Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
Sorry professor, but the sensationalist nonsense you're reading, especially from a site like China Smack, doesn't speak to the truth on the ground. In the cities, the gender balance is heavily weighed in favor of the men. Too many guys I know have more than one gf, or have a wife and gf. Women are far from having ANY power and work hard to get, and ev en harder to KEEP their man. I know girls who are just slightly overweight (for here) and wouldn't even qualify for chubby by western standards, but can't get a guy here. One is almost 30 and still virgin.
You've been here a year and did what? Commute to and fron work everyday? I have been here almost 3 years. I am married to a Chinese girl. I speak the language (and understand a bit of a couple of local dialects). I have traveled to, and spent time in over 20 cities for work and fun. I've visited or lectured in dozens of Universities. I have no job, so I hang out and shoot the breeze with real people every day. I have a large and constantly increasing circle of family and friends. I know the stories of marriage, divorce, bfs and gfs, cheating and breaking up from the horses mouth, not some sensationalist news site.
I've said it before. China is HUGE. Shanghai is not Hefei. The people, culture and relationship dynamics are totally different in each place, no different than Oklahoma vs. New York. It may be hell to get a girl in one place, and easier than Philippines in another place. This isn't something I read about. I traveled to these many places. In one place I might be approached and hit on by women (not hookers, I am talking school teachers, animators, musicians etc. because of my work) even asked out to drinks, 1 on 1, late at night, at a hotel (what do you think that means?) but in another city I can be ignored.
BTW I am not claiming to be an expert. 3 years and knowing the language is not enough. I have an Australian colleague who has been here 16 years and that's not enough. You know why? Because you can NOT KNOW CHINA! You can only know about YOUR place. Shanghai natives know NOTHING about where I live. They think it is poor Philippines style shanti province. No one knows China.
Xiongmao, I spend a lot of time in Shanghai, but now I am in my wifes hometown. It doesn't qualify as a city really. It's a step above a country village. It is the greatest and most beautiful place I have lived in Asia. Slow, easy going, relaxing and friendly like Philippines, but still with the nice amenities and technology of Korea. (though you may have to order some things online) I have my tablet, which I am writing on now, and anywhere I go, even hiking in the mountains, I have a super fast 3G connection. No one ever heard of this place, and there places like it all over southern China, so I don't think the name is important.
I DO highly recommend the smaller places if you want to find a great girl. It also takes time if you want something real.
Yeah I need to get out and about. I've just been to Shenzhen. It was really weird going there. Kinda like that episode of the Simpsons where they leave Springfield and go to Shelbyville for a look round.
Well anyway, in Shenzhen the buses have carpet on the floor. That perfectly describes the difference between the two cities.
Shenzhen would be a great place to find a smart and sophisticated lady though. My date there was a bit older than the other girls I've dated lately. But she spoke fluent English and has a really good career. Also her figure was absolutely incredible. Ah, she's a lot of fun. On the downside she's practically married to her job
One other nice thing is that aside from the border checkpoint there appear to be no foreigners there at all. So if you like Asian alpha females then you've got a whole city of them to date!
Well anyway I could be here for a while, so I'm not going to rush anything.
While there are certainly more fat women in the west than in China, (proportionately) almost every fat woman I see here has a boyfriend or husband who's thin and normal looking.
If you think about this using simple logic, this actually proves my point. Think about it, China is a country with a huge surplus of males. If you have a significant number of guys who have more than one gf or guys with a wife and gf, that would leave a lot of guys able to get nothing at all. So what you have is the best looking alphas and the socioeconomic elites hording several women, rendering many guys unable to so much as get scraps. Then again I suppose this isn't too much different from any other country.
I'm certain she is an unmarried virgin completely by choice or having very high standards. I see women who qualify as obese even by western standards who have thin and normal looking boyfriends or husbands all the time.
I've done a lot more than just commute to and from work. I have a large and diverse circle of friends here as well and I get out plenty.
So you mean to tell me you live in a place in china that's too small to even be classified as a city, yet it has "the nice amenities and technology" of Korea?
Even big "modern" cities in China lack the amenities and technology of Korea, assuming we're both talking about South Korea. I don't even know where to begin with that one.
