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Moving to Thailand - Part 1: Is Living in Thailand For You?

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

Postby momopi » Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:12 am

IMO there's nothing wrong with being opinionated, so long as you make it clear that it applies to you and not necessarily everyone else. That is, if you don't like baseball and think the game is boring, it's perfect fine to state it as such. But if you think everyone else should think and feel the same way as you, and all baseball fans are abnormal, then that's like saying that you think the world should revolve around you. People like that get pissed off when they trip over a rock, because they want to blame the rock for being there, while we all know that the rock is, a rock that cannot move or choose where it is.

The title of the forum says "happier abroad" and I read it as a place for people who enjoy visiting, traveling, working, and living abroad. It does not say "a place to vent about XYZ" or "a place to advocate that you're screwed regardless of what you do, so don't bother". If the purpose of this forum is for people to come here and advocate abandoning all hope or to stay home, then the forum's title should be "Lion in the Street". So, if you think we're all going to die from some mass extinction event and going abroad is pointless, then what's the point of being on this forum? Worse, I suspect that certain people who are already abroad don't welcome the competition from other young men, and would rather discourage them from coming.

Some of my fondest memories from high school was interacting with foreign exchange students. But those memories also included being left behind at the airport as I send them off. I really, really wanted to do the study abroad program in HS and college, but was unable due to my family's financial situation. We had to choose to either send me to college, or use the money that we had saved for down payment on a house. I told my parents that it was more important to put our own roof over our heads and opted to attend local community college part-time and worked to help pay the mortgage.

I didn't get my bachelor's until I was 28. That was the year when my ex-GF left me and moved to Japan for her study abroad. I could not accompany her or go after her due to work and school obligations. She moved on with her life in the bigger world, and I was left behind at the airport as I sent her off. The same theme had played out several times in my life, and the unfulfilled feeling of being left out, probably like being passed over to play in the little league when you're a kid. As soon as my work offered oversea assignments, I said to my manager that I'd take it, "anytime, anywhere". Since then (and 3 jobs later) I've been to about a dozen countries, including 5 Canadian Provinces and over 20 US States. I try to spend a month every year abroad and hope to visit another dozen countries over the next decade -- I plan to take a side trip to Thailand in Nov. It's not the same dream as being an exchange student when I was in HS, but it'll do.

Your reasons for wanting to go abroad may vary widely from mine. You can spend hours raging about how much your hate America or American women here, and it's mostly irreverent because you don't need to convince any of us why you WANT to go abroad. If you're here it can be assumed that you WANT to go abroad, and the most important discussion should be HOW and WHEN to get there. But if you're not goal orientated and would rather vent all day, then you're going to stay exactly where you are, year after year. In this aspect, one who has actually gone abroad and is venting about something they don't like, is actually better than one who never went abroad and stayed home to vent.
Last edited by momopi on Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Banano » Thu Sep 26, 2013 1:12 am

Thailand is misunderstood and overhyped.

From what I have seen most Farangs end up with low quality girls, that is a fact not just my opinion.

Blame it on Isaan girls. Thailand without Isaan would be very different place.


Hot, young middle class girls are not easy, they are just as hard as anywhere else. They are not friendly towards falangs like provincial girls are.

Key to success is not to expect too much, if you are there for a short vacation(6 months is short) why bother with language, stick with bar girls/poor girls and forget about banging rich ones, if you plan is to live there then start learning language and culture.

Winston wrote about this issue with PH. It is same everywhere you go.
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Postby tre » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:32 am

I think that AIB is pretty generous to offer to meet up with someone in Thailand on his own time. Most people living in ANY tourist trap usually resent those who want a "free tour guide". People used to hit me up on FB ALL THE TIME to show them around Vegas, hook them up at nightclubs, etc.. I did help some people, but not the majority of them. I was busy most of the time, working 2 jobs and extra gigs. Also, it seems that many only contact you when they NEED something and would not return the favor is positions were reversed. Anyway...just my .02
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Postby anamericaninbangkok » Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:47 am

tre wrote:I think that AIB is pretty generous to offer to meet up with someone in Thailand on his own time. Most people living in ANY tourist trap usually resent those who want a "free tour guide". People used to hit me up on FB ALL THE TIME to show them around Vegas, hook them up at nightclubs, etc.. I did help some people, but not the majority of them. I was busy most of the time, working 2 jobs and extra gigs. Also, it seems that many only contact you when they NEED something and would not return the favor is positions were reversed. Anyway...just my .02


It is unfathomable to me how many people not only want something from me but EXPECT it. Not saying he wanted anything, I offered. One particular guy said, "I'll give you some money. Find me some girls too, maybe you can have them waiting in my room when I arrive."

WTF??? This is a guy who insisted on friending me on my personal Facebook. I did because he said he only wanted to chat for a few minutes but his ass has since been deleted. I make it a habit to only add my real friends to my personal Facebook page. The last thing I need or want is some f***ing guy from Pakistan pestering me to get him laid. And guess what, he'll even give me 200 baht for finding him a girl...

Yesterday a guy told me, "If I come, you can help me for a day or two. I'll pay you like 1000 - 1200 baht a day."

