Thanks for this excellent post MrMan. Much of this is new to me and also I imagine to most men here.MrMan wrote:About Indonesian and Malaysian Chinese?
It's funny. My wife and I have talked about what each of us would do if the other died. I told her I'd probably remarry. I might go to Indonesia and find another wife there. I wouldn't want one whose remotely feminist, and culturally I like having a wife from there. I'm also about 2 points better looking or more desirable on a scale of 1 to 10 in Indonesia and I could probably find a prettier younger woman. Also, more women are virgins. I'd want a virgin or a widow who hadn't had sex with anyone but her husband (preferably a faithful one who didn't give her some disease.)
My wife told me if that happened to choose a good step mother for our children. She didn't want me to marry a Chinese woman, though, because she said they are 'cerewet.' That means loud, complaining, bossy, or something like that. Sometimes they use the word for babies fussing sometimes.
Maybe some Chinese women are like that over there. I think some Indonesian Chinese women would make good wives, and some of them are better looking, IMO, than the overage Indonesian.
I don't know that much about Chinese from Malaysia. I know one couple. She seems like a good wife and mother type. Their accent is similar to a Singapore accent, so if you can stand to be married to a woman with that kind of accent, go for it. I'm not thinking of the kind of British Singapore accent, more the Chinese one. And they also have this really stressed schwa sound like of like the /^/ sound in 'but' but a little different. I find it a little rough on the ears at times, but not too bad. I think more Chinese speak Chinese. Some speak Chinese and English and can barely get on in Malaysian. I don't think I've ever met a Chinese Indonesian who raised there who wasn't fluent in Indonesian. It's hard to find one in Jakarta who speaks Chinese.
If I were single and had to choose between wife hunting among the Chinese in China versus Malaysia, I might choose Malaysia, partly because I am more familiar with the culture and trust it more to produce marriage-friendly wives than mainland Chinese culture, which I know less about, but which I suspect may have been contaminated by Communist thought.
There is a stereotype of Indonesian Chinese as being rich, mainly because a lot of them are. There is a kind of Chinese merchant class. The government wouldn't let them own farmland like local 'pribumi' people. Chinese in Medan seem more into being Chinese, speaking their Hokkian or Ke dialects or whatever. I road in an elevator in an office building in Medan once and two Chinese people started speaking Chinese to each other. Most Chinese around there don't seem to know Mandarin, though some of the educated ones do. The government suppressed the Chinese language and celebrations for a long time and pressured Chinese to take local names as part of an anti-Communist agenda. Some have studied Mandarin.
My concern for someone marrying a Chinese girl from the merchant class is that she may have grow up with a made picking up her socks off the floor and doing the laundry. My wife is from a poorer family. She watched the family shop in middle school, washed the clothing for uncles when she went to stay in the big city, and worked hard her whole life. I wouldn't want to be married to the pampered princess type. Some of them learn to keep a good home. I have a friend whose wife is Indonesian Chinese. They both have good jobs, and she's busy working. Their house was dirty. They had lots of girls. The girls weren't cleaning and keeping the place neat. Batak are into training the girls to keep the house clean. You'd probably find the same with poor or middle class Javanese and other groups.
Lots of Chinese are Christians. Traditionally, Batak, Ambones, and Manado are some people-groups where many of the people profess Christianity. There are also some predominantly Christian Papua tribes who look like Australian Aboriginese and various other peoples. Javanese are mostly Muslim but there are lots and lots of Javanese Christians.
Sunda is like 99% or more Muslim. Aceh, Malayu, Minang, and Madura people traditionally tend to be Muslim as well. Ethnic Balinese tend to be Hindu, probably 99% or so. Lombok is predominantly Muslim. Kalimantan (Borneo) has communities that have migrated there from other peoplegroups who can be Muslim or Christian. There are Dayak Christians, animists, and Hindu-Kaharingan. Legally, you can't marry a Muslim in Indonesia if you aren't one. If a Muslim girl does marry you, it's possible some Islamic scholar or family member may encourage her to leave you. I've heard of that when the husband left Islam. But it seems to be rare overall.
If I've commented on wanting my wife to be a bit more obedient or docile, she's said she's not a Javanese woman. Apparently, they have a reputation for being submissive wives. Javanese tend to be polite and hide their feelings unless they are extremely upset. Batak tend to be more out in the open with their thoughts and feelings.
+1