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Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.
4 posts • Page 1 of 1
I have spent a little time in China this year and more time in Indonesia. My wife is Indonesian.
We let one of my wife's cousins stay with us in Indonesia, a girl in her 20's from my wife's father's farming village way up in the mountains in a rural area. She's got a college degree. We paid her to help with our kids. Anyway, she's a hard worker and loves little kids. My littlest really likes her.
I think this girl has a lot ot offer some man as a wife. She's cute, kind of short, mild-mannered and polite. She has a very warm smile and she's friendly. I also just heard her sing and she has a nice singing voice. Her people-group is full of people who sing well, too. I listened to her talk about an old boyfriend, and she seems pretty innocent and sincere. Dating in Indonesia is all about finding a spouse. And her people-group are very anti-divorce. They want a spouse for life. I do know of a few cases in my wife's family where they had broken homes. The story is typically that the husband leaves his wife and takes another wife. One of her relatives married in church and according to custom, but never registered the marriage with the state and he married another woman and had kids by her (too.) I haven't heard of the women in my wife's family or in this people-group running around on their husbands. Virginity before marriage still seems to be the norm, at least talking with the village girl.
Anyway, this cousin is hard working around the house. I guess they raise the girls to do housework up in the villages. I don't know if she knows how to cook. I think for someone who marries a young women her 20's, it's probably good if she just considers it her responsibility to learn to cook and actively pursues it, and can cook enough to survive. Anyway, this girl can't speak English hardly at all. And with the posters posting about how its okay for men to go to prostitutes and some of the other stuff, I'm not going to post her picture or phone number. I'm just using her as an example.
There are lots of sweet, friendly girls in Indonesia with strong family values. Most of the cultures here seem to highly value being polite and friendly and making other people feel comfortable. I can't know for sure, but I suspect that there are an awful lot of virgins. They see dating as being a step toward marriage. They want to have a baby or babies after they get married. Honoring parents and taking care of them is deemed highly important.
I also noticed that many young women in the country are still interested in marrying white men. My wife made a joking remark around a group of single girls about wanting to marry a white man, and they agreed, and I think one said, "Mau, donk' which means she wants to. I'll take that as a complement, but I think that is still considered desirable here. I also think marrying another Asian foreigner from a more developed country can be as a high status marriage. I believe one of her relatives I talked to at a wedding mentioned an interest in marrying a white man. The cousin I mentioned seem positive toward the idea of marrying a white spouse as well.
There are challenges in marrying cross-culturally. My wife's family are very collectivist and there are a lot of family activities. Weddings for her people-group are in large hot buildings with fans rather than A/C. The crowds are huge.
If a decent man wanted to go to Indonesia and get married, there are some challenges. Families are collectivist and they can be kind of noxey. Cultures here can be hard to understand. But there are also advantages to being in a collectivist family as well. And it is good if a woman's culture instilled values that involve not divorcing, submitting to her husband, and taking care of the home, husband, and children.
Indonesian girls seem just as sweet, down to earth, and easygoing as Filipinas. So why isn't Indonesia as popular with expats as Philippines? They also seem less greedy too. They don't have the love of money in their eyes or worship money as a God, like Filipinos do.
Falcon, have you been to Indonesia? Can you comment?
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Thanks for your awesome report.
I wholeheartedly agree. See my experiences in a Javanese village here. viewtopic.php?t=24173
Bali is, with Aussie expats.
Indonesia didn't have much US influence, has more difficult long-term visas and residency laws, and is a majority Muslim country. These factors make Indonesia less popular for Western expats.
Why isn't Indonesia as popular with Western Expats? I had the same question when I was travelling in West Sumatra in 2013. There seemed to be a tourist infrastructure, hotels, guides, tour companies etc. but very few Western tourists. The various answers I got were that it were... because of the Tsunami in 2003, the Bali bombings, 9/11 and the increased fear of Islam...none of these quite made sense as Bali has bounced back from all of them. But then again Bali is Hindu with a Muslim minority. In West Sumatra just about all the girls wore the Muslim headscarf or Jilbab and seemed fairly conservative. Although I did meet a local guy who said he could introduce me to some girls, but it sounded like they were prostitutes. Up north in Sumatra at lake Toba the Batik people are Christian and the girls seemed more open.
Like most places in the world the girls you will probably be interested live in the city working, studying, partying. The ones with less get up and go, less money, less good looks stay in the village or come here to Taiwan to be maids(?). I found in Jakarta that there were various sets of girls interested in foreigners. The first group were well educated, Buddhist or Christian Chinese-Indonesians with a thing for British culture. The second group were well off ethnic Indonesians into clubbing and going to Bali for the beach. The third group were village girls in regular jobs who moonlighted as prostitutes at places such as Blok M. I saw many a foreigner far from handsome do well in Indonesia and the locals do not seem to look down on you for being an English teacher. I've seen teachers marry rich, well-educated girls.
One thing to remember is that sex outside wedlock is actually illegal in Indonesia! In practice though I get the idea it's quite a sexual culture sadly held back by a few Islamist fundamentalists - man if only the whole place was still Hindu! By the way Bali is actually a good place to meet muslim girls from Java, as they go over there for holidays to escape the more restrictive atmosphere of the larger island.