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Got married to a foreign girl

Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.

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Fonduman
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Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 4th, 2014, 11:04 pm

Hey,
I posted here about three years ago, briefly. I doubt anyone would remember me. But I thought this could be an interesting little story.

I recently got married to a Singaporean girl I met on an online forum.
I met her almost 2 years ago, now.
It was a good route for me, because I'm not one for hitting on women in real life.
Neither of us are actually that fussed on the idea of marriage, which is one reason I trusted her enough to marry her. She tried to visit here in February, but immigration at Heathrow (who are major racist douchebags) sent her back. We were hoping we'd be able to find a way to be together without marriage. But after that incident, we decided that we had to do it to have any chance of being together.

She's actually quite sane for a girl. We'll still have occasional arguments over silly things, like if she gets jealous for no reason, but I guess that comes with the territory of girls lol. But she saw no point in wasting money on a big wedding, seeing it as a means to be together, so the wedding cost about $15 all told. Before plane tickets, place to stay, etc. She dislikes feminism, and agrees that their hypocrisy is stupid. For example, she thinks all domestic violence should be treated as equally serious, and that a man has a right to self-defense no matter who attacks him.
One of the most surprising things, when compared to local women, is that she reacts positively and consistently to me being nice to her. In the past, being nice was a one way ticket to the friend-zone. She values it, and it genuinely doesn't seem to affect her attraction.
The forum I met her on was related to MBTI, and she had a lot of genuine posts there already, so that adds to her credibility that she's not just some gold-digger type.
Her parents have been very overprotective through her life, barely letting her out of her house. And she seems just a little socially awkward IRL, enough that I could believe she was really a bit sheltered. Of course, that's not really a bad thing to me, but it doesn't fit a typical gold-digger persona. She also doesn't like me spending too much frivolously on her, and doesn't see the appeal of frivolous spending or shopping herself.
So that's why I think my choice for marriage was acceptably safe.

Her protected upbringing means she also is a virgin and had never even kissed before. Sometimes she seems a bit insecure about it, as if she's worrying what people think about her lack of experience, and yet obviously for most men it is a positive. When I met her at the end of September, I was her first kiss. That was somewhat special.

She doesn't like parties or excessive socialising, which suits me well. We both like games, and will play together. She's not big on revealing clothing, or flirting with others.

Currently, she's still in Singapore, and I'm in the UK, waiting on various documentation to complete so she can hopefully come and live here. I need to renounce british citizenship, then use my irish citizenship to claim that I am exercising EU treaty rights by working here, which will allow me to get an EU family permit. The british citizenship renunciation is taking ages, almost 2 months already.

I faced a lot of initial opposition from her parents, but they seem to like me after having met me. Apparently they were relieved I wasn't a badboy lol. I guess the thing is, over there, an educated polite guy with a decent job is actually a catch. Here, it bores women. Her parents have been thinking of immigrating for a while, because things are going a little downhill over there with regards living costs and stuff, so that might explain their willingness for her to move here, if they were all going to have to move soon anyway. Her parents don't have any plans to move here themselves, that I can see.

This is her:
Image

This is us together
Image

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Ghost
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Ghost » December 5th, 2014, 7:07 am

Hey, this is a great story. Thanks for posting it. This is what HA really needs right now. Too many guys will sit around and just think about it or make excuses for why they won't do it. This is really good to hear. And congratulations. Hopefully your issue with renouncing your citizenship will get sorted out soon.
Expatriation Ragnarok
Make the most of going abroad while you still can.

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MarcosZeitola
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by MarcosZeitola » December 5th, 2014, 11:22 am

This is a great success story and I am very happy for you. How old are you and how old is she, if I may ask? I hope you and her will have a wonderful time and that you will soon get the papers through and be reunited with her. Long distance relationships can be very hard at times, but when you make them work they can also be all the more rewarding. Delayed gratification, it's a marvelous thing!

Has she visited you in Ireland yet or have you been the one to travel to Singapore? How long have you been together in person already? We need more success stories like yours, of men who went out and did something rather then wallow in self-pity and despair at home. Congratulations on your marriage, and may it be a happy and joyful union to last a lifetime! :D

Fonduman
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 6th, 2014, 8:26 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:This is a great success story and I am very happy for you. How old are you and how old is she, if I may ask? I hope you and her will have a wonderful time and that you will soon get the papers through and be reunited with her. Long distance relationships can be very hard at times, but when you make them work they can also be all the more rewarding. Delayed gratification, it's a marvelous thing!

