Are China women becoming picky?

[MatureDJ]

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/20 ... ier#r=read

They seem to be heightist as well.

[Bane]

In a way though, what do you expect to happen when there are 115 men for every 100 women in China?

[xiongmao]

I've found Chinese women fairly picky. But this is offset by there being just so many of them.

Also the tables are turned once a woman reaches 35. Older women find it exceedingly hard to find a partner in China. It's good news for us guys though!

[Everdred]

Chinese women are extremely picky, possibly more than American women, but mostly only towards Chinese men. During my years in China, if I ever tried to set up a Chinese guy with a Chinese girl, she would always want to know the same info about him - how tall is he, what is his job, does he own an apartment, does he own a car, is he handsome, and so forth. Generally, these rules don't apply so much to foreign men in China, because at least they have something most Chinese men don't - a ticket out of China. Foreign men are also somewhat exotic in China, so Chinese women will think some foreign men are more attractive than your average Chinese guy.

Of course it's better if a foreign guy can have some of these things, but Chinese women will be much more lenient with foreign men than with Chinese men. So if you're a foreign guy in China that's tall, has a high-paying job, owns an apartment, owns a car, and is handsome, well you could pick any damn woman you want in the entire country!

[publicduende]

Chinese women are extremely picky, possibly more than American women, but mostly only towards Chinese men. During my years in China, if I ever tried to set up a Chinese guy with a Chinese girl, she would always want to know the same info about him - how tall is he, what is his job, does he own an apartment, does he own a car, is he handsome, and so forth. Generally, these rules don't apply so much to foreign men in China, because at least they have something most Chinese men don't - a ticket out of China. Foreign men are also somewhat exotic in China, so Chinese women will think some foreign men are more attractive than your average Chinese guy.

Of course it's better if a foreign guy can have some of these things, but Chinese women will be much more lenient with foreign men than with Chinese men. So if you're a foreign guy in China that's tall, has a high-paying job, owns an apartment, owns a car, and is handsome, well you could pick any damn woman you want in the entire country!

They're picky in the sense that they are quite "Confucianist", pragmatic and family-oriented. They would happily settle for an older or less good looking man as long as he has "proven" success in his career, or he's seen as stable due to his family heritage or stuff like that. Success and saving face are key to their well being.

[yick]

Foreign men and Chinese men - picky in different ways.

I have seen some absolute heaps (Chinese men) with the most beautiful Chinese women - they complain about how hard it is for them but they wouldn't get a woman outside of planet China looking at the state of some of them. As long as they have their shit together regards career, money, connections etc then they have a chance of getting themselves a beautiful woman however they look.

Looks matter when it comes to a foreigner - height, build and the more 'hollywood' you look the better a chance you stand, they are always comparing foreigners to Hollywood stars, a white dude doesn't have to look like a Hollywood star to date a white girl but the more positive physical attributes a white guy has In China - the better a chance he stands - height is a massive one (pardon the pun...) a white guy who isn't tall is at a serious disadvantage here, even the short arses in this country want a tall boyfriend

Balding, bad dress sense etc - there are a lot of white guys who strike out in China. It isn't easy but the criteria differs between Chinese and foreign men.

[hypermak]

Foreign men and Chinese men - picky in different ways.

I have seen some absolute heaps (Chinese men) with the most beautiful Chinese women - they complain about how hard it is for them but they wouldn't get a woman outside of planet China looking at the state of some of them. As long as they have their shit together regards career, money, connections etc then they have a chance of getting themselves a beautiful woman however they look.

Looks matter when it comes to a foreigner - height, build and the more 'hollywood' you look the better a chance you stand, they are always comparing foreigners to Hollywood stars, a white dude doesn't have to look like a Hollywood star to date a white girl but the more positive physical attributes a white guy has In China - the better a chance he stands - height is a massive one (pardon the pun...) a white guy who isn't tall is at a serious disadvantage here, even the short arses in this country want a tall boyfriend

Balding, bad dress sense etc - there are a lot of white guys who strike out in China. It isn't easy but the criteria differs between Chinese and foreign men.

