Though I would say that even 6 weeks isn't long enough.Yohan wrote: Time is really a problem for US-citizens to keep personal contact to abroad. European men have much longer vacation, 3 to 6 weeks per year, some even longer.
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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
To chat you need to pay and I don't see the point unless there's a number of potential suitors. At the moment there's not so I'm just browsing for now.
The ones that contacted me over my blank profile don't interest me as I see them as a red flag. It's like they're prepared to accept anyone, which isn't a good sign.
The first thing I focus on when writing my profile is what I'm not looking for and that's scammers and I make it perfectly clear I won't be sending any money too. Afterwards I hardly even talk about myself. Instead I talk about the Philippines and the places I've been and add a few words of Tagalog for good measure. Last time I did that it went down a treat and women were messaging me saying what an interesting profile it was.
I think you need to bypass the usual self-descriptions as I suspect most men write the same. Women probably think 'not this bullshit again'.
Have you noticed on the majority of Pinay's profiles that they only consist of about three words? The most common being simple and god fearing. Some just only write "Hi". KInd of annoying.
I tend to look for ones who write at least a few sentences about themselves.
Another thing that I can't stand about Filipinas is when they can't accept a compliment. You try to tell them that they're pretty and they insist "No, I'm not!" Not only is it rude to throw a compliment back into a guy's face, but it shows that she has some serious self-esteem issues.
If you look at some of Pete's previous posts about his methodology, you'll see that he recommends concentrating on your being the hunter not the hunted. The fact that when you put a quality profile online you got less contacts is in fact a good thing. You're no longer wasting time on the time wasters; at that point you get to choose a quality girl.
Yes, I will happily admit that when I first went online and got hundreds of responses it was fun. But once I got serious at that point I started looking for a real one and changed my methodology.
I know a hundred long-term married guys who made it work. It's not easy and there will be bumps in the road, but it can be done.
Check out my blog @ http://www.marriedafilipina.com
Very true, and this makes it a bit more frustrating, because when you peel off the layers of the onion you are left with very little. Part of the fun with online dating is the initial hunt, but you need to be hunting the right grounds. DIA is a waste of time and guys who are unwilling to shell out $30-$90 for the girl of their dreams are not worthy. With a highly focused approach, sincerity, commitment and good screening criteria I am confident I could land a beauty with brains in 1 week on Cherry Blossoms or even Filipino Cupid. Most guys have got the wrong approach and the available online pool of quality foreign women is evaporating.
Thanks Dave and Lorenzo. The vast majority of guys on this forum are not in a position to meet and marry a quality foreign wife. But for the handful that are, the advice still stays the same. Bringing a girl over from a foreign country is a lot of hard work. If you are going to go jump thru all the hoops associated with process, you damned well be targeting the finest that your targeted country has to offer.
Fact of the matter is that the top 5% are NOT going to contact you. These are the girls that are receiving attention from other men and you'll have some competition. Because of this, you'll need to be prepared for a rather long search process. It's kind of like going sport fishing and landing that trophy fish. The fish just doesn't swim up and jump into the boat, right? It's going to be a battle. You'll have some fish bite the hook and fall off. Also, there is a great deal of luck involved.
I was very lucky to meet my wife. I had compiled a Top 25 list off Cherry Blossoms and my wife was #1. I sent her an email saying, "I like your profile and I'd enjoy talking to you and getting to know you." One day I was online and I saw her name pop up in the general chat room. LOL I pounced like a lion!!! I was lucky because she had just signed up and hadn't talked to any other guys despite getting many emails.
But if it weren't her, it probably would have been somebody else because I had a plan of attack. I wasn't there to meet mediocre girl and in Phils, those are a dime a dozen. So it's best to do the selective edits and find the cute, smart, virginal girl from a good family that is open to meeting a foreign guy. Believe it or not, they still exist. Why? Because many of them want out of the Phils in order to have a better opportunity in life.
Good advice although I think every man's strategy when going to the Philippines is to find the best girl he can get. The downside to this is that it doesn't always turn out to be the right choice. I've spoken to many guys, some friends, on and offline about their relationships with Filipina's.
