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Advice: Find a wife that's easygoing, caring and humble

Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.

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Winston
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Advice: Find a wife that's easygoing, caring and humble

Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 3:39 pm

Hi all,
I just wanted to share a piece of good advice given to me by my parents and Rock at the same time.

When choosing a wife, find one that has an easygoing personality and is kind, caring and humble. This is the kind of woman that you can have a happy home with and a peaceful relationship with. Otherwise, if you choose a woman with a strong personality or strong temper, it will only spell trouble in the long run. Such a woman will not bring peace in your life, but constant conflict and be emotionally draining as well.

This makes a lot of sense. But it goes against what modern America teaches, which is that a strong personality in a woman is a good thing. It is not.

Basically, in couples, a partner with a strong personality can be matched with one with an easygoing personality. Two easygoing personalities are well matched as well. But two strong personalities are not a good match, and will only result in conflicts, arguments and temper tantrums.

It is better for the male partner to be the one with the strong personality, for obvious reasons. Men are more able to handle having a strong personality, as long as he also has a strong sense of maturity, morals and principles to control it of course. In contrast, a strong woman will not need a man, and will likely look down upon a weaker male partner. And most likely, she will not even be attracted to him in the first place. However, a man with a strong personality will not only need a woman, but be inclined to help and protect her as well.

You see, it is in a man's intrinsic nature to be a "knight in shining armor" to rescue a feminine princess or damsel in distress. But it is NOT in a woman's intrinsic nature to be a "knight in shining armor" to rescue a man in distress. That's what feminists don't understand and overlook. They cannot refute this so they don't even try.
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Rock
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Post by Rock » October 9th, 2014, 3:57 pm

I would go as far as to say that a man is better off alone than with a cantankerous domineering and argumentative woman, even if that woman has a good heart deep down. Nothing is more stressful than having to deal with domestic battles day in and day out. Find a peaceful woman who loves and respects you, both in words and actions. Don't let anyone else in your home and life or you will likely regret it.

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Post by MarcosZeitola » October 9th, 2014, 4:08 pm

Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)

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Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 5:34 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)
Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.

What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?

What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
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Post by Rock » October 9th, 2014, 5:50 pm

Winston wrote:
MarcosZeitola wrote:Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)
Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.

What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?

What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
As you pointed out in your OP, your parents and I are in agreement as we gave you the same advice independently. Need you ask?

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Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 5:51 pm

Rock wrote:I would go as far as to say that a man is better off alone than with a cantankerous domineering and argumentative woman, even if that woman has a good heart deep down. Nothing is more stressful than having to deal with domestic battles day in and day out. Find a peaceful woman who loves and respects you, both in words and actions. Don't let anyone else in your home and life or you will likely regret it.
I would fully agree. What I hate though is that such women always say that it's other people's fault, never themselves.

I know an American woman with a good heart. She even pursues spirituality. But she has a very fiery temper that can explode at little things. When it does, she always blames others, never herself. I can't believe she would miss something so obvious.

As such, she never sticks with the same guy for long. One time I introduced her to an Indian guy I know. She talked to him for a long time and then went to India to meet her. She loved India, but not surprisingly, it did not work out with him.

Now get this: She claims that the guy's parents thought that she would have been a good wife for him! LOL. No way. She must have misunderstood something or they must have been humoring her. No wise parents in India or Asia would say that a woman with a fiery explosive temper and strong personality would make a good wife. No way. That's totally illogical.

I guess America is the king of self-delusion, so it has the most self-delusional people in the world.
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Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 5:54 pm

Rock wrote:
Winston wrote:
MarcosZeitola wrote:Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)
Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.

What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?

What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
As you pointed out in your OP, your parents and I are in agreement as we gave you the same advice independently. Need you ask?
Well no I don't really need to ask, my friend. I was just trying to make conversation with Marcos and trying to generate some discussion on this topic by asking him an open ended question. Next time, perhaps you'll understand my strategy. :)
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Post by Rock » October 9th, 2014, 6:53 pm

Winston wrote:
Rock wrote:
Winston wrote:
MarcosZeitola wrote:Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)
Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.