Asian men who have a good or very good socio-economic background are always very, very picky. It's the same here in the Philippines. You tend to see Filipinos who are absolutely nothing to look at with gorgeous young women, often from similar family and educational backgrounds, who would be quite hard to attain for the average foreigner.

At least Filipinas tend to put a premium on foreigners, usually Caucasians (because "they're gwapo") or Koreans (because they're "so cool right now"). I think Chinese women don't have this bias and will continue to chase their own kind, usually trying to marry up.

[Winston]

Chinese women are extremely picky, possibly more than American women, but mostly only towards Chinese men. During my years in China, if I ever tried to set up a Chinese guy with a Chinese girl, she would always want to know the same info about him - how tall is he, what is his job, does he own an apartment, does he own a car, is he handsome, and so forth. Generally, these rules don't apply so much to foreign men in China, because at least they have something most Chinese men don't - a ticket out of China. Foreign men are also somewhat exotic in China, so Chinese women will think some foreign men are more attractive than your average Chinese guy.

Of course it's better if a foreign guy can have some of these things, but Chinese women will be much more lenient with foreign men than with Chinese men. So if you're a foreign guy in China that's tall, has a high-paying job, owns an apartment, owns a car, and is handsome, well you could pick any damn woman you want in the entire country!

What if you're Asian American or Chinese American? Where do they place you? How do they judge you? In China I would imagine I'm treated as both a foreigner and a local. They probably are confused as to how to treat me. But most likely, from my accent and personality, they put me more in the foreigner category.

However, my pot belly is a turn off to most Chinese women, unless they are gold diggers, because in Chinese culture being fat is very unattractive, worse than being ugly.

In theory, they probably also assume that an Asian or Chinese in America, the land of opportunity, has made a lot of money and has a lot of assets in America. So that would make me a good catch. However, I don't like playing the sugar daddy role and I'm not materialistic and do not act like a materialistic man. So that probably turns them off since the stereotype of the "overseas rich chinese" doesn't apply to me.

[yick]

Foreign men and Chinese men - picky in different ways.

I have seen some absolute heaps (Chinese men) with the most beautiful Chinese women - they complain about how hard it is for them but they wouldn't get a woman outside of planet China looking at the state of some of them. As long as they have their shit together regards career, money, connections etc then they have a chance of getting themselves a beautiful woman however they look.

Looks matter when it comes to a foreigner - height, build and the more 'hollywood' you look the better a chance you stand, they are always comparing foreigners to Hollywood stars, a white dude doesn't have to look like a Hollywood star to date a white girl but the more positive physical attributes a white guy has In China - the better a chance he stands - height is a massive one (pardon the pun...) a white guy who isn't tall is at a serious disadvantage here, even the short arses in this country want a tall boyfriend

Balding, bad dress sense etc - there are a lot of white guys who strike out in China. It isn't easy but the criteria differs between Chinese and foreign men.

Asian men who have a good or very good socio-economic background are always very, very picky. It's the same here in the Philippines. You tend to see Filipinos who are absolutely nothing to look at with gorgeous young women, often from similar family and educational backgrounds, who would be quite hard to attain for the average foreigner.

At least Filipinas tend to put a premium on foreigners, usually Caucasians (because "they're gwapo") or Koreans (because they're "so cool right now"). I think Chinese women don't have this bias and will continue to chase their own kind, usually trying to marry up.

Yep! Problem with Chinese men is that a lot of them mature very very late, like in their sixties usually, it is like dealing with a spoilt little boy, even when they're beyond middle age. I am sure Filipino men have more dash, verve and manliness.

True about Chinese women not putting so much of a stake on foreigners, but the culture of China shames the women into staying with their own, saying that, most prefer their own but there are segments who like foreign guys, like tall Chinese girls, if you're a tall foreigner, you will be in with a shot with a tall Chinese girls - especially ones over 5ft 7ins - not uncommon at all.