That's around $33. For a day? That doesn't even cover a half an hour! WTF...The idea when working is to GET PAID and EARN as much as possible. $33 for a whole day is chicken scratch and Thais make triple this. So WTF?Not gonna do it...noootttttt gonnaaaaa do it.

There are A LOT of idiots that come to Thailand or who want to come to Thailand to live. Always have been, always will be.

Some of the things I am asked to do:

Determine which Thai bank has the highest interest rate
Rate the Thai banks
Obtain a work permit for them
Find them a job
Find them a teaching position

Act as their personal tour guide
(I am NOT a tour guide - period)

Tell the e-mailer how much to pay their hooker
Procure prostitutes for them so they don't have to do so
Take them out for a night on the town to find them women
(I am NOT a pimp)

Figure out an appropriate allowance for their girlfriend / wife

Assist in their relationship
(I do not get involved in matters of the heart and I am not a relationship counselor)

Call their girlfriend to make sure they're okay
(In one case, the e-mailer had never met his girl!)

Meet so they may pick my brain
(I generally do not meet with people. I have very little time and the I do have left I want to spend with my wife and kids!)

I have also been asked to price the following:

Automobiles, used and new
Homes and condos, for rent and to purchase, and apartments
Land
Motorcycles
Tobacco
Gasoline
Food (Groceries)
Food (Their favorite western dish)
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Postby tre » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:06 am

^^^People are just so f***ing lazy. Most of these things can be found ONLINE from anywhere in the world. I studied the Philippines in detail for 6 months before I traveled there for a 2 WEEK trip. I had my gf (Native Tagalog-speaking Filipina) with me on the trip as well. IMO, an actual move to a foreign country (especially one where people don't speak your language) should be something to plan for months or preferably years.

I also don't understand how men expect to have meaningful relationships with women they absolutely can't communicate with due to an extreme language barrier! Relationships are hard enough to maintain as it is, even knowing the same language. I guess if the majority is too lazy to spend the weeks/months to research the simpler things, they aren't going to be willing to learn language/culture which is much more difficult and time-consuming to master.
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Postby anamericaninbangkok » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:32 am

tre wrote:^^^People are just so f***ing lazy. Most of these things can be found ONLINE from anywhere in the world. I studied the Philippines in detail for 6 months before I traveled there for a 2 WEEK trip. I had my gf (Native Tagalog-speaking Filipina) with me on the trip as well. IMO, an actual move to a foreign country (especially one where people don't speak your language) should be something to plan for months or preferably years.

I also don't understand how men expect to have meaningful relationships with women they absolutely can't communicate with due to an extreme language barrier! Relationships are hard enough to maintain as it is, even knowing the same language. I guess if the majority is too lazy to spend the weeks/months to research the simpler things, they aren't going to be willing to learn language/culture which is much more difficult and time-consuming to master.


My point exactly. People who expect to come to a country, Thailand for example, know next to nothing, and somehow think they're going to magically land and bed a gorgeous, smart woman in a couple of months. A lucky few do but the vast majority do not. Those that land the ones within a couple of months are usually scrapping the bottom of the barrel, nailing whores, or the desperate.
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Postby anamericaninbangkok » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:32 am

tre wrote:^^^People are just so f***ing lazy. Most of these things can be found ONLINE from anywhere in the world. I studied the Philippines in detail for 6 months before I traveled there for a 2 WEEK trip. I had my gf (Native Tagalog-speaking Filipina) with me on the trip as well. IMO, an actual move to a foreign country (especially one where people don't speak your language) should be something to plan for months or preferably years.

I also don't understand how men expect to have meaningful relationships with women they absolutely can't communicate with due to an extreme language barrier! Relationships are hard enough to maintain as it is, even knowing the same language. I guess if the majority is too lazy to spend the weeks/months to research the simpler things, they aren't going to be willing to learn language/culture which is much more difficult and time-consuming to master.


My point exactly. People who expect to come to a country, Thailand for example, know next to nothing, and somehow think they're going to magically land and bed a gorgeous, smart woman in a couple of months. A lucky few do but the vast majority do not. Those that land the ones within a couple of months are usually scrapping the bottom of the barrel, nailing whores, or the desperate.
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Postby Jester » Thu Sep 26, 2013 3:46 am

kai1275 wrote:
Jester wrote:One of the few times I agree with PublicDuende, I think. Well-stated.

XiongMao is not an experienced ladies man, but dammit, HA is supposed to be a place where ordinary men can learn to search for love.

[b]AIB, many White men who marry "native" get pretty defensive about their adopted homeland. Go easy[/b].


I think that is little absurd and off the mark. I think he doesn't like bullshit, lies, and sheer exaggerations. Where do you even get stuff like this from? Marry native and get defensive about their adopted homeland? WTF does that even mean? Have you ever lived in Thailand before? ......

I do not see any White Knight-ish stuff from any of their posts. If you saw any, I would love to see it.


