene in the movie Bucket List.

Two old guys end up sharing a room in a hospital getting treatment for cancer.

One of them is a very rich man who has married and divorced four times.

The other is a garage mechanic who married his high school sweetheart and worked the same job all his life. He still does his duty but no longer has feelings for his wife and can't remember what it was like to do so.

Even after the treatment they find out they have six months to live. So they draw up a list of things to do before they kick the bucket and head on off on their adventures.

They find their way to India to see the taj mahal. In the tomb chamber one of the characters explains its history. The emperor shah jehan had the mausoleum built for his dead wife noor jehan, it took twenty two years to built etc etc. A monument to true love.

Aah replies the other, true love, it must be nice.

The point as the movie suggests is that 'true love' , where you and your partner have deep feelings these last well into your old age might actually be a very rare human experience.

So then why base your life, your happiness, or even your identity on having it as some men do. It doesn't make sense. Would you base your identity on something else as rare, like say I will be fulfilled only if I become like Kareem Abdul Jabbar? No, of course not, you would consider it silly.

[ladislav]

There is a nice scene in the movie Bucket List.

Two old guys end up sharing a room in a hospital getting treatment for cancer.

One of them is a very rich man who has married and divorced four times.


The point as the movie suggests is that 'true love' , where you and your partner have deep feelings these last well into your old age might actually be a very rare human experience.

So then why base your life, your happiness, or even your identity on having it as some men do. It doesn't make sense. Would you base your identity on something else as rare, like say I will be fulfilled only if I become like Kareem Abdul Jabbar? No, of course not, you would consider it silly.

Those two guys were Americans. No wonder! Did they learn French and try and find love in France or even in Quebec? Did they learn Spanish and try to serenade a beautiful Mexican girl in a small town? Did they learn Tagalog and try to court a beautiful Filipina the old fashioned way with a harana Did they know what a harana is? Did they go to Russia and write a poem to a girl in Siberia whose heart yearns to find true love and who is just as willing to give it?

In the modern Anglo Saxon cultures, true love is pretty hard to find especially in this day and age. However, in many more romantic lands it does exist, and I would say that some 20-30% of people do find it. Italy, Spain, France, Russia, etc. There, it is alive and well. My parents had true love and so did my grandparents. Things were interrupted by wars and revolutions and diseases and all. It did not last because they chose for it not to last. Things just went bad because of circumstances. But still looking at my mom and dad, they had a deep romantic, totally true love that lasted for close to 60 years. They sang songs together, wrote poetry to each other, painted together, traveled together. I was the product of that true love and I do believe in it. It is out there. Just do not look for it on London subways where zombified people do not even look at each other, in New York City- a similar situation, or in a Tokyo corporation where robotic so called humans seem to have no feelings whatsoever. Extremely rare there. Like in virtually non existent.

I have experienced it, it is just that it did not last because very cruel circumstances stood against me. But no evil lasts a hundred years, one day it will come and stay.

While one should not hope to build a life upon true love, it should be one of the several basic components of a happy life. A strong and necessary slice in a pie of life to make it complete.

Here is a song by Tina Karol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yAoqviGQbk

and a translation:

What I looked for I have found, so I feel joy and gladness
My soul is blooming just like orchards in the spring
His eyes are shining brighter than the Sun
They are so green, I feel I am drowning in them

Refrain: I love him, such simple words and totally not new
And still I will repeat them again,
I love him, just like that first feeling, the one with a touch of sadness
And I will repeat again: I love him!

All my words to you are like a caressing sea
Every whisper of mine is like a warm surf
I am hugging you with the tenderness of a little moth
A song in my soul, how glad I am!

She just recently got married and this was a song to her husband. Now, if there is no true love, how could anyone write this?

[ijohn]

Did they learn French and try and find love in France or even in Quebec? Did they learn Spanish and try to serenade a beautiful Mexican girl in a small town? Did they learn Tagalog and try to court a beautiful Filipina the old fashioned way with a harana Did they know what a harana is? Did they go to Russia and write a poem to a girl in Siberia whose heart yearns to find true love and who is just as willing to give it?

Sorry man, but this does beg the following questions. If you are still looking

1) Did you try any of the above?
2) If you did, why didn't it work?

If we are looking for something and haven't found it yet there are logically four possibilities as to why

1) It was there where we searched but we missed it.
2) It is somewhere where we haven't searched yet.
3) It does not exist.
4) It was there where we searched but we turned a blind eye because we never really wanted to find it.

The more time and awareness you have given to searching in any one place the probability of (1) being the correct answer decreases. The definition of stupidity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result each time.

The more different places you have searched in the probability of (2) being the correct answer decreases. How different will a new place be from those already searched in?

As for (4) well, love is a strange thing. It will change your life and impose many new constraints and requirements on you. For men, love is a kind of death. It is a death of a certain dreaming and adventurousness(or at least idea of) that some men are drawn to and far more attached to than they would realize.

With love, every man knows this instinctively that from now on your cares and worries will be of the domestic variety. You will be settled down in one place, no more wandering around on a whim to different places in the world. Improving the house, attending to family needs, taking the kids to school will be your primary preoccupations. You will likely be tied down to one job. Your mind will now be occupied with the cares and worries of another person(s) and no longer free to wander here and there, to dream of this and that. These are the requirements that love imposes on you. You may have a few months or a year or so of romantic adventerousness but these requirements will eventually come.

Oddly enough, people who are very romantic, who believe deeply in love are the ones who are most likely to be afraid of love and not really want to find it. The peter pans, what Jungians call the puer aeternus' (the eternal golden boy), the ones who only want to fly high, feel good, think high thoughts, brilliant speculations, imagine glorious feelings, imagine james bondesque damsel in distress scenarios, who need to feel special all the time, the actual work of love doesn't really appeal to them.