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A Complete Dating Guide To Mainland Chinese Women

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.

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Postby ladislav » Fri May 31, 2013 4:33 am

So, when you find the woman, what's the next step? Do you live with her in China? Don't they hate laowai there? Isn't that a bad environment for a mixed couple?

At least if you are Anglo Saxon/North Euro-looking, you can live in Russia and no one will think you are a foreigner once you dress like the locals. And a black guy can live in Ethiopia or the Philippines.

But seriously, you need to think about the family's future. How can one live in a tense, hostile environment which you had described above and be happy?
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Postby Anonymous1 » Fri May 31, 2013 4:45 am

ladislav wrote:So, when you find the woman, what's the next step? Do you live with her in China? Don't they hate laowai there? Isn't that a bad environment for a mixed couple?

At least if you are Anglo Saxon/North Euro-looking, you can live in Russia and no one will think you are a foreigner once you dress like the locals. And a black guy can live in Ethiopia or the Philippines.

But seriously, you need to think about the family's future. How can one live in a tense, hostile environment which you had described above and be happy?


LOL a black guy does not blend in the Philippines :roll:
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Postby E Irizarry R&B Singer » Fri May 31, 2013 5:47 am

Oh sh.it. This is dangerous, Kai. Take this s.hit down; 3 days is enough. LOL
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Postby Ghost » Fri May 31, 2013 6:53 am

Well, thanks for the updates, but damn...

I'm almost afraid to go now. So what does a foreigner do if a Chinese person is physically aggressive and won't stop even if you acquiesce? Take the beatdown? Try to run away?
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Postby xiongmao » Fri May 31, 2013 7:49 am

Best thing is to stay out of trouble.

This place is crazy, but it almost runs like clockwork. If you learn to know what's expected of you in a certain situation, then you can slip around unnoticed.

Physical aggression is quite rare here, most people just shout at each other first.
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Postby ladislav » Fri May 31, 2013 8:38 am

LOL a black guy does not blend in the Philippines


The Philippines has its own black people.

Image

These are part of the Philippines ethnic composition although they are a minority. So while a black guy does not blend in with the majority visually, he is still better accepted than among other Asians. Most blend in socially when friends are made.

I am now visiting the Philippines over a school break, and black guys here as well as their descendants are well integrated. At least they are not socially ostracized with no one to talk to.
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Postby Everdred » Fri May 31, 2013 10:45 am

One thing I'd like to add is this: don't underestimate how quickly mobs can form in China. If you're a foreigner, and you get in any kind of altercation whatsoever with a Chinese person in China, just watch how quickly rubberneckers start to gather around to watch you. Once I was at the supermarket in Dalian and was bickering with my Chinese girlfriend in English (I forgot about what), and I noticed several random people would just stop dead in their tracks to watch us. Some people walked straight up to us, stood there, and observed our whole dispute. After noticing what was going on around me, I immediately stopped talking and carried on with my business. Had I continued to bicker with her, who knows what could've happened.

That said, also remember as a foreigner in China, you are 100% ALWAYS in the wrong when getting into a dispute with a Chinese person (at least in the eyes of an angry Chinese mob). Let's say you're walking on the sidewalk, you get hit by a car, and then you get back up to scald the offending driver. Guess what would happen if that offending driver decided to stop and have a verbal dispute with you. Within minutes you'd be surrounded by hundreds of rubberneckers, all of whom are slowly getting more angry and more agitated as the minutes go by, and all of whom are on the side of the offending Chinese driver. It doesn't matter what happened, or whose fault it really is, as a foreigner you're ALWAYS the guilty party.

Let's say the exact same situation happened, but it was YOU, the foreigner, who ran over a Chinese person on the sidewalk. God help you! Of course the angry mob will be on the injured Chinese pedestrian's side (which is reasonable), but there may also be a potential for a riot to break out, with the angry mob asking for the blood of ALL foreigners to be spilled. Yes, I kid you not. This is no exaggeration. Just check out this webpage to see an example:

Laowai nearly causes a riot in Zhengzhou after alleged fight with local

Also take a gander at this thread:

What do you think about the recent anti-foreigner/anti-Japanese vibe?