For starters, the internet here is pretty slow. Compare that to South Korea, which has either the fastest or second fastest Internet on the planet, depending on what source you're looking at. Some sources rank China as even worse than The Philippines!
http://cdn.techpp.com/wp-content/upload ... 531f_o.png
Check out that chart. Then there's the issue of internet censorship, which forces me to use and pay for a VPN if I want to use Youtube, which I use quite often. There are a lot of times where I actually lower the quality of a video to 240p (360p is the standard definition) and I still have to wait for it to buffer. I know it's not the VPN causing this because when this happens, more often than not it still happens when I switch servers. This seems to happen the most from 7PM to 11PM here.
It's not just the internet, China is lacking in the "amenities and technology" department when compared to South Korea in many other ways. I've never been to South Korea but I know people who have been there, including 2 people I know who currently live here in China. The tap water in Seoul is safe to drink. Here in China not only is the tap water unsafe to drink (and even if you boil it there is still the issue of heavy metals) but even the bottled water is questionable. There are plenty of stories on the internet about the bottled water here being contaminated and I used to dismiss it as sensationalism until I came here. One time I bought a large jug of water that had a pungent odor. I noticed it when I just put it to my mouth to drink from it, and when I put my nose close and took a whiff it smelled awful. There was most certainly something in there besides H2O, and more than a negligible amount for the odor to be that strong. There have been a couple other times where I bought bottled water that tasted off somehow.
Perhaps you mean something else by "amenities and technology" but when I think of "amenities and technology" I think of the things I use everyday, and water and the internet are at the top of that list.
I'll give credit where credit is due though, the subway system here is pretty decent, seldom having to wait more than 8 minutes for a train is pretty nice. But you live in a place too small to even be classified as a city, which means it probably doesn't even have a subway, further begging the question, what are you talking about when you talk about "amenities and technology" that would put it in the same league as a first world country, especially one renowned for having advanced technology.
Of course it doesn't have 100Mbps internet like Korea, but I have 10Mbps in my small place that doesn't qualify as a city. I had 30Mbps in Shanghai. That is still blazing fast. Both are leagues beyond what was available in California when I left, and my friends still there are just getting 20Mbps now.
Your chart is absolute BS. Average connecting speed to what? I don't need anyone's chart. I have been living in China 3 years. I lived in Korea for half a year. I lived in the Philippines almost 2 years. I use the internet day in and day out. I know first hand how well, or not well, they all work. Philippines higher than China is a riot. You can't go 24 hours in Phils without a major internet outage. Except you be in Makati you will never get better than 2Mbps. You can pay for 4Mbps but you'll never get it. Makati really does have a solid 10Mbps though.
Your VPN IS the problem. (I confirmed this working with a game company in Shanghai helmed by an American and a Brit) That and the fact that China is not connected very well to the outside world. Guess what? Neither is Korea. Korea is 100Mbps inside Korea on Korean language sites. Once you go outside that, as my site is hosted in, I think, Arizona and I do business in Japan and needed to use Japanese sites, it's as slow as anywhere else. China is the same. I don't use a VPN and I don't use Youtube. Anything of value on there, ignoring random people's funny cat videos, can be found on Youku or Tudou anyway. I watch streaming HD movies and TV shows everyday. In realtime. Also China Unicom is leagues beyond China Telecom even when they advertise the same speeds. China Telecom is notorious for the 7PM to 11Pm slowdown because of too much sharing.
As far as amenities, what exactly do you think Korea has that is lacking in Shanghai or Beijing? About the only thing that springs to my mind is the electronic security systems on apartments, but even businesses have that in Shanghai. Not mention, as cool as Seoul is, I have been to some bad parts of town there and even spent time out in the country. Just like anywhere there are good and bad areas. Areas where you can be kidnapped (Dapchi anyone?) and areas of amazing affluence like Gangnam (which IS one of the coolest places to hang out if you got the money). That is not different than Shanghai, where the high end affluent areas are some of the best in the world.
