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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
I would advise everybody looking for serious relationship there to be very precautious. My story shortly is that my gf is Thai, now 33 years old, from Uttaradit region and I invited her to Hunary last year for the first time. I met her for first time in Malaysia in 2016 where I paid her ticket to come there as she had never been to another country before at that time, at least this is what she said. We met on internet, which is important to highlight, as I think most of women, not only in Thailand are money seekers. Basically I wanted to have a kid from her from the beginning, at that time not knowing her past and her profession. She looked good on pictures and on cam, although sometimes I could see she has had akne problems, now I know probably because of the poor food quality their family eats. Although I must mention that she was completely healthy looking when I met her, she mentioned to me later that she has tried narcotics and has even been to prison in Thailand for carrying narcotics around 10 years ago. When her blood was checked during pregnancy some irregularities were found, but the doctors didn't explain in details to me. These details started to come up later in the relationship of course, I was not precautious enough and stupid. She came to Hungary in 2017 for the first time (second time for her out of her country with my help, this time in Europe, which would have never happened if I didn't meet her). The relationship was not the smoothest I have ever had but I didn't have too many gf's before, thought it is due to cultural differences, and we planned the kid. The child was finally conceived at the end of last year (2017).
She disappeared from me at the end of the year (probably 1 month after she was sure she had the kid). I don't want to generalize the Thai nation, as there, as anywhere in the world, there is a reason why things happening the way they are, but I think I chose one of the worst kid of bitches in the culture. Maybe there are many, beautiful and intelligent women there, who can be trusted, someone just need to be very selective. I was not.
We had a small fight (not physical just argument), not too serious before she disappeared. After she disappeared she was silent for 10 days and I didn't even know what happened to her. After these 10 days she told me she went to a yoga meditation course, I am not sure she was telling the truth... She doesn’t have access to phone during this time.
Anyway, after that when she returned to their home like structure (wooden house with half open walls to allow flow of air, on the back side added 2 rooms made of brick perhaps and a kitchen) started convincing me that I should go to Thailand and meet her parents because this was the best she can do, she cannot come back to me to Hungary by herself. I have to bring her back!!!
Such kind of thinking can erupt only from a mind that had been brought up in crime and violence. She has never been to another country in her life and now she expects me to spend a lot of money to bring her back, which she could do by herself.
I agreed to go there again, on my costs of course because they don't have money for water and food there I saw what is consumed on daily basis. But they have the new Honda CIVIC which they, the family, bought by leasing it for 5 years. So she has to pay installments of ~10.000 bacht / month only for the car, few more thousands for her motorcycle leasing fees, all paid by me during her stay of course. I met her and her family on the Sukhothai airport and I didn't have false expectations. We stayed in their home, as described before, for some time and travelled to Malaysia again, with her car from north thailand to Malaysia which is a long distance. The cultural level differences between Thai and Malays are extreme. Maybe I always have this bad feeling because of her, because she made me feel bad in her own country many times, by speaking some bad things about me, which were not true I think, and Thai people were frowning upon me and some became aggressive. Somwhere even the hotel managers stole my money from my bag after she told them something bad about me I am sure (in Thai language). I have chosen the wrong kind of girl, who is from a poor house, a bit or very crazy. with criminal records of carrying narco and who knows what else, with zero value, except her good looking body, tends to play games with me all the time while I take care of her and the child which is now 3-4 months old.
She disappeared now for the 3rd time since we know each other, now in Hungary, with help of police, she somehow managed to get their attention and the Police arrested me, and my mother, for "Restriction of her freedom", which is 100% not true. Last time she disappeared by locking me and my mother and the baby in our apartment in Umag, Croatia last week (18th of September) but I managed to get her back from the Police station by convincing every policeman there in the station that I was not restricting her freedom, and later she apologized to my mother, looking sincere, and said to me, she would have never left me without the kid!!!
So she had a plan she was sticking to. Not so stupid for a non educated Thai girl. She finished a uni near Hatyai with specializing in tourism, as far as I know, which is either true or not. The plan of accusing me and my mother, who took care of her like her own daughter, cooked for her, helped with the baby when necessary, with Restriction of freedom works well for her because she has the time to escape to some place and I cannot stop her. The police held us in a cell on the police station for overnight (12 hours) and behave with me like with a criminal who has really committed something, while she escaped with my son in her hands and they didn’t do anything.. I am very sorry about this can happen in my own country, in central Euro ...
Her parents, father non working, working as a free lancer repairing speakers,, mother working 6 days a week in very bad conditions in some cement factory. They have been very worried about her, if I take care of her well, she eats well (she has the glutene and lactose intolerance) so her food costs more than average if we take this into account. In Thailand the food was of poor quality she ate I think. I understand now why her parents were so worried about her, and not when she was working for the narco dealers and other illegal professions she has done, why they have not sent her to do something meaningful, like studying any language for example, because in this case she is here they can be heard by somebody, local European authorities, in Thailand nobody would take care about them what they say.
As we can see there are problems everywhere but this story really sticks out from the rest of Thai stories I think.
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I have my second home in Thailand for vacation and retirement, but I am living in Tokyo, with Japanese family since more than 40 years (I am originally from Austria, the neighbor of Hungary).
