American women attacked me for dating an older man

[Celtic_Queen]

Hello Gentlemen,
I am sorry to post here, I hope I am not an unwelcome intrusion and should the concensus be for me to leave, I will. Saying that, I will be using the ladies board. I have been reading Winston's articles for some time now and I fully agree with what he says, as a woman born and living in Europe, if you want to ever truly be happy it is imperative that you leave the US, just having a foreign woman to love will not be enough. You will both be passionate souls trapped in a soulless, superficial place.

The story is explained in the title really but I wish to explain a bit further:

I am 23 (almost 24) and my Fiance is 38, there is a 15 year difference between us and we have been together now for 6 years and 4 months. When I first met him I liked and fancied him instantly although we were just friends at first (he did not think I would be interested in him, he says not a lot of women ever were), when I started developing deeper feelings for him over the three months we were just friends it didn't even occur to me (who was a few months shy of 18 at the time, he was 32) to not ask him to be my boyfriend because of his age, I wanted to be with him and I hoped he liked me in that way too. When he said yes I was absolutely thrilled and we have been together, happily, ever since. At the time he did not have many material things, he was locked in a tenancy in a shared house and was going through a period of unemployment. I honestly did not care, it was his heart I cared about and I thought he was the most handsome, sexiest man I had ever seen.

We are now happily engaged to be married and have been for a little while now but the time is coming where full planning will soon be underway, so I naively and excitedly joined a few wedding forums for brides to talk about wedding planning, ideas and dilemmas. The first post I made on a UK based one was asking if there were any other larger age gap brides on the forum and I got to speak with lots of nice women, if not having age gaps themselves saying "age is just a number, it is happiness that counts" that was the consensus. There was not ONE negative reply there.

Then, I join an American based one. The difference between what UK and US women were posting were staggering, to name some of the things I saw on the US based one, posts asking for pictures of everyone's designer rings, everyone seems to have designer dresses (my dress,my veil, my tiara and my jacket cost $798), the whole budget for my wedding and $2,000 more spent on decor and it seems so much more competitive and keeping up with the Jones'. I did not like how they seems to be eager to spend more than the down payment for a house on just one day when it is the marriage that matters but I thought I would say hello and posted again looking for Brides with an age gap, I written almost exactly the same I did on the UK one, how long my Fiance and I have been together, how old we are and how many years apart we are.

The difference in response surprised and upset me, comments rolled in about how my man is a perv, a creep and that there must be something wrong with him. One poster even said "There is something wrong with a man in his 30's who is emotionally, psychologically and sexually interested in a teenager". They also questioned my maturity and they are still posting now about how "The brain isn't fully developed until 25".

It upset me, not because I care what they think but because I hate to think of people saying those nasty things about the man I love, but I ignored those comments and tried to just talk to the women who were saying they were in age gap relationships too. But no, as my conversation with other went on, they kept saying nasty things and it took everything for me to not give them abuse in my replies, it was and still is like they are watching, waiting for any way that they can prove something is wrong with him or that I am a child. They will just not drop it, my mother told me to tell them to get lost (in more colourful language) but I can't in case the mods ban me, I suspect if I so much as said one thing against them I think I would be banned. There are some nice women, one in a gap double mine so I will stay on the site, but I remember names.

I just cannot comprehend why they would just not drop it, the single comment and maybe a response to me, sure, but they just keep posting and I don't why they seem to be like wolves hiding away just waiting for something to cling to to prove that they are right, even though the post was now 2 days ago.

I suspect they would say nothing if it was the other way around.

The only reason I could think of is that they assumed that my being with him impeded me and my life goals in someway, which I find odd because it is not like he has had me in wife training, forcing me to cook and clean (I love to cook for him and I like to have a clean house, in fact, I am very houseproud) and have sex with him, in fact, my being with him has given me the love and support needed to achieve the things I want to, like go to University and live in a home with him. We have also travelled across Europe, have pets and spend our time doing nice things together, like walking around our local forests and mountains or snuggled together reading. We are not the richest people in the world but I genuinely feel rich because of the love we share and the experiences we have had together. I am a big believer in that an expensive TV will not help you in your darkest hours, only good memories and love can. When I told them this though they still kept going, the first comment after my post is "Whatevs, he is still a creep for being interested in you" - so that couldn't be it.

I was wondering if you gentlemen had any ideas about this? I have never been able to connect with American women when I have met them in real life or on the internet, even again, earlier today I was attacked seperately in a Facebook group for saying that Christian belief should be respected, by American women. If it was not for the few nice American and other nationality women I meet I would leave these boards and groups.

