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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
Ok Yohan, while you certainly knowledgable you may be perhaps still pointing our future readers in the wrong direction so I have provided some links to help.
1. http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2013/0 ... VVXlIkayc2
http://www.japansubculture.com/as-japan ... r-reunion/
http://www.crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Child ... ofcus.html
I trust and hope the moderators will see these post as informational.
Wholeness and Balance.
Ok Yohan since you appear knowledgable but perhaps still pointing future readers in the wrong direction I'll provide some links.
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2013/0 ... VVS4Ykayc2
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internat ... n_in_Japan
http://www.japansubculture.com/children ... s-divorce/
I trust that the moderators will see this links as informational.
Wholeness and Balance
If you are looking for a wife, I hear the Japanese aren't marrying and reproducing as much as the government wants them to. There is a culture of nerdy guys who have electronic girlfriends. You can hire a girl just to hug you and talk to you and pretend to be your girlfriend, which isn't actually prostitution. I don't know if the average guy goes for these things, or if I've just seen videos about the weird fringes of their society.
In general, it sounds like it could be as bad or worse of a place to find a wife than the US. But I did hear, maybe 15 or 20 years ago, women used to line up outside of ships to find a black man on military bases hoping to get a black man. But who knows? Maybe they were plying their trade. The guy who told me said Japanese women would take the black men out and pay. But he'd heard that second hand and maybe it was partly wishful thinking.
As far as wife material goes, I was talking to a single mother who'd converted to Christianity. She was from Japan. She said the churches there are mostly female. The men get married off, and there are a lot of women there who don't want to marry non-Christians who stay single, waiting for a Christian husband. I've heard the same about certain places in China. She thought some of these women might still be virgins.
Something else to consider about that part of the world is the culture seems nearly as foreign as the culture of a developed country can get. They do and say stuff that doesn't make sense and it can seem quite rude. And you will do and say stuff, too. Customer service representatives can do and say weird stuff. Trying to relate to a girl from that culture can be hard. I haven't spent that much time in Japan, but I have encountered weird cultural stuff like that in my very brief time there.
Korea is a bit like that. They talk in code. 'Let me think about that' means 'no.' Putting you off while saying 'yes' can mean 'no.' I wonder if they have a huge problem with date rape, with the girls saying yes when they mean 'no.' They might actually say 'no' over that.
I did find a lot of Korean girls to be attractive. Usually, though, it's like there were masses of girls that looked like 7's, maybe 8's, and something higher was rare. I did see some high 9's there, though. There are lots of attractive girls, and a lot of them were slim, eating those Korean vegetables and walking around a lot. Korean girls here can get quite chunky, eating ice cream and drinking milk after finishing off he kimchi.
But I'd think Korea would be a better place to find a wife, in general, than Japan. The culture seems more marriage oriented. It's Confucian and they expect you to submit to elders and things like that.
In the 1990's, I was eating with some Korean English student of mine. We were cooking at a hibachi in a little restaurant and one of them gave the chopsticks to a girl and said a sentence in Korea that contained the word 'yoja'-- which means woman. They all laughed. She giggled and acted demure and cooked. (She was pretty too as I recall.) They'd told her 'You should cook because you are a woman." I guessed correctly what they'd said.
I appreciated the fact that she didn't scowl when they said that. If she'd been a US college student, she'd probably gotten all feminist or scoffed or rolled her eyes. Instead, this girl cooked. I think Korean girls are a bit more conservative than American women, even if they aren't still at some ancient 'traditional' ideal. I really like Korean food, too. My Indonesian wife likes it and we do Korean barbecue and vegetables for dinner at home every so often. I used to take her out for Korean food.
I had one ex-military English teacher friend. He'd just married a Korean girl. She was about 23 or 24 and he was about 30. Apparently, they had sex every night. She told him if he ever wanted to have sex with her I the middle of the night to wake her up. They'd play a game where he'd chase her around the bedroom every night. And this guy was really sharing TMI with me. I knew his wife and didn't want to think about sex when I saw her. She was attractive, maybe an 8 or so on my personal scale. But my guess is that you can find women like that in any country, and that she was exceptionally frisky. Hearing that did make me contemplate marrying a Korean woman though.
Winning the potential in-laws approval for marriage in Korea may be difficult. "International marriage" was controversial in the 1990's. Poor farmers were importing ethnic Korean brides from China at the time. But now, villages full of farmers have imported Vietnamese and Filippina brides, so maybe that's made international marriage more acceptable, or maybe they just think of it as something the poor do.
Btw, Korean women in Korea, in the mid 1990's, when I was there, did seem feminine. So that's a plus. Lots of girls in the US these days don't.
Sorry, but my questions to you are not answered by posting some links.