As for my little place that doesn't qualify as a city, I live in a totally western style apartment (cheap as hell too) . I have hot water throughout the place. Washer/dryer, even a dishwasher, gas and electric for cooking, huge fridge and the quality blows away the place I paid TEN TIMES for in LA. Does everyone have that? Of course not, though my mother in law's place is a close second, and they own their place, bought for a total of around $6000 I hear. I see farmers walking around with touch screen phones and tablets. I just don't see what the huge difference between a big city here and Seoul. In fact some places here are cleaner because they have that constant troop of people who clean the streets and pick up trash whereas in Seoul you have cigarette butts and litter everywhere.
As for the products, that much is very true, there are surely some questionable quality food and drink products. But c'mon, there are just as many, or more, great quality products here. Just check the news sites which ones to avoid. They also go out of business quickly after a scam. Also get one of those little sticks to test water quality. I used one in the Philippines all the time, because you could end up dead on some of the water there. Here I just check the websites and know what water companies are good.
So yes. There are places in China, quite a lot of places that are in league with a first world country. There are places in First world countries like Korea, like the aforementioned bad areas I visited in Seoul, or the mostly African part of town there, that make places in China look like paradise. You simply can't classify these who countries by one place in them. Find the good stuff and go to it!
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
Well, I hope dating in China isn't worse than America for me...if it is worse, then I will be running a deficit! So apparently it would be anti-dating for me...
It is a big place, and I'm going to make the best of it I have determined. Mainly I'm just concerned about getting there right now. I can do anything for a year, even if I don't like it. But I think I will like it. Perhaps there are some or even many places where the women are not as good. Makes sense since it is just a large country.
But for China to be worse, on the whole, as America for dating? Sounds too awful to be true...
A helpful guide:
Expatriation Apocalypse! The Guide to Expatriation for the Broke and Hopeless (Kindle)
Expatriation Apocalypse! (Paperback)
For some men, The Professor's summation holds true. I recall one poster saying how 70% of the foreign men he knew in China were f***ing anything that moved while the other 30% struck out completely. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground there.
I've been living in China for just over a month and just walking around I get checked out by women everyday, especially much younger ones (I'm early 30s). Last time I went to a club I was just sitting there in a group with my back turned to the action and I got approached twice by groups of women who tapped me on the back and tried to find out about me, I ended up grinding with the hottest one but as I'm in an LTR I'm not actively looking for women and I didn't pursue it. Given that the vast majority of people in my third tier (but wealthy) city speak almost no English that likely means that a high proportion of the English speaking women in the club approached me. Another time I was in a spa while my Chinese friend was getting a massage, I took off my top and his masseuse looked at me (I'm fairly muscular especially compared to local men) and said to him in Chinese, "He's so sexy, why don't Chinese men look like that?". I could go on with personal anecdotes but you get the picture.
I joined Chinese Love Links for 1 day just as an experiment. Within 24 hours I had 8 interests, 2 of which favourited me. The only dating sites in which I got a better response is when I was on FH and DIA (which is mostly Filipinas).
China seems to be a feast or famine for foreign men.
Last edited by Seeker on Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ghost if you're considering China just for women then a good test would be to try CLL first. If you do ok there then come on over, if not then you may want to reconsider. You mentioned being fat and unattractive, Chinese women are WAY more picky than e.g. Filipinas when it comes to a man's looks, being fat is fixable so you ought to fix that.
If you're not White.
If you're White, the whole of Asia is your playground. If you're Black and not a superstar or extreme Alpha, you can expect to get no women in China. No women is better than constantly being hit on by fatties, freaks, and fuglies in the West one may argue, but you have to watch Whites, Latinos, Indians, etc. have a field day when you can't.
If you become a football player maybe you can date a gold digging white girl in the States though.
I'm white and yet I can't get anything in China. I know plenty of other white guys here who have had no luck at all with any women even though they try. I have known other white guys who have lived in other asian countries and never had any success with women. There are some examples of white guys on this forum who reported no success in various asian countries.
I would love to get hit on by them. I've approached many fatties, freaks, and fuglies in my day, I can't even get them.
I'm white and had no luck in America or China and I knew plenty of whites back in America who never had any luck with women in their entire lives, just like I know white guys here who have no luck here in China. The part about watching "Indians" "have a field day" has to be the most absurd part of this post though, and that's saying a lot. No matter what country they are in, they have it rough. In their own country they face a gender ratio problem, much like china, and from what I've read women in India have gotten pretty picky over the years. In the west Indian men are limited to dating within their own race and some can't even do that. There are Indian guys in America who work in the IT field and make good money and still can't manage to find a woman of their own race.