Has she visited you in Ireland yet or have you been the one to travel to Singapore? How long have you been together in person already? We need more success stories like yours, of men who went out and did something rather then wallow in self-pity and despair at home. Congratulations on your marriage, and may it be a happy and joyful union to last a lifetime! :D
Yeah, there's something surreal to seeing text on a screen become a real person. But things can also form more intimately online, and you end up with an emotional foundation before anything physical ever even happens. So, it's different, but it can be good too.

She tried to visit here in February like I mentioned, but was turned back at heathrow for BS reasons. The UK is very anti-immigration at the moment, and the people making the decisions at the border aren't accountable to anyone. They decide as they like, without valid justification. Some exceptions are when you already have an explicit right to entry, as will hopefully be the case soon for her.

I traveled to Singapore for the marriage. Our initial plan was for her to get in here on a 3 month visa, extend it to 6 months, then travel down south and get married in Ireland. It was a slightly desperate move, but it almost worked. You see, her parents, being so overprotective, don't let her have friends IRL, never mind a boyfriend, and she lives with them, so the whole thing was a complex plot reminiscent of a bank robbery style film lol. Her parents kept her passport and ID from her, so we had to find all these various routes to get replacements, which wasn't easy without documentation, hide them, transfer money without parents knowing, get tickets, sneak out (when she's not allowed to casually go out for a walk), ensure no paper receipts were posted out for anything, etc. Her parents didn't even know about anything until she was already on the plane. Not ideal, but necessary. Surprise was our only hope and tool.

Still, the shock of that time seemed to make her parents start to take us seriously. They opposed us, and occasionally monitored her internet activities up until September, when her 21st birthday (She's 21, I'm 23) came round, which meant that her parents would have no jurisdiction over her actions anymore. Then we hatched our plan, I managed to get her some money and moved out to a hostel so that we could freely organise the marriage paperwork. We would have needed to get the police involved to get her ID back from her parents, since they took to storing it all in a safe. But once she moved out and they heard I was coming to marry her, they suddenly reversed track and saw that they couldn't stop anything, so it became more a matter of them accepting it but exerting some control over it to their liking, and making sure I visited them before the marriage. I visited a few times, and they seemed to like me, so now they're on board with it all. I've shown them pictures of my house and stuff, and they've concluded I can't be a slave trader after all or anything (they're a little paranoid about the internet lol)

I married only about a week after having first met her in person. Most see this as extreme, and I agree, but there's no way she could have gotten back into the UK for a visit with her previous refusal now acting against her, and there's no way we could have done casual holiday visits when her parents were controlling her, so we saw this as our only choice to be together. All or nothing.

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MarcosZeitola
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by MarcosZeitola » December 6th, 2014, 8:36 pm

Fonduman wrote:Yeah, there's something surreal to seeing text on a screen become a real person. But things can also form more intimately online, and you end up with an emotional foundation before anything physical ever even happens. So, it's different, but it can be good too.

She tried to visit here in February like I mentioned, but was turned back at heathrow for BS reasons. The UK is very anti-immigration at the moment, and the people making the decisions at the border aren't accountable to anyone. They decide as they like, without valid justification. Some exceptions are when you already have an explicit right to entry, as will hopefully be the case soon for her.

I traveled to Singapore for the marriage. Our initial plan was for her to get in here on a 3 month visa, extend it to 6 months, then travel down south and get married in Ireland. It was a slightly desperate move, but it almost worked. You see, her parents, being so overprotective, don't let her have friends IRL, never mind a boyfriend, and she lives with them, so the whole thing was a complex plot reminiscent of a bank robbery style film lol. Her parents kept her passport and ID from her, so we had to find all these various routes to get replacements, which wasn't easy without documentation, hide them, transfer money without parents knowing, get tickets, sneak out (when she's not allowed to casually go out for a walk), ensure no paper receipts were posted out for anything, etc. Her parents didn't even know about anything until she was already on the plane. Not ideal, but necessary. Surprise was our only hope and tool.

