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I didn't have luck in China, where should I try next?

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I didn't have luck in China, where should I try next?

Postby Magic » Fri May 18, 2012 10:42 pm

I just came back from the states a little over a month ago after being in China for the past 2 and a half years. I was an ESL teacher in Hangzhou.

Aside from having a pretty shitty dating life, I had a good time in China and found it to be a pretty cool place. A few people tried to scam me, but I was never dumb enough to fall for anything. I was never the victim of any crimes either, but I'm a pretty street smart guy. I only experienced racism or "xenophobia" if you will, a few times and it didn't really bother me all that much. I also didn't feel like the Chinese government was on my back or trying to boss me around or anything like that. I honestly think most Americans exaggerate how oppressive the Chinese government is, but then again I can't blame them because they only know what the media tells them.

That being said, I did not have a very successful dating life in China at all. I am very baffled at how some guys, on this website and other places, can say getting women in China is "easy" for a white guy. First off, I found out the hard way that approaching random women is frowned upon in China, unlike in America where most guys do it all the time. In China, unless you are a young and very good looking guy, you need to know some people who can introduce you to single Chinese women who are interested in white guys.

Fortunately for me, I knew some guys who were willing to introduce me to some single women they knew. All but one of them ended up rejecting me.

The girl I ended up getting with was my friend's wife's sister. To be perfectly honest, she was probably a 2 out of 10 by Chinese standards, which would probably be like a 4 out of 10 in the United States. She was 37 when we met and I was 34.

She was a freelance animator and mostly worked with clients from the west. She spoke English pretty well, she obviously had an accent and there were a few words here and there that she mispronounced but I could almost always understand what she was saying and she almost always understood me, so we didn't have to communicate in what little Mandarin I knew.

She seldom left her apartment and would often go over a week without setting a foot outside. She was also very introverted and generally unsocial. This is the complete opposite of me, I'm the outgoing "social butterfly" type. If I go one day without going outside, it's only because i'm extremely ill. I don't know if she had problems with expressing emotions or if she was just generally unemotional, but I very rarely say her laugh, smile, cry, or anything like that.

One of the most frustrating parts of our relationship was how distant and closed off she was. There were a lot of times where she just plain didn't want to talk to me, not because she was mad at me for something or that we were fighting, but just for whatever reason. There were so many times where she felt like she was a thousand miles away even though we were in the same room. She was not affectionate with me at all and never let me have sex with her. She never initiated any acts of physical affection like hugging or kissing.

It wasn't all bad though. Since she was employed, she had some financial independence, though I did help her out sometimes since how much she made a month varied. She also didn't have any kids so at least I didn't have to deal with any of that crap. Another good thing was I could spend a weekend somewhere else and she didn't give me a hard time about it, she didn't care.

She dumped me after were together for almost 8 months. I tried to win her back but she ended up getting with another man, who was younger, much better looking, and more successful than me. Shortly before I left China, I found out she got married to this man.
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Postby Taco » Fri May 18, 2012 11:45 pm

I taught ESL in China too and I didn't have any luck with Chinese ladies either, but I wasn't trying either. However, I think it all depends on which city you live in, if you can speak Chinese, your personality and looks.

One of the teachers I worked with was 32 yrs old, was 6'1''tall, could speak fluent Mandarin, smiled and chatted with every Chinese woman he saw and he had women offering to be his girlfriend all the time. This one girl that worked at Carrefore cafeteria used to just stare and smile at him while we ate. Another girl that worked at the massage place asked to be his girlfriend too. Chinese women like tall guys that smile a lot, thats what I noticed. Also, women from southern poor provinces are definately friendlier than the women from Jiangsu province(Shanghai). Guangxi and Hunan provinces are supposed to be two of the better places for finding a girlfriend.

If you can't speak Chinese, its best to go online and find a Chinese woman that speaks english and comes from a poor province, thats my advice. The other option is, if you live close to Hong Kong theres tons of Filipinas that will be happy to date you.


http://www.dateinasia.com/
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Postby Magic » Sat May 19, 2012 12:49 am

Taco wrote:I taught ESL in China too and I didn't have any luck with Chinese ladies either, but I wasn't trying either. However, I think it all depends on which city you live in, if you can speak Chinese, your personality and looks.

