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How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwanese?

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How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwanese?

Postby Winston » Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:11 am

I don't understand something. How are you supposed to make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwanese people? I've never had any real chemistry or synergy with any Taiwanese people (except maybe one girl but she moved to Germany). I never meet any Taiwanese on the same page as me and my friendships in Taiwan are always superficial and fleeting. Trying to connect with Taiwanese feels like trying to run through a wall. Doesn't feel possible at all. They are like zombies with no life force.

What's worse is that the vibe I get from Taiwanese people is very negative in general. Around Taiwanese I get the vibe from them that says, "You are weird. I don't like you." It feels very unfriendly like a radiation field. Is it my imagination? If so then why don't I feel that kind of vibe in most other countries? In Philippines the vibe I get says, "I admire you and appreciate you. You look educated and have money." And in Europe and Russia the vibe I get is "You are interesting. I am curious about you." Thus meeting new people feels like a positive, smooth and natural experience in other countries, but not in Taiwan.

Taiwanese seem very repressed, small minded and judgmental. Such types are hard to connect with. They are on a different wavelength and zone. Two broad minded or open minded people can connect smoothly like flowing water, which I've experienced many times. But I've never been able to find any Taiwanese that connect with me like that.

I get the strong sense that if you are eccentric or different in any way, Taiwanese will judge you negatively and condemn you and avoid you and ostracize you. Especially Taiwanese women. They seem to have a strong inclination for judging and condemning and disliking others, using any little excuse they can find. It seems to be a fundamental aspect of Taiwanese character. And its happened to me many times. If you are a white person you will be given more leeway in being eccentric, but not if you are Asian. No way.

Taiwan is definitely no place for a freethinker or freespirit or deep thinker. In Taiwan, emotions are repressed, friendliness is superficial, and speech is politically correct, all of which means you can't express yourself freely and honestly. How can I vibe or connect with such an inauthentic soulless culture like that?

In Taipei at least, there is a cosmopolitan social scene so I can make superficial friendships. But I'm not a superficial person so its not my cup of tea nor is it satisfying. Superficial friends are more like acquaintances, they aren't the kind of friends who care about you or will listen to your problems or let you be yourself around them. They are only for polite superficial conversation and hang outs. They aren't meaningful or genuine or of true connection.

But my parents town of Chiayi is the worst place I've ever seen for social life. It reminds me of Bellingham, Washington and its social sterility. I can't even make superficial friends in Chiayi like I can in Taipei. And if I complain about it I will be condemned. Everyone is very antisocial including the foreigners. The social vibe is very negative. No one wants to hang out or be social with me, even though I'm very open and outgoing and down to earth and have great communication skills. Go figure. Its very ego deflating to be in such an environment.

How come I feel like it's impossible to connect with people in Chiayi? Its the most hopeless situation and inexplicable. Its really weird. There's no synergy or chemistry with Chiayi people at all. Meeting people doesn't feel smooth or natural. Trying to make friends in Chiayi feels like trying to climb Mount Everest. No joke. Chiayi people have that super narrow rat or weasel type of look and vibe. Super repressed, small minded, petty and judgmental is their norm. Yuck. Is Taipei like that too? Or is Taipei more sociable?

I guess if you are eccentric or unusual or think outside the box, Southeast Asia is better for you because they aren't as judgmental there but much more relaxed and easygoing. Especially the Philippines. And of course Europe is great because people there are more broad minded and much easier to connect with, especially since I have a European soul in my core. Meeting people and socializing in Europe feels much more positive, smooth and natural. I've experienced that firsthand. So the problem can't be me.

I told my parents today that I want to meet girls at the night market. My mom said that is a sick idea to try to cold approach girls and feels disgusted about it. Then I told her that me and rock met some girls there before. My mom is very small minded too.

Maybe Taiwanese and I are like oil and water. Trying to connect with them feels like trying to mix oil and water. No matter how many times you try, it doesn't work. The two repel each other. I wonder how many foreigners in Taiwan feel like they can truly connect with Taiwanese. I doubt that most of them do.

Have you ever been to a country where you had no synergy or chemistry with people? It totally sucks. Its like you always have to ask yourself, "What's wrong with me?" all the time, which is detrimental to your self esteem. But in Europe and Russia I don't have to ask myself that. Instead I think, "Yipee! I can express myself and have fun and be myself! Hurray!"

Yet in spite of this, almost all articles and blogs about Taiwan on the internet claim that "Taiwanese are so friendly and so wonderful!" Its so fake. I wonder how many of those articles are honest or just being politically correct since it is a taboo to say that any culture or people are unfriendly. Regardless, I'm not going to lie and say that "Taiwanese are so friendly." I don't like to lie.