Thank you for any comment you can offer,
I hope you are all well wherever you are,
Aelwena

[gsjackson]

Do you know how old these women tend to be? Middle aged American women are always absolutely vicious about younger women moving in on what used to be their turf. They feel like they're being kicked to the curb, and they lash out at anyone they can with truly unbelievable hostility. It goes without saying that you shouldn't pay any attention to them.

Interesting that this could be exclusively an American phenomenon. I've certainly long thought that Americans are more hung up about aging than other people, and now, in the age of obesity, they have good reason to be. Whether it be a degraded food supply (by hormones, antibiotics, genetic modification, etc.), or whatever reason, most Americans are just not aging well at all now. A large majority of middle-aged American women truly are old bags now who are out of the sexual attraction game, and they are very resentful about it.

Your relationship with your fiancé is inspiring.

[droid]

Could you post a link to the forum or some snapshots?

[jamesbond]

Middle aged American women are always absolutely vicious about younger women moving in on what used to be their turf. They feel like they're being kicked to the curb, and they lash out at anyone they can with truly unbelievable hostility. It goes without saying that you shouldn't pay any attention to them.

Interesting that this could be exclusively an American phenomenon. I've certainly long thought that Americans are more hung up about aging than other people, and now, in the age of obesity, they have good reason to be. Whether it be a degraded food supply (by hormones, antibiotics, genetic modification, etc.), or whatever reason, most Americans are just not aging well at all now. A large majority of middle-aged American women truly are old bags now who are out of the sexual attraction game, and they are very resentful about it.

Middle aged American women are the most vicious women in the world when it comes to older men dating younger women. They are jealous as hell that a man in their age group actually would have the nerve to date a younger woman!

I think it really is an American phenomenon. I never hear women from other countries having an issue with older men dating and marrying younger women. It goes without saying that feminism is more rampant in the US than in any other country in the world. Feminist absolutely hate the idea that a older man would choose a younger, more beautiful and more healthy woman over them!

[IraqVet2003]

Hello Gentlemen,
I am sorry to post here, I hope I am not an unwelcome intrusion and should the concensus be for me to leave, I will. Saying that, I will be using the ladies board. I have been reading Winston's articles for some time now and I fully agree with what he says, as a woman born and living in Europe, if you want to ever truly be happy it is imperative that you leave the US, just having a foreign woman to love will not be enough. You will both be passionate souls trapped in a soulless, superficial place.

The story is explained in the title really but I wish to explain a bit further:

I am 23 (almost 24) and my Fiance is 38, there is a 15 year difference between us and we have been together now for 6 years and 4 months. When I first met him I liked and fancied him instantly although we were just friends at first (he did not think I would be interested in him, he says not a lot of women ever were), when I started developing deeper feelings for him over the three months we were just friends it didn't even occur to me (who was a few months shy of 18 at the time, he was 32) to not ask him to be my boyfriend because of his age, I wanted to be with him and I hoped he liked me in that way too. When he said yes I was absolutely thrilled and we have been together, happily, ever since. At the time he did not have many material things, he was locked in a tenancy in a shared house and was going through a period of unemployment. I honestly did not care, it was his heart I cared about and I thought he was the most handsome, sexiest man I had ever seen.

We are now happily engaged to be married and have been for a little while now but the time is coming where full planning will soon be underway, so I naively and excitedly joined a few wedding forums for brides to talk about wedding planning, ideas and dilemmas. The first post I made on a UK based one was asking if there were any other larger age gap brides on the forum and I got to speak with lots of nice women, if not having age gaps themselves saying "age is just a number, it is happiness that counts" that was the consensus. There was not ONE negative reply there.

Then, I join an American based one. The difference between what UK and US women were posting were staggering, to name some of the things I saw on the US based one, posts asking for pictures of everyone's designer rings, everyone seems to have designer dresses (my dress,my veil, my tiara and my jacket cost $798), the whole budget for my wedding and $2,000 more spent on decor and it seems so much more competitive and keeping up with the Jones'. I did not like how they seems to be eager to spend more than the down payment for a house on just one day when it is the marriage that matters but I thought I would say hello and posted again looking for Brides with an age gap, I written almost exactly the same I did on the UK one, how long my Fiance and I have been together, how old we are and how many years apart we are.

The difference in response surprised and upset me, comments rolled in about how my man is a perv, a creep and that there must be something wrong with him. One poster even said "There is something wrong with a man in his 30's who is emotionally, psychologically and sexually interested in a teenager". They also questioned my maturity and they are still posting now about how "The brain isn't fully developed until 25".

