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Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.
...I would end up sad and depressed...in the Philippines! I came exactly for the opposite reason. To conjugate hard work with some fun and the opportunity to find the kind of young woman I have always wanted.
Nowhere to go where I won't find the same faces, the same behaviours, the same rituals...the same s*it.
Do you guys really feel like rockstars because a few dumb 20-something with no chance in life are interested in latching on to you and give you what you want in exchange of all they can get?
There is inherent value in human life. It doesn't matter so much if someone on the outside looking in looks at a person and thinks their life is worthless. That actually may be at the very heart of the matter. Other people's lives are worth less in the eyes of some.
Should people be judged people based upon their economic worth?
And if you are a person who does believe that there isn't inherent worth in a person and that it must be earned, then why go to a place where very, very few are earning their way and where they do not hold this viewpoint?
I find the way people think very fascinating and astonishing.
I am not saying I find those people (those women, specifically) worthless or worth less. I am saying that I give much more of my respect to girls who have an education, one or two hobbies (apart from twerking and raising the arm for selfie-taking), can talk about anything that is anything, and have a life goal other than latching onto a man to receive solace and support.
The curse here is that those I give more of my respect may as well respect me back...but they'll be taken and, if not, won't entertain the notion of even seeing me as more than a "senior" acquaintance.
Question, PD: Do you set eyes on women you think would meet your standards on a fairly regular basis, or are they jut not where you are? If the latter, you need to move and figure out something else to do for a living. The Philippines doesn't seem like a great venue for a sophisticated, cultured European who is in the top one percent intellectually (trust me -- you are).
If the former, you need to do whatever it takes to find your mojo, son. Do cleans and presses, dead lifts and benches until your body screams for mercy, jump into freezing cold water -- whatever it takes to ditch that down in the mouth attitude, and let the woman know she's not dealing with a wimp. Wimpishness is the inherent curse of intellectuals, but everyone has obstacles to overcome. Most men have the same challenges in putting together the sort of life they want. Difference in success is mainly a difference in attitude, and any five year old can tell you yours sucks right now.
+100! What he said!
Sometimes I feel like I'm the luckiest guy on the planet. I feel your pain, really I do. I spent two years talking to the wrong type of woman online and then BOOM my luck changed with one chat request....and when I mean luck, I do mean LUCK.
Don't give up. Just keep as many irons in the fireplace as you can and one day she'll come along. That or open up a free halo halo stand in front of a nurses college?
How long have you been in the Philippines? Have you ever spent this long abroad?
When I first moved to Korea, the first few months were interesting. The outdoor market was different and interesting. The customs, the food, etc. was an interesting cultural experience. Overcoming jetlag and working a split shift was a drag, but the culture was interesting for a while.
Then, after a few months, I started to feel irritated living there, thinking about going home, feeling fed up. I told this to another ENglish teacher. She said that sounded like culture shock. She told me about the symptoms of it in a book. Basically, you experience stress because things are different from what you are used to. People react in subtly different ways. At first it is cool. After a few months, it's frustrating. She said there is a cycle to it. After you have been there a certain periord of time, which was about six months for me, you can accept the local environment and be at peace with it.
Could you be experiencing culture shock?
I have to say I'm agreeing more and more with what you're saying. ...I'm giving myself more to the Lord, I know it's not popular - and many on here don't want to hear it, but it's the truth. I've tried everything...and I mean everything out, every thing there is. I've gotten lost. I've went the ways my mind said. I've exercised my intelligence and mental functioning to the fullest capability I had - which is very high...and, it didn't lead to anything worthwhile. It only mostly led to distress, heartbreak, confusion and anger and dysfunction. I've shot myself in the foot a million times. When you're fighting the Universe you're going to break and fall over. It just happens. It's unavoidable.
Since I've straightened out I've noticed I respond better to everyone, since I chose the natural pathway - women even respond to me nearly 100% of the time. I'm not bragging I'm just in tune with the universe that's it.