To answer your question, I wasn't referring to anyone on HA other than what I said about AIB, which I feel was respectful. The trend I had noticed was on other forums. Specifically I was thinking of:

--LivingInCebuForums, where guys have adopted stepkids whom they love etc, and of

--ExPatForum.com, where folks are occasionally defensive and proprietary about (say) Mexico, and of

-- Fred Reed http://fredoneverything.net/
who skewers the U.S. while going easy on his adopted country.

Don't get me wrong. I ADMIRE guys like Fred, and in fact may call him on the phone tomorrow (about Spanish lessons from his wife). And probably I'll ALSO be sticking up for my new country - wherever it is.

But anyway those are the places I saw the trend I described - to answer your question.

Regarding AIB, my point is
(1) AIB is a tough guy, and a tough-minded guy as well
(2) He has Thai kids
(3) He has his act together in life.

I think that when "haves" encounter "have-nots", they should cut them some slack.

You mention Winston among the folks who rant here too much without engaging effectively with real life. Okay. That's my point. HA needs to accommodate the average frustrated chump, who is just starting to wake up, stumbling toward glory.

AIB's bare-knuckle approach is appropriate on forums like TeakDoor, filled with clever, cynical, acerbic, moneyed Brits. Or on Roosh, where posters enter the forum with dicks swinging.

I don't think we need that here, unless we want to drive off quite a few folks.

PS Forget the expats with "native" wives. Just think about how defensive Latins get on internet forums if their country is criticized. OMG they go ballistic. (It's not universal - Filipinos and Americans are probably too hard on their homelands).
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Postby kai1275 » Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:06 pm

Jester wrote:
kai1275 wrote:
Jester wrote:One of the few times I agree with PublicDuende, I think. Well-stated.

XiongMao is not an experienced ladies man, but dammit, HA is supposed to be a place where ordinary men can learn to search for love.

[b]AIB, many White men who marry "native" get pretty defensive about their adopted homeland. Go easy[/b].


I think that is little absurd and off the mark. I think he doesn't like bullshit, lies, and sheer exaggerations. Where do you even get stuff like this from? Marry native and get defensive about their adopted homeland? WTF does that even mean? Have you ever lived in Thailand before? ......

I do not see any White Knight-ish stuff from any of their posts. If you saw any, I would love to see it.


To answer your question, I wasn't referring to anyone on HA other than what I said about AIB, which I feel was respectful. The trend I had noticed was on other forums. Specifically I was thinking of:

--LivingInCebuForums, where guys have adopted stepkids whom they love etc, and of

--ExPatForum.com, where folks are occasionally defensive and proprietary about (say) Mexico, and of

-- Fred Reed http://fredoneverything.net/
who skewers the U.S. while going easy on his adopted country.

Don't get me wrong. I ADMIRE guys like Fred, and in fact may call him on the phone tomorrow (about Spanish lessons from his wife). And probably I'll ALSO be sticking up for my new country - wherever it is.

But anyway those are the places I saw the trend I described - to answer your question.

Regarding AIB, my point is
(1) AIB is a tough guy, and a tough-minded guy as well
(2) He has Thai kids
(3) He has his act together in life.

I think that when "haves" encounter "have-nots", they should cut them some slack.

You mention Winston among the folks who rant here too much without engaging effectively with real life. Okay. That's my point. HA needs to accommodate the average frustrated chump, who is just starting to wake up, stumbling toward glory.

AIB's bare-knuckle approach is appropriate on forums like TeakDoor, filled with clever, cynical, acerbic, moneyed Brits. Or on Roosh, where posters enter the forum with dicks swinging.

I don't think we need that here, unless we want to drive off quite a few folks.

PS Forget the expats with "native" wives. Just think about how defensive Latins get on internet forums if their country is criticized. OMG they go ballistic. (It's not universal - Filipinos and Americans are probably too hard on their homelands).


What a bunch of BS. You just took an apple and compared it to an orange. Other websites with defensive tendencies on other countries that are not Thailand, from what appears to be your opinion, does not prove that AiB is anything like that. Not only that, it does not help Xiongmao's incorrect ranting on things he knows f***ing nothing about. Xiongmao could be sued for slander or thrown into jail if I ever bothered to send anything he wrote about China to the right people. That might even be the reason why he got chased outta Guangzhou that he refuses to discuss. Your unnecessary shots at any man here becoming native make you sound like a jealous piece of shit if anything.

HA accommodates frustrated men all day long. Today there is a thread from a lonely man struggling to cope. Tomorrow there will be another one, maybe 3 depending upon how angry Mr.Darcy is, and the Introduce yourself forum has blowing up lately. What is not well tolerated around here, is ostentatious lying about places without any merit or facts to back it up. Trash like that will keep more men in the Lonely threads and the Introduce yourself threads by scaring them out of leaving the West or USA, etc. all because of someone like Xiongmao. Spreading bad information and rumors hurts men here just as much as the AW that surround them.
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Kai1275 Defends Free Speech on HA

Postby Jester » Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:11 pm

kai1275 wrote:
What a bunch of BS. You just took an apple and compared it to an orange. Other websites with defensive tendencies on other countries that are not Thailand, from what appears to be your opinion, does not prove that AiB is anything like that. Not only that, it does not help Xiongmao's incorrect ranting on things he knows f***ing nothing about. Xiongmao could be sued for slander or thrown into jail if I ever bothered to send anything he wrote about China to the right people. That might even be the reason why he got chased outta Guangzhou that he refuses to discuss. Your unnecessary shots at any man here becoming native make you sound like a jealous piece of shit if anything.