What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?

What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
As you pointed out in your OP, your parents and I are in agreement as we gave you the same advice independently. Need you ask?
Well no I don't really need to ask, my friend. I was just trying to make conversation with Marcos and trying to generate some discussion on this topic by asking him an open ended question. Next time, perhaps you'll understand my strategy. :)
Oh my bad! Sorry. I read this as "What do you think of my parents' advice Rock?" instead of "What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?". So there, for the record, I'm apologizing for making a mistake. And you say Rock never apologizes lol.

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Post by onethousandknives » October 9th, 2014, 7:26 pm

I would to some extent disagree. Basically the same premise as I've used in the "introvert" thread. I think this is more of a sliding scale thing. Like nobody would say they wouldn't want a "kind, easygoing, and caring" woman, and no woman would say they don't want these qualities in a man. But I feel the biggest issue in relationships, at least seeing from my own parents, is basically passive aggression. You do not want to marry a weak woman. Weak women will not tell you what they think or how they feel and even though they'll hate it, or hell, hate you, are too weak to say so, and will go along and do whatever with you, or even marry you, while they're miserable doing it, because they're unable to argue or simply say no. Your first few months or whatever may go well, but then eventually you find out she's doing some kind of drastic thing behind your back (credit cards, cheating, plotting divorce.)

I think it's a matter of two sides of the same coin. I think you do want an assertive woman, as in, one that can say how she feels, argue without attacking your character or using guilt/emotions, etc. So you don't want an aggressive woman, as in, one that argues all the time over nothing and yells and screams and is crazy. This is obvious. But many people I think don't consider the opposite side of the coin, of a woman that's so unassertive and spineless, and then plays games and is passive aggressive.

I mean yes, what you're saying is obvious, and as Proverbs says, better the corner of a roof than a palace with a quarrelsome wife, but I'd like to present this counterpoint people don't often think about.

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Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 7:59 pm

Rock wrote:
Winston wrote:
Rock wrote:
Winston wrote:
MarcosZeitola wrote:Did you find such a wife yet, Winston? I know you have a son but was his mother sufficiently kind, easy going and caring? ;)
Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.

What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?

What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
As you pointed out in your OP, your parents and I are in agreement as we gave you the same advice independently. Need you ask?
Well no I don't really need to ask, my friend. I was just trying to make conversation with Marcos and trying to generate some discussion on this topic by asking him an open ended question. Next time, perhaps you'll understand my strategy. :)
Oh my bad! Sorry. I read this as "What do you think of my parents' advice Rock?" instead of "What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?". So there, for the record, I'm apologizing for making a mistake. And you say Rock never apologizes lol.
Oh ok. lol. Well apology accepted then. And I too, apologize if I've ever been rude to you in the past. Not sure if I have though. ;)

Btw, what's interesting to note is that this advice is also why many Filipinas like my personality when they meet me. A Filipina that is easygoing also wants a peaceful relationship. They also do not want a guy who has a hot temper or a personality that is too strong and controlling. They prefer peace as well. So when they see that I'm an easygoing guy who is kind and gentle, it's worth big points in their book. Many Filipinas have told me that. This is something that's not talked about much on this forum.
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Post by Winston » October 9th, 2014, 8:05 pm

onethousandknives wrote:I would to some extent disagree. Basically the same premise as I've used in the "introvert" thread. I think this is more of a sliding scale thing. Like nobody would say they wouldn't want a "kind, easygoing, and caring" woman, and no woman would say they don't want these qualities in a man. But I feel the biggest issue in relationships, at least seeing from my own parents, is basically passive aggression. You do not want to marry a weak woman. Weak women will not tell you what they think or how they feel and even though they'll hate it, or hell, hate you, are too weak to say so, and will go along and do whatever with you, or even marry you, while they're miserable doing it, because they're unable to argue or simply say no. Your first few months or whatever may go well, but then eventually you find out she's doing some kind of drastic thing behind your back (credit cards, cheating, plotting divorce.)