And then, for the following few months after the incident, the Chinese government would start to crack down on all foreigners living in the country, and all foreigners would have to remain low-key for a few months. It sucks being in China just after some foreigner has allegedly done something wrong to a local Chinese person. And ALL foreigners get painted with the same brush. Let's say some random Russian guy beats up some Chinese asshole at a nightclub in Beijing. Well guess what. Now ALL white foreigners have to watch out when they walk China's streets, regardless of whether they're from Russia, America, Denmark, or South Africa. In the eyes of many Chinese, they're all the same, therefore they're all equally as guilty.

And let's also theorize that you kick some Chinese punk's ass at a nightclub in Shanghai, yet shockingly no other Chinese dudes joined in the fight to overpower you. You won the battle, and you think it's all over. Think again! Don't be surprised if a week later, some random thugs show up at your apartment door to deliver you a beating, or you randomly get assaulted on your evening stroll one night. Chinese men, especially ones who've lost face or have been humiliated in front of their peers, can hold an intense grudge. They also have ways to find out your identity and where you live. Many Chinese won't hesitate for a second to rat out the neighborhood foreigner.

I lived in China two and half years, and the worst that happened to me was some really old, psychotic woman started following me around the supermarket (while I was alone and minding my own business), cursing at me and telling me to get out of China. I noticed several people kept looking over at us to see what all the fuss was about, and the lady wouldn't stop following me around, so I basically had no choice but to leave the supermarket immediately. Not much else I could do in that situation. I admit that situation is rare, but it does suck when it happens.

I'm not trying to scare people from living in China, but xenophobia in China can be intense at the worst of times. It's something you will almost undoubtedly encounter at least once if you plan to stay in China long-term, so it's something you should prepare for mentally. The best you can do is avoid ANY conflict with a local, especially in public, during your stay in China. I know that's way easier said than done, but it's the best advice I have to offer. I admit that China can be a very interesting and fascinating place to live, but China is certainly no paradise. The Happier Abroad audience needs to hear more about both the pros AND cons of life in China. Far too many of the threads on this forum are focused on how great Chinese women are, and not on practical things like how difficult life can be as a foreigner in China. I'm glad this thread is brutally honest and not written by someone viewing China through "rose-colored glasses." I also think the title of this thread should be changed, because it's not entirely focused on dating Chinese women, rather also on living in China. "A Complete Guide to Living in China" sounds so much better.
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Postby ladislav » Fri May 31, 2013 12:00 pm

I'm not trying to scare people from living in China, but xenophobia in China can be intense at the worst of times. It's something you will almost undoubtedly encounter at least once if you plan to stay in China long-term, so it's something you should prepare for mentally. The best you can do is avoid ANY conflict with a local, especially in public, during your stay in China.


Better stay the heck away from the place. See the sites and get the heck out of there.

Even a Muslim country sounds better. In Saudi, foreigners and locals must obey the Sharia law. The xenophobia is minimal in those places at least vis-a-vis a Western person.
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 12:21 pm

ladislav wrote:So, when you find the woman, what's the next step? Do you live with her in China? Don't they hate laowai there? Isn't that a bad environment for a mixed couple?

At least if you are Anglo Saxon/North Euro-looking, you can live in Russia and no one will think you are a foreigner once you dress like the locals. And a black guy can live in Ethiopia or the Philippines.

But seriously, you need to think about the family's future. How can one live in a tense, hostile environment which you had described above and be happy?


You can live in China with your wife, but I personally do not recommend doing that indefinitely. My biases are based upon having assets and financial security in the US. Someone without my stuff, may not find the CONs all that bad. Different people have different tolerances for various things. Being in China makes me long for the flawed freedoms and comforts of the US, after even 1 week of being there. Everyone is different though.