HA accommodates frustrated men all day long. Today there is a thread from a lonely man struggling to cope. Tomorrow there will be another one, maybe 3 depending upon how angry Mr.Darcy is, and the Introduce yourself forum has blowing up lately. What is not well tolerated around here, is ostentatious lying about places without any merit or facts to back it up. Trash like that will keep more men in the Lonely threads and the Introduce yourself threads by scaring them out of leaving the West or USA, etc. all because of someone like Xiongmao. Spreading bad information and rumors hurts men here just as much as the AW that surround them.


I do not put much weight in XiongMao's opinions. He is obviously no expert, and no ladies' man.

OTOH, you should step aside and let people have their say. If you disagree, say so, and say why.

There is no need to take his comments personally. Or to silence him.

That was my point.
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Postby publicduende » Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:42 pm

anamericaninbangkok wrote:I have no problem accepting I am brash and outspoken. I am what I am.


Being brash and outspoken is fine. Using offensive language only because someone brandishes his own opinions on the same medium used by more expert and knowledgeable people, that's what I was criticising. A post is a post. You may well be an authority on Thailand compared to XiongMao or myself, but on a public forum like this, your post carries exactly the same weight as mine or XiongMao's. Of course it's down to the readership's discernment to tell which posts are worth gold, which ones are worth lead and which ones are solid BS. Being overly aggressive certainly won't change the quality of a poster and his posts.

anamericaninbangkok wrote:I understand telling the truth may sometimes be insulting and contemptuous, but it is what it is, the truth. You can say what you want about it being someones personal truth but sometimes black is black and white is white. Sometimes there are no shades of grey. I also understand what you are attempting to do here, but I think you're off the mark.


By no means, feel free to continue telling the truth. I am all about it and, as I said before, I have enough gray matter to give your posts and those of XiongMao the appropriate value.

I will still hold on to the belief that, unless something is entirely objective, like the average price of a beer or the best places to find a particular imported product, nothing can be classified as "the truth" on an exotic society and culture, especially if so different from what we live in the West. White is your white and black is XiongMao's black. So long neither of you are competing for authoring fees on this forum, so long any post is free and the audience smart enough to take what they want out of what they read, I say just let XiongMao be XiongMao without resorting to excessive finger pointing.

anamericaninbangkok wrote:On and on about the different experiences. Yes, we have different experiences. We have them in life no matter where we are. Some things however, are not about experience.

This guy is complaining that Thailand is ruined because of foreigners. Yet he's been here five months, he won't even learn the language, he won't make an attempt to meet a woman if he doesn't meet her online, and is constantly whining about something. Sorry, he doesn't have f***ing leg to stand on. How can he comment on the good old days if he was never here? From second hand information? Yes, you are correct, many things written are subjective, but when a guy thinks he knows something, yet knows absolutely nothing, he probably shouldn't be telling people the rules of the world.


It might piss you off a bit, but that Thailand (or the Philippines, or even Singapore) are being reshaped, for better or worse, by foreigners, is not something I only heard from Xiongmao. Of course it's a generic enough statement that can mean anything and nothing. Perhaps, being an absolute newbie in and about Thailand, that's the best conclusion he could draw. Perhaps he will change it over time, perhaps you will be the one to change it. Yet it's just his opinion, and nothing else. Last time I checked, he wasn't try to shove his opinion down anybody's throat, he has never wanted to sell his travel reports or wisdom for a fee. For all I know, even his not-so-successful dating website is free of charge.

anamericaninbangkok wrote:This is a guy who whines about the flooding in Thailand.

This is a guy who constantly compares Thailand and China, yet he basically ran away from China because he couldn't hack it.

This is a guy who bitches about Thai women - he can't get quality women, he can't get dates with the right type of women, and he doesn't understand them.

Oh, waaaahhhyyy, these women have to work for living, this means they don't have time for me...Jesus H Christ...please.


Quite a lot of posters here keep complaining about not finding the local women, or at least those who agree to meet or date them, to be of the expected quality. I agree with you that it doesn't denote maturity and balance, to moan about an emerging country lagging the West on this or that aspect without even trying to understand why that is, let alone learn to tolerate or even respect those differences. I also agree with you that cracking an exotic culture requires time, patience and willingness to blend with the locals, to which extent learning the language can help immensely.

It is also true, though, that XiongMao isn't the only one displaying this kind of "prince syndrome": oi oi, I'm here now, roll out that red carpet and where's all the beautiful girls at my knees? It's quite common with the posters here, and perhaps with quite a lot of Western tourists visiting second and third-world countries. Again, you could spend more than half of the time you spend posting here, bashin on those traits.