[yick]

Chinese women are extremely picky, possibly more than American women, but mostly only towards Chinese men. During my years in China, if I ever tried to set up a Chinese guy with a Chinese girl, she would always want to know the same info about him - how tall is he, what is his job, does he own an apartment, does he own a car, is he handsome, and so forth. Generally, these rules don't apply so much to foreign men in China, because at least they have something most Chinese men don't - a ticket out of China. Foreign men are also somewhat exotic in China, so Chinese women will think some foreign men are more attractive than your average Chinese guy.

Of course it's better if a foreign guy can have some of these things, but Chinese women will be much more lenient with foreign men than with Chinese men. So if you're a foreign guy in China that's tall, has a high-paying job, owns an apartment, owns a car, and is handsome, well you could pick any damn woman you want in the entire country!

What if you're Asian American or Chinese American? Where do they place you? How do they judge you? In China I would imagine I'm treated as both a foreigner and a local. They probably are confused as to how to treat me. But most likely, from my accent and personality, they put me more in the foreigner category.

However, my pot belly is a turn off to most Chinese women, unless they are gold diggers, because in Chinese culture being fat is very unattractive, worse than being ugly.

In theory, they probably also assume that an Asian or Chinese in America, the land of opportunity, has made a lot of money and has a lot of assets in America. So that would make me a good catch. However, I don't like playing the sugar daddy role and I'm not materialistic and do not act like a materialistic man. So that probably turns them off since the stereotype of the "overseas rich chinese" doesn't apply to me.

I have seen fat, unkempt ugly Chinese men with beauties in this country. Being fat is a cardinal sin for a woman but for a man - not really - if he is short AND fat then it is going to go against him, if he is tall AND fat and can carry it then he will get women.

Being tall is the magical key, if you are over 6 foot, you'll have a pick of women. There are plenty of skinny, slim men in this country who will die without ever having sex. How tall are you, Winston?

Chinese-American or an overseas Chinese is a good bet, as is being a mixed-race Asian - you look somewhat familiar and have personality traits that can interest her, you aren't another boring, humourless drone.

[Winston]

I am 5ft 6, or maybe 5ft 7. Am I considered tall, short or average in China? Even if I wear thick heeled shoes, that only increases my height by 1.5 or 2 inches I think. If a Chinese girl was 5ft 3, would she still consider me short like an American girl would?

Btw Yick, I've also noticed that in China there are many old/ugly/fat Chinese men with hot/attractive Chinese women, sometimes young too. But how do you know they are a true couple? How do you know the girl isn't a rent-a-date or a prostitute or high class call girl or a mistress that he pays? How do you know they are boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife? Or what if the man is her uncle or father?

[hypermak]

Yep! Problem with Chinese men is that a lot of them mature very very late, like in their sixties usually, it is like dealing with a spoilt little boy, even when they're beyond middle age. I am sure Filipino men have more dash, verve and manliness.

True about Chinese women not putting so much of a stake on foreigners, but the culture of China shames the women into staying with their own, saying that, most prefer their own but there are segments who like foreign guys, like tall Chinese girls, if you're a tall foreigner, you will be in with a shot with a tall Chinese girls - especially ones over 5ft 7ins - not uncommon at all.

I have met some Chinese men who studied (from high school onwards) in the UK, so they had their family upbringing in China and their formative years as young adults in Europe. They are all well-adjusted, fair and hard working people, more like a "quality" British citizen.

I have then met Chinese men who never left China unless for short business trips. Their mentality resembles a lot more that "spoiled single child" mentality. If their family is rich and gave them all they ever wanted, they are absolutely convinced that they only deserve the best, possibly without putting much effort, and that if there's a problem, their dads or one of their many "uncles" will step in and save the day.

When it comes to choosing their woman, they will never settle for less than a model-looking girl who is at least 5 years younger than them, has a job in a prestigious (or as prestigious) corporation and hails from an equally well-off family/enclave.

Of course the problem is that these kinds of girls, when found, are likely to be spoiled, entitled brats as much as their men are. They will likely stop giving attention and sex after their first child is born, which will prompt the man to look for one or more mistresses.