Even my Chinese in-laws do not want us to live there. At least they are honest and realistic. Some Chinese parents refuse to let their daughters leave China, but that is because they are selfish and are using that girl as a means for money. Their culture would normally not let them do this if the man was Chinese. The man's family makes the rules, in Chinese culture. Some will respect even the foreign man's authority to take the woman and make the rules going forward, and some will not because you are not Chinese.

I would never live in the Philippines. Sounds silly. I will cover more on this later, but taking a Chinese wife back to the West is probably the best option, because these women are so set in their ways, Chinese mindsets are burned in (built in) they are very difficult to corrupt into Western lifestyles. Go to a large Chinatown in the US, and just watch all the Mainland Chinese going about their business. Do you see any hints of integration? You would be very hard pressed to see any worth talking about. The very very rich ones are the only ones that are a little different, but that is usually just their grown children, but since they still control the family's money, they still cannot marry anyone the parents do not approve of. It takes 2-3 generations past them, of US born ethnic Chinese to become completely Americanized. You would be dead by then, so who cares what your Chinese mixed grandchildren and great grandchildren do culture wise.
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 12:25 pm

E Irizarry R&B Singer wrote:Oh sh.it. This is dangerous, Kai. Take this s.hit down; 3 days is enough. LOL


It isn't that bad. Unlike the many English teachers out there that cannot blog shit like this while living there, I have no problems spreading the truth about the place. After I saw some posters here making comments about stuff they wanted to do in China, I just had to make a huge time sacrifice and drop some serious knowledge before someone gets hurt. China is okay if you know the rules and the culture.
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 12:44 pm

Everdred wrote:One thing I'd like to add is this: don't underestimate how quickly mobs can form in China. If you're a foreigner, and you get in any kind of altercation whatsoever with a Chinese person in China, just watch how quickly rubberneckers start to gather around to watch you. Once I was at the supermarket in Dalian and was bickering with my Chinese girlfriend in English (I forgot about what), and I noticed several random people would just stop dead in their tracks to watch us. Some people walked straight up to us, stood there, and observed our whole dispute. After noticing what was going on around me, I immediately stopped talking and carried on with my business. Had I continued to bicker with her, who knows what could've happened.

That said, also remember as a foreigner in China, you are 100% ALWAYS in the wrong when getting into a dispute with a Chinese person (at least in the eyes of an angry Chinese mob). Let's say you're walking on the sidewalk, you get hit by a car, and then you get back up to scald the offending driver. Guess what would happen if that offending driver decided to stop and have a verbal dispute with you. Within minutes you'd be surrounded by hundreds of rubberneckers, all of whom are slowly getting more angry and more agitated as the minutes go by, and all of whom are on the side of the offending Chinese driver. It doesn't matter what happened, or whose fault it really is, as a foreigner you're ALWAYS the guilty party.

Let's say the exact same situation happened, but it was YOU, the foreigner, who ran over a Chinese person on the sidewalk. God help you! Of course the angry mob will be on the injured Chinese pedestrian's side (which is reasonable), but there may also be a potential for a riot to break out, with the angry mob asking for the blood of ALL foreigners to be spilled. Yes, I kid you not. This is no exaggeration. Just check out this webpage to see an example:

Laowai nearly causes a riot in Zhengzhou after alleged fight with local

Also take a gander at this thread:

What do you think about the recent anti-foreigner/anti-Japanese vibe?

And then, for the following few months after the incident, the Chinese government would start to crack down on all foreigners living in the country, and all foreigners would have to remain low-key for a few months. It sucks being in China just after some foreigner has allegedly done something wrong to a local Chinese person. And ALL foreigners get painted with the same brush. Let's say some random Russian guy beats up some Chinese asshole at a nightclub in Beijing. Well guess what. Now ALL white foreigners have to watch out when they walk China's streets, regardless of whether they're from Russia, America, Denmark, or South Africa. In the eyes of many Chinese, they're all the same, therefore they're all equally as guilty.