Anyway, how come I can't connect with Taiwanese but some people can? And if the problem is me then how come I have a better more natural social life and dating life in most other countries of the world, including China?

I've been looking for logical scientific answers to these questions for years. Why can't anyone provide any answers that make scientific sense?

The only theories I can think of as to why Taiwanese dislike me and project negative energy toward me are these:

1) Their personality and mentality (or the one they've been programmed with) is trying to repress and suppress their consciousness and soul. But mine is trying to expand and grow my consciousness and soul. In other words, they are trying to CONTRACT themselves whereas I am trying to EXPAND myself. Thus our polarities are flowing in opposite directions.

2) I've noticed that if you are too authentic and down to earth, or have too deep of a soul, then a large percentage of people, both in Taiwan and America, will take an immediate disliking to you for seemingly no reason. This is because most modern people are inauthentic and artificial. Thus you become like a MIRROR that reflects their inauthenticity and fakeness back to them. As a result, they feel an uncomfortable aversion to you. They simply aren't comfortable with what they've become on the inside and your authenticity reflects it back to them. Kind of like how in the Greek story of Medusa, if you reflect a mirror back to Medusa, she will turn into stone. Lol

3) Also of course, if you are too honest and open about everything, many people will be uncomfortable around you. Truth is often a taboo and for some reason people don't like to hear it. Political correctness is very important nowadays, especially in Taiwan and America. As HL Mencken said:

"The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." - H. L. Mencken

4) If you are a freethinker, people will notice that you are different, even if you don't open your mouth, because you give off a different vibe, body language, and facial expression. You make eye contact with others in a more relaxed manner and are comfortable talking to random strangers. Such traits stand out in uptight cliquish cultures such as Taiwan and America. So you may seen as weird or odd by many in those cultures. Especially if you are Asian in Taiwan and not white, because an Asian is expected to act Asian and conform to the norm, whereas white foreigners are not.

Make sense? What do you think? Why else would many people take an immediate disliking to an authentic genuine person like me? Others who are like me have reported the same thing as well. And Taiwan and America are definitely in the top tier when it comes to fakeness and inauthenticty and being uptight. Their culture and people clearly reflect that.
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Winston » Fri Jul 03, 2015 1:37 pm

On our Facebook group, Henry king told me this:

"Henry King
Winston Wu, it can not be done! That is why I do not think Taiwanese have friends and that is why they are all workaholics. It is just like America socially. Taiwan is so cold, so paranoid. Winston, I think most of the people in Taiwan and America are abnormal and you have to go to the fringe of the society in Taiwan and America to encounter the normal people. That is why you can not have any friend in Taiwan and America. But in China, the majority are normal and you can have normal relationships with most of the people in China. In the fringe of the society in China however, is where you will encounter all the most bizarre abnormalities and the lousiest attitudes.
Edited · Like · More · Yesterday at 10:34pm

Henry King
Winston Wu, I think most countries in the world suffer from injustice, wealth distribution problems, budget deficits and so on... People step on you when you are weak, people step on you to get to places, people take advantage of you if you are nice and kind to them. But these have been around since antiquity. However, the bizarre abnormalities you see in Taiwan and America are very recent, very bizarre. They are not normal even from the perspectives of a sinful, fallen world I think.

Winston Wu, may be I can give you an answer to your question.
Winston, LOCATION MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCES.
A person considered abnormal and has all kinds of personality issues may be completely normal and very likable in another society.
Most sarcastically, the two societies can be next to each other.
When I was in high school, I had all kinds of issues with the teachers. I really thought: " did I do something wrong?"
When I was in college, I saw another person doing the same thing and the same behavior was completely tolerated by the teacher. Reflecting on that, I knew I did not do any wrong thing in high school. It was crazy people calling normal people crazy.
You can not get along with Taiwanese peopel because they are ABNORMAL and you are NORMAL.
That is why you can not get along with them, you can't connect with them. Normal and abnormal people are like oil and water, they do not mix.
Winston, so I am not the only one that feels this way about Taiwan!You feel just like me except if I may add something.
Winston, in Taiwan, you do not have to be different or eccentric for them to despise you and say this and that about you.
Even you are not, they say all these garbage about you.
You do not have to be deep or philosophical for them to think you are strange and attack you.
They verbally attack you even if you are not.
When I was young, I really felt : am I really like that?
Lacking the parental confirmation, I thought so.
But at the same time, how come I can get along with Chinese people relatively well?
When I got older, I know all these were not true! Abnormal societies like Taiwan and America give you a set of distorted mirrors to look at yourself.
Winston, the problem is from Taiwan and America. The majority are abnormal in Taiwan and in America. That is why you and I can not connect with the majority. If we were in China, we would have been the normal majority because in China and in most places in the world, the majority are normal.
This is what I got from the Taiwanese: you are so bothersome, you really don't know how to talk, you have no people skill.
Americans were just cold and phony toward me and screwed me.
I can not make any friend in Taiwan and in America.
I thought I am bad at making friends and all the bad labels I got.
But if you put me into a group of Chinese, I can make three friends in a week and some may even blossom into deep friendship.
If I only knew China, I would have developed a very different perception about myself.
Location makes all the differences Winston, all that were caused by the location.
Have you thought about this, may be people do not fit in with one another in Taiwan and in America.
There is no friendship, they just talk, stay over... No substance whatsoever.
May be they are all abnormal and that is why they can get on.
You and I are normal, therefore we can't fit in with the abnormal majority in Taiwan and in America.
In Taiwan and in America, if you want to fit in as a normal person Winston, you have to go to the fringe of the society because that is where all the normal people are. That is where all the normal people rebel against the prevailing abnormalities.
Yet my statements are too taboo.
But think about it, how true are my statements.
Winston, we can only talk about TV-MA. Never TV-28!