Religion is not popular nowadays and especially God is not, because He is so powerful and they know that and don't want you to have it. If it weren't such truth-based scripture...do you think they'd have spent decades convincing people it wasn't real, that it wasn't good for them, as they conned them off on t.v.'s, fast food, porno and commercialism?
Part of this is that it's true, an Illuminati believes in their own god status...and they are creating something by themselves through much exertion and strain by multiplying their sorrows, that filters down on society and you got folks that are trying to be their own god(s). Does it work is it working? I walk around and see so much miserable people, all acting happy. But they are so miserable because they are trying to take control into their own hands. But part of it is they're trying to also take that away from us and, poison us on purpose. They take away scripture, turn us away from God, from truth and from wisdom.
I see so much misery on peoples faces it's unbelievable, I mean incredible how much of it I see; people are hurting all so badly. It's nearly everyone it seems.
This is the way the world slips away.
Deep in their heart man knows God is the way. Females and all people are inherent in their worth, Adama is right about that. It's so, so much more fulfilling when you regard women in that way.
Misery and happiness are only states of mind.
Men have inherent worth also. That's why when you hear someone who says a man needs to have this, this and this, you know they are already misled. God gave Eve to Adam for free.
Jesus says that first seek the Kingdom of God, then the other things will be added unto to you. Proverbs says to seek your own glory is not glory. I agree. Glory is a gift. The woman is the glory of the man, and we already know that a prudent wife is from the Lord and whoever obtains a wife obtains the Lord's favor.
The reason why people reject God is because they prefer the pleasure of ungodly things (ungodly desires and passions, which God has deemed forbidden). They want the forbidden fruit.
Remember, Christ said: "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father but by Me." Jesus is THE TRUTH and LIFE and the proper WAY.
I've never been to the Philippines, but as a 20-something in Indonesia, I could perceive that a lot of young women took an interest in me. Some were subtle about it. A smaller number were straight-forward. I was particular about women, not just about externals like looks, but also about religious beliefs, character, motivation, etc. A woman being too desperate was a turn-off. And sometimes I'd get the vibe that a woman 'wanted something' and it wasn't just to get to know me better. I don't mean sexually, but just like her motivations were off. But I didn't start dating freely. I prayed, and eventually the woman I would marry crossed my path. We had a conversation, and it all took off from there.
One thing I appreciate about my wife is that she is not materialistic. She's frugal, and she endured many years of barely getting by financially while I was in grad school.
My wife was close to finishing her degree when we got married. But a college degree wasn't a criteria for me when looking for a wife. A lot of intelligent people in Indonesia where I was living couldn't afford a college education. My wife's family did not pay for hers. She had to start a small business to pay for it, work, and I believe part of it may have been given to her by different people in answer to prayer when she didn't ask the people. I know of one instance. I've had that happen to me when I was in school, even being given a specific amount I prayed for within an hour or two of praying.
I do think to some extent a woman's desire to have a husband as a provider is a legitimate desire. It can turn into a negative if she is greedy. As far as the 'no chance in life' comment goes, what does that mean? Is selling nice at a food stall on the side of the road, paying for your kids education, etc, 'no chance in life'? What about marrying a man who patches tires or something like that? Why would that be 'no chance in life' but getting a job as an engineer or an English teacher constitute a 'chance in life'?
People can be content in a variety of jobs and at a variety of income levels. If you feel depressed right now, there is probably some happy guy out there driving a jimny or selling food on the street who is happier than you are. Being poorer than you doesn't mean they have 'no chance in life'.
As far as characteristics to look for in a wife are concerned, I was looking for a woman who had the same faith and values, who had good morals and character, who I was attracted to, who was also a virgin. She would have needed to have been younger than me and an adult. I wanted a woman who believed in submitting to her husband. After marriage, I wanted her to be concerned with raising kids and keeping a nice, clean home, cooking, etc., and also to be diligent about taking care of my 'personal needs.' A certain education requirement wasn't on my list, though I did want her to have a certain level of intelligence. I am thinking right now about how the woman I married exceeded many of my expectations.
