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Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby publicduende » September 10th, 2017, 4:48 pm

gsjackson wrote:I always wanted to be a teacher, and certainly have never been hesitant to dispense advice. It's only in recent years that I've begun to realize how worthless such advice to other people usually is.

It's one of life's little ironies that PD is having roughly the same sort of frustration in the Phils that Eurobrat did in Italy. At the time it seemed self-evident that all the ignored advice PD was giving EB about integrating himself into the community was excellent. PD applies his own advice in the Phils and comes up with deuces, as far as overall life satisfaction goes. And in the karma sub-category of irony, I believe it was Droid who pointed out earlier in this (historically long?) thread that PD was getting some karma for ridiculing the Roosh lifestyle going abroad chasing poosey without first establishing roots and a productive role in the community; now PD speculates that 3-6 months of just that might have been the ticket.

In any case, EB makes a random move to Berlin and perceives everything as having changed for the better. I think we can all agree luck plays a big role in life satisfaction. To what extent luck is affected by mind set is, I think, an open and interesting question.

Yes, PD, normally the most diplomatic of men who would knowingly give offense only under extreme provocation (see "little idiot" Kradmelder), must have gone over the cliff with toxic generalizations to the point that it has affected his judgment. Anybody could see that Dave would justifiably hit the ceiling at the offending sentence, and I'm sorry I didn't PM PD to get out his editor's pencil post haste.

But hang in there, PD. You never can tell when the next random move is the one that strikes gold.


Alright, I will indeed reply to this. It sounds too interesting a comparison for me not to weight into it. EB moved to Como, which is in the heart of one of Italy, if not Europe's, most productive districts. It's a place where it's hard to find someone, of any age and background, who will not be intent on their daily jobs until late evening. EB would often get out of the house in the afternoon, out of boredom, and throw himself into a bar full of the only people who are jobless in that kind of community: depressed-looking migrants.

For the goods and the bads of my diatribe with EB, I simple kept pointing out the obvious: that in a relatively small and conservative community where everybody is accepted and respected because they work hard - no matter as a stock trader or a trainee barista - his bumming around probably would not come across as the most endearing of conducts. When he moved to Berlin and he started a full-time job, with all the morning commute and standard working times, his life structure improved and so did his moods. I am not in touch with him as often as I used to be but I do know his overall life and satisfaction have gone better when he moved to Dublin to work for a large IT multinational. He is having his luck with girls, and all.

Your karmic references are intriguing Jackson, but the evidence is there that establishing myself as a productive member of (Filipino) society, while not exactly working the miracle of making multiple Pia Wurtzbach and Liza Soberano lookalikes fall to my feet, did work well in terms of giving me status and lastinf respect. I have my Rotary friends, especially two of them, two entrepreneurs and company directors who never denied themselves to a rendez-vous with me, not even at very short notice. I have good friends, I have plenty of people "who matter" who like and respect me.

Unfortunately, having social respect does not equate to not being judged. The very social circles who respect me as a man would easily define me a creep, an immature at best, if they didn't see me in company of a woman who is not a mom of two and in her late thirties, as ageist etiquette would require. I am 43 for God's sake, what business do I have bringing a 23 years old who looks about 19 to a social event where the average age of the guests of is 50-something? Luckily I never showed myself in a public function of that kind in the company of a young/hot girl I liked (or yes in one case, but she was 36 years old).

Recently a few months ago, I did turn up to an informal round of drinks with some of my Manila business partners (calling them "friends" would be a bit too much) with a young date. It was the "C" of this thread (rewind to first couple of pages), a damn cute and damn smart 23 years old, an Ateneo de Manila graduate who - fortunately or unfortunately for her - looks even younger than her age. Just by turning up with a girl who was and certainly looked half my age, I lost the respect of the one man's fiancee and another one's wife. And that that was the reason, it was difficult not to notice. One of these two girls, my lawyer's fiancee, a wonderful young woman from the Manila elite, until that night had been hugging me hallo with kiss on the cheek, something no Filipina had ever done to me (his fiance explained me it's because she grew up in Spain). After "C" left, I asked her what she thought of my friend and she just blurted "too young" while looking past my shoulder.

So yes, karma is a bitch, but this time to respond to my own call was the worse bitch. To delude myself that I could have, for once, the chance to sport a smart and beautiful date, instead of the usual semi-illiterate single mom, costed me a couple of occasional yet not-so-useless friendships.