If you decide to live in Japan as a foreigner with a Japanese wife, you have to expect that Japanese laws will be applied to you in case of divorce.
Do you prefer the US-system, where the father has visitation rights (often ignored) but the mother can bring you to jail if you fail to pay child support even in case you are jobless or ill?
Do you prefer the US/UK-system, where any woman can claim 'domestic violence issues' and you are arrested and removed out of your own house?
Do you prefer a system like in Scandinavia, where children have more rights than their parents and where father's rights are almost not existent?
Simply said, if you prefer a Western system regarding family law, it is better for you not to live in Japan. Japan is despite being an industrialized nation still an Asian country. Laws are different here - not always the same as in Western countries.
Why should laws be the same anyway worldwide? And why should they be always Western standard laws, based on feminism?
Japanese women after divorce or separation do not expect any support from ex-husband or father, but want to have a clear cut - which means see you never again. This is true for both, foreign or local ex-husband.
Interesting most fathers think similar. The number of divorced or separated fathers running after their children is quite small in Japan, it's more the opposite, the father is usually on the run and does not want to have anything to do with those children and with any obligation/payment towards them.
Last edited by Yohan on May 15th, 2015, 3:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Incidentally, the Japanese system is what the Old Testament teaches. Not as a Law, but as a "best practice".
The only difference would be that in the OT, only the man could initiate divorce. Perhaps a small difference, because a woman could probably easily be bitchy enough to get herself divorced.
I think the advantage would be that women would avoid divorce to avoid losing male help and cash flow. And men would avoid divorce to avoid losing children.
I still like the Mohammedan system though. Keep the kids and toss the bitch out.
"Well actually, she's not REALLY my daughter. But she does like to call me Daddy... at certain moments..."
Hi, Jester, simply said, I did not leave Europe for Asia to be followed by the same pro-feminist laws and to live among the same type of Western women.
I finally left for Japan because I want to be 'happier abroad' and enjoying a lifestyle which is different from Western feminist countries.
There are always some Western do-gooders or religious moralists/bigots showing up and telling me why 'it should not be like that in Japan', because 'in my country it is not like that'.
Living in Asia almost since 40 years, I had many conversations with Western people, who just cannot understand, that their laws in their countries are not the same as here in Asia. Why should every country have the same laws anyway?
I met do-gooders from Sweden and Norway, who cannot understand that Japan has no anti-spanking laws - all these poor children.
I met gender activists from Germany complaining about that same gender marriage is not accepted in Japan - all these poor gays.
Same with marriage and divorce in Japan, the rules here are not the rules in UK or USA.
If you are not a Japanese, but you are living in Japan with Japanese wife and children, you have to accept its laws.
Japanese fathers do not pay child support - all these poor mothers,
Japanese fathers cannot see their children - all these poor fathers, especially if they are foreigners etc. etc.
All the Japanese are so racist, says the US-citizen, but is ignoring all race-related problems within the own country...
and now a Miss Japan is a 50/50 black woman, what to say now?
I often ask myself, what are these foreigners doing here in Japan? If they think all is better in USA or EU, and they are not happier abroad why do they continue to live in Asian countries?
Why should Japanese young people marry and reproduce? Only because the government is telling them to do so? Jobs are not stable, children costs a lot of money when entering higher education, renting or buying your home is very expensive in the cities, and infrastructure in Japan shows a surplus of men in rural areas and a surplus of women in the cities.
It is not difficult to find a young woman in Japan if you are a young man and living in the cities, but if you cannot, there is still the option to look for a foreign wife in nearby Asian countries, it is easy to bring a foreign spouse into Japan.
For foreigners in Japan, there is also the option to look for a foreign Asian partner, for example over 300.000 Brazilian-Japanese are living here, and many Chinese and Koreans.
Christianity is a minority religion in Japan, many going to churches are foreigners (Filipinos, US-citizens etc.) The Japanese who might identify to be Christian are estimated to be 1 to 3 percent, but there is no official count about religion in Japan.
Considering membership in Buddhist temples and their cemeteries you can consider that easily over 80 percent of the Japanese - beside their Shinto belief - are clearly Buddhist orientated.
I am not sure if and why mostly females are willing to convert to Christianity in Japan, is it so? I never heard something like that. Not impossible however. Maybe single mothers who want to talk to somebody because they are lonely and their position to be accepted by men is rather gloomy? Or elderly women whose spouse died and do not have any relatives anymore...?
It is true that Buddhism does not offer much to females.
Yohan, from what I can tell your pointing the finger at me, taking what I've said completely out of context, furthermore then you attempt to railroad me by forcing me to take sides, I don't believe that I ever said one countries are laws a more just then the other. What I said was fathers should have a right see the children if they are fit and the child agrees. I guess you've never been divorced lost your children. Next, If you read my post at all, you would have caught the tone being anti-feminism, the intent was to protect men from dishonest women.