There can be many pitfalls ahead but it seems the major ones are when a Filipina changes once she gets what she wants. For example, gaining citizenship. I've heard of guys going to all the trouble & cost of bringing one over to his own country only to run off with another man once she's got her feet under the table so to speak. This in my eyes has to be the worst scenario.
The other big issue that not many realise is her family in more ways than one. Some girls expect you to support their family back in the Philippines although some don't as they're prepared to do it themselves once they start work. This speaks volumes about her as a person.
The problem with supporting the family is you're making yourself reliant and adding pressure to yourself. What if you have a family of your own? What if circumstances change regarding employment for example? Nobody can predict what's around the corner. It's happened to some who have been kind enough to be charitable, but the family may only see what's in the present and conveniently forget what's gone on in the past. Because they've either stopped or reduced what they're sending, it's causing a rift that spreads between man and wife.
Of all the stories I've heard there seems to be an even split between good and bad so it's not always doom and gloom.
As for my own predicament, I decided to complete my profile after finally shortlisting about a dozen women although I must have looked at a few thousand profiles. That took some time.
The stupid site rejected four out of my five photo's and I was that annoyed I didn't want to give them my business and therefore say goodbye to online dating for good. I logged in the next time hell bent on deleting my profile then I noticed a message from an attractive Filipina who only lives 50 miles from me.
I had to pay a months membership to read her message so I suddenly became less frugal lol. I've already got her phone number and chatted with her via WhatsApp. She sounds like a typical down to earth Pinay. Full citizenship, unmarried and no kids too. Own appartment & works as a nurse. Let's see how it goes.
Quantity over quality in Filipinas?
The truth is that in such quantity, there are many good girls too, as I can sense from my online conversations.
At least, the average filipina seems much more preferable choice for me, than any average westernized white girl...
Pete, you tell us you have been married for 10 years, so I have to assume you met your wife at least 10 years ago, if not more. I think 11 years ago the Philippines was already known as a sex tourist haven, which means a serious man with serious intentions would still be able to impress and sweep some of the cream on the top. Is your wife originally from Cebu City, or the province around Cebu?
Fast forward to now and I guarantee you that even a girl from the deepest province of Mindanao has a smartphone with Facebook and all the latest social media gimmicks, so she can access the latest trends and "dream big" like everybody else in Davao, or Manila. I met a few of these girls, and apart from being no more beautiful and no more innocent than the girls in the larger cities, they sometimes act as if they were some hidden treasure only some Pinoy artista or K-pop idol deserves to get.
Globalisation and social media have swept these communities, too. I agree with the OP...it's not that "quality on the Filipina sites have hit an all time low", it's that the kind of girls who make themselves available to foreigners, or even entertain the notion of dating a foreigner (let alone one 20 or 30 years their senior), are shi**ier and shi**ier, hardly relationship material. Of course exceptions do exist, but from what I have seen it's become pretty much impossible to find such exceptions on a dating site. You have to be here for a while, get the right kinds of acquaintances and eventually somebody might introduce you to a young virgin (inevitably from a dirt poor family) who is still dreaming of having a white baby with a foreigner.
Believe me, I know pretty much the creme de la creme of Davao, families whose kids are educated at Ateneo de Manila, UP Diliman and La Salle. It wouldn't even cross their minds to treat an adult foreigner as more than a "tito" (uncle) or even a "lolo" (grandpa). I get girls as old as 20 doing "mano po" to me, which means respect, but also an abyss of distance as far as sensuality or romantic involvement are concerned.
Basically, this is what nowadays a foreigner can hope to get...
...and this who I see young Pinoys going out with.
Yes you are correct, I've known my wife for 14 years now. I "courted her" online for 3 years before we decided to get married. She is originally from Illigan City. She graduated from university and moved to Cebu with her sister to get a job. She was selling industrial furniture for a company called Haefle which is a multi national company specializing in things like doors, fixtures, door handles, faucets etc. High end stuff that is purchased by hotels and restaurants.