I feel sorry about (involuntarily) offending Dave. He's a good man and Janet is a good young woman. I have no right to judge them, yet I feel I will lose my sanity if I can't rationalise based on what is happening to me, based on the simple, Newtonian cause-and-effect relationship. This, even if rationalising often means drawing broad-brush lines and generalising (albeit on my rather large statistical sample, at this point).

For all I have invested in this last venture of mine, can I really afford to reason in terms of "luck"? And if luck must be, shouldn't I be better off just throwing the business thing to the cleaners, hitting the gym everyday and finding the best looking p***y my karma, pardon, my charm can get me?
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby gsjackson » September 10th, 2017, 5:12 pm

Quod erat demonstrandum, the pointlessness of giving other people advice. You can't know enough of the details pertinent to them.

But do keep one universal truth in mind: Other women, even (maybe especially) if they are partnered up, will react with hostility when you show up with a woman more attractive than they are. And when they get a little older, into middle age, be seen with a hot younger one or just contemplate seeing one, and, well ... hell hath no fury...
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby publicduende » September 10th, 2017, 5:23 pm

gsjackson wrote:Quod erat demonstrandum, the pointlessness of giving other people advice. You can't know enough of the details pertinent to them.


The fact that your points and/or your advice are extravagant but sometimes don't quite hit the nail in the head, doesn't mean I don't see them as a heartfelt, almost loving, attempts and I do not appreciate them.

gsjackson wrote:But do keep one universal truth in mind: Other women, even (maybe especially) if they are partnered up, will react with hostility when you show up with a woman more attractive than they are. And when they get a little older, into middle age, be seen with a hot younger one or just contemplate seeing one, and, well ... hell hath no fury...


This is exactly what Jester told me today over lunch, when I brought up this episode. He pointed out, quite wittily, that I might have lost the WAG's respect but certainly did not lose that of J and M, the grooms. I wouldn't go as far as inferring - as he did - that showing up with young and cute Ateneana like them got me extra cookie points with the men, but I can conclude that, maybe after all, Filipino society is imbued of that typical Latin American or vetero- (I mean pre-snowflake) machismo culture.

Unfortunately this isn't making any of my life easier. I am not obsessed about young and innocent girls but I do expect to be with a childless girl who can one day be the (exclusive) mother of my children. It's not easy, in a society where quality young woman don't remain single much past their early 20s and those not belonging to the upper class are at risk of being (unmarried) moms by the same age. At least in the UK the single moms are usually confined to council flat ghetto culture and mostly underage. But here?
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby droid » September 10th, 2017, 5:38 pm

Why would you consider those people your "friends" other than business acquaintances, duende, if #1 they don't hook you up the girls you would want, and #2 they are going to judge you when you try to make yourself happy.

As far as the thread dying off, good luck lol. Reminds me of Jester's last thread, it went for another five pages after he declared it done for.
By the way, i think it's pretty cool you and Jester are flat mates. Remind him a report here is due though lol.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby publicduende » September 10th, 2017, 5:58 pm

droid wrote:Why would you consider those people your "friends" other than business acquaintances, duende, if #1 they don't hook you up the girls you would want, and #2 they are going to judge you when you try to make yourself happy.

As far as the thread dying off, good luck lol. Reminds me of Jester's last thread, it went for another five pages after he declared it done for.
By the way, i think it's pretty cool you and Jester are flat mates. Remind him a report here is due though lol.


That's why I used the double quotes. It's kind of strange actually. Both J and M are really good young men and they both come from richer and more established families than their female counterparts. J is always busy but the few times we do meet for a beer in full peace of mind, we do speak like two good friends. Certainly I tend to have more camaraderie and meeting of minds with the boys that with the girls. Wait a min...where did I hear this before? :-)

The reason why it's hard for me to leave the keyboard alone is because this thread and the occasional convo with Jester are my only outlets. I have tried to open up with my other business partner, a loyal friend who though comes from a too different cultural upbringing angle to understand my plight (his wife understands me much better, as she's much more street-smart than him). The tendency for most Filipinos "up there" is to politely shrug their shoulders and blurt some generic statement like "I will pray you will find her". As I have found out, girls are much better allies in looking for a girl, than the boys. The girls are unlikely to ever introduce me to somebody younger and "luckier" than them, but at least they can come up with something. The boys (who are mostly married men) can only offer me ill-concealed envy at the fact that I am free to have anything between a fling and a committed relationships, while they're trapped in social norm.
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby MarcosZeitola » September 12th, 2017, 11:05 pm

PD why do I have a feeling you are somehow not entirely over your ex-wife? You seem to still hold her intelligence as some sort of benchmark for any of the future ladies in your life. That's not a bad thing... it's just that for a woman to be truly intelligent, captivating to you, and intellectually compatible with you, is a hard thing to find. You place more weight on intellectual compatibility then most men. To some here that is hard to understand. Personally I understand it perfectly well... I also place higher value on those things.