Still, the shock of that time seemed to make her parents start to take us seriously. They opposed us, and occasionally monitored her internet activities up until September, when her 21st birthday (She's 21, I'm 23) came round, which meant that her parents would have no jurisdiction over her actions anymore. Then we hatched our plan, I managed to get her some money and moved out to a hostel so that we could freely organise the marriage paperwork. We would have needed to get the police involved to get her ID back from her parents, since they took to storing it all in a safe. But once she moved out and they heard I was coming to marry her, they suddenly reversed track and saw that they couldn't stop anything, so it became more a matter of them accepting it but exerting some control over it to their liking, and making sure I visited them before the marriage. I visited a few times, and they seemed to like me, so now they're on board with it all. I've shown them pictures of my house and stuff, and they've concluded I can't be a slave trader after all or anything (they're a little paranoid about the internet lol)

I married only about a week after having first met her in person. Most see this as extreme, and I agree, but there's no way she could have gotten back into the UK for a visit with her previous refusal now acting against her, and there's no way we could have done casual holiday visits when her parents were controlling her, so we saw this as our only choice to be together. All or nothing.
Amazing!

I admire you two for not giving up when her parents and the authorities were making things so bloody difficult for you guys. Your perseverence eventually lead to your success. Hopefully you two will get the paperworks in order soon, and you can have your own place in Ireland together. Will she be working too or assume a more traditional role when you are finally united for good? How do you two picture your future together?

I myself got married to a girl I met on the internet, and like your wife my wife also is Asian (albeit from a different country). We are also not together permanently yet, but hope to be by next year. It's very hard at times but hold on to the good feeling. You won quite a few battles, and soon you'll win the war. ;)

Hopefully you will stay (and perhaps entice your wife to make a profile, to help her pass time?). You could spread some of that positivity around and maybe inspire other people to take bold actions like you have. Far too many of our young members would never have the cojones to do what you and your lady did, so it would be great having you around a little more often. :D

Bao3niang
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Bao3niang » December 8th, 2014, 9:04 pm

Why not permanently leave the Anglosphere / West? :( Are you the career oriented type unwilling to give up on your salary?
CYKA BLYAT!!!!!!

Fonduman
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 10th, 2014, 3:05 pm

Bao3niang wrote:Why not permanently leave the Anglosphere / West? :( Are you the career oriented type unwilling to give up on your salary?
I only started my job about a year ago. It's good to have the security of a job assured here, but that wouldn't stop me if I really wanted to.

I just don't see much reason to leave. I mean, it's quite likely that people could be more antisocial here. And I don't think we're going anywhere long term. But so long as I have money and a wife, why should I care? I've never been one to really engage myself into a local culture. They leave me alone, I leave them alone.

And I've struck fairly lucky here, so I wouldn't want to risk that. I'm not someone who would sacrifice their life for money. A lot of people work 12 hours a day to make more money. I just want enough money for a comfortable life, and enough free time to enjoy my life. At the moment, I do 40 hours a week, and make enough to rent a 3 bedroom house and still save a bit each month. And this is just my first job, so my pay could go up in future. But, fundamentally, I've struck a good balance here. I'm not excessively worked, or excessively paid.

Fonduman
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 10th, 2014, 3:11 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:
Fonduman wrote:Yeah, there's something surreal to seeing text on a screen become a real person. But things can also form more intimately online, and you end up with an emotional foundation before anything physical ever even happens. So, it's different, but it can be good too.

She tried to visit here in February like I mentioned, but was turned back at heathrow for BS reasons. The UK is very anti-immigration at the moment, and the people making the decisions at the border aren't accountable to anyone. They decide as they like, without valid justification. Some exceptions are when you already have an explicit right to entry, as will hopefully be the case soon for her.

I traveled to Singapore for the marriage. Our initial plan was for her to get in here on a 3 month visa, extend it to 6 months, then travel down south and get married in Ireland. It was a slightly desperate move, but it almost worked. You see, her parents, being so overprotective, don't let her have friends IRL, never mind a boyfriend, and she lives with them, so the whole thing was a complex plot reminiscent of a bank robbery style film lol. Her parents kept her passport and ID from her, so we had to find all these various routes to get replacements, which wasn't easy without documentation, hide them, transfer money without parents knowing, get tickets, sneak out (when she's not allowed to casually go out for a walk), ensure no paper receipts were posted out for anything, etc. Her parents didn't even know about anything until she was already on the plane. Not ideal, but necessary. Surprise was our only hope and tool.

Still, the shock of that time seemed to make her parents start to take us seriously. They opposed us, and occasionally monitored her internet activities up until September, when her 21st birthday (She's 21, I'm 23) came round, which meant that her parents would have no jurisdiction over her actions anymore. Then we hatched our plan, I managed to get her some money and moved out to a hostel so that we could freely organise the marriage paperwork. We would have needed to get the police involved to get her ID back from her parents, since they took to storing it all in a safe. But once she moved out and they heard I was coming to marry her, they suddenly reversed track and saw that they couldn't stop anything, so it became more a matter of them accepting it but exerting some control over it to their liking, and making sure I visited them before the marriage. I visited a few times, and they seemed to like me, so now they're on board with it all. I've shown them pictures of my house and stuff, and they've concluded I can't be a slave trader after all or anything (they're a little paranoid about the internet lol)

I married only about a week after having first met her in person. Most see this as extreme, and I agree, but there's no way she could have gotten back into the UK for a visit with her previous refusal now acting against her, and there's no way we could have done casual holiday visits when her parents were controlling her, so we saw this as our only choice to be together. All or nothing.
Amazing!