At least 50% of the clientele of Entertainment City here is Chinese middle-aged men on a leisure package of gambling and sex with their mistresses, or some local Filipinas in many cases.

I know very few foreigners who have Chinese (as in from mainland China) girlfriends and wives. One of my best friend, a Frenchman, married a Chinese woman in Singapore and they moved to Japan a few years afterwards. Last I heard from him, he was not happy with her manners and contemplating divorce. Coincidentally, he is quite tall (at least 1.85) and his wife is also tall by Chinese standards.

[Yohan]

I know very few foreigners who have Chinese (as in from mainland China) girlfriends and wives. One of my best friend, a Frenchman, married a Chinese woman in Singapore and they moved to Japan a few years afterwards. Last I heard from him, he was not happy with her manners and contemplating divorce.

About my experience too, similar to what you write. It has not so much to do with looks of the foreign man. Also not really about his money. However the behavior of many Chinese women is difficult to tolerate. These women complain too much about all and everything.

I know an European man, fairly rich, who married a Chinese woman from HongKong. It was working out still OK as long as they were living in Japan, but only one year later he was transferred to Europe and UAE - divorced.

Another European man married a woman from Taiwan and he was very fluent in Chinese, 2 children, it was working out nicely while in Japan, but after retirement and moving back to Europe - divorced.

An Australian man I know married a Chinese girl from Singapore - not really such a bad girl but without her mother next to her out of control, she got crazy, wild after moving to Australia - divorced.

About myself, my experiences are many years ago, but about the same - I was together with a Chinese from Malaysia but living in UK for a while then back again to Malaysia - she had by far more money than I had at that time, money was not so important, but she was always ready to quarrel about trivial matters - and the Chinese family was not really what I like my relatives to be, Chinese people often like to order others, do this, do that, shouting around ...

I had a short relationship with a Chinese girl from Singapore, she was tall, very beautiful and modest, living as the only child with her violent single mother - violent? But I noticed soon it was for some good reason - as the daughter was totally disobedient, only into entertainment, boys, alcohol, party-life and finally her mother had enough and kicked her out - not the best girl for a long term relationship.

I still have a nice correspondence with a Chinese friend since over 20 years, a nice woman from Malaysia, still living with the family and I know all family members personally, they all are good honest gentle people. The problem is that this girl, now already 40, is a bit 'psycho' and deeply melancholic, into self-pity - she is never aggressive but she can be frustrating, boring... her only boyfriend she ever had stays still with her, but he is not into marriage - I think, he is better off with keeping her only as a girlfriend....
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My wife was working in a Chinese mainland company in Japan, and one of her Chinese co-workers tearfully claimed she cannot find a husband. After a short while the Chinese company kicked her out for her miserable working performance. She visited us several times while we were still living in Tokyo. She was even kicked out from a marriage broker agency which openly told her that her dishonest personality makes her uneligible for introduction.

She was looking really nice, slim, modest, intelligent, talkative... so what was wrong with her...

To my wife and me, she was open-minded. She told us, this is her life-style... she cannot help but she is a notorious liar... claiming to be an orphan but this is not true - she said she is lazy and does not like to work anything productive - she said she is living alone, but had a retarded boy in a special care home - she said she is single, but she was dumped several times - she really thinks, she is honest lady, but as a fact she had a bad past socializing with Chinese snake-head gangsters and when she finally got away from them they were stalking her day and night, even Japanese police entered suddenly her home and searched everything ...this woman is a headache...
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Of course there are so many Chinese people, and China alone has about 1360 million people. I do not think that all Chinese women are like that, but I noticed if you take a Chinese woman away to abroad and away from her parents you better prepare for a surprise.

About the question if Chinese women are picky - I would say when approached by foreign men not so much at the beginning - but their personality/behavior if you are living with them (and sometimes with her family members too) can be a serious challenge.

Also let me add that my personal experience with Chinese women is mainly with Chinese from Malaysia, they were often British educated, better in English than in Chinese and often not able to read/write Chinese and could not speak standard Chinese, only their own Chinese dialect, Hokkien, Hakka, Cantonese... they were Western orientated and accustomed to live among other people - Indians and Malay...