I assure you, your story does NOT stick out from all these many horror-stories I heard from disappointed foreign men, who had best intention but met a dirty-minded and ungrateful Thai slum girl.
I was talking to many men (not only Western men, but also Asian men from Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Malaysia, Singapore etc.), I gave them strong warnings, but they did not listen to me, some even got angry with me - the usual yellow-fever syndrome - until it was too late, money and girl gone and in some cases a child they had with the girl also disappeared...to somewhere in Northern/Eastern Thailand...in a nowhere area, in a village...
It is not easy in Thailand to find a responsible woman for marriage - many of them are only into a short time relationship and not enough money and they are gone, looking for the next man. Some have also a Thai boyfriend and give him money, as he is the same useless type as the girl herself.
Most foreign men are trapped with the idea to help a 'poor girl' (who wants to study something) and help her 'poor parents' (and only a foreign man is willing to help them), but in Thailand this is clearly the wrong way to go.
In your case, as this girl is already 30+ y/o, what you write it sounds she is very experienced with men. Likely you are not the first foreigner in her life. A student in Hadyai, coming from Uttaradit...very poor family, 30+, have been in jail for drugs.... Toi be honest, you deserve better.
Some Thai girls want to have a child from the foreign man, this is often useful as a pawn to get more money out of him... 'we will leave you if you do not give me this or that' and not 'I will leave you, if....' Thai men often leave nevertheless and don't care about the child, but foreign men often feel they cannot let the girl go with their child and forget about it.
I don't know if you want to try it again in Thailand, which is actually a nice country, but if you do, please do it in a different way.
Opinions might be divided how to do it, but this is about what I recommend to any foreign man when dealing with Thai women.
I know it does not sound nice, but I am not a woman hater, just mistrusting and risk-averse.
1 -After arrival in Thailand, think ONLY about yourself and first of all, secure your own position. This has to be your priority. Don't care about girls.
2 - Your money: has to be outside of Thailand, you keep in Thailand in a local account only what you need for your daily life.
3 - Housing: if you are a frequent visitor, buy a small condo-unit suitable to foreign ownership in a secure housing compound in a place with foreigners. (In my case in Pattaya area) - Make sure it is registered in your name and it will be yours for always.
4 - In case of disputes with a local girI telling nonsense about you (you are not a single case!) it is better to live in a safe place where 'disappointed' girls, her boyfriends, villagers near to her cannot show up so easily and threaten you.
Never agree to pay for some land/house somewhere in rural areas - foreigners cannot buy land and all what you pay for belongs to the Thai family and their relatives... after your relationship is broken, they all will come after you and kick you out.
Foreigners often cannot understand the Thai language and are not familiar with Thai laws, keep this always in your mind.
Never sign any document in Thai which you do not understand.
5 - Foreigners can own cars/motorcycles, if they have an address in Thailand, therefore to be the owner of a small condominium unit is an advantage. NEVER register any vehicle in your Thai girlfriend's name, always keep the owner book with you.
Otherwise the vehicle might be gone to a pawn shop and the girl disappears with the money.
6 - If you really want to socialize with such low-life girls you might do so, but keep up this firm rule about money and no exemption of this rule:
Negotiate a daily allowance - what about baht 500,-/daily - this is euro 400,- per month... Not more than that and this is not bad, better for her than working in a shop or restaurant. Give it to her daily, as such girls have no feeling about how to save up, no consideration about how to spend money and what to buy and what not to buy.
No other money will be given - if she does not agree, she has to go... bye and look for the next one.
Make sure that there are no drugs with her or in your room, if you feel mistrust, do not hesitate and search her.
Before you accept any female visitor to stay with you, make sure you have a functioning safety box in your room and she does not know about the code and keys. - Before going sleeping all money and documents are locked inside. This is to prevent theft - do not trust any Thai girl who needs your love and gives you a feeling that 'my bargirl is different' or similar BS-talk.
7 - Always be into co-habitation, never into marriage. Co-habitation is not accepted by Thai law, even she stays over years in your rooms, she is entitled to nothing. Never register her address with your rooms, keep her registered in her home village.
In case of trouble you can evict her immediately - legally fine as you are the condominium-unit owner, you are not married to her, she has no address with your rooms. In Thailand the right of the landlord is very strong, after she left, change your door locks.
8 - Avoid to bring her back to your own country. Give her some additional pocket money and send her to her parents and lock your room. Should she come back when you are in Thailand again, that's fine and if not, that's also fine.
I am sure, I missed some more important points how to deal with Thai girls coming from a slum-like environment, if you have a question ask me.
Keep in mind a lot of the posts about Thai women and their behavior described in this post and others are very accurate in my experience. I have my Thai wife here in the and I experience it every day. Laziness, sleeping until noon most days, working a few hours a week, even though the toddler is in daycare full time. No motivation to do or achieve anything + expectation for me to always pay for everything. Financially struggling family back home (they are still asking if I will pay the “dowry” payment for marrying their daughter). Poor parenting - not engaging child intellectually in any way, instead using junk food snacks or iPad to “shut the kid up” for a while. Lack of any awareness of the world, beyond the silly Thai pop culture, materialistic posetions and social media. The list goes on and on so read other posts, they are very applicable to my situation and your potential or current situation.