Henry King
Winston Wu: in addition, Taiwan and America are condemnatory societies that constantly condemn you. The society constantly make you feel something is wrong with you. But that is NONSENSE! Many feelings we have about ourselves are wrong. They are not our feelings but condemnations that Taiwan and America gave to us in the past and continue to do so.
Like · More · 3 hours ago

Henry King
Winston Wu, I think in Taiwan and in America, the societ andthe media give you a feeling that people get along and have meaningful, vibrant friendship. I was always frustrated because I did not have any meaningful, vibrant, loving friendship. But, when I got much older, I realized that is not the case. It is a lie that Taiwan and America perpetuate. People do not have meaningful, vibrant friendship.
Like · More · 1 hour ago"
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Falcon » Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:10 pm

Winston, try visiting Japan for several days and see how shockingly similar it is to Taiwan. I was in Tokyo for several hours and noticed that it's pretty much like Taiwan on steroids. The people are more polite, more repressed, and "softer" too, and give off the exact same vibes as the Taiwanese, especially people from Taipei.

And check out this article about social isolation and suicides in Japan. The article will remind you so much of Taiwan, and perhaps also South Korea.

"Isolation is the number one precursor for depression and suicide," says Wataru Nishida, a psychologist at Tokyo's Temple University.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-33362387

One of us should do an article critiquing Japan. There are lots of articles on the negative sides of Taiwan already, so I'd like to see a comparison.

But the plus side of these Taiwanese traits is that society runs quite smoothly, and customer service is quite polite and good, completely unlike in China. It's good for tourists and investors, but perhaps not people who want some rough, authentic Third-world-style fun.
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Winston » Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:21 am

Falcon,
Yeah I know Japan is similar. So is Hong Kong. Rock says Hong Kong is colder and more stuck up than Taiwan. However, the difference is that the rudeness and coldness of Hong Kong people doesn't feel personal. I don't get that negative vibe that people don't like me like I do in Taiwan. But it could also be that my parents city in Taiwan is a very hateful and negative place. Even rock got bad vibes there.

Either way, don't you hate it when you can't be yourself in a culture? It's the most oppressing and degrading feeling when you can't express yourself or be yourself. It chokes and imprisons you. You don't even feel accepted or valued. Furthermore, the vibe is very negative. Its like God or the universe is telling you that you don't belong there and your destiny is not meant to be there.

In spite of all that, how can people like rock and everdred consider Taiwan to be "so friendly and so wonderful!" It's mind boggling. Go figure.

Here's what rock told me about why Taiwanese dislike me for no reason:

They look at you and see a pathetic lost mid aged guy who still acts and thinks like a child. If you were like that as a 23 year old fresh faced blond haired blue eyed new to Taiwan American girl, they would love you to death.