[yick]

I am 5ft 6, or maybe 5ft 7. Am I considered tall, short or average in China? Even if I wear thick heeled shoes, that only increases my height by 1.5 or 2 inches I think. If a Chinese girl was 5ft 3, would she still consider me short like an American girl would?

Btw Yick, I've also noticed that in China there are many old/ugly/fat Chinese men with hot/attractive Chinese women, sometimes young too. But how do you know they are a true couple? How do you know the girl isn't a rent-a-date or a prostitute or high class call girl or a mistress that he pays? How do you know they are boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife? Or what if the man is her uncle or father?

5ft 6ins isn't tall anywhere in China, though in the south it would be more seen as average, you see more and more 6ft plus people, especially the younger crowd, tall men are in great demand here in Chinese amongst the girls, even the short arses want a tall boyfriend, and when I mean 'tall' over 5ft 10ins plus, there are many tall girls in this country who are 5ft 7ins and over who won't accept a short arse boyfriend! Or he better be packing in other areas like job security, family ties, money etc.

How do you know if they're a true couple? You don't really if there is an obvious age gap but with couples that look similar in age, you just automatically assume they're a couple - same as back home, right? And here you see some dog arsed men with stunners, saying that, you see handsome men with their equal.

[yick]

Yep! Problem with Chinese men is that a lot of them mature very very late, like in their sixties usually, it is like dealing with a spoilt little boy, even when they're beyond middle age. I am sure Filipino men have more dash, verve and manliness.

True about Chinese women not putting so much of a stake on foreigners, but the culture of China shames the women into staying with their own, saying that, most prefer their own but there are segments who like foreign guys, like tall Chinese girls, if you're a tall foreigner, you will be in with a shot with a tall Chinese girls - especially ones over 5ft 7ins - not uncommon at all.

I have met some Chinese men who studied (from high school onwards) in the UK, so they had their family upbringing in China and their formative years as young adults in Europe. They are all well-adjusted, fair and hard working people, more like a "quality" British citizen.

I have then met Chinese men who never left China unless for short business trips. Their mentality resembles a lot more that "spoiled single child" mentality. If their family is rich and gave them all they ever wanted, they are absolutely convinced that they only deserve the best, possibly without putting much effort, and that if there's a problem, their dads or one of their many "uncles" will step in and save the day.

When it comes to choosing their woman, they will never settle for less than a model-looking girl who is at least 5 years younger than them, has a job in a prestigious (or as prestigious) corporation and hails from an equally well-off family/enclave.

Of course the problem is that these kinds of girls, when found, are likely to be spoiled, entitled brats as much as their men are. They will likely stop giving attention and sex after their first child is born, which will prompt the man to look for one or more mistresses.

At least 50% of the clientele of Entertainment City here is Chinese middle-aged men on a leisure package of gambling and sex with their mistresses, or some local Filipinas in many cases.

I know very few foreigners who have Chinese (as in from mainland China) girlfriends and wives. One of my best friend, a Frenchman, married a Chinese woman in Singapore and they moved to Japan a few years afterwards. Last I heard from him, he was not happy with her manners and contemplating divorce. Coincidentally, he is quite tall (at least 1.85) and his wife is also tall by Chinese standards.

When we are talking about 'Chinese men' we're talking about men born and raised in Mainland China, a lot of them are spoiled, soft and childlike - even in middle age, throwing tantrums when they don't get their way, acting like the annoying little pre-teenage show off, boring, stupid and with dull, uninteresting opinions, they seem to be obsessed with video games - they're not a great catch in a lot of cases - and they're very picky.

They also suffer from the same problems as the girls, their parents will tell them to break off with the girls they love if they are deemed 'unsuitable' which of course is very unmasculine - the thing is, there are good, decent men here but a lot of them have very negative traits.

But the culture protects them, a lot of them complain about the dating scene in China but the truth is, a lot of them wouldn't get any woman outside Planet China. At least here if they have something going for them they will get an attractive woman.