If you get a vibe off a woman that she is just using you and wanted to be with you as a meal ticket, or even to use you as some kind of white status symbol, you should probably avoid starting a relationship with her. I'd say a strong desire to find someone to love, marry, and start a family with is a legitimate desire in a woman. If she's a bit 'needy' in that area, that may not be such a bad thing.
I would really really suggest you contact Winston and Rock ASAP....They know what they are doing in Philippines. They are the masters of Philippines.
What you need is mentorship, a guiding hand.
Contact Winston in angeles city and go and meet him or meet Rock in manila...These guys know Philippines like none of us do.
As I mentioned the other day, I'm afraid, you will end up like most grumpy old European whining about The Philippines...sorry to be harsh.
When you feel like this
It Is Time....To pack bags or seek help with Winston
You never met the people whom you should have met the first day you landed.
I'm afraid you are digging your own hole for being sad and depressed.
I think most likely you will leave Philippines & go where?...Its all sh*t everywhere...Ask Eric about US or me about India...DO NOT COME HERE to India to find yourself, spiritual BS...IT'S WORSE THAN PHILIPPINES
You need to meet Winston man...He is your only hope and could give new direction to your life in Philippines.
I see them all the time, more often in Makati and the other good bits of Manila, sometimes even in Davao. As I said a few times already, 90% of them are taken - with a bf, engaged or married - and the remaining 10% do not show any interest whatsoever in me. For this latter group, I am just a "tito", an adult acquaintance or friend, nothing more. The younger ones would get really embarrassed if I were to make my advances explicit.
I have been told many times, even by Filipinos, that my problem is my "attitude". I really do not understand what it means. I have never considered myself a wimp. Those who know me they know I am always quite the rebel. If I don't like something, including a woman and how she behaves, they will know pretty soon.
Yes all the stress and problems with the company and taking a heavy toll on my mind and body and I am far from the cheerful, in-shape self I used to be even just a few months ago when it was just myself and my secretary, working for a single (paying) client.
I have a stark feeling that things won't change much, it's a matter of statistics here, not my life outlook. The kind of girls I like won't just dump their bfs or husbands because my physical or mental fitness, or my attitude has improved. It would be very delusional of me to entertain this thought, even if it might make me feel better for a while.
LOL thanks for the advice mate but...I really don't know what Winston could do to help me. Unless he has a girl who I like ready for me
This is the Philippines, baby. I have to suck it up. Girls who are young and unmarried with no kids, well educated and ambitious, and hot (which does not hurt) are a rare commodity here more than in many other Western countries and are high on demand. There are probably 5 equally young and handsome boys from rich families for each one of said girls. And they (and their families!) know what they have to do to secure them.
Adult foreigner with not much (success, money, looks) to show for are definitely pretty low in the pecking order, believe me.
Of course I could always settle for a dumb moron who would "love" anyone who can help her and her fam and make her feel secure in her world of homely certainties. But that's the issue: I can't settle for that.
I forgot to (metaphorically) add you to the pretty small list of "HA success stories", thanks for reminding.
A couple of things struck me about your story:
- you were in your 20s when you hit Indonesia, so in your prime, unmarried and (as far as I can imagine) a white Caucasian; all the ingredients who would certainly make you a top choice for any kind of girl;
- being quite the chooser, not the beggar, you had a clear idea of the kind of girl you were looking for, as a wife, and - don't know how much time and chance you had in your hands - no surprise you found her;
- you probably had a more traditional idea of a wife: virgin, domesticated and willing to submit to her husband.
I don't know how many years ago you found her, but you will understand that, nowadays, finding that ticket is much rarer; at least here in the Philippines I found girls who are happy to submit, but because they are insecure, not because of their moral convictions, character or love/respect for their partners. I know by experience that this kind of submissiveness is dangerous. It only takes a single friend, or family member, talking them into inflating their egos a little bit, and they will walk away.
Again, out of curiosity: how long ago did you find your wife? I assume at least 10 years ago.
So an unmarried young man in his 20s, 10 years ago. An adult man in his 40s, now. Again not sure if it has any relevance but...are we comparing like with like?