You just have to understand that such a girl is going to be an anomaly anywhere you go. I mean the average guy isn't that bright either, let's be fair. And that's not just in the Philippines, just talk to the average American, the average Brit, you name it. At 43 you're hardly a senior citizen. A girl who is already an anomaly in her own right, may not object to seriously dating or even marrying a man your age. A lot of it depends on sheer luck. Of course if you want this girl to also look like Liza Soberrano, ideally... :roll: Let's just say, you can't always have your cake and eat it too. The girl that may be your soulmate, for all you know, you already crossed her in the streets and never gave her a second glance. She's too short. Too dark. She's not desirable by local standards. Or not someone you'd introduce to the members of your rotary club. Maybe she's deathly shy. Maybe she's a bit of a fixer-upper. But she's probably not a piece of eye-candy you can show off, with the IQ of a lamp post. That girl who has it all... in who all these qualities you are looking for are united... you may not find her here. But chasing unicorns doesn't become a whole lot easier by changing scenery. They're still unicorns, after all. ;)

The whole premise of HappierAbroad is, in a sense, flawed. It's based on this "the grass is always greener" fallacy. It is always greener, at first. But the green grass dies and turns brown or yellow before long. Before you know it, you're standing on a muddy field wondering why the grass isn't any better then it was back home. It's a mental thing, it's all between the ears. And we cannot also help who we are and who we aren't attracted to... There's a whole scala of girls inbetween the stereotypical house maid flat-nosed tribal girl you see many an aging foreigner with, and the pale, Chinese or Mestiza looking girls the locals would lust after. Maybe a girl can be darker-skinned, but have a tall nose, gorgeous features. Maybe she's a bit shorter but very curvy. Maybe she's incredibly witty. But when you start to look at girls too much through the eyes of others you hold in high esteem, and aim to have the sort of girl that would impress others, you can get caught in a trap of your own making. Especially when at the same time you are really too entrenched in your job to invest the time and effort needed to really succeed.

There's a lot of factors why things are not working out exactly the way you want them to. And I agree with you... it really is an uphill battle for a multitude of reasons. But I am still of the opinion, that it's not a battle that cannot be won. But after two years of trying I cannot blame you for being close the point of surrender. And there's no shame in that. None at all. I just hope for things to somehow get better. For some ray of sunshine to break through in your life. You're a good man, PD, and you deserve it. Don't let these demons drag you down. You can still come out on top. And if not, well, you're an accomplished man in your own right. And you have options. The world is a big place. The Philippines is a great place but it's not the only great place on God's green earth.
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby Adama » September 12th, 2017, 11:29 pm

Still.
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby MrMan » September 13th, 2017, 2:55 am

publicduende,
Is going back to the first wife a possibility?
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby publicduende » September 13th, 2017, 3:54 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:PD why do I have a feeling you are somehow not entirely over your ex-wife? You seem to still hold her intelligence as some sort of benchmark for any of the future ladies in your life. That's not a bad thing... it's just that for a woman to be truly intelligent, captivating to you, and intellectually compatible with you, is a hard thing to find. You place more weight on intellectual compatibility then most men. To some here that is hard to understand. Personally I understand it perfectly well... I also place higher value on those things.

