Zambales wrote:You accused first. Anyway, never mind that.
I don't remember accusing anyone. If anything I said I wasn't happy with people who dismiss me as a Cassandra without ever having been to the Philippines themselves. And you're not even one of those I directed that criticism to, as I know you visited the Philippines on at least one occasion. Maybe more.
Zambales wrote:I may not have lived in Phils but I've spoken to dozens of guys who have, and they do echo your point.
You mean being disillusioned? Look, we might be p***y-blinded at the beginning but we're not fools. At some point we are bound to open the curtains and stare at the brick wall behind. No girl of some intelligence, beauty and ambition, from wherever she is from, will willy-nilly choose to be with an adult foreigner without asking for something specific in return. Some girls might be more interested in the financial support aspect and might even do it for altruistic reasons (i.e. they know their families are in need and you, Kano, are Mr Saviour). Some girls are dying to leave the Philippines and start a life abroad, in a real house, with real food on the table, perhaps away from the hardship and the sacrifices of their current lives. A few will want a white baby who they see as their karmic way out from being morenas and undesirable.
However you want to put it, this reality surfaces to everybody's eyes. Only the blindest of blinds and the foolest of fool will fail to see it, a mere few months into his life over here. At that point, the man can choose what to do. Pretend he never realised it, and continue to live with his loving girlfriend/wife, happy and contented of what he gets in exchange for what he gives. Or, in a few rare cases (like mine), he may not want to compromise and look for a woman who will want to be with him because she
wants to, not because she
needs to.
And if the latter avenue is taken, believe me, finding a quality Filipina for a man like me is
very, very hard, next to impossible. You can extol the virtues of "simple" Filipinas from the province (sweet, caring, devoted, subdued, etc.) but the reality is, they make for a very boring relationship and one that gets easily more complicated as her extended family gets more and more involved and her "devotion" reveals to be just a facade for her needs, and those of said family. Many men are happy to live in a menage like this, but - as far I have seen - it's for the vast majority old men who are with girls 25/35 years their junior, and who are retired and have nothing better to do than enjoy that "simple" lifestyle, with all of its pros and cons.
I have a business and a professional life here, I mingle with established people and have to maintain the same kind of reputation and respectability as I would if I had been living in London. I am in Davao but I don't live on a desert island, and that by choice. Am I asking too much, that I can find a girl who has something to say (possibly in decent English) and do with his life, beyond taking care of the house and spreading legs a couple of times a day? A girl who asks for honesty but also gives honesty? A girl who has some class even if she doesn't have a lot of money? A girl who has a dream who goes beyond the four walls of a house...maybe teach children, inspire the others, build a business, etc.?
There are girls like those, even in Davao. They are high in demand and get snapped up as soon as they finish college, sometimes even before. The few who are left, I know at least 5 of them, are totally unattractive to me (read "boner test fail") and make me reluctant to be with them knowing that the chemistry will never be there... Pardon if I ask too much, but I need a complete relationship.
Zambales wrote:As for the fakes, I've had experience of not one but two. The girl from Davao who I tossed away last week and the one from Pampanga who I had an LDR with for over three years. Fortunately I managed to get the measure of her before placing a ring on her finger.
I have experienced two hundreds. From a chat window everything is opaque and can be easily masked. It might take you a few weeks or even three years, as you say, to get the measure of a girl. Again pardon my arrogance or "sense of superiority" (in fact just first-hand experience), but I can tell these girls apart within a single date. I wish I still had that naivety that let me be playful and happy-go-lucky in my first few months here.
Unfortunately what I realised, cannot un-realise. What I have seen, cannot un-see. I know most young Filipinas are simply unreliable and have an agenda that will create problems in any long term relationship, especially considering how unable to compromise I am. The few women of quality I met, as I said, are either unattractive beyond an acceptable boundary, or mature (late 30 to early 40) and it takes me a grand total of 30 minutes to understand why they are still single at that age.
Zambales wrote:Out of interest, how long did your acquaintances know their Filipina's before they decided to get married?
It depends. Some of them were introduced their young pretty thing and started dating them straight away. Some of them stumbled into their girls while embarking on a f**k-everything-that-moves crusade and just stuck with them. I agree that most men here are p***y-blinded and lose their sense of judgment. It's like going to the movie: suspension of belief sets in and you want to believe that all Filipina girls are humble, compassionate, sweet, great moms, have a great relationship with their families, and will do
anything for their beloved men.
I wish it was that simple.