I think it's a matter of two sides of the same coin. I think you do want an assertive woman, as in, one that can say how she feels, argue without attacking your character or using guilt/emotions, etc. So you don't want an aggressive woman, as in, one that argues all the time over nothing and yells and screams and is crazy. This is obvious. But many people I think don't consider the opposite side of the coin, of a woman that's so unassertive and spineless, and then plays games and is passive aggressive.

I mean yes, what you're saying is obvious, and as Proverbs says, better the corner of a roof than a palace with a quarrelsome wife, but I'd like to present this counterpoint people don't often think about.
Yes I see your point. But being "easygoing" does not mean weak willed or passive aggressive. I'm talking about an easygoing personality. Even I have an easygoing personality, but I am assertive and will tell people what I think.

Also, if a woman has values and is kind and caring, she will be unlikely to play games or do stuff behind your back. Obviously you want a wife with good moral character and is good natured too.

Anyway, I hope you all learn something from this advice.
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Post by MarcosZeitola » October 10th, 2014, 3:59 pm

Winston wrote:Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.
Sounds to me like you've hit the lottery there! So what went wrong, if I may be so bold?
Winston wrote:What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?
I would say she does, yes, but only to some degree. She is kind and caring, but I would not call her extremely easy-going; I am usually the more carefree and relaxed one, whereas she is the one who can make a drama out of little things. She's a sensitive soul and a very sweet person, but she can also blow things out of proportion. She's a great cook, a great lover and you can have amazing conversations and lots of fun with her. But something tells me she'd cut my head off if I ever cheated on her... and I like that passion she got. A romantic soul but not afraid to stand up for herself. She's got fire inside, that one. Wouldn't have her any other way. When we first met she was so shy, but she's grown a lot as a person. She's the strong woman I always wanted to mother my children and I love every inch of her for it.
Winston wrote:What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
I think it's excellent advice. Of course in the end, what is most important is that you find a girl who YOU like, plain and simple. You need to please yourself and not your parents or friends. She has to have a brain so she will not bore you, she has to have passion and be sensual. A queen in the kitchen but just as much of a queen in the bedroom. She needs to be pretty amazing before you make her your wife... because women get older and as their bodies inevitably deteriorate she has to have a fun and interesting enough personality to keep your hooked on her. Caring and sweet alone won't cut it... she'll need to have a brain and be capable of thinking outside the box, is my advice. A pretty but dull young thing will grow into a not-so-pretty and awfully bland older woman.

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Post by Winston » October 11th, 2014, 12:02 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:
Winston wrote:Yes Dianne is generally easygoing, not argumentative. Her personality is gentle and good natured, and she is kind and caring. She only gets mad when I flirt with other girls. But that's understandable.
Sounds to me like you've hit the lottery there! So what went wrong, if I may be so bold?
Winston wrote:What about your Filipina partner? Does she fit what I described?
I would say she does, yes, but only to some degree. She is kind and caring, but I would not call her extremely easy-going; I am usually the more carefree and relaxed one, whereas she is the one who can make a drama out of little things. She's a sensitive soul and a very sweet person, but she can also blow things out of proportion. She's a great cook, a great lover and you can have amazing conversations and lots of fun with her. But something tells me she'd cut my head off if I ever cheated on her... and I like that passion she got. A romantic soul but not afraid to stand up for herself. She's got fire inside, that one. Wouldn't have her any other way. When we first met she was so shy, but she's grown a lot as a person. She's the strong woman I always wanted to mother my children and I love every inch of her for it.
Winston wrote:What do you think of my parents' advice and Rock's?
I think it's excellent advice. Of course in the end, what is most important is that you find a girl who YOU like, plain and simple. You need to please yourself and not your parents or friends. She has to have a brain so she will not bore you, she has to have passion and be sensual. A queen in the kitchen but just as much of a queen in the bedroom. She needs to be pretty amazing before you make her your wife... because women get older and as their bodies inevitably deteriorate she has to have a fun and interesting enough personality to keep your hooked on her. Caring and sweet alone won't cut it... she'll need to have a brain and be capable of thinking outside the box, is my advice. A pretty but dull young thing will grow into a not-so-pretty and awfully bland older woman.
I don't know. She has no passion and I don't feel romantic or passionate with her. Filipinas don't usually have passion though. They don't have strong emotion. That's why they're so easy to get along with. If yours is passionate, you are lucky.