It upset me, not because I care what they think but because I hate to think of people saying those nasty things about the man I love, but I ignored those comments and tried to just talk to the women who were saying they were in age gap relationships too. But no, as my conversation with other went on, they kept saying nasty things and it took everything for me to not give them abuse in my replies, it was and still is like they are watching, waiting for any way that they can prove something is wrong with him or that I am a child. They will just not drop it, my mother told me to tell them to get lost (in more colourful language) but I can't in case the mods ban me, I suspect if I so much as said one thing against them I think I would be banned. There are some nice women, one in a gap double mine so I will stay on the site, but I remember names.

I just cannot comprehend why they would just not drop it, the single comment and maybe a response to me, sure, but they just keep posting and I don't why they seem to be like wolves hiding away just waiting for something to cling to to prove that they are right, even though the post was now 2 days ago.

I suspect they would say nothing if it was the other way around.

The only reason I could think of is that they assumed that my being with him impeded me and my life goals in someway, which I find odd because it is not like he has had me in wife training, forcing me to cook and clean (I love to cook for him and I like to have a clean house, in fact, I am very houseproud) and have sex with him, in fact, my being with him has given me the love and support needed to achieve the things I want to, like go to University and live in a home with him. We have also travelled across Europe, have pets and spend our time doing nice things together, like walking around our local forests and mountains or snuggled together reading. We are not the richest people in the world but I genuinely feel rich because of the love we share and the experiences we have had together. I am a big believer in that an expensive TV will not help you in your darkest hours, only good memories and love can. When I told them this though they still kept going, the first comment after my post is "Whatevs, he is still a creep for being interested in you" - so that couldn't be it.

I was wondering if you gentlemen had any ideas about this? I have never been able to connect with American women when I have met them in real life or on the internet, even again, earlier today I was attacked seperately in a Facebook group for saying that Christian belief should be respected, by American women. If it was not for the few nice American and other nationality women I meet I would leave these boards and groups.

Thank you for any comment you can offer,
I hope you are all well wherever you are,
Aelwena

Hello Celtic Queen, my name is Iraqvet2003 and I welcome you to the H.A. forum!!! Also, I would like to say I totally support you in your decision to be with an older man. I personally believe it's really nobody's else's business anyway. After you both are consenting ADULTS and of legal age!!! These older American women I think are actually JEALOUS of you because of your YOUTH, BEAUTY, and being a FOREGINER!!!! Celtic Queen the one thing that I know that is really bad about American women THEY HATE COMPETITION!!!! I would also like to mention that there is a double standard in the U.S. in which there are some older American women chasing much younger men called "COUGARS" or that the RICH, POWERFUL, and FAMOUS men can date and marry much younger women such as yourself without much problems. But please don't get discouraged. And I agree with you and Winston that you and your fiancée will be better off in Europe or anywhere outside of America.

Best wishes, Iraqvet2003!!!!

[WorldTraveler]

Celtic_Queen, I wouldn't waste a second talking to these loser women. I'm American and will tell you my thoughts. Women are just like men. They are bitter and unhappy and are jealous of you. They don't want to see you happy! Never question your love, because of these losers. I get the same shit from my "friends" who want to talk me out of dating younger women too. I look young and can date women many years younger than myself. These men look old for their age and are so jealous. Many conversations are, "Why don't you want to date women your own age. I could never date a young women, what can you talk about? What do you have in common? I need to intelligent conversation." Americans are just very jealous people. They don't want to see you happy!

[droid]

I get the same shit from my "friends" who want to talk me out of dating younger women too. I look young and can date women many years younger than myself. These men look old for their age and are so jealous. Many conversations are, "Why don't you want to date women your own age. I could never date a young women, what can you talk about? What do you have in common? I need to intelligent conversation."

+1 ditto

[Hero]

Celtic_Queen, you seem like a real treasure and I hope to marry a woman like you some day.

[Celtic_Queen]

Gosh, guys, thank you all so much for supporting me and my Fiance. I have avoided my post and the comments have still been coming, nicely though one or two women have pointed out how horrible the others are being.

The women are all sorts of ages, but from what a lot are implying "You are not mature enough to marry until over 25" I get the impression that a lot of them are older, at least 7 years older than me. The thread is long enough now that it would take you a long time to read it all, here are some "choice" comments;

ljm308 3 days ago Wedding: August 2015

I don’t have anything against large age gaps, but I question age gaps when the couple got together when one person was really young. To be completely honest I am creeped out that you got together when you were 18 and he was 33. 18 and 33 are VERY different ages and VERY different maturity-wise.

echomomm 3 days ago Wedding: February 1997

I am the child of a marriage with a large age gap, and I can guarantee you that as he ages, things won’t be any picnic. Of course, anyone can be hit by a bus at any time and nothing is guaranteed, but it is highly likely that he will age normally. While he already has approximately 20 years less to live if you both lived to your age group “averages”, most people – men especially – have a marked decline in health as they approach that.