I bet the smarter ones of said "whiners" will eventually get to understand the bleeding obvious: that those elusive classy young Thai girls perhaps expect from a Western man almost as much as they expect from a Thai woman. That they have to walk through puddles and shacks every day because they can't afford living in a decent part of town. That the middle class Thais won't even give him a glance because he has no social and professional identity they can relate to. And so on.

anamericaninbangkok wrote:This is a guy who does nothing but complain about the internet service. I have complained and ranted about the SERVICE of one internet company but he goes off on how there are no hotels with decent internet, 3G is non-existent in Thailand, or at least Bangkok. Both of these comments were and are complete nonsense. How do I know? Because I have been in many hotels here and some had excellent information. This is not "subjective information."

If he complained about one or two things; not being able to land a Thai woman, the flooding, whatever, I would simply say this is Thailand or give it time. But he has presented a long list of erroneous information that illustrates very little of what is actual fact.
I refuse to coddle a person who asks for help then doesn't take it. I also won't apologize for it. When someone asks for answers and then is given them over and over — by different people — and they are unwilling to listen, then I'm going to say what I feel is necessary. Roll all of his comments about Thailand up and you get a big ole ball of shit. That's the truth.


Well, I don't really have the time to dig out and remember all of his observations, but I can see it is in his personality to be overly picky and pessimistic about things. Perhaps it all starts from the stellar expectations he has as he lands in an Asian country. Again, prince syndrome at work.

Once again, it's your opinions against his. Let the readers judge. We're not stupid :)

anamericaninbangkok wrote:It's not just what I say, this is the thing. My word is hardly gospel, I am imperfect, and sometimes, I am even wrong. But many of my statements about what he's said are far from subjective, they're spot on and fact.


Some of your statements may well be factual, but many of those you purport as facts, especially in the socialising and dating departments, are just the product of your own experience with Thai women and men. Can you guarantee that somebody who doesn't have your seniority in the country, your patience, your breadth of experience, your personality and your looks, will have the same impression and the same results when interacting with Thai people? If you can't guarantee it, they can't be facts. They're opinions, however well-supported and authoritative.

anamericaninbangkok wrote:Also, here's the way I look at it...I made my own way, without help from anyone. Nobody coddled me and I didn't ask them to do so. There are things I like and things I don't like about Thailand but...I didn't spread complete rubbish after being here for 5 months like he does nor did I complain about how Thailand has gone to shit because of foreigners.


That's something I respect a lot about people like you. They walked every walk, hit (and cracked) every stone and probably learned everything that they could learn. It's almost a shame that travelling experience cannot be passed over to any unsuspecting fresh traveler via memory card or USB connection :) But then again, discovering an exotic locale and culture without falling into the usual pits, learning from mistakes and savouring every moment, would be a lot less fun.
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Postby publicduende » Thu Sep 26, 2013 8:02 pm

kai1275 wrote:HA accommodates frustrated men all day long. Today there is a thread from a lonely man struggling to cope. Tomorrow there will be another one, maybe 3 depending upon how angry Mr.Darcy is, and the Introduce yourself forum has blowing up lately. What is not well tolerated around here, is ostentatious lying about places without any merit or facts to back it up.


Dude, now it might sound me being slightly polemic. I see you have been one of the most active and prolific posters in here. Almost 1200 posts in less than 6 months are no joke. Yet, as you don't mind people being blunt, but who are you to tell what's well tolerated around here or not? Are you a mod? And even if you are, shouldn't you just be discussing with Winston and the other mods if you really want to give the forum a certain direction, parting from the current "freestyle", unmoderated approach?

kai1275 wrote:Trash like that will keep more men in the Lonely threads and the Introduce yourself threads by scaring them out of leaving the West or USA, etc. all because of someone like Xiongmao. Spreading bad information and rumors hurts men here just as much as the AW that surround them.


Are you absolutely sure about that? I wouldn't, if I were you. Isn't it precisely the diversity of opinions, the fact that one can read information of any type, flavour, and quality on different countries, and not only extended to the all-time-favourite activity of chasing exotic poosey, that charges the average reader with curiosity and pushes him to just go there and check them out by himself?! November/December last year I had two unexpected weeks off between jobs. My wife didn't have enough holidays to add to our planned Xmas trip to Medellin. So guess what? I said why not throw any opinion read on forum like these on the side and go and discover the Philippines and their "truths" by myself? I certainly haven't become an expert on Filipino culture like some of the guys here, but I did gain a fistful of the most invaluable kind of experience - first-hand experience.

I mean, do we really want to end up like another pathetic Roosh V Forum, where any post that doesn't groom Roosh and the boys' public hair will be manicured off, and the power posters throw around their weight so much that the rest of the stuff is simply reiterating the spiel or waxing lyrical about the virtues of PUA, game and other such bullshite?
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Postby anamericaninbangkok » Thu Sep 26, 2013 8:13 pm

Jester wrote:
kai1275 wrote:
Jester wrote:One of the few times I agree with PublicDuende, I think. Well-stated.

XiongMao is not an experienced ladies man, but dammit, HA is supposed to be a place where ordinary men can learn to search for love.