I admire you two for not giving up when her parents and the authorities were making things so bloody difficult for you guys. Your perseverence eventually lead to your success. Hopefully you two will get the paperworks in order soon, and you can have your own place in Ireland together. Will she be working too or assume a more traditional role when you are finally united for good? How do you two picture your future together?

I myself got married to a girl I met on the internet, and like your wife my wife also is Asian (albeit from a different country). We are also not together permanently yet, but hope to be by next year. It's very hard at times but hold on to the good feeling. You won quite a few battles, and soon you'll win the war. ;)

Hopefully you will stay (and perhaps entice your wife to make a profile, to help her pass time?). You could spread some of that positivity around and maybe inspire other people to take bold actions like you have. Far too many of our young members would never have the cojones to do what you and your lady did, so it would be great having you around a little more often. :D
Hmm, I'm not so sure she'd be pleased about me analysing her for potential treachery, and talking about her jealous tendencies behind her back lol. She's not unreasonable, but sometimes it's nice to have a place where you can really speak freely, without having to worry about the effect of your words.
I invited her to the forum I'm most active on, and whilst I largely think it was a good move, because I enjoy having her around, there is a slight element that I lost some ability to speak freely of anything. Like, I might not be able to casually bring up an ex of mine. She tends to compare herself to my exes and think they're better than her, then get jealous I could go back to them. So if I ponder about something an ex did, it's like, to her, I'm brooding on them because I miss them or want them back, when really I'm just trying to process a significant event to understand it. Sad, in a way, because her insecurities are unwarranted.

Jester
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Jester » December 12th, 2014, 9:05 am

Fonduman, welcome back to the forum, CONGRATULATIONS on your beautiful wife, and also THANK YOU for that story, it was really quite an adventure, a romantic quest.

That sending her back thing was grotesque. I've heard of that before, sending someone back after an intercontinental flight, incredibly callous.

I was wondering if this was a VOA (Visa On Arrival) situation, but NO.
Singapore has visa-free travel to the UK!
http://www.mfa.gov.sg/content/mfa/overs ... ments.html
So apparently they got wind that their was a fiance, and she would seek to extend her stay legally after admission, then used that as grounds for refusal of entry? Really kafaka-esque.


Fonduman wrote:
...sometimes it's nice to have a place where you can really speak freely, without having to worry about the effect of your words.
I invited her to the forum I'm most active on, and whilst I largely think it was a good move, because I enjoy having her around, there is a slight element that I lost some ability to speak freely of anything....
Yeah you're a newlywed, still, so you are just learning, you DO need your guy-time, guy-space, guy-friends. Time you spend on things you care about, or with people you care about, will generally make her value you more highly.

Being on the same forum with an SO is generally not a good idea. You have to be able to blow off steam.
Fonduman wrote:
Like, I might not be able to casually bring up an ex of mine. She tends to compare herself to my exes and think they're better than her, then get jealous I could go back to them. So if I ponder about something an ex did, it's like, to her, I'm brooding on them because I miss them or want them back, when really I'm just trying to process a significant event to understand it. Sad, in a way, because her insecurities are unwarranted.
Good LORD man! EVERY woman is insecure in this area! If you were in love, she is always scared you will go back, or that she is second best. They are very very insecure creatures. Not always sweet, not always nice, but always insecure. You are the center of her world. Like she is the child and you are the parent. If you had a kid, but started talking about some other kid, then your kid would get uncomfortable.

The only exception is if you are PUTTING THE EX DOWN. Then that MIGHT be okay, on rare occasions. But mostly any mention suggests to her that you are giving the ex some mind-space.

I am all for putting a woman in her place, but with some discretion. They are just not built to be generous. Selfish and insecure. But you know that's part of their charm. :wink:
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."

Fonduman
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 12th, 2014, 11:32 am

Jester wrote: That sending her back thing was grotesque. I've heard of that before, sending someone back after an intercontinental flight, incredibly callous.