Furthermore you attack people on the forum vehimentally defending yourself. I don't believe anyone here attacked your belief systems Yohan, just asserted their opinions we're not playing a game you can drop the racket.
Just for the sake of it, lol from wealth of history with women and developed outlook I'll share it.
I'll believe in equality, anti-dualistic laws with that, let me state that women as whole have garnered an immense power over men through feminism in this world, As feminism stands today, the USA is currently verge of prohibiting street pick due to these egocentric narcissists posing for women's rights. I believe If a women claims rape or domestic violence concerning the UK later if the cases is overturned or illegitimate fabricated claims are discovered then at that time, the women should face sentencing for malicious psychological abuse with fraud to the other party. Now if the charge is proven true then it's justified. As far as custody, if the the women an any country ignores visitation rights against the child's well being, her rights to custody should be revoked. If the faster is decent, he will pay child support if appropriated for the child's health. If the father cannot pay due to unemployment, the country should offer assistance(no foster care) on a trial basis. Now In Japan the responsible attentive parent should get custody at the consent of the child, Yeah, change the laws.
Now in certain nations men hold too much power, Islamic laws force women to remain concealed,. Certain Islamic countries both in Africa and the Middle East perform clitorectomies which is far from necessary or even rational and an entirely barbaric practice. There are other countries we could add to the but by now hopefully you get my point.
So do I prefer laws where each party has equal power? The answer to that question is a resounding YES!
I'm entitled to my opinion Yohan.
By the way, just so you know, the U.N has set it's on Eye on feminizing Japan, give it time, they will be just like the USA and Europe, or perhaps you don't see where the trend is going?
I think you have no idea about how divorce is done in Japan.
Most couples just go to their ward office, sign a paper they prepared by internet a few days in advance, and they are divorced. finished.
In Japan divorce is no business, neither for lawyers nor for the ex-wife, and Japanese courts are doing the best to stay away from family disputes - Japanese courts are known to be reluctant, slow and expensive and are demanding all payment regarding court fees in advance. It7s a waste of time and money to ask for a court decision concerning divorce, except both spouses are very rich, celebrities etc.
In Japan there is the custom to regulate divorce out of court and after that the divorced couple just disappears, cancelling the rent contract of their room, packing their things and gone, children to the ex-wife, husband no obligation to pay anything.
Some ex-spouses make a contract out of court with an adviser between them, for example in case of 2 children I give you every month yen 80.000,- and you offer me every 1st and 3rd Sunday to take care of the children in return.
However some men refuse to pay, some women have already a new boyfriend and they are living together with the children and don't want to be disturbed by the ex-husband. - Up to them to fight it out.
Do we need laws for all and everything?
In Japan simply said, the huge majority of divorced couples and their children do not need such laws at all. They find an agreement out of court.
About Islam, children are usually taken by the father, and the wife, even if she is rich, has no obligation to take care of them, she just can forget all of her past and to move on. It does not sound so bad for the ex-wife either...
Something does not fit together, sorry.
So you think, if the child is refusing to meet the other parent and the other parent insists on visitation rights, the other parent has the right to stop to pay child support? Otherwise your 'equal power' is not equal power anymore....
Most Western laws/court decisions do not work. There are serious problems with execution of such laws regarding divorce and custody of children.
I do not know even one Western country where a woman was sent to jail for not paying child support, but men in USA often are arrested even if they are jobless and cannot pay.
About visitation rights, a serious problem in EU, many ex-wives have hard feelings against the ex-husband and are using the children as pawn for getting a lucrative divorce - after that child support is often not used for the child and if the ex-wife is moving away even within EU, visitation rights often are ignored or merely impossible due to long travel distance.
I do not know even 1 single case in EU where custody rights of a parent were restricted because of ignorance of visitation rights of the other parent.
About custody rights in most Western countries, custody is given to the mother as default, fathers do not have the right to say much about it in court. - It's not only in Japan like that.
Regarding divorce between a foreigner and a Japanese, there are only few cases where a foreign father or mother insists on invitation rights and does not get them. Most foreigners - especially Asians - merely move away and how even to find them?
I remember a meeting called by the Japanese Ministry of Justice to present such cases to them a few years ago - by foreigners and Japanese claiming the other spouse has kidnapped the children. Only 19 reports/complaints were received.
Not really enough to create new Japanese laws for that, just my opinion.
About myself, I prefer the present Japanese regulation. We do not need here in Japan laws a la USA, and we do not need Islamic rulings either.
If you are a foreigner, married with a Japanese citizen, have children together AND living in Japan, be aware that you are subject to Japanese law in case of divorce. If you cannot accept that, better do not live here and do not socialize with Japanese men/women with the intention to create a family in Japan.