I understand that 20 or 25 years of marriage sounds like FOREVER when you are 23, but it isn’t. And if you intend to have children you could easily end up tending young children and dealing with a spouse who has chronic health issues or is in and out of the hospital or is facing major coronary surgery.

I also know that nothing I say will make an impact, but 55 is a very young age to be widowed (of course, he could live longer or shorter than that). I wish you the best, but warm you to be prepared for the worst.

I really did not apprecciate her patronising me, 20-25 years is NOT forever to me and while she may not have had the foresight to plan for the future, I have and we already have things in place for when we are old. I also find it incredibly funny that she thought I did not consider that he will age? Like duh!? It is not like he has a magical painting tucked away that keeps him young (Dorian Grey). If she had said this to me in real like I would have slapped her, I hate to be angry but patronising me is never ok and I marry for life, with all of its joys and tribulations, I wouldn't leave his side if he was sick! Although I pray that good health will be something we can have, I would take pleasure in being able to care for the man I love. I must admit, I do hope that I die first because his loss will destroy me, but even then if losing him and the agony that goes with it is the price I have to pay for the happiness, love and joy we share, then so be it.

oeno 6 hours ago

I don’t like older men and never have. I’m not saying it can’t work, because of course it can and does. But I would be hugely cautious of any older guy whose established pattern is to date women who are 10, 15, 25 years younger than he is. That’s a warning sign right there that you’re going to be dealing with someone sexist, shallow, immature, domineering, and patronizing.

Mind you, DH is 7.5 years younger, so I’m sure I get my fair share of secret judgment as well, although no one has ever said anything to my face

Right, so it is creepy if a man does it but it is totally ok for you to date younger men?

There are more gentlemen but I wont waste your time with the venom, here is one comment I really like though;

sarahcb 7 hours ago
It’s truly upsetting to see the reactions to this thread. Divorce rates are going through the roof, so I would like to suggest that the negative people on this thread step down from their high horse and spend their time more wisely, nurturing their own relationships.

Your relationship with your fiancé is inspiring.

- Gosh, thank you so much, that is lovely of you to say!

Middle aged American women are always absolutely vicious about younger women moving in on what used to be their turf. They feel like they're being kicked to the curb, and they lash out at anyone they can with truly unbelievable hostility. It goes without saying that you shouldn't pay any attention to them.

I They are jealous as hell that a man in their age group actually would have the nerve to date a younger woman!

With your comment in mind I asked my Fiance who he had tried to date before he met me. He said that before me, he had tried to date women his age, older and younger and he was either "friendzoned" or they did not want to know him, that is why he was so surprised when I asked him out.
There was a girl who would run to him when her boyfriend beat her up for a friendly shoulder to cry on, he did ask her out but she said she was not interested, when I came into the picture she tried to flirt with him and even took him aside when we were all hanging out to ask him out, he told her it was too late and she did not like that. This girl liked that he was interested in her and liked having different men to run to and use, when I came and stole him away she didnt like that she could not string him along anymore, like he was a man in waiting.

Hello Celtic Queen, my name is Iraqvet2003 and I welcome you to the H.A. forum!!! Also, I would like to say I totally support you in your decision to be with an older man. I personally believe it's really nobody's else's business anyway. After you both are consenting ADULTS and of legal age!!! These older American women I think are actually JEALOUS of you because of your YOUTH, BEAUTY, and being a FOREGINER!!!! Celtic Queen the one thing that I know that is really bad about American women THEY HATE COMPETITION!!!! I would also like to mention that there is a double standard in the U.S. in which there are some older American women chasing much younger men called "COUGARS" or that the RICH, POWERFUL, and FAMOUS men can date and marry much younger women such as yourself without much problems. But please don't get discouraged. And I agree with you and Winston that you and your fiancée will be better off in Europe or anywhere outside of America.

Best wishes, Iraqvet2003!!!!

Thank you Iraqvet for the welcome and encouraging comments. You have shed some light that I did not think of! I must say though, even if I was not with my Fiance and was dating an American man, there is no way that I would live in the US. I truly mean no disrespect but I think I would be a strangled, stifled soul if I was forced to live there. I couldn't do it. I would have my man live here in Europe with me, where we could explore lots of different cultures, live in a more open, happier place and be connected more to the world. You could tell that to one of those ladies who say that all a foreign woman wants is a green card - I wouldn't live there if I was paid to!