I'm guessing that you are black and you make the same mistake a lot of guys who can't get girls make, assuming that guys of other races have it easy. I've known white guys who think black guys have it easy when it comes to getting girls. I've known Asian guys who think white guys have it easy. I've known Indian guys who think guys of every other race have it easy. They all make the same mistake, they look at a few isolated examples and assume that all guys of a certain race are doing as well as them.
The fact of the matter is the only guys who have it good are the young good looking guys. By have it good I simply mean being able to get average looking women under 30 without having to put in a ridiculous amount of effort or having to pay, gold diggers don't count. All the other men are left fighting for scraps, have to put in an insane amount of effort to get anything, paying for sex, dating gold diggers, or not dating or having sex at all, ever. That's just the way the game works everywhere.
And here we observe one problem with this forum. Those who find success have little reason to stay on the forum, their time is better spent enjoying their life abroad, and they do not understand why someone else is failing. Those who fail stay on the forum and complain about their situation for months and years instead of voting with their feet, they do not understand how or why someone else is succeeding, they demand a logical explanation where there is none, and doubts other's success like a fox calling grapes sour.
Some are also subject to the "sunken cost fallacy":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs ... st_fallacy
Im about to get married very soon to my chinese fiancÃ©e. I'm a 29 year old black guy. I can't get an American woman no matter what I try. I am good looking and have very big muscles. I learned mandarin for 2 years in college but my speaking skills are still pretty weak. I even earn 6 figures.
That said. I couldn't get a chinese woman in the US because they are rich and racist usually. Chinese in China are usually too.... But! They are more curious and more willing to give a guy a chance.
You have to understand how east Asians think. Chinese women especially young ones are naturally pretty jealous. They only want a guy that other Chinese girls want. So do what I did. Stop approaching women randomly. I used to come to this site but I haven't in a long time because I got what I wanted.
First you have a strong advantage being inside China right now. Use the chinese dating sites. Get qq international for instant messaging. Pass out your qq number to girls you send an email to using those sites. Since you are white you will do well. Pick what you want don't settle for less.
Your targets will be English learning girls. College age ones. They are the only ones that will leave China even against their parents wishes. Be careful to ask them at the beginning if they would be interested in going to the US.
Chinese are the most pragmatic. They decide after a few dates if they want to marry you or not. So if you have good dick power, be careful not to let them think you were serious if you are just playing around.
My fiancÃ© is from Hunan. They are the most lao wai loving and they are super pretty out there ask others about that too. Avoid shanghai and Beijing women if possible or put them into your lower priority brackets. Chinese and Japanese women are the most loyal. Even the gold diggers.
There is Sooo much more I could teach you but I will wait until you ask.
Don't chase girls your own age or older too much. They strongly prefer an older man even if it's just a few years older. Be a leader while talking to them, they usually have thick skin and are practical and will like the initiative. They aren't american so this is nothing new. They let men be men. If one you like isn't feeling you, move on. You will get messages everyday because many want to avoid really old men too.
Let me know if you need more advice. I learned a shit ton in the past 2 years and I had to divorce my american ex wife, so I know what I'm talking about. You cannot succeed without having a strategy. It's alot easier than people say it is if someone is willing to tell you the right ways to do it.
I'm still to this very month having to tell girls to leave me alone! Its ridiculous once you tell them you found a woman!
Every time I go to Guangzhou with my fiance we see MANY black men with Chinese women. Often times, they are thick (nice plump asses and a little older). Sometimes they are out-right fat. They all look African to me, but having had my more than fair share of fat women in the past, black men in many places of the world love big asses and tits. Not all of them are ugly either, but only one dude had what I would call an 7+ in Chinese standards... Hell he even nodded to me when we walked by him and his gal. He was really tall too like 6'4".
For anyone that doesn't know this, Guangzhou people are pretty much the only Chinese people that love sweets and cakes. The thickest fine Chinese women are found there, EASILY!!!
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