I was wondering if this was a VOA (Visa On Arrival) situation, but NO.
Singapore has visa-free travel to the UK!
http://www.mfa.gov.sg/content/mfa/overs ... ments.html
So apparently they got wind that their was a fiance, and she would seek to extend her stay legally after admission, then used that as grounds for refusal of entry? Really kafaka-esque.
We didn't mention any intention to get married, or that we wanted to extend her stay. Just that she was coming to stay with me for a few months, to visit me as a friend she met online. It wasn't a lie, since anything in addition to that would be decided later, rather than it was set in stone already.

I provided a sponsor letter that I would cover her costs. I gave details of my accommodation, some payslips to show I can afford it, etc.
Apparently in her refusal statement, they said she had no stated reason to be here, and had no money, and that 3 months was suspicious, so they thought she was trying to move here and get a job illegally.
Perhaps they can arbitrarily choose to believe that visiting someone online is an invalid reason :roll:

The douche who called me at the time also didn't seem impressed enough with my salary to count as sponsorship, even though the official legal threshold for sponsoring someone to come here permanently via the UK spousal visa route is £18600 per year, and I make more than that. I'm guessing I just don't make much compared to a Londoner, where rent is about 2-3 times as expensive as here, so I seemed poor to his limited scope of perception.

Her parents didn't count as a sponsor because they're retired, even though they have enough savings to apparently buy a house.

She worked at a bakery before she came, and it closed down just before the visit, which is why it seemed like a good time for it. According to them, she can't be trusted to go back to Singapore if she hasn't got a job.

So, basically half-baked BS.

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publicduende
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by publicduende » December 12th, 2014, 11:48 am

Fonduman wrote:We didn't mention any intention to get married, or that we wanted to extend her stay. Just that she was coming to stay with me for a few months, to visit me as a friend she met online. It wasn't a lie, since anything in addition to that would be decided later, rather than it was set in stone already.

I provided a sponsor letter that I would cover her costs. I gave details of my accommodation, some payslips to show I can afford it, etc.
Apparently in her refusal statement, they said she had no stated reason to be here, and had no money, and that 3 months was suspicious, so they thought she was trying to move here and get a job illegally.
Perhaps they can arbitrarily choose to believe that visiting someone online is an invalid reason :roll:

The douche who called me at the time also didn't seem impressed enough with my salary to count as sponsorship, even though the official legal threshold for sponsoring someone to come here permanently via the UK spousal visa route is £18600 per year, and I make more than that. I'm guessing I just don't make much compared to a Londoner, where rent is about 2-3 times as expensive as here, so I seemed poor to his limited scope of perception.

Her parents didn't count as a sponsor because they're retired, even though they have enough savings to apparently buy a house.

She worked at a bakery before she came, and it closed down just before the visit, which is why it seemed like a good time for it. According to them, she can't be trusted to go back to Singapore if she hasn't got a job.

So, basically half-baked BS.
In 2008 I spent a few months working in Singapore and invited a (female) friend to spend a few days in London. She had her own business, selling furniture to companies and hotels, and as far as she told me she wasn't making much money at all. She didn't ask me for any form of sponsorship, nor was I called by an immigration officer when she flew into Heathrow.

Which makes me think the real showstopper were the 3 months Visa, which obviously was well-intentioned on her part, yet can be easily construed as a way to disappear into London. Perhaps if you had chosen a smaller visit, say 15 days, it would have worked OK. Anyhoo you've done the (very) honourable thing now, getting married, so congratulations to both! If I were you, I would be moving permanently to Singapore and looking for a job there, even if it's not the rosiest moment for their economy and the anti-foreigner sentiment is at an all time high.

Fonduman
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 12th, 2014, 12:08 pm

publicduende wrote:
Fonduman wrote:We didn't mention any intention to get married, or that we wanted to extend her stay. Just that she was coming to stay with me for a few months, to visit me as a friend she met online. It wasn't a lie, since anything in addition to that would be decided later, rather than it was set in stone already.

I provided a sponsor letter that I would cover her costs. I gave details of my accommodation, some payslips to show I can afford it, etc.
Apparently in her refusal statement, they said she had no stated reason to be here, and had no money, and that 3 months was suspicious, so they thought she was trying to move here and get a job illegally.
Perhaps they can arbitrarily choose to believe that visiting someone online is an invalid reason :roll:

The douche who called me at the time also didn't seem impressed enough with my salary to count as sponsorship, even though the official legal threshold for sponsoring someone to come here permanently via the UK spousal visa route is £18600 per year, and I make more than that. I'm guessing I just don't make much compared to a Londoner, where rent is about 2-3 times as expensive as here, so I seemed poor to his limited scope of perception.