Celtic_Queen, I wouldn't waste a second talking to these loser women. I'm American and will tell you my thoughts. Women are just like men. They are bitter and unhappy and are jealous of you. They don't want to see you happy! Never question your love, because of these losers. I get the same shit from my "friends" who want to talk me out of dating younger women too. I look young and can date women many years younger than myself. These men look old for their age and are so jealous. Many conversations are, "Why don't you want to date women your own age. I could never date a young women, what can you talk about? What do you have in common? I need to intelligent conversation." Americans are just very jealous people. They don't want to see you happy!

I hope you find a lovely younger woman! I am sorry your "friends" tear you down too, it is sad that they cannot just be happy for you.

Celtic_Queen, you seem like a real treasure and I hope to marry a woman like you some day.

You flatter me! Thank you for saying such a lovely thing, I hope you find a lady to love and marry


A few comments have been made that are trying to make me out to be emotionally and relationship inexperienced, one woman said I haven't had a chance to be with different guys yet and all I could think is why would I want to!? I think sleeping around is horrible and I have never done it, why on Earth would I want to spend my late teens and twenties sleeping and being with lots of different men when I could be with the man I am going to marry? I find it baffling that some of these women seem to find that preferable! If I had not met my Fiance I doubt I would have been able to date to be honest , sex seems to be expected so early on I would be dumped or called a loser all the time for refusing to.

One thing I find so horrible about all of these nasty comments I have been having is that they are implying that I could have magically been able to ignore my feelings for my Fiance, I couldnt do that even if I wanted to and the fact they seem to do that so easily makes me pity them, it is so heartless!

[Yohan]

I am 23 (almost 24) and my Fiance is 38, there is a 15 year difference between us

I think it is an US-thing to complain always about something which is not really your business but a personal issue of somebody else without any connection to the accuser.

One time it is about age difference between wife and husband,
next time it is about different race (interracial marriage)
next time it is about marriage with a foreigner (international marriage)
next time it is about mixed race children
and this continues, it's about religious groups, even if they all Christians, and about gays, and about abortion and so on and so on.

Many of these no-brain issues do not really exist in Europe or elsewhere, except for a few individuals. But otherwise...

USA has plenty of social issues, often based on intolerance.

Take it easy and anyway you said you are not living in USA anymore.

About age-difference, just my personal opinion, 15 years is not so much, I know couples with a far larger age-difference here in Asia and nobody says a word about it.

[gsjackson]

One thing I find so horrible about all of these nasty comments I have been having is that they are implying that I could have magically been able to ignore my feelings for my Fiance, I couldnt do that even if I wanted to and the fact they seem to do that so easily makes me pity them, it is so heartless!

A lot of them are incapable of those feelings. They're pathological narcissists, to whom men are just an accessory, part of their personal property, like an automobile, and evaluated in terms of its/his market value -- make, model, showroom price, prestige acquired by showing off to friends, etc. I guess they merit pity, being the products of a rotting culture, but it seems misplaced. Pity the poor devils who try to generate romance with them.

[Ghost]

.

[Hero]

Maturity isn't just a function of age. I know women who were very mature at 18. Then there are women who are still children at age 60.

[WorldTraveler]

Maturity isn't just a function of age. I know women who were very mature at 18. Then there are women who are still children at age 60.

I agree 100% with you. I've dated women of all ages and years mean nothing about maturity or if you are a good person. Many older women (and men) are very bitter that their lives did not turn out the way they wanted. At least the younger people still have their desires and dreams!

[Jonny Law]

Hello Gentlemen,
I am sorry to post here, I hope I am not an unwelcome intrusion and should the concensus be for me to leave,

Yeah, why are you posting on board filled with single lonely men if you are engaged? Some think it is because you are a whore, and men who travel the world for women are generally wealthier than the average man.


The difference in response surprised and upset me, comments rolled in about how my man is a perv, a creep and that there must be something wrong with him. One poster even said "There is something wrong with a man in his 30's who is emotionally, psychologically and sexually interested in a teenager". They also questioned my maturity and they are still posting now about how "The brain isn't fully developed until 25.

In general women believe all men are pervs and creeps. This only means that the bitch thinks you have a man who is not a faggot, that is all that means.

Women will not attack you if they feel sorry for you. The bitch sees you with a real man and she gets jealous.

Those bitches are full of shit. The UK and US of Gay both have a divorce rate of about 50% very high. They do not deserve to give any relationship advice.