One of the teachers I worked with was 32 yrs old, was 6'1''tall, could speak fluent Mandarin, smiled and chatted with every Chinese woman he saw and he had women offering to be his girlfriend all the time. This one girl that worked at Carrefore cafeteria used to just stare and smile at him while we ate. Another girl that worked at the massage place asked to be his girlfriend too. Chinese women like tall guys that smile a lot, thats what I noticed. Also, women from southern poor provinces are definately friendlier than the women from Jiangsu province(Shanghai). Guangxi and Hunan provinces are supposed to be two of the better places for finding a girlfriend.

If you can't speak Chinese, its best to go online and find a Chinese woman that speaks english and comes from a poor province, thats my advice. The other option is, if you live close to Hong Kong theres tons of Filipinas that will be happy to date you.


http://www.dateinasia.com/


I'm not in China anymore, I'm back in the states, as in permanently.

I don't think I want a filipina girlfriend. The ones interested in foreign men seem to be the gold digger type. Everyone I know that dates, has dated, or got married to a filipina seem to tell me the same story. They spend almost all of their spare money on the filipina or sending it to her family members. Some don't seem to mind and some are desperate enough to do it. But for me personally, I do not want this. I want a woman that is somewhat financially independent. I don't mind helping her out, but I'm not going to be a woman's personal ATM machine. Been there, done that. I asked one of my friends who married a filipina once, and he outright told me "most of your money will go to her and her family, if you're not willing to do this don't date one."

I was on that dating website before too. It's full of scammers and flakey women.
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Postby Taco » Sat May 19, 2012 1:23 am

Magic wrote:
Taco wrote:I taught ESL in China too and I didn't have any luck with Chinese ladies either, but I wasn't trying either. However, I think it all depends on which city you live in, if you can speak Chinese, your personality and looks.

One of the teachers I worked with was 32 yrs old, was 6'1''tall, could speak fluent Mandarin, smiled and chatted with every Chinese woman he saw and he had women offering to be his girlfriend all the time. This one girl that worked at Carrefore cafeteria used to just stare and smile at him while we ate. Another girl that worked at the massage place asked to be his girlfriend too. Chinese women like tall guys that smile a lot, thats what I noticed. Also, women from southern poor provinces are definately friendlier than the women from Jiangsu province(Shanghai). Guangxi and Hunan provinces are supposed to be two of the better places for finding a girlfriend.

If you can't speak Chinese, its best to go online and find a Chinese woman that speaks english and comes from a poor province, thats my advice. The other option is, if you live close to Hong Kong theres tons of Filipinas that will be happy to date you.


http://www.dateinasia.com/


I'm not in China anymore, I'm back in the states, as in permanently.

I don't think I want a filipina girlfriend. The ones interested in foreign men seem to be the gold digger type. Everyone I know that dates, has dated, or got married to a filipina seem to tell me the same story. They spend almost all of their spare money on the filipina or sending it to her family members. Some don't seem to mind and some are desperate enough to do it. But for me personally, I do not want this. I want a woman that is somewhat financially independent. I don't mind helping her out, but I'm not going to be a woman's personal ATM machine. Been there, done that. I asked one of my friends who married a filipina once, and he outright told me "most of your money will go to her and her family, if you're not willing to do this don't date one."

I was on that dating website before too. It's full of scammers and flakey women.


My best friend married a Filipina and they've been married now for 25 yrs. I can safely say my friends wife makes at least 70% of their income. It is true Filipino Family members help each other out financially. However, if the use of your money turns into abuse of it then you just have put your foot down. Find a Filipina that owns a business and you won't have to worry about this.
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Postby Winston » Sat May 19, 2012 6:25 am

That sucks. How tall are you?

Did you try to meet Chinese women from dating sites? I've gotten a lot of responses from Chinese Kisses and DateinAsia.

You gotta remember that maybe 70 or 80 percent of white guys lie and BS when it comes to money and women. Even good honest guys will BS sometimes. I don't know why. They just do that. That's my experience.

Therefore, you can't believe what any guy says at face value, even if he seems nice, sincere and educated. White guys are notorious for BSing for some reason, while Asian guys usually don't like to brag.

Why do you say most guys in the US approach women? That's not true at all. Only guys in big cities do that. In most of the US, esp suburbia, people keep to themselves and mind their own business and don't talk to strangers. Approaching women is something that is talked about online but you rarely see it in person in real life.