Her parents didn't count as a sponsor because they're retired, even though they have enough savings to apparently buy a house.

She worked at a bakery before she came, and it closed down just before the visit, which is why it seemed like a good time for it. According to them, she can't be trusted to go back to Singapore if she hasn't got a job.

So, basically half-baked BS.
In 2008 I spent a few months working in Singapore and invited a (female) friend to spend a few days in London. She had her own business, selling furniture to companies and hotels, and as far as she told me she wasn't making much money at all. She didn't ask me for any form of sponsorship, nor was I called by an immigration officer when she flew into Heathrow.

Which makes me think the real showstopper were the 3 months Visa, which obviously was well-intentioned on her part, yet can be easily construed as a way to disappear into London. Perhaps if you had chosen a smaller visit, say 15 days, it would have worked OK. Anyhoo you've done the (very) honourable thing now, getting married, so congratulations to both! If I were you, I would be moving permanently to Singapore and looking for a job there, even if it's not the rosiest moment for their economy and the anti-foreigner sentiment is at an all time high.
I think the visa is what triggered their initial suspicion. If we could go back and do it again, I'd go for a shorter visit. But I'm not sure if immigration can actually then limit the stay to a shorter visit, demand you're back 15 days later etc.
At the time, we'd done some preliminary research on immigration principles, but we were still somewhat ignorant of the real scope of the culture of paranoia and hostility that exists. We assumed some degree of reasonableness on their part, when we should have treated it as though we were a criminal being interrogated by someone intent on finding reason for prosecution.

Singapore was an ok place to visit, but it wouldn't be my thing to move there. It's too hot, it's too crowded, there's air pollution, the rents are high, the salaries are at the least very unequal. I'm not sure how much I could get paid there. There's no minimum wage, and every job my wife has had, paid her about $5 USD an hour.
Here, I live in a large town, maybe 80,000 people. So there's all the facilities I need. Big shopping centers, leisure center, etc. At the same time, traffic isn't too bad. I can casually drive about town, and park practically anywhere. The rent is reasonable. I'm on the coast, so there's nice scenery and walks. There's room to breathe, really. I lived in a city while I was at university, and it felt claustrophobic. I didn't even want to walk outside my apartment, because just outside the door was swarming with people. You couldn't take a casual walk, because everyone around you are bustling and walking fast. I'm not agoraphobic, but it's not a relaxing or easy environment to be in, at least for me.

Feldeinsamkeit
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Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Feldeinsamkeit » December 12th, 2014, 12:47 pm

Fonduman wrote:Hey,
I posted here about three years ago, briefly. I doubt anyone would remember me. But I thought this could be an interesting little story.

I recently got married to a Singaporean girl I met on an online forum.
I met her almost 2 years ago, now.
It was a good route for me, because I'm not one for hitting on women in real life.
Neither of us are actually that fussed on the idea of marriage, which is one reason I trusted her enough to marry her. She tried to visit here in February, but immigration at Heathrow (who are major racist douchebags) sent her back. We were hoping we'd be able to find a way to be together without marriage. But after that incident, we decided that we had to do it to have any chance of being together.

She's actually quite sane for a girl. We'll still have occasional arguments over silly things, like if she gets jealous for no reason, but I guess that comes with the territory of girls lol. But she saw no point in wasting money on a big wedding, seeing it as a means to be together, so the wedding cost about $15 all told. Before plane tickets, place to stay, etc. She dislikes feminism, and agrees that their hypocrisy is stupid. For example, she thinks all domestic violence should be treated as equally serious, and that a man has a right to self-defense no matter who attacks him.
One of the most surprising things, when compared to local women, is that she reacts positively and consistently to me being nice to her. In the past, being nice was a one way ticket to the friend-zone. She values it, and it genuinely doesn't seem to affect her attraction.
The forum I met her on was related to MBTI, and she had a lot of genuine posts there already, so that adds to her credibility that she's not just some gold-digger type.
Her parents have been very overprotective through her life, barely letting her out of her house. And she seems just a little socially awkward IRL, enough that I could believe she was really a bit sheltered. Of course, that's not really a bad thing to me, but it doesn't fit a typical gold-digger persona. She also doesn't like me spending too much frivolously on her, and doesn't see the appeal of frivolous spending or shopping herself.
So that's why I think my choice for marriage was acceptably safe.