You just have to understand that such a girl is going to be an anomaly anywhere you go. I mean the average guy isn't that bright either, let's be fair. And that's not just in the Philippines, just talk to the average American, the average Brit, you name it. At 43 you're hardly a senior citizen. A girl who is already an anomaly in her own right, may not object to seriously dating or even marrying a man your age. A lot of it depends on sheer luck. Of course if you want this girl to also look like Liza Soberrano, ideally... :roll: Let's just say, you can't always have your cake and eat it too. The girl that may be your soulmate, for all you know, you already crossed her in the streets and never gave her a second glance. She's too short. Too dark. She's not desirable by local standards. Or not someone you'd introduce to the members of your rotary club. Maybe she's deathly shy. Maybe she's a bit of a fixer-upper. But she's probably not a piece of eye-candy you can show off, with the IQ of a lamp post. That girl who has it all... in who all these qualities you are looking for are united... you may not find her here. But chasing unicorns doesn't become a whole lot easier by changing scenery. They're still unicorns, after all. ;)

The whole premise of HappierAbroad is, in a sense, flawed. It's based on this "the grass is always greener" fallacy. It is always greener, at first. But the green grass dies and turns brown or yellow before long. Before you know it, you're standing on a muddy field wondering why the grass isn't any better then it was back home. It's a mental thing, it's all between the ears. And we cannot also help who we are and who we aren't attracted to... There's a whole scala of girls inbetween the stereotypical house maid flat-nosed tribal girl you see many an aging foreigner with, and the pale, Chinese or Mestiza looking girls the locals would lust after. Maybe a girl can be darker-skinned, but have a tall nose, gorgeous features. Maybe she's a bit shorter but very curvy. Maybe she's incredibly witty. But when you start to look at girls too much through the eyes of others you hold in high esteem, and aim to have the sort of girl that would impress others, you can get caught in a trap of your own making. Especially when at the same time you are really too entrenched in your job to invest the time and effort needed to really succeed.

There's a lot of factors why things are not working out exactly the way you want them to. And I agree with you... it really is an uphill battle for a multitude of reasons. But I am still of the opinion, that it's not a battle that cannot be won. But after two years of trying I cannot blame you for being close the point of surrender. And there's no shame in that. None at all. I just hope for things to somehow get better. For some ray of sunshine to break through in your life. You're a good man, PD, and you deserve it. Don't let these demons drag you down. You can still come out on top. And if not, well, you're an accomplished man in your own right. And you have options. The world is a big place. The Philippines is a great place but it's not the only great place on God's green earth.


I am definitely over my wife, but the fact remains that, a few years ago, I was young, unmarried and making quite a bit of money in London. I had one silver bullet and I used it. Now I am brandishing a bamboo stick and all I can get is the girls who everybody has and/or the girls who nobody (else) wants.

I don't know what the situation is in your home country, Holland, but I can assure you that there WERE plenty of decent looking young women around both in Italy and even the UK. If the scenario has changed, it's probably because the latest batches, the latest generations, tend to be more superficial, entitled and less eager to give an adult man a chance. From this point of view, finding a good looking girl who has options and yet chooses me, that in itself should be a huge anomaly. If she is also smart, that's a "bonus" anomaly.

Believe me, my tastes are nowehere near as difficult or sophisticated as you guys think. I just want a girl who looks decent, a 7 in my book, and shows her smarts in multiple ways of life: the way she talks, she reads and understands the world, the dreams she has beyond those of being a housewife & mom. Last but not least, the way she treats me.

True, we often pass by and pass on girls who could be the perfect match for us, based on a simple superficial glance. Looks and appearances are always what we see first and, in most cases, what we see last. We simply do not have time to invest by stopping them by and engaging in deep and meaningful conversations. They probably have stuff to do, too. And when you see them in designated social places like bars and clubs, they're usually only looking for the studdiest possible man to approach them. They'd rather be left alone and get a chance (or dream of one) to be flirted on by the only handsome guy in the room, than giving the other 99 normal looking men a honest-to-God shot.

This is female psychology 101, I bet. Nothing new under the sun. It applies to the Philippines, too. If a Filipina in in a hurry to give you sex or talk serious relationship, rest assured that it's not because she is madly in love with you. It's because she knows she has no better options and she can't or won't wait for a better turn of the wheel. And, as it usually happens with boyfriends and husbands who live abroad and only visit them twice a year, they still have an independent life to live where their shenanigans aren't accounted for.

So yes, the world is a big place but human nature isn't. I do not have the time and maybe the resolve to start spending money travelling around looking for the unicorn I couldn't find here. Yes, of course I have options to leave this place and relocate wherever I want (Visa permitting), but I have little hope I will find something very different, or find it more easily.

I do agree with Hammanta and Gsjackson, though, in that it's sometimes a matter of helping luck: creating the right opportunities, being in the right frame of mind. Sadly, I just can't be bothered.
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Re: Do I really have to beg a young Filipina?

Postby Winston » September 15th, 2017, 3:49 am

At the request of publicduende, I am locking this thread.
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