I hear what you are saying. I'm sure it's more difficult now than it was before. Sounds as if my timing was perfect But I still think there are many bright ladies who finish school and want to move overseas for a better opportunity. Case in point. When Cathy was working at Haefle she was earning around $300-$400 a month. This allowed her to live in a very modest apartment with her sister and send back $100 to her mother. Fast forward now and she sends $300 a month back home without flinching because she has a good job here in Seattle.
I personally know 4-5 guys here in Seattle that have found girls similar to Cathy from Philippines and this has been in the past 5 years.
Long before I met my wife, I purchased a home from a Filipina back in 1997. I'm still good friends with her and her husband. She told me that many of Filipinos harbor a great amount of resentment towards their native country because it's not a place where educated people can flex their minds and find their true potential. Many are hell bent on moving from the Philippines in order to succeed. I married such a girl in Cathy. She too has some animosity toward Philippines since leaving over 10 years ago, hasn't gone back....not even for a visit.
So these girls DO exist even today. Yes it may take a bit longer to find them but that sexy young teacher, accountant, programmer, nurse is out there.
Thanks for putting in some more details. It's really interesting...they say the only good girls, if ever found, would be in tier-2 cities in Mindanao, and Iligan is one. In fact Iligan is a respected college city. Two of my developers are from Iligan, they both studied at Mindanao State University (MSU). Of course the vast majority of them leaves to pursue better opportunities: Davao City at the least, the Manila, or abroad.
If you took the luxury of 3 years of courting (and numerous visits, I assume) before marrying her, it means two things:
1) you had the patience and trust to embark in a multi-year distance relationship, something only the worthiest of the worthy girls probably deserves;
2) not to make you feel like a Senior Citizen here (LOL), but you belong to a generation who knows that "good things come to those who wait", and is prepared to wait for the "best", not necessarily the "good"
Or thing number 3, you might have just gotten lucky
Not-so-young guys who can find girls similar to Cathy are probably still found. I did not want to sound too depressing in depicting a scorched earth scenario. The OP is indeed right in saying that, in an ever-shrinking pool of good young women who are prepared to marry a foreigner, the top of crop is far less likely to be found on a platform like FilipinoCupid (even less so the more casual ones like DIA or Tinder) ans requires being here physically, maybe for a long time, and scouting people, and people's friends and their friends.
And this is, in fact, my pain point. I am too busy with my business to spend days and nights asking around, taking endless coach journeys to the more remote parts of Mindanao (it takes 14 hours to Iligan, maybe 7 by private car) and meeting the girls in person.
And one more thing to consider: as you rightly state, the smarter girls have an active interest in putting their personal culture and values to good use and leaving the Philippines for coveted destinations like the US and Canada, Europe, or Singapore (less Dubai and the Middle East, and Japan). As someone who has vowed to spend at least the next couple of years in the Philippines to see this business of his take off, I am not such an attractive proposition to those girls.
You were the perfect guy for the perfect girl, methinks. Good luck to you and Cathy!
Thank you! Yes my wife graduated from MSU as well. I think it's a decent school. Her English was quite good when I met her which was a plus.
In retrospect, I think 3 years was say too long! But I was newly divorced and I wanted to make sure I wasn't jumping into anything too fast. Thanks for bringing up the Senior Citizen comment But in all seriousness, you do want to wait a bit. I think it's dangerous to jump in too quickly as you want to get a true appreciation for what you are getting yourself into. We have a tv show over here called 90 Day Fiancé. It focuses a small group of participants going thru the K1 Visa process. It's evident to me that the vast majority of them have rushed into relationship too fast. Maybe I am too old school but finding a wife and instant gratification shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Regarding whether you are an attractive proposition or not seems like you are limiting yourself. IMHO, you need to get some irons in the fire. If done correctly, finding a filipina wife is an AMAZING experience. I'd make full use of your opportunity over there. I wish everybody on this forum could experience what I have. A good filipina is smart, sexy, sweet, caring, supportive. Heck, I'd even put some personal ads in the local papers. Why not? "Nice kano wanting to meet lovely nursing student."
You never know until you try, right? Hoping you find the right lady like I did