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Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.
These are the options I see:
1) Select 1 girl. Fly out, meet, continue relationship or dump. If dump repeat till success.
2) Select multiple girls. Fly out, secretly meet all, choose best and dump rest.
3) Select multiple girls. Fly out, openly meet all, choose best and dump rest.
Meeting people sequentially isn't out of the ordinary if you're dating locally. Plenty of people go on a first date and then decide not to continue. The whole point of a first date is to evaluate before commitment. As long as sex isn't exchanged this is seen as a harmless mutual interview. Even Orthodox Jews and Muslims interview multiple people before they are married off. So the idea of comparing candidates before getting serious is normal.
So why is it that when it comes to dating foreign women, it's seen as adultery to meet multiple women? There is no sex involved, it is just dinner and a conversation.
My feeling is that online dating is accelerated and therefore commitment is seen as being given earlier. A first date is texting. A second date is a video chat. Once you've talked on video multiple times they see you as being in a relationship with them. By the time you fly out it is like you've put an engagement ring on them (at least in their silly little head).
Recently I was talking to four girls. I made clear to all four girls that I would meet other women besides them. These were the results:
Girl #1 flipped out instantly . All I did was ask her what she thought about me meeting other women. She then asked if I talked to other women on skype. I say yes and she gets pissed and leaves the computer for an hour. She comes back an hour later and says she won't participate in an "audition" for me and that it's over. This devastated me. On the one hand this shows she's strongly monogamous but on the other hand this was controlling. After all I am not allowed to even interview other girls skype? I don't know whether I dodged a bullet or may of missed the best one. I'll never know.
Girl #2 got pissed but accepted it. After a couple weeks she lost interest. So effectively I lost her.
Girl #3 said she understands my situation and I can't be expected to fly and meet everyone individually. She said it's "offensive but understandable".
Girl #4 was the least offended. She said she supports my decision and will still be glad to see me. She wants me to be happy even if I don't pick her. That's pretty selfless.
-The Jonny Law approved way-
Go to meet one girl who is very interested in you.
Chances are she is not as pretty as her photo. Or she will have another deal breaker (she might say no to you ect.)
Have some other girls you are communicating with to meet you when the first girl fails.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to date multiple women especially a place faraway like the Philippines. I think it's also a good idea to get to know them better first before meeting up, say for a couple of months. There's the possibility of meeting others too which you haven't talked to online thus increasing the choices.
Of course it is acceptable from our perspective but not theirs. The question is how do you resolve this conflict created by irrational women.
You can either lie and meet multiple women.
Or be open about it and lose candidates.
These women are so incredibly irrational. All they need to do is sit on their ass. We are the ones flying across an ocean to meet them. The simple fact is that one unproven woman is not economically worth the cost of a plane ticket, food and board.
Hey Dumbass Drealm-
Don't knock it until you have tried it.
The girls overseas are worth it.
Happier abroad is filled with dudes who are:
1. Too Poor
2. Too Stupid
3. Too Weak
For those of us with excess cash and a pair of balls the girls overseas are worth it.
Firstly the women in say the Philippines are more rational than western women and secondly being honest about dating multiple girls is enough for her to lose interest in you most likely. Anyway, you only have to lie if you're actually asked the question.
Furthermore, these women could possibly be dating others themselves or even be in a relationship so it can work both ways. In the early stages its best keeping your cards close to your chest until you get to know her better.
Even if you do meet several women and none are suitable at least you'll have a vacation. The Philippines is fantastic in that aspect. It's like killing two birds with one stone.
I've done (or tried to do) all 3 of the listed options. Ultimately it depends on what your goal is. If you're looking for potential marriage and that's what she is hoping for then don't expect her to accept #2 or 3. In fact if she accepts those options she herself might not be the marrying type and is probably seeing other guys.