[b]AIB, many White men who marry "native" get pretty defensive about their adopted homeland. Go easy[/b].


I think that is little absurd and off the mark. I think he doesn't like bullshit, lies, and sheer exaggerations. Where do you even get stuff like this from? Marry native and get defensive about their adopted homeland? WTF does that even mean? Have you ever lived in Thailand before? ......

I do not see any White Knight-ish stuff from any of their posts. If you saw any, I would love to see it.


To answer your question, I wasn't referring to anyone on HA other than what I said about AIB, which I feel was respectful. The trend I had noticed was on other forums. Specifically I was thinking of:

--LivingInCebuForums, where guys have adopted stepkids whom they love etc, and of

--ExPatForum.com, where folks are occasionally defensive and proprietary about (say) Mexico, and of

-- Fred Reed http://fredoneverything.net/
who skewers the U.S. while going easy on his adopted country.

Don't get me wrong. I ADMIRE guys like Fred, and in fact may call him on the phone tomorrow (about Spanish lessons from his wife). And probably I'll ALSO be sticking up for my new country - wherever it is.

But anyway those are the places I saw the trend I described - to answer your question.

Regarding AIB, my point is
(1) AIB is a tough guy, and a tough-minded guy as well
(2) He has Thai kids
(3) He has his act together in life.

I think that when "haves" encounter "have-nots", they should cut them some slack.

You mention Winston among the folks who rant here too much without engaging effectively with real life. Okay. That's my point. HA needs to accommodate the average frustrated chump, who is just starting to wake up, stumbling toward glory.

AIB's bare-knuckle approach is appropriate on forums like TeakDoor, filled with clever, cynical, acerbic, moneyed Brits. Or on Roosh, where posters enter the forum with dicks swinging.

I don't think we need that here, unless we want to drive off quite a few folks.

PS Forget the expats with "native" wives. Just think about how defensive Latins get on internet forums if their country is criticized. OMG they go ballistic. (It's not universal - Filipinos and Americans are probably too hard on their homelands).


First Jester, my kids are Thai-American, they're not Thai. I'm not sure if you know this. They have US passports and could go live there today. I didn't take over another guy's Thai kids. That's not my style so let me be clear about this.

Second, if me telling it like it is, albeit acerbically, is too much for guys to handle that are thinking of moving abroad, they'll never f***ing make it. Jesus, people don't have to be a tough-guy but at least be f***ing men.

How many times does he need to be wrong before he's told he's full of shit, or excuse me, incorrect? My point is, how many times is he going to be cut slack? Sorry, regarding some subjects, he's either wrong or he's not.

Also, while I defend Thailand and Thais, I'll slam them in a New York minute if they're deserving. I could slam their boxing program day in and day out. Some aspects of their culture, while romantic in theory, I believe are worthless, no longer practical, and hinder the growth and progress of their country.

Here's the thing and get it straight, please. Guys are allowed to f**k up. Guys are allowed to do wrong. Guys are allowed to have their own experiences. Who am I to say otherwise? But when a guy comes to any forum talking about how he's going to make it, do this, do that, and just months later is bitching and pissing and moaning about shit that's not even true, sorry, I'm gonna speak up. Personally, I think he is frustrated because he can't find a halfway decent woman here and doesn't want to pay. I stand by my comments and the way they're delivered. If he doesn't listen when I speak (write) nice and he doesn't listen when I speak harshly, he probably is never going to listen. That's fine, he doesn't have to. But should he be allowed to talk out of his ass, which is where he's speaking from, which effectively brings down the ship?

Jester - I didn't think you were being disrespectful, just incorrect. My going native with a Thai woman has nothing to do with my comments or how I am, related or unrelated to Thailand. I was like this long before I met her.

Also, if I'm not wanted on this forum because I'm too heavy for people, so be it. I didn't know you were the man to tell me this or which website I belong on.

Frankly, I think this attempt to accommodate for everyone and anyone is part of the problem in the US and elsewhere. Be a f***ing man, take responsibility for your actions, and call a spade a f***ing spade. Be honest with yourself, take constructive criticism when it's given, use it when appropriate, stop being pussified, and stop crying because someone's trying to give a little tough love (not that he has).

f***ing A...why don't you just accommodate every whiny, sniveling little twat who can't get a woman? Seriously, I know women are mercenary in many ways but the sooner men take SOME of the responsibility for the way things are, the sooner women will respond. Originally I was trying to help him. His recent comments lead me to believe that he's either a huge Gomer or is completely lost when it comes to women. If so, then why not listen? If not to me, then listen to others.

There is no need to silence him? Normally you would be correct however, when a poster is giving information that is simply untrue or complete bullshit, he needs to be called on it. I disagreed and said so, and said why. If you look at another thread, the thread on visas, I went over his garbage point by point showing why his statements are false. I just noticed something he wrote and again, he's incorrect. Call it semantics but if you look below you'll see what I mean. It's not just one thing he's a little off on. It's one thing after another where he's either completely full of shit or flat out incorrect. This is nothing against him personally, it's against his comments. I don't think he's intentionally trying to spread bad information but I do think he's been proved to have his head up his ARSE time after time after time. Stop babying the cocksucker and maybe he'll see the light.

xiongmao wrote:Just looked at my passport and realised I got a 90 day tourist visa on arrival when I went to Japan before. So that's long enough to stay awhile. I guess a visa run could be a bit of a hassle though.