Plus I want a Chinese woman because they are higher quality, more refined, more intelligent, and with Chinese women there is a feeling of closeness that you don't get with other ethnicities. You'd have to be Chinese to understand.

Many guys here in the forum said that you don't need a woman with brains because you can have your guys friends for that. I think a woman should be somewhat intelligent, but not too much. A typical Filipina is too simple and uneducated in the extreme.

Steve Neese said that passionate women have a drawback though. They are great in bed but that passion can be turned against you too. So there's a danger in a passionate woman.
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Post by MarcosZeitola » October 11th, 2014, 12:26 pm

Winston wrote:I don't know. She has no passion and I don't feel romantic or passionate with her. Filipinas don't usually have passion though. They don't have strong emotion. That's why they're so easy to get along with. If yours is passionate, you are lucky.
It's a thing that is different from woman to woman, but it usually takes a certain type of man for them to get passionate. Many Filipina women are with a foreigner for financial reasons mostly... the relationship's a win-win situation for both parties as the woman gets security from it and the man frequent sexual release. An added benefit would be mixed children, which Filipina's almost universally seem to desire. In a way though, it's too much like a business arrangement almost, in some cases. Genuine affection may grow between partners but it's not always a given. Genuine passion is what she had for her first love... and few of us are lucky enough to the first, these days. That's something raw, something fresh, something different.
Winston wrote:Plus I want a Chinese woman because they are higher quality, more refined, more intelligent, and with Chinese women there is a feeling of closeness that you don't get with other ethnicities. You'd have to be Chinese to understand.
Never been in a serious relationship with a Chinese woman so I wouldn't know, but one I talked with for months and befriended was a bit cold, distant and rather dull to talk with. I found her boring but it may be because, in spite of her being well-educated, her English was still abysmal. The type of fish you'll catch is determined entirely by the type of pools you throw out your angle in.
Winston wrote:Many guys here in the forum said that you don't need a woman with brains because you can have your guys friends for that. I think a woman should be somewhat intelligent, but not too much. A typical Filipina is too simple and uneducated in the extreme.
Guy friends come and go but at the end of the day, you are together with your significant other. You go to bed at night and wake up together in the mornings. If she's dull, uninteresting or simply not the sharpest tool in the shed, you may start to notice you get annoyed at her. Dislike being around her. You flee to your guy friends... and where does she flee? You have to have a good connection, chemistry. Can't really have chemistry with a woman who isn't somewhat on your level, who is incapable of thinking 'out of the box'.

If you go after a Filipina she shouldn't be "the typical Filipina" you describe, but have a little more to offer then many of her fellow Filipina ladies. Education alone isn't enough; you have educated women who still are barely capable of original thought. Clever ladies are not too hard to find, and looking for one is a quest worth going on IMO.
Winston wrote:Steve Neese said that passionate women have a drawback though. They are great in bed but that passion can be turned against you too. So there's a danger in a passionate woman.
In danger lies excitement. It keeps you alert and active, keeps your head in the game. No warm-blooded healthy man ever found happiness with a dead fish. Some women have the potential to drive a man insane... but damn, you'll feel alive when you're with them!

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Re: Advice: Find a wife that's easygoing, kind and caring

Post by Winston » July 17th, 2016, 7:01 pm

From my dad:

"Honestly, if you can't find a warm hearted, kind and loving person to settle, I would rather you remain single and have temporarily fun here or there. To have a nasty, needy, cold, selfish and manipulating girl in your life will definitely give you a miserable life."
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