Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
12 posts • Page 1 of 1
Ok, so 3 months ago, some women showed up on my FB wanting to be friends...from Kuwait. I accepted...thinking it be a scammer I could have fun with. It took weeks but she reached out to me. She is Filipino but working in Kuwait....
We have talked for two months and I no signs of red flags. She claims there is a big music star in Phillipines with my name..and thats how she found me. My photography business has me a LOT of friends and attention and pics on my FB. So far, I see no red flags...
1. Hasnt asked me for money and understands the issue with scammers
2. Has friends and family on her FB....and they have legit friends and family
3. Wants to get to know me but understands a relationship from afar can take a LONG time
4. Is on every day and remembers key details of our conversations
Playing this one WAY safe....but it'll be interesting. Any questions I could ask to throw her off guard? Any red flags to look for?
I don't think there is any reason to be alarmed yet. The average Filipina has hundreds are friends on her FB list. She could be just trying to occupy herself by adding you as a friend.
As for red flags, try to get her on cam and don't fall for any money requests. There have also been a number of scams on FB where a filipina has gotten naked on cam on then asked the man to join her. Once he gets naked, she will record him and later on threaten to expose him to his family and friends on FB if he doesn't pay her.
Men chase, women choose
As long as you have gold in your hand, you will ALWAYS have bread on your table.
My only concern and it is not a red flag is this: she is in Kuwait, not the Philippines. When I did online "dating" with Pinays I met several women who were OFWs (Oversees Foreign Workers). There are a couple advantages - you know they are hard working and making money, albeit a little bit. But the negatives were more. Did I really want to travel to the Middle East to meet the girl, since they all have contracts locking them in for years? And in many cases they work such long hours that even chatting online was an occasional thing - on their day off. But in this case you say she is online daily, so she must have a bit more flexibility in her job situation.
If OTOH, you online date with girls in PI, you can visit PI and meet more than one.
However, if you really decide that this one is the one - go for it. While you can meet some bad Filipinas, my experience was mostly positive and I am now married to a lovely Filipina and very happy with the situation.
She says her job will be up next Dec. She will go home. I would visit her there. She doesnt have cam or skype.
My only REAL worry is that she sends her money home to her parents....dad has no work. So, what happens when she moves here and marries? Will that continue and become a problem?
Yes it will continue, and she would probably tell you so bore agreeing to move
Hi again Enticer,
Agree with Raja's advice. The money support issue will be a problem....unless you nip in the bud early and set the groundrules.
She will be under immense pressure from her family to manipulate you into agreeing to send money to her family. After all, you are a "rich American" and can easily send a $200-$300 per month to them. Once you set that precedence, you are the money tree/ATM machine for all her family to go to.
If she works, then she will send all her money to her family and not contribute to the budget in YOUR marriage. Can you accept that? If she chooses not to work and you have to send $200 - $300 a month, can your budget afford that or will you have to work extensive overtime or get a second job to fund that "contribution"? Are you willing to make that sacrifice? (Pete98146 says that shouldn't be a burden, but an "investment". I don't buy that.)
Wouldn't that money you or she sends to her family be put to better use for YOUR marriage savings, emergency, college funds (for your children), medical, retirement, etc.?
Although I understand when you marry a Filipina, you marry her entire family. But I can't agree with Pete98146 in another thread where he stated you become part of her family and therefore her family's financial problems should become your concerns and that you have an obligation to assist them.
As the head of household in your marriage, your obligation is to YOUR immediate family, not hers. It's not being selfish to put your marriage's financial budget needs first. If she or her family INSISTS you are obligated to them, then I would say THEY are being selfish.
Do you realize by bringing your Filipina girl to the U.S. she will very quickly become AMERICANIZED and adopt many of the characteristics everyone here warns against. You will most likely wind up with a woman with all the negative western characteristics that you wanted to avoid in the first place and the effort and expense to get a genuine, unspoiled, old fashioned, traditional Filipina will be wasted.
Although divorce is illegal in the Philippines and in the mindset of the Filipinas there, it ain't illegal here and she will quickly realize it. Many men I know who married a Filipina and brought her here, found themselves divorced after she got her VISA, obtained a Green Card and permanent residence status. That's the Filipinas' ultimate goal: Getting a VISA to get out of the Philippines, get a better life, and scam the foreign husband out of his assets to support her family and bring them here.
Hope for you it doesn't turn out that way. Good luck. I think you're gonna need it.