And let's also theorize that you kick some Chinese punk's a** at a nightclub in Shanghai, yet shockingly no other Chinese dudes joined in the fight to overpower you. You won the battle, and you think it's all over. Think again! Don't be surprised if a week later, some random thugs show up at your apartment door to deliver you a beating, or you randomly get assaulted on your evening stroll one night. Chinese men, especially ones who've lost face or have been humiliated in front of their peers, can hold an intense grudge. They also have ways to find out your identity and where you live. Many Chinese won't hesitate for a second to rat out the neighborhood foreigner.

I lived in China two and half years, and the worst that happened to me was some really old, psychotic woman started following me around the supermarket (while I was alone and minding my own business), cursing at me and telling me to get out of China. I noticed several people kept looking over at us to see what all the fuss was about, and the lady wouldn't stop following me around, so I basically had no choice but to leave the supermarket immediately. Not much else I could do in that situation. I admit that situation is rare, but it does suck when it happens.

I'm not trying to scare people from living in China, but xenophobia in China can be intense at the worst of times. It's something you will almost undoubtedly encounter at least once if you plan to stay in China long-term, so it's something you should prepare for mentally. The best you can do is avoid ANY conflict with a local, especially in public, during your stay in China. I know that's way easier said than done, but it's the best advice I have to offer. I admit that China can be a very interesting and fascinating place to live, but China is certainly no paradise. The Happier Abroad audience needs to hear more about both the pros AND cons of life in China. Far too many of the threads on this forum are focused on how great Chinese women are, and not on practical things like how difficult life can be as a foreigner in China. I'm glad this thread is brutally honest and not written by someone viewing China through "rose-colored glasses." I also think the title of this thread should be changed, because it's not entirely focused on dating Chinese women, rather also on living in China. "A Complete Guide to Living in China" sounds so much better.


Wow they mobbed you for bickering in the store? f**k! Thank you so much for sharing this, These are the kinds of heads up I was needing people to see. These guys are lucky because they will know all of these things now, and it won't really be a problem.

I am a brutally honest person by nature, good and bad, and I write the same way. I wanted to make sure people got the message without useless fluff because the world is not a Hollywood movie. Some of these guys here want out of the US so badly, but fail to understand that very few non-first world countries like any NATO affiliated foreigner! It is, what it is. Why spread lies and bullshit?

Thank you for the positive feedback. Guys like you, and the good fellas needing help, is why I decided not to stop writing this, despite some of the inept trash on the HA forums getting on my f***ing nerves.

I do not recommend changing the name of the Guide to living in China, because near the end I will not recommend living there. My old teacher, a white guy from the midwest, once told me a very long time ago, China is a place you visit, NEVER live there. He is super fluent in Chinese, married a Chinese woman, and lived, traveled, and worked there for over 20 years. My target is how to find a badass Chinese wife period. She will follow you to the ends of the earth if you get one. There is not a great reason to stay there with her, kinda defeats the purpose for her looking for a laowai. (most of them anyway)
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 12:53 pm

ladislav wrote:
I'm not trying to scare people from living in China, but xenophobia in China can be intense at the worst of times. It's something you will almost undoubtedly encounter at least once if you plan to stay in China long-term, so it's something you should prepare for mentally. The best you can do is avoid ANY conflict with a local, especially in public, during your stay in China.


Better stay the heck away from the place. See the sites and get the heck out of there.

Even a Muslim country sounds better. In Saudi, foreigners and locals must obey the Sharia law. The xenophobia is minimal in those places at least vis-a-vis a Western person.