People in Taiwan look down on 40 year old teenagers lol


But how come rock can act like a teenager in Taiwan? And how come Janet Hsieh can? Comedians and actors in the US act like teenagers too. So what's wrong with that? Why should I act rigid and serious just because I'm an adult? I don't understand Chinese logic.
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Ghost » Tue Jul 07, 2015 7:55 pm

I recently read an article claiming that Taiwan is more authentically Chinese than mainland China. His reasoning was that Mao ZeDong was all about destroying things traditionally Chinese, while Taiwan wanted a resurgence of all things Chinese in its society. You do better on the mainland and in Taiwan you just don't belong. And you've told me before that you are like a white man born into an Asian man's body. So you were born into the wrong race and culture. I think you should return to the U.S. and immediately get to work milking the system with your newly discovered disorder. Come up with a catchy name of it, and when mainstreamers question you, tell them that society is starting to accept that people can be born as the wrong gender/sex, so why not being born as the wrong race/culture? Maybe you could really milk the system. ;)
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Falcon » Wed Jul 08, 2015 2:49 pm

Ghost wrote:I recently read an article claiming that Taiwan is more authentically Chinese than mainland China. His reasoning was that Mao ZeDong was all about destroying things traditionally Chinese, while Taiwan wanted a resurgence of all things Chinese in its society. You do better on the mainland and in Taiwan you just don't belong. And you've told me before that you are like a white man born into an Asian man's body. So you were born into the wrong race and culture. I think you should return to the U.S. and immediately get to work milking the system with your newly discovered disorder. Come up with a catchy name of it, and when mainstreamers question you, tell them that society is starting to accept that people can be born as the wrong gender/sex, so why not being born as the wrong race/culture? Maybe you could really milk the system. ;)


The ethnic Chinese of Malaysia and Singapore are also more authentically Chinese than mainland China, but they're nothing like Taiwanese. Taiwanese are to Chinese Malaysians/Singaporeans as British are to Australians. The Chinese there can be quite brash, direct, and have an outrageous sense of humor, traits that you'll see in Australians as well. I'm quite sure that Winston would connect better with them than with Taiwanese. I do as well.

The Taiwanese tend to be much softer and more indirect, like the Japanese.

3 cultural influences of Taiwan:
1. Very traditional, old-style, conservative middle-class Chinese thinking, thanks to years of KMT rule under Chiang Kai-shek. The KMT was popular with the conservative intelligentsia in the old China; that got wiped out by Mao.
2. Japanese influence: the deference, softness, indirectness, repression, cleanliness, orderliness
3. American influence

And Re: Hong Kong. Hong Kongers are quite different from Taiwanese too. They aren't quite as soft, indirect, and repressed. Hong Kongers are much more like Singaporeans in many ways. Their loud talking, local pride, and often British-style traits and perspectives on life are nowhere close to Taiwanese traits.
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Winston » Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:02 pm

Ghost wrote:I recently read an article claiming that Taiwan is more authentically Chinese than mainland China. His reasoning was that Mao ZeDong was all about destroying things traditionally Chinese, while Taiwan wanted a resurgence of all things Chinese in its society. You do better on the mainland and in Taiwan you just don't belong. And you've told me before that you are like a white man born into an Asian man's body. So you were born into the wrong race and culture. I think you should return to the U.S. and immediately get to work milking the system with your newly discovered disorder. Come up with a catchy name of it, and when mainstreamers question you, tell them that society is starting to accept that people can be born as the wrong gender/sex, so why not being born as the wrong race/culture? Maybe you could really milk the system. ;)


Which article? Who wrote it? You should tell the author that they are totally wrong. Taiwan is a blend of Chinese, Japanese and American cultures. The people are super repressed, reserved, small minded, narrow, petty and judgmental. Especially the women. If you don't follow all the petty little social rules and are not a narrow conformist, then you are seen as abnormal and freakish and ostracized and disliked. The women especially habitually find reasons to dislike and condemn others.

It's definitely not a place you can be yourself. Despite claiming political freedoms, there is no social freedom. What kind of "freedom" is it when a country claims political freedoms, yet requires you to conform to lots of little petty vain social rules? It's hypocrisy and mind control, just like in America. You can say you are free, but you cannot ACT like you are free. No way.

Furthermore, there is no genuine social connection with others in Taiwan. It's a very lonely country. People are polite, but cold and distant, kind of like in Seattle. And social interaction is fake and superficial, not authentic. But you are not allowed to criticize all this or point it out either, or else you are a freak and weirdo and loser and will be ostracized and disliked. Go figure.

I've heard similar things about Japan and Singapore and the US of course. Falcon and Ethan_sg can vouch for all this too.
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby Ghost » Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:06 pm

Which article?


Here it is:

http://leaveyourdailyhell.com/2015/06/22/taiwan-the-real-china/
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Re: How do you make friends in Taiwan or connect with Taiwan

Postby momopi » Thu Jul 30, 2015 7:04 am

This topic has already been discussed numerous times on the forum.

Since you like to play chess, you could've attended local western chess club meetings to meet people, or learn Chinese chess and play at more clubs.

http://www.xn--fiq43lxrul2dt66b.tw/html/front/bin/home.phtml
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