They only will become Americanized if you kick their ass into the work force and are not a good leader. I own my business and work from home. I will not have her working in some dump around kooky, spoiled AW so she gets poisoned. Sure...there will be some influence...but I cannot and will not move.
As for her family demanding money. That will not be allowed and discussed WAY before marriage. We will set ground rules for that and my home, business and assets protected.
I'll figure a way for her to work with me..and make some money. But ground rules will be clear...
Sorry but I don't quite agree. There is no strategy to ensure she will not become Americanized, other than choosing a good girl with a grounded set of values and a good family. If your wife has good values she will see the good and the bad of American life on her own (of course with your guidance). You can't keep her from outside influences, but you can help her to understand those influences. BTW, I know many American men married to Pinays that worry just as much about their wife's Filipina friends - they can be an influence as well, for good or bad.
As to the family helping thing, don't believe all the crap you hear about horrible, money sucking families. Of course there are such people but most are not. In most cases the girl legitimately wants to assist her aging and poor parents. I find that quality admirable and not to be suppressed. Of course you have to work with her to determine what you and she can and cannot do and then enforce that if it gets out of hand. But don't assume the family will be demanding money. And certainly if anyone did - you have every right to say no.
If guys genuinely believe that all the families are money suckers, then why marry a Filipina? If she was raised by immoral blood suckers that's what she will be, right? And yet most guys report their wives to be sweet and caring - exactly what AWs are not.
So you have a choice of what to believe; your girl is a green card hunter from a money sucking family - then run; or she's not - then marry her and try not to f**k it up
LOL....I admire your bravado, but I've heard many of my friends who married Filipinas said the very same thing. 99/100 times it doesn't work out that way.
Ever hear of "TAMPO"? My friends married to Filipinas say it is a very unpleasant experience when she goes into that mode. That's what will happen if you try to isolate her, keep her "barefoot, pregnant and without shoes."
She will watch TV, talk on the telephone, use the internet, text-message, get involved in Filipino clubs, organizations and churches while in the U.S....and learn the "poisonous American ways." Do you plan to lock her up?
And whether you like it or not, she will find a way to send money regularly to her family. Better keep a close, close eye on the accounts. One of my friends discovered his Filipina wife was embezzling from the family budget and savings. Another found out his wife secretly opened up a credit card and took loans against the house to send money to her parents...and left him to pay the debts. Believe me, I've seen it personally happen.
But why take a chance getting involved with a woman from a country where scamming is the "normal" way of operation to economically survive? Why take a chance marrying such a woman knowing are going to have problematic issues once you bring her in the U.S.
Sure, Davewe, Taco and Pete98146 and others don't have any problems wit their Filipina wives; they are IN the Philippines where she KNOWS she has to be a good, compliant, cooperative and supportive wife....or else her husband will find someone else who will more than happy to take her place. And SHE knows she can easily be replaced!
Actually Pete and I are here in the US, that is if you consider the Northwest part of the US
Now I am not saying there are no concerns - there are issues in every relationship - but I know dozens of happy Fil-Am couples in the US - so it can happen.
That being said, I agree with you that trying to control the girl is not the way to have a happy and healthy relationship. I am gonna quote a poster from a Philippines expat site on the topic of marrying a Pinay:
"Met my wife in 1985 while stationed on Okinawa, wrote constantly traveled here 5 different occasions to spend time to know her, when discharged I brought her to the US on a fiancee Visa and we were married in 1987. Been ups and downs smooth and rough patches as with any relationship. I have never had regrets marrying her and if I had it all to do over again, I damn sure would marry her again. Just understand that people are still people and suffer from the same frailties as everyone else, so do not put any unfair expectations on her. You have to allow her freedom to grow, support her, be her best and most dependable friend; she has to trust that you will always have her back, will be her safety next, and can openly discuss everything and anything with you. You can not contain her, restrict her, control her, and dominate over her; and you can not dominate her if you expect her to grow as a person. You have to be her shinning knight which means you have to be the better man - ALWAYS....
Be cautious when asking advice on relationships on an expat forum and take advice with a grain of sand, because many are true experts on divorce but haven't a clue about having a successful marriage."
No, i will not try to control her or lock her up. But I will maintain control of my home and family. Excessive work and a lack of leadership is where the skism begins. I am not easily duped and will try to have things in place to avoid marrying someone with motives that are not what they say. But, I also understand letting someone grow and be themselves..
Still thinking a lie detector test would be a good thing for marriage...
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