Her protected upbringing means she also is a virgin and had never even kissed before. Sometimes she seems a bit insecure about it, as if she's worrying what people think about her lack of experience, and yet obviously for most men it is a positive. When I met her at the end of September, I was her first kiss. That was somewhat special.

She doesn't like parties or excessive socialising, which suits me well. We both like games, and will play together. She's not big on revealing clothing, or flirting with others.

Currently, she's still in Singapore, and I'm in the UK, waiting on various documentation to complete so she can hopefully come and live here. I need to renounce british citizenship, then use my irish citizenship to claim that I am exercising EU treaty rights by working here, which will allow me to get an EU family permit. The british citizenship renunciation is taking ages, almost 2 months already.

I faced a lot of initial opposition from her parents, but they seem to like me after having met me. Apparently they were relieved I wasn't a badboy lol. I guess the thing is, over there, an educated polite guy with a decent job is actually a catch. Here, it bores women. Her parents have been thinking of immigrating for a while, because things are going a little downhill over there with regards living costs and stuff, so that might explain their willingness for her to move here, if they were all going to have to move soon anyway. Her parents don't have any plans to move here themselves, that I can see.

This is her:
Image

This is us together
Image
Congratulations on your audacity to do such a thing, Fonduman - we need more doers on here, rather than mere talkers!

When I was 28 years old - 12 years ago now and long before the creation of this website - I entered into an internet correspondence with a German girl which over time developed into a long-relationship after I relocated to Germany but we broke up at the end of last year and I returned to live in the UK again. Although I don't wholly regret the decision to return, I do greatly regret it from the perspective of the dating scene here, since it seems to have become much, more worse than when I was younger, especially as regards the toxic personalities (i.e. self-centred, narcissistic, materialistic, et.c.) of the majority of the women I encounter on a day-to-day basis and reminds me forcibly every day of why I decided to look overseas for a partner all those years ago.

Would you mind my asking what prompted you to look overseas in the first place? You mentioned in your post that, "It was a good route for me, because I'm not one for hitting on women in real life." Given how stuck-up and unapproachable women have become in the UK in recent years I can certainly understand this comment but I was wondering whether you ended up reaching a point in your life, perhaps like me, where you consciously decided not to bother looking for a UK girlfriend any longer but to only look overseas for a partner instead?

In short, I'd be interested in hearing what brought you, in terms of your experiences of the dating market in the UK, to look into the overseas option for romance.

Fonduman
Freshman Poster
Posts: 10
Joined: September 20th, 2011, 2:48 am
Location: Northern Ireland

Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Fonduman » December 12th, 2014, 1:29 pm

Feldeinsamkeit wrote:
Fonduman wrote:Hey,
I posted here about three years ago, briefly. I doubt anyone would remember me. But I thought this could be an interesting little story.

I recently got married to a Singaporean girl I met on an online forum.
I met her almost 2 years ago, now.
It was a good route for me, because I'm not one for hitting on women in real life.
Neither of us are actually that fussed on the idea of marriage, which is one reason I trusted her enough to marry her. She tried to visit here in February, but immigration at Heathrow (who are major racist douchebags) sent her back. We were hoping we'd be able to find a way to be together without marriage. But after that incident, we decided that we had to do it to have any chance of being together.

She's actually quite sane for a girl. We'll still have occasional arguments over silly things, like if she gets jealous for no reason, but I guess that comes with the territory of girls lol. But she saw no point in wasting money on a big wedding, seeing it as a means to be together, so the wedding cost about $15 all told. Before plane tickets, place to stay, etc. She dislikes feminism, and agrees that their hypocrisy is stupid. For example, she thinks all domestic violence should be treated as equally serious, and that a man has a right to self-defense no matter who attacks him.
One of the most surprising things, when compared to local women, is that she reacts positively and consistently to me being nice to her. In the past, being nice was a one way ticket to the friend-zone. She values it, and it genuinely doesn't seem to affect her attraction.
The forum I met her on was related to MBTI, and she had a lot of genuine posts there already, so that adds to her credibility that she's not just some gold-digger type.
Her parents have been very overprotective through her life, barely letting her out of her house. And she seems just a little socially awkward IRL, enough that I could believe she was really a bit sheltered. Of course, that's not really a bad thing to me, but it doesn't fit a typical gold-digger persona. She also doesn't like me spending too much frivolously on her, and doesn't see the appeal of frivolous spending or shopping herself.
So that's why I think my choice for marriage was acceptably safe.