I've told the story before but it might bare repeating. The 1st time I went to the Philippines I wanted to meet multiple women. I asked my now wife to meet me in Cebu and told her I would be meeting others. She turned me down cold saying she had no interest in my "collecting and selecting." I met others, had a great time, began a relationship with one of them which ultimately failed. By then I had been friends with my wife for about a year. By the time I proposed that we meet I had decided to just meet her. Actually in point of fact that's not completely true. But that time I had made several friends with Filipinas - women I liked but knew I would not be getting involved with. I had dinner with one of those (I told Janet that I would be doing that) just as friends (I still have several Filipina friends) and then met Janet - and the race was on
All that said if it had not worked out with Janet I suppose I had other girls I could have met. But I was pretty sure that I knew where Janet and I were headed.
OTOH, if you are not interested in marriage and only fun and games then I see no reason why you should limit yourself to only meeting one girl. And you might as well tell her that marriage is not what's on your mind.
Check out my blog @ http://www.marriedafilipina.com
Dumbass Jonny, I'm going to assume that you're an otherwise sensible person but have bad reading comprehension.
Why don't you reread my post. You missed my point.
In my case I'm not talking about the Philippines.
I'm torn on what this means if a girl rejects you for meeting others. One the one hand it could mean she's highly monogamous and very loyal and expects the same in return. This is reasonable and I respect it. But on the other hand it means she could be very controlling. After all she is trying to dictate terms of relationship before you have even had sex with her. The girl I spoke to rejected me just for talking to other women as in I was not even allowed to view other women. Agreeing to these terms means you need to commit to a woman after one conversation, which is very forceful.
Thanks for your advice. My goal is marriage. I guess only time will tell if I made the wrong decision.
Women respect men who lie well and despise men who always tell the truth or lie poorly. Actually, men also respect good liars. The "wily" Odysseus was the greatest of the heroes of the Trojan war, precisely because he was the most devious. Physical courage was common among the warriors then, but physical courage combined with the ability to deceive was rare.
So what you have to do is come up with some story about combining business and wife hunting, to justify running around seeing many different women without telling the women what you are up to. After you have screwed the woman and the sex was good, you might let her in on the story. She'll respect you more.
I'm no fan of the alpha-beta PUA thing, but this is one thing they got right. You MUST treat women like shit at times to get their respect. Including the quality women suitable for marriage. Beta chumps are guys who can't/won't shit on their woman now and then.
Applies to certain women but not all. A woman who respects a man for lying is usually a liar herself.
As for treating them like shit, yes it's true, some will respect you but then again the strong willed types with self-respect won't put up with it. The secret therefore is not to treat them shit but to take no shit from them.
Fair enough. It was just an example.
If she rejects you for meeting others its either down to jealousy or she thinks you're a player. Women are insecure so it's best keeping quiet. Do too much talking and it will be you doing the walking.
All women are natural liars, other than morons. The better ones will control their lying if it is not in their best interest to lie. In particular, if they fear you, both your ability to eventually detect their lies and your willingness and ability to punish them for lying. Abandoning a wife and your young children is a severe punishment in the Philippines. If she believes you wouldn't hesitate to do that, then she will not lie.
You don't have to shit on a woman often, but you do have to do it occasionally. If she is a fast learner and highly disciplined, you do it once and never again. If she won't tolerate even that one time, she'll end up wearing the pants once you are married. Women shit test men, men must also shit test women.
I despise lying and shit testing and so I avoid both. But then my target is divorcees in their 40's with whom I want relationships lasting maybe 2 months in exchange for substantial cash gifts. Lying just gets in the way of coming to an agreement. A woman who hints at money is harder to deal with than one who boldly puts a price on her p***y. "Whores are the most honest women" to return to the point that ALL women lie. That said, I don't like regular whores because I want an emotional connection and some exclusivity while the relationship lasts.
It depends if your looking for a wife, girlfriend or a short term fling.
I met my wife online 4 years ago and we're still together. I used option 1 but we talked to each other online for 2 years before we met in person.
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