A tourist visa is only good for 60 days and must be utilized in 90 days. You can apply for a 30-day extension for 1900 baht, however, a tourist visa without an extension is only good for 60 days.

Last but not least...yes, in the dating and social areas that are immeasurable, I am stating opinion. So is he. What I have stated to him is that if he gives time, puts in the effort, he will eventually find a decent woman. I have also told him he might be better served to get offline and meet women in person.

He chooses not to listen and that's his prerogative. His experiences are only his experiences and if he wants them to be more positive, so he can stop whinging like an old woman (no swear words), perhaps he should listen to those with more experience than he has. If he doesn't want to take the advice then stop spreading rubbish information in other departments and stop whinging.
Last edited by anamericaninbangkok on Thu Sep 26, 2013 8:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.
anamericaninbangkok
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Posts: 564
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Location: Bangkok, Thailand

Postby kai1275 » Thu Sep 26, 2013 8:45 pm

publicduende wrote:
kai1275 wrote:HA accommodates frustrated men all day long. Today there is a thread from a lonely man struggling to cope. Tomorrow there will be another one, maybe 3 depending upon how angry Mr.Darcy is, and the Introduce yourself forum has blowing up lately. What is not well tolerated around here, is ostentatious lying about places without any merit or facts to back it up.


Dude, now it might sound me being slightly polemic. I see you have been one of the most active and prolific posters in here. Almost 1200 posts in less than 6 months are no joke. Yet, as you don't mind people being blunt, but who are you to tell what's well tolerated around here or not? Are you a mod? And even if you are, shouldn't you just be discussing with Winston and the other mods if you really want to give the forum a certain direction, parting from the current "freestyle", unmoderated approach?

kai1275 wrote:Trash like that will keep more men in the Lonely threads and the Introduce yourself threads by scaring them out of leaving the West or USA, etc. all because of someone like Xiongmao. Spreading bad information and rumors hurts men here just as much as the AW that surround them.


Are you absolutely sure about that? I wouldn't, if I were you. Isn't it precisely the diversity of opinions, the fact that one can read information of any type, flavour, and quality on different countries, and not only extended to the all-time-favourite activity of chasing exotic poosey, that charges the average reader with curiosity and pushes him to just go there and check them out by himself?! November/December last year I had two unexpected weeks off between jobs. My wife didn't have enough holidays to add to our planned Xmas trip to Medellin. So guess what? I said why not throw any opinion read on forum like these on the side and go and discover the Philippines and their "truths" by myself? I certainly haven't become an expert on Filipino culture like some of the guys here, but I did gain a fistful of the most invaluable kind of experience - first-hand experience.

I mean, do we really want to end up like another pathetic Roosh V Forum, where any post that doesn't groom Roosh and the boys' public hair will be manicured off, and the power posters throw around their weight so much that the rest of the stuff is simply reiterating the spiel or waxing lyrical about the virtues of PUA, game and other such bullshite?


First off, I lurked here for over 2 years. I never posted because I had nothing useful to offer anyone here. That was my f***ing choice. I kept my f***ing mouth shut and learned, studied, and planned. Now that I have plenty of free time and experience, knowledge, and advice to offer I am sharing it. I chose the China route and there was not much about China here on HA back then.. Lots guys here enjoy what I bring to HA. I am part of that new wave of HA guys and I contribute.

Apparently you don't keep up very well. The old format is pretty much gone. Odbo and the Stormfront trash are gone. Boycott All Women is gone too. The "old" format was trash. The current one is not too radically different, but it is more progressive in mind. It isn't done growing actually but it is changing into a CAN DO type of HA group. Solution oriented. Look at Winston, he is doing talks and seminars now, and actively trying to find ways to spread the word. Others I mentioned are offering advice and information. The past HA was full of fights and took effort to find gems amougst the garbage. It required super thick skin to even stomach reading these forums. You wanna bitch and complain on someone giving a light spanking to Xiongmao? Have you bothered reading anything going back 2 years ago? Come off your misguided nostalgia.

We are trying to get guys to do things and work at it. Nothing good comes by being lazy as f**k, crying, moping, and having a shitty attitude. HA tolerates whatever the posters here are willing to tolerate. The bigots are gone for now, and more changes will follow for sure. I know for a fact I won't be posting here forever. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Someone younger and newer has to step up and help contribute because things change and HA will always need ground reports, feedback, and advice. Anyone presenting the opposite, should be met with resistance. Winston and Zboy made changes for the sake of the forum a while back and look at the progress! This site is getting more popular by the day! Look at Peter's post about the Alexa ratings!

