"Helping" Your Philippines Family

[davewe]

What I don't understand is why you refuse to consider a girl from a higher social class, with a richer family or perhaps an income of her own. Why she absolutely MUST be a simple poor girl without a job. If money is such a big deal to you and you are so terrified of spending too much on your wife and her family, you should be looking for a different type of girl.

I actually don't think this is a winning strategy (and said so in the blog piece) for a few reasons. First, the middle and upper economic classes are small in the Philippines, so the odds are way against you. And would the rare upper-class Filipina want a foreigner, let alone a tight-fisted foreigner - unlikely.

Next, even a girl with a good professional job in the Philippines rarely makes much money. Nurses and teachers make a pittance. A call center operator makes a bit more and if she manages it well can send a few pesos home to her family. So the chances of meeting a cute young Pinay with a job comparable to a Western income - well you have better odds of beating the house in Vegas.

Also, even if a girl has a better off family, do not think that means there are no family members she wants to help.

Then let's consider the following scenario. You meet the girl of your dreams. She has a good job and a family who make enough that they don't require your help. But you want to bring her to your home country. On arrival she has no job or perhaps no means to get a good job. So you're right back at the beginning - and you will have to "help" someone.

What really cracks me up is whether any of you have ever married a Western woman? If so, money is involved - and usually big money. Weddings, houses, remodeling the house, kids, therapy for the kids, divorce, child support, alimony all are standard parts of Western marriage - and all of those cost far more than your Filipina wife or her family will ever cost you.

Now I am an old guy who is into (or at least pretends to be into) financial planning. Before I married I calculated my exact monthly household costs to the dollar. I estimated what an extra person in my household was going to cost: more groceries, clothes, utilities, hell even the family. Guess what (and let's not tell Janet ). My monthly expenses are lower than before we married. Why? Food's lower (she cooks more than I did). Entertainment's lower (I'm not dating spoiled American's anymore). Car expenses are lower - I traded in the car I had to impress people with a more practical car. Plus - she works - and saves pretty much every dime she earns. So my bottom line has never been better, including those occasional efforts to "help" her family.

[Johnny1975]

Dave,

What do you think would be a realistic range in terms of how much a filipina would want/need to send to her parents?

[davewe]

Dave,

What do you think would be a realistic range in terms of how much a filipina would want/need to send to her parents?

No idea. I mean this is what you and she have to discuss and decide upon based on the circumstances of her family, your financial situation, your goals, etc. Remember that $300-400/month is a decent salary in the Philippines and $1000/month makes them middle class. So even if her parents are elderly and incapable of working, they can be "helped" without shelling out big money.

As I mentioned, we personally do not send a monthly "allowance" but do other things. There's no absolute right or wrong answer here, other than she will want to assist her family in some way and you have to negotiate how that manifests itself.

There are many girls who overindulge their families. It doesn't mean the girl is bad necessarily, though she might be. It might mean that for the first time in her life she is working and making real money. Nonetheless if your relationship is solid you will mutually decide what is reasonable to do and what you can afford.

That being said, as I mentioned in the piece I see a lot of guys overspend. It's not my business to judge them so all I say to Janet is "I wouldn't do that."

[Farmer308]

I think some guys think about helping her family in the wrong way.
I see it as making ME the most important person in her life since without me her family will go back to being destitute and on the verge of starving. This gives me enormous power in the relationship. She knows without me having to say it that if she displeases me her younger siblings won't be able to go to school and her parents will be homeless.
I picked a girl who never even made to 6th grade for a reason. She doesn't have any prospects to earn her own money here. Thanks to our pre-nuptial she gets nothing of she cheats on me with another man.
It's a great deal for around $250 a month and the occasional $500 for emergencies. Let's just say she never says no to me no matter what I want to do to her sexualy or how often I want to do it.