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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
5 posts • Page 1 of 1
I read the article. My wife is from Indonesia, but based on that, I'd probably disagree with every bit of advice. I wouldn't go to Asia on a 2 week 'sex tour' though. I was living there.
I did date an Indonesian girl in another Asian country who was working a 60-hour week for a little while, maybe 2 months or so. Dates were Sunday afternoons. If you find a real treasure, I don't see why a long work-week would prevent a relationship. If you could get to know her enough to want to marry her, you can work out some financial arrangement. Back in the 1990's, a lot of people were working for $50 to $100 a month in Indonesia. If my wife were working 60-hours weeks when we were dating, I could have just figured out a way to give her an amount of money to spend time with. From a financial perspective, if you compare the price of restaurants there to the US, you'd spend a lot less giving a girl $100 a month and taking her out in one of those countries than just dating a girl in the US. The problem is, you don't want to create some kind of weird financial dependency.
My wife was in a Bible college. Before we were really dating, I offered to donate some cash for her tuition, no strings attached. That's the sort of thing you could do, since it was Bible college, as a kind of ministry-related donation. It doesn't have to imply strings attached. I can't even remember if I paid the tiny amount for her room in a boarding house near where I lived. She kind of knew when we met that we'd get married. I had a sense of it, too. The way I thought of it is if I'm going to marry this girl, I ought to at least pay the tiny amount for her tuition.
I don't agree with targeting the rich girls. I think there is a happy medium. A rich girl in Indonesia probably grew up asking the maid to do stuff, having the maid wash her clothes. If you get a girl who is middle class or slightly middle class, at least from the era my wife was raised, she was scrubbing everyone's clothes. If she's too uneducated, it might be hard to relate. But if she's a spoiled rich girl, she might not be as hard-working after marriage.
And is church a good place to find a wife? I think it is. But I'm not thinking of Roman Catholic Churches in the Philippines. I've lived in Louisiana, and nearly everyone says, "I'm Catholic." But in school, they can talk about their wild times they've had, too. There are more serious, pious Catholics. But it seemed like people who weren't Roman Catholic, who were religious minorities who were active in church, could be rather devout about it. It's an individual thing. They don't usually have hypocrite detectors and security guards at churches. Indonesian Christians in Indonesia are a minority. But there are still people who go to church every once in a while for family tradition or to please the family who don't really seem to have genuine faith. There are 'cultural Christians'. You have to get to know the individual.
Also, an expat seriously looking for a wife in one of these countries needs to put in more than two weeks, and he needs to learn to expect and learn to deal with marriage questions. People are going to ask you about marriage. I was even asked 'Why aren't you married?' by a friend's elderly mother-in-law. She thought I was good-looking, though, and I think she was wondering why one of the young women hadn't married me yet. I told her I hadn't found the right person yet, and she seemed to accept that as a good answer.
I thought of some other answers to that question, "I'm afraid of commitment" or "I'm too ugly. No one wants me." That last one might actually be a good answer. You comically point out how silly the question is, but it could also be seen as fishing for complements, too.
I've mentioned the Indonesian version of 'Take Me Out' before. It's in Indonesia, but the cultural differences are fascinating to me. There are so many hints at references to marriage. The girls don't say stuff with sexual innuendo. They say poems about falling in love to the guests, or marriage. And they'll comment on how a husband should be. If you date in that part of the world, just get used to the marriage talk.
If you meet a beautiful rural girl and meet her parents and they ask you about marriage, be ready to discuss it. You can say you just met the girl and you want to get to know her if they ask about marrying her. Maybe it's uncomfortable at first, but get used to it. If you are looking for a wife, why should it be a problem to you? Don't make any promises you can't keep.
Movies and TV have trained western men to be uncomfortable with talk of marriage. we shouldn't be.
I would add to that, she tells you she loves you after the second chat
Curious Dave, in your online profile did you list yourself as single or divorced?
I told every girl (and posted on my profile) the absolute truth including my real age and number of divorces (2).
I did everything I could to ask each girl why she would want a guy of my age with my track record etc. While at first I assumed it was all BS, after many chats with many many girls, and many conversations with Pete, a pattern began to emerge and I did begin to realize that some did not care.
A story about one of my chat mates - very young, hot, smart and educated. After many chats suddenly she seems very distant and less interested. I figured there was anyone guy. Tried to drag out of her what had happened. Finally she told me that a friend of hers told her that in the US there was a maximum of two marriages allowable and since I had already been married twice I was no longer available. I laughed my ass off and told her that millions of Americans had been divorced more often than me. In the end she wasn't the one, but it did show me that despite Filipinos interest in all things American, they really don't know much of the truth about us.
BTW, I don't know why I am any longer surprised, but many guys took the piece as absolutely straight, despite my reference to it being all "tongue in cheek." Janet recognized right away that I was being "sarcastic Dave".
Actually if a guy does want the quick sex tour I think my advise is reasonable and if a guy wants a "good" girl it might be equally reasonable to do the opposite, like the famous Seinfeld episode where George does the opposite of whatever his inclination is and everything works out incredibly well.
Check out my blog @ http://www.marriedafilipina.com