Your arguments makes no f***ing sense at all. You want people to be more PC and gentle with others, but yet you want some kind of old HA, which was far far meaner than now. No one called his mother a whore or called him fat and useless, but instead called him out on his bullshit. Then you rise like some social worker PC white knight from the ashes. If anything, a guy like you will cause more bigots to rise with your attitude. They see PC and go nuts. Winston hates PC and the mods do too. We can be stern in here and keep it reasonable without ad hominem attacks.

If you cannot handle a little tough talk, just admit it and be done with it. Don't try and bullshit anyone here like we fell off some god damned turnip truck yesterday. If what you are seeing right now, disturbs you because you loved the old guard in here, tough nuts. That shit is old history now. Hardly anyone cares for that useless garbage here anymore, it's been beaten to death.

Stop exaggerating shit. No one is forcing PUA and Game junk down anyone's throat in here. I haven't seen a legit PUA thread in here in months.
Last edited by kai1275 on Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
kai1275
Experienced Poster
 
Posts: 1436
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:19 pm

Postby Jester » Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:28 pm

anamericaninbangkok wrote:
First Jester, my kids are Thai-American, they're not Thai. I'm not sure if you know this. They have US passports and could go live there today. I didn't take over another guy's Thai kids. That's not my style so let me be clear about this.

Second, if me telling it like it is, albeit acerbically, is too much for guys to handle that are thinking of moving abroad, they'll never f***ing make it. Jesus, people don't have to be a tough-guy but at least be f***ing men.

How many times does he need to be wrong before he's told he's full of shit, or excuse me, incorrect? My point is, how many times is he going to be cut slack? Sorry, regarding some subjects, he's either wrong or he's not.

Also, while I defend Thailand and Thais, I'll slam them in a New York minute if they're deserving. I could slam their boxing program day in and day out. Some aspects of their culture, while romantic in theory, I believe are worthless, no longer practical, and hinder the growth and progress of their country.

Here's the thing and get it straight, please. Guys are allowed to f**k up. Guys are allowed to do wrong. Guys are allowed to have their own experiences. Who am I to say otherwise? But when a guy comes to any forum talking about how he's going to make it, do this, do that, and just months later is bitching and pissing and moaning about shit that's not even true, sorry, I'm gonna speak up. Personally, I think he is frustrated because he can't find a halfway decent woman here and doesn't want to pay. I stand by my comments and the way they're delivered. If he doesn't listen when I speak (write) nice and he doesn't listen when I speak harshly, he probably is never going to listen. That's fine, he doesn't have to. But should he be allowed to talk out of his a**, which is where he's speaking from, which effectively brings down the ship?

Jester - I didn't think you were being disrespectful, just incorrect. My going native with a Thai woman has nothing to do with my comments or how I am, related or unrelated to Thailand. I was like this long before I met her.

Also, if I'm not wanted on this forum because I'm too heavy for people, so be it. I didn't know you were the man to tell me this or which website I belong on.

Frankly, I think this attempt to accommodate for everyone and anyone is part of the problem in the US and elsewhere. Be a f***ing man, take responsibility for your actions, and call a spade a f***ing spade. Be honest with yourself, take constructive criticism when it's given, use it when appropriate, stop being pussified, and stop crying because someone's trying to give a little tough love (not that he has).

f***ing A...why don't you just accommodate every whiny, sniveling little twat who can't get a woman? Seriously, I know women are mercenary in many ways but the sooner men take SOME of the responsibility for the way things are, the sooner women will respond. Originally I was trying to help him. His recent comments lead me to believe that he's either a huge Gomer or is completely lost when it comes to women. If so, then why not listen? If not to me, then listen to others.

There is no need to silence him? Normally you would be correct however, when a poster is giving information that is simply untrue or complete bullshit, he needs to be called on it. I disagreed and said so, and said why. If you look at another thread, the thread on visas, I went over his garbage point by point showing why his statements are false. I just noticed something he wrote and again, he's incorrect. Call it semantics but if you look below you'll see what I mean. It's not just one thing he's a little off on. It's one thing after another where he's either completely full of shit or flat out incorrect. This is nothing against him personally, it's against his comments. I don't think he's intentionally trying to spread bad information but I do think he's been proved to have his head up his ARSE time after time after time. Stop babying the cocksucker and maybe he'll see the light.

xiongmao wrote:Just looked at my passport and realised I got a 90 day tourist visa on arrival when I went to Japan before. So that's long enough to stay awhile. I guess a visa run could be a bit of a hassle though.


A tourist visa is only good for 60 days and must be utilized in 90 days. You can apply for a 30-day extension for 1900 baht, however, a tourist visa without an extension is only good for 60 days.

Last but not least...yes, in the dating and social areas that are immeasurable, I am stating opinion. So is he. What I have stated to him is that if he gives time, puts in the effort, he will eventually find a decent woman. I have also told him he might be better served to get offline and meet women in person.

He chooses not to listen and that's his prerogative. His experiences are only his experiences and if he wants them to be more positive, so he can stop whinging like an old woman (no swear words), perhaps he should listen to those with more experience than he has. If he doesn't want to take the advice then stop spreading rubbish information in other departments and stop whinging.


I see your POV. A lot of truth there.

I can see you're not about to change. Oh well.
Jester
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