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Raised by abusive single mother?

Discuss personal development, self-improvement and psychology.

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livefreeordie
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Posts: 177
Joined: June 29th, 2016, 9:18 am

Raised by abusive single mother?

Post by livefreeordie » July 17th, 2016, 7:25 am

The more i research into the manosphere/mens rights realm, the more I realize just how abusive and unhealthy my mother's behaviour was in my upbringing, and im starting to ponder on the long term implications, which I have seen manifest in my tendencies towards laziness, lack of focus, lack of motivation and sometimes sabotaging traits

She was a serial nagger, complainer, whinger, and very skilled at emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, screaming, verbal and mental abuse, and using others as her emotional punchbag. She is and was a junk hoarder, and im starting to think a serious narcissist and perhaps socio-path, unable to empathize with the hurt she causes to others, as well as regularly stirring people up around her, then putting the blame on her behaviour she causes on others

Im curious if other members have dealt with this, and identified issues and methods to heal/transform these issues.

Zambales
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Posts: 1192
Joined: August 9th, 2015, 9:41 pm

Re: Raised by abusive single mother?

Post by Zambales » July 17th, 2016, 1:49 pm

My ex was similar. You won't be able to transform her but you can transform your own life by moving forward and not looking back.

Eradicate all the negative people from your life even if they are family. It's the only way to stay sane.

Eric
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Posts: 1297
Joined: March 20th, 2016, 4:07 am

Re: Raised by abusive single mother?

Post by Eric » February 20th, 2017, 6:57 am

I have been raised by a controlling authoritarian OCPD father. My mother has remarried another man, also with OCPD...who is extremely, and I mean extremely controlling and cold/emotionless and very hard to be around.

Not the same thing, but I don't know what it is with her, she sure knows how to pick em. To make my life miserable?
I've spent almost my entire life recovering and overcoming these issues, then she remarries another f***er who is 10x worse than my father.

It causes long term issues like anger, impulse control, hatred of authority...anxiety self-esteem issues, low confidence, almost everything. I'm still trying to figure out why she picks men like this, with this profile. I think she likes to feel safe and taken care of.

Unless she actually for one f***ing second thought about how it affected anyone but her (yes I'm calling her selfish and self absorbed), but she doesn't. Parents are f***ed up people.

1. Get distance
2. Resolve and talk about issues, explain

3. Heal yourself and live life -no matter how hard. Read all the self help books you can on your topic. Get away from these people, just do it get away.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.

Kradmelder
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Posts: 1716
Joined: September 6th, 2016, 1:59 pm

Re: Raised by abusive single mother?

Post by Kradmelder » February 20th, 2017, 8:40 am

That sounds like most women. A boy needs a father figure he can look up to and emulate. All you can do with such women is note the behaviour and avoid such women. They suck you dry. At least you will appreciate a decent one when you meet her.

There are some really bad women out there. A boy needs to learn to see those and stay clear. Such women are strictly pump and dump at best. No contact is even better

MrMan
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Posts: 2493
Joined: July 31st, 2014, 3:52 am

Re: Raised by abusive single mother?

Post by MrMan » February 20th, 2017, 9:58 am

Your family life growing up is a 'script' that you may subconsciously think you need to follow in life. If your mom was fat, you may be attracted to fat women. You may associate your mom and other women in your life with femininity. If she was angry and abusive, you may be attracted to women like that. There may be some attribute associated with angry abusive women you find attractive besides their temper tantrums that attracts you and hooks you in before you realize she has temper tantrums.

Anyway, if you grew up in that, you'll have to be extra special careful. Your 'subconscious' for lack of a better word, may attract you to a woman like your mom. Your conscious brain will have to kick into gear and keep you from that. Be careful what kind of woman you choose.

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