Even in big cities, most guys who chat up women don't get anywhere, unless they are very good looking. I've seen this in LA and NY.

Btw, you DO NOT need to support your Filipina girlfriend's family. I sure don't. If they leave you for that, then let them leave. It wasn't true love anyway if they won't stay with you over it. FYI, there is NOTHING in Filipino culture that says that a man has to support his wife's family. NOTHING. It's not part of their custom. Filipino guys don't do it either. In fact, Filipino relatives don't always give free money to their relatives. They keep their earnings to themselves and for their own needs. No one would work unless they could keep their own money. Think about it. Would a Filipino work hard overseas if he/she couldn't keep any of their earnings? Would you? No way.
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Postby Rock » Sat May 19, 2012 6:54 am

Winston wrote:
Btw, you DO NOT need to support your Filipina girlfriend's family. I sure don't. If they leave you for that, then let them leave. It wasn't true love anyway if they won't stay with you over it. FYI, there is NOTHING in Filipino culture that says that a man has to support his wife's family. NOTHING. It's not part of their custom. Filipino guys don't do it either. In fact, Filipino relatives don't always give free money to their relatives. They keep their earnings to themselves and for their own needs. No one would work unless they could keep their own money. Think about it. Would a Filipino work hard overseas if he/she couldn't keep any of their earnings? Would you? No way.


R u sure about that? It seems a lot of families in the PI are financial beneficiaries of one or more relatives abroad. And even in your own case, isn't there a Filipina aunt who sometimes helps out your gf and/or her family members?
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Postby xiongmao » Sat May 19, 2012 8:32 am

Hangzhou? Isn't that near Shanghai. Well that's probably the worst place in China to look for women. Meh.

Go to somewhere like Changsha, Wuhan or Guangzhou and you'll have a lot more luck.

Height is important, but I'm only 5' 6". All this means is that I'm popular with the 5' 2" girls rather than the 5' 6" ones.

Online dating is the best way to approach Chinese women, although friends of friends could be good. I'm planning to go to Uni in China for a year or two - that could be a good place for women as well.

As for gold diggers, well many men just seem to love giving money to women and they attract gold diggers as a result. I even watched a TV show about this the other day. It's called RINSING apparently :eek: .

My uncle's friend has a Filipino wife. They've been married for years. He sends her out to work so any money she wants for her family she has to earn herself. This seems to work for them.
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Postby Taco » Sat May 19, 2012 1:33 pm

xiongmao wrote:Hangzhou? Isn't that near Shanghai. Well that's probably the worst place in China to look for women. Meh.

Go to somewhere like Changsha, Wuhan or Guangzhou and you'll have a lot more luck.

Height is important, but I'm only 5' 6". All this means is that I'm popular with the 5' 2" girls rather than the 5' 6" ones.


The cities on the east coast of China are definately the wrong place to look for a girlfriend. Theres just to many rich guys there and the women are wealthier too which doesn't help. The further south you go the shorter the people get which means the taller you become, that will give you an advantage. Several years ago, there were a lot of American men going to to the city of Nanning to find girlfriends and wives, its located in one of the poorest provinces.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nanning
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Postby xiongmao » Sun May 20, 2012 8:01 am

Hubei and Hunan Provinces are prime hunting grounds as well.

These women aren't just in it for the money though. Last year I dated a really wealthy woman who couldn't find a husband because she was just too powerful. Men usually prefer women who are less alpha than they are.

Most of the office ladies I've dated have had a fairly decent income, and they all have iPhones (and I don't even have one of those).

Guangzhou is also great because it's pretty cosmopolitan. I even saw a Chinese woman with an Indian husband. Now that was a weird mixed baby they had!
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Postby Repatriate » Sun May 20, 2012 9:32 am

Winston wrote:T
You gotta remember that maybe 70 or 80 percent of white guys lie and BS when it comes to money and women. Even good honest guys will BS sometimes. I don't know why. They just do that. That's my experience.

Therefore, you can't believe what any guy says at face value, even if he seems nice, sincere and educated. White guys are notorious for BSing for some reason, while Asian guys usually don't like to brag.

