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The Terrestrial Gods
Far, far away, between heaven and earth, there lies a country of demigods called America, populated by Americans (also known as “farang”, “buleh”, “Kano”, “gringo”, or “foreigners” -- among many other names). And as heavenly gods rule the heavens, so do Americans rule the earth from their vast and powerful console, which is suspended, as once was Lemuria, between the globe and the skies.
One cannot take a train or bus to that country nor go there by ship. One can only fly there thru the clouds because of its unique location.
To enter that blissful nation is to enter an unearthly domain where demigods live abundant lives in which nothing is ever lacking.
America is the biggest land known to men, gods and spirits, and it consists of many states, provinces and smaller parts. These are: California, Texas, London, Europe, New York, Australia, England, Germany, Canada and many other such places. There is even a province of America called Iran -- where Americans are Muslim-- and a state of America called Russia where Americans are Communist. These last two types of Americans are not as friendly, so, let us talk about the Americans who live in the previously mentioned areas.
These Americans are strikingly good looking, for their skin is as white as the clouds, their eyes are as blue as the sky, and their hair is as golden as the rays of the Sun. They are all at least two meters tall and are as slim as a greyhound. An eternal kind smile shines from their mouths, with pearly white teeth flashing at the world in a show of their benevolent disposition.
On their smooth, clean streets, among the tallest skyscrapers, whose top floors are lost in the clouds, young ladies in tight shorts, with their golden locks waving in the wind, zoom by on roller skates. These will go with you as soon as you request and will do anything you want upon command.
American young men sit by their swimming pools and sip pina-coladas all day. Then, they make love all night with the blonde goldilocks in their luxury skyscraper flats.
Americans are unbelievably intelligent and create things with their minds. They invent everything under the Sun, but they never do any physical work. They only think, and things appear. If they think of money, money materializes. Some say that Americans plant golden dollar coins in the gardens of their penthouses, and, after that, vegetation that bears dollar leaves sprouts up. Next, Americans just reap a dollar harvest and spend it on anything they want.
Other people say that as soon as an American is born, his government puts a million dollar into his bank account and gives him a debit card with no expiration date. If you ever see an American withdraw money, that’s the account he draws the money from. As soon as it’s depleted, the government puts another million in there -- and so ad infinitum. Thus, Americans never experience any dearth of money- how can they?
Americans all have luxury cars made from gold and other precious metals which are also encrusted with shiny diamonds, rubies and additional precious stones. They never drive those vehicles, but have foreign chauffeurs take them around.
Because of their immeasurable wealth-- and the fact that money fills their country as waters fill the oceans--Americans are unthinkably generous and kind to others, especially to those poorer than them -- who inhabit the worlds below. They bestow endless favors and give instant help to anybody who needs it -- at any time of day or night. They give money away on the streets and send it upon request-- for free, and, with larger amounts, they give interest – and repayment-- free loans to anybody without any collateral and/or paperwork at all. All you need is ask! And you’ll get it!
Americans will buy people houses, cars, pay hospital bills and tuition for college education and will never ask for anything in return. This is why Americans are deemed to be terrestrial gods and earthly deities.
The American generosity is boundless, so one should not be shy to ask them for anything you want, as your supplication will always be answered.
Americans are heroic and will fight for the underdog whenever that wretched person is oppressed. You can see their true and valiant feats in the movies on TV. Champions such as Spiderman, Superman, Robocop, Captain America, Jason Bourne, George Bush and Donald Trump come to the rescue of anybody who is treated unfairly. They glide thru the clouds, jump from high-rise buildings, enter foreign countries without a visa and shoot any villain who misbehaves. For Americans are all knowing and all powerful.
Then, an American hero takes a local lady as his wife and whisks her back to America without any visa or costs at all. For Americans are omnipotent and omniscient.
They rule the earth and they don’t need to ask anyone’s permission for anything.
After that, the couple lives in their luxury towers in Sunny Hollywood forever.
Even in their own country, if the Americans who are Iranians and Russians misbehave, the above mentioned heroes quickly show them who is boss. They crush them, put them back in their place and make them act the way Americans should act. Thus, if you ever need for somebody to suppress a scoundrel, ask an American. He’ll protect you always.
Americans are eternal; they never die. They simply self-regenerate. A new angelic, blue eyed, golden haired child appears, grows up quickly and takes the place of the older American. It’s still the same person, still an American, still kind and generous; he just got a new body, and the government again put a million dollars in his bank account.
So, when you see an American, stand in awe for you have met a global idol whose authority can only be rivaled by the gods up in heaven. Rejoice and make friends with him for he will change your life forever.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!