A muslim country? Are you f***ing serious? No way dude is China worst than any of those. Not only are muslim women almost unattainable, you could lose a finger, hand, your head, or some other serious punishment. Anti-American sentiment is tooooooo high right now. Unless you have to go there for oil and gas related business, f**k THAT! If you have a serious problem in China, as a US citizen, you just get deported. The only way you probably get killed in China is in a traffic accident, or you have soft bones and let a crowd beat you up. Unless you are selling drugs or shooting guns in China, they wont execute you. The good thing is that, those items are almost impossible to find there.
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 1:14 pm

Guys, remember that Chinese women are more than worth dealing with the cons of living in China. They can protect you against 95+% of anything I listed because they are Chinese. That is why I am a big proponent of using travel guides, or having a Chinese girlfriend or several to help you get around China. They can keep riff raff at bay very easily, unless they are mentally retarded. If your girlfriend or guide pisses you off, just leave them and find another. I have never been surrounded yet because of mine as well as using good common sense. Someday someone might try to cause a commotion, but knowing how to deal with that before it happens can prevent it from ever happening.

Chinese and Japanese women, are extremely loyal and badass wives. They know how to treat a man like a king and we can spend days describing their beauty and feminine ways. Now that Japanese women cannot run off with your kids as easily as before, maybe some of you can shift a little towards those too. None of these women tolerate lazy trash men, and are a great treat for a hard working man that takes care of business and protects them. I'm not going to say they are better than other kinds of Asians, but they tend to have cutoff lines for main things and expectations. Where Chinese have a slight advantage, is that the woman herself is more prone to try and fix problems she sees, even if the man is being an ass.

For example, that stupid movie Seeking Asian Female, that DJfourmoney posted about, had "Sandy" that Chinese wife to that loser white guy Steven. Sandy first initial thoughts at the beginning when she realized how poor her husband was, was to start developing a plan to start working as soon as she could. Now Steven made things worst (basically cheating) after that and she threatened to leave him after she got her green card, but before his flirting with other women online, she was still in his corner and was not hating on him for being a cashier at a f***ing airport. Would a Japanese wife tolerate such a poor career in a man? I think not! If I am wrong, please correct me.

Chinese women will travel with their husbands and work with them on their jobs and even cook for them while they work!!! My in laws do this! That's real hardcore loyalty and love guys!
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Postby kai1275 » Fri May 31, 2013 1:33 pm

One more thing to add. All the anti-religion/atheist guys out there. China's Communist Party's official religion is Atheism. Although they are technically Agnostic, they do not tolerate religions. Can you say f**k allah in a muslim country out loud? Nope. In China you could.
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Postby ladislav » Fri May 31, 2013 2:07 pm

kai1275 wrote:
ladislav wrote:
I'm not trying to scare people from living in China, but xenophobia in China can be intense at the worst of times. It's something you will almost undoubtedly encounter at least once if you plan to stay in China long-term, so it's something you should prepare for mentally. The best you can do is avoid ANY conflict with a local, especially in public, during your stay in China.


Better stay the heck away from the place. See the sites and get the heck out of there.

Even a Muslim country sounds better. In Saudi, foreigners and locals must obey the Sharia law. The xenophobia is minimal in those places at least vis-a-vis a Western person.


A muslim country? Are you f***ing serious? No way dude is China worst than any of those. Not only are muslim women almost unattainable, you could lose a finger, hand, your head, or some other serious punishment. Anti-American sentiment is tooooooo high right now. Unless you have to go there for oil and gas related business, f**k THAT! If you have a serious problem in China, as a US citizen, you just get deported. The only way you probably get killed in China is in a traffic accident, or you have soft bones and let a crowd beat you up. Unless you are selling drugs or shooting guns in China, they wont execute you. The good thing is that, those items are almost impossible to find there.


The things you described like people sticking fingers at you, kids shouting laowai- dumping all white people together, - the Russian beating someone up and then an American guilty, etc., none of this would happen in a big city in Saudi Arabia or the UAE such as Abu Dhabi, or Muscat, Oman. There are enormous numbers of foreigners living there and in some places, they outnumber the locals. Dubai, Sharja, these places are very cosmopolitan. Crowding someone is also impossible. And Omanis are very polite and peaceful people.

If there is anti-Americanism, it does not reflect on all white people. One can just say one is Canadian and be left alone.

I was in Thailand and also, the same thing happened- someone following me in a supermarket, people barking at me, smug scowling faces.

Moving to Jeddah in Saudi Arabia was great relief.

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