Her protected upbringing means she also is a virgin and had never even kissed before. Sometimes she seems a bit insecure about it, as if she's worrying what people think about her lack of experience, and yet obviously for most men it is a positive. When I met her at the end of September, I was her first kiss. That was somewhat special.

She doesn't like parties or excessive socialising, which suits me well. We both like games, and will play together. She's not big on revealing clothing, or flirting with others.

Currently, she's still in Singapore, and I'm in the UK, waiting on various documentation to complete so she can hopefully come and live here. I need to renounce british citizenship, then use my irish citizenship to claim that I am exercising EU treaty rights by working here, which will allow me to get an EU family permit. The british citizenship renunciation is taking ages, almost 2 months already.

I faced a lot of initial opposition from her parents, but they seem to like me after having met me. Apparently they were relieved I wasn't a badboy lol. I guess the thing is, over there, an educated polite guy with a decent job is actually a catch. Here, it bores women. Her parents have been thinking of immigrating for a while, because things are going a little downhill over there with regards living costs and stuff, so that might explain their willingness for her to move here, if they were all going to have to move soon anyway. Her parents don't have any plans to move here themselves, that I can see.

This is her:
Image

This is us together
Image
Congratulations on your audacity to do such a thing, Fonduman - we need more doers on here, rather than mere talkers!

When I was 28 years old - 12 years ago now and long before the creation of this website - I entered into an internet correspondence with a German girl which over time developed into a long-relationship after I relocated to Germany but we broke up at the end of last year and I returned to live in the UK again. Although I don't wholly regret the decision to return, I do greatly regret it from the perspective of the dating scene here, since it seems to have become much, more worse than when I was younger, especially as regards the toxic personalities (i.e. self-centred, narcissistic, materialistic, et.c.) of the majority of the women I encounter on a day-to-day basis and reminds me forcibly every day of why I decided to look overseas for a partner all those years ago.

Would you mind my asking what prompted you to look overseas in the first place? You mentioned in your post that, "It was a good route for me, because I'm not one for hitting on women in real life." Given how stuck-up and unapproachable women have become in the UK in recent years I can certainly understand this comment but I was wondering whether you ended up reaching a point in your life, perhaps like me, where you consciously decided not to bother looking for a UK girlfriend any longer but to only look overseas for a partner instead?

In short, I'd be interested in hearing what brought you, in terms of your experiences of the dating market in the UK, to look into the overseas option for romance.
I'm not sure that I was purposefully looking overseas. I was looking online in general, and this popped out.

I'm not even sure that it could have ever been said of me that I was "looking" in real life either. That implies some sort of activity on my part. Are you familiar with the concept of Love-shyness? It's essentially a phobia that your sexuality will be seen as shameful by others. So I could never do anything that would imply romantic interest on my part, in case the girl inwardly was disgusted by it, considered me "out of line" as such.

So I never approached a girl, never asked one out. I could chat to a girl ok if she initiated, because that would seem innocent. I couldn't start a chart myself, because then she could think I was interested. It's a weird situation, because it's not even general social anxiety, when you're comfortable with talk in general, but intensely avoidant of appearing to have romantic intentions.

The internet was my way of getting round this. To enable a relationship to develop easier, to be able to express my romantic intentions easier.

So I wasn't even really that much exposed to the negative traits of UK women, because I didn't actively try to date them IRL, but they became very apparent when I tried dating sites. I've never seen so much illiteracy, stupidity and ego bundled into one place. It's like they've been taught these traits are good, and they openly laud themselves for it, proud of themselves for being this way.

If you ever feel intellectually insufficient, a quick pof visit will put things into perspective for you.

Jester
Elite Upper Class Poster
Posts: 7875
Joined: January 20th, 2009, 10:10 am
Location: Chiang Mai Thailand

Re: Got married to a foreign girl

Post by Jester » December 12th, 2014, 10:14 pm

Fonduman wrote:
We didn't mention any intention to get married, or that we wanted to extend her stay. Just that she was coming to stay with me for a few months, to visit me as a friend she met online. It wasn't a lie, since anything in addition to that would be decided later, rather than it was set in stone already.

I provided a sponsor letter that I would cover her costs. I gave details of my accommodation, some payslips to show I can afford it, etc.
Apparently in her refusal statement, they said she had no stated reason to be here, and had no money, and that 3 months was suspicious, so they thought she was trying to move here and get a job illegally.
Perhaps they can arbitrarily choose to believe that visiting someone online is an invalid reason :roll:
This sounds like getting someone in from China, not from SINGAPORE.

Apparently then, "visa-free" means NOTHING.
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."

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