There is some truth to this it's called the Dunning-Kruger effect. In the U.S. in particular a lot of people have developed delusional confidence and inflated belief in their own abilities. So even if guys aren't all that successful they make shit up or inflate every minor success into something great. In Asia it tends to be the opposite. People downplay the level of their abilities when they are capable of much more things.
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Postby ph_visitor » Sun May 20, 2012 12:51 pm

I told you so.

About 30% of guys report this effect in China.

The other 70% are f***ing everything that moves like this fellow:

One of the teachers I worked with was 32 yrs old, was 6'1''tall, could speak fluent Mandarin, smiled and chatted with every Chinese woman he saw and he had women offering to be his girlfriend all the time.


Speaking Fluent Mandarin is nearly impossible unless you have a gift or you have studied it for years, as the other young men in this thread can attest to.
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Postby xiongmao » Sun May 20, 2012 2:13 pm

I'm sceptical of stories about any foreign English teacher who can't score in China. One of the Chinese girls I met confessed to me that she was in love with her English teacher. I'm sure half the class were - it's very common. OK so she wasn't a model, but she was good enough.

I don't really know who to believe online. I once belonged to a board where one of the members faked his own death :eek: .
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Postby Taco » Sun May 20, 2012 2:23 pm

ph_visitor wrote:I told you so.

About 30% of guys report this effect in China.

The other 70% are f***ing everything that moves like this fellow:

One of the teachers I worked with was 32 yrs old, was 6'1''tall, could speak fluent Mandarin, smiled and chatted with every Chinese woman he saw and he had women offering to be his girlfriend all the time.


Speaking Fluent Mandarin is nearly impossible unless you have a gift or you have studied it for years, as the other young men in this thread can attest to.


This teacher new about 1500 Chinese words which is more than enough to get by. He also spoke another language(other than English) which I think helped him learn Chinese faster than most people.
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Postby green1976 » Sun May 20, 2012 5:21 pm

I don't believe the guys bragging about how irresistible they are in China and that they can score easily.

The maximum i could accept,is somebody who can find a committed partner that's all.

But far away i could see a young westerner,even handsome,to score in a way like in the Philippines or like in Thailand.
If the guy is scoring like crazy in China(and i doubt it)he will score amazingly more in the Philippines or in Thailand.

My experience and all my friends experiences who where to China never told me it was an easy p***y paradise.

They just don't bother anymore to go to China,they go directly to Thailand or another country in the region.

As an example,i have a fair number of buddies who are French Chinese and they never speak in a good manner on how it's an easy task to f**k around in China.
They just go there for visiting the family and right away go to Thailand to really have a fun time.

The white guys i know who have been to China for fun,skip it right away after discovering Thailand.
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Postby Rock » Sun May 20, 2012 7:07 pm

green1976 wrote:I don't believe the guys bragging about how irresistible they are in China and that they can score easily.

The maximum i could accept,is somebody who can find a committed partner that's all.

But far away i could see a young westerner,even handsome,to score in a way like in the Philippines or like in Thailand.
If the guy is scoring like crazy in China(and i doubt it)he will score amazingly more in the Philippines or in Thailand.

My experience and all my friends experiences who where to China never told me it was an easy p***y paradise.

They just don't bother anymore to go to China,they go directly to Thailand or another country in the region.

As an example,i have a fair number of buddies who are French Chinese and they never speak in a good manner on how it's an easy task to f**k around in China.
They just go there for visiting the family and right away go to Thailand to really have a fun time.

The white guys i know who have been to China for fun,skip it right away after discovering Thailand.


That’s not necessarily true. After observing so many foreigners, I’ve come to realize that different guys have very different experiences. Foreigner X might do best in PI whereas foreigner Y might do much better in China. Also his location(s) in each country will have a material impact.

It’s easy to meet Filipinas online. However, most of these are not attractive. OTH, cold approaching there is pretty tough - its hard to find any attractive girls to approach and when you do, the rejection rate is going to be higher than for China in my experience.

I think guys on the prowl go to Thailand and PI mainly for the vast P4P options. Dating regular girls and becoming intimate with them takes a lot of patience and hard work for most guys. With P4P on their doorstep, they can satisfy their urges whenever needed which helps them to behave less desperately when they are out with regular girls.

That’s not to say that decent P4P options don’t exist in China. But they are nothing like what you have in PI and Thai in terms western style user friendliness, value-for-money, and diversity.
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