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Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.

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Mr Natural
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Mr Natural » April 14th, 2015, 8:28 am

davewe wrote:under no circumstances did I ever consider it rude. I am in their country - it's not their obligation to adjust to me. If I want to know what's being discussed I ask.


Ok fine. BUT, when you are with several others in a restaurant or similar setting, who is EXPECTED to foot the bill? YOU the foreigner. Now I understand this, but if someone else is footing the bill for everyone then it's downright rude to constantly exclude them from the conversation.
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davewe
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by davewe » April 14th, 2015, 8:29 pm

Mr Natural wrote:
davewe wrote:under no circumstances did I ever consider it rude. I am in their country - it's not their obligation to adjust to me. If I want to know what's being discussed I ask.


Ok fine. BUT, when you are with several others in a restaurant or similar setting, who is EXPECTED to foot the bill? YOU the foreigner. Now I understand this, but if someone else is footing the bill for everyone then it's downright rude to constantly exclude them from the conversation.


I've simply never considered myself "excluded" from the conversation.

Of course, I am married to a Filipina. She Skypes with her family members - and speaks Visayan. She has Filipina friends come over (or we go to their place) and they speak Visayan. I don't consider it rude - I consider it normal. Actually more than that. She has to speak with me and most everyone else in English constantly - so when she gets to speak her native language with her friends or relatives, I am happy for her.

Also, I have one more advantage (actually 3): one mouth and two balls :) Therefore if I really and truly want to know what's being said - I ask. Frankly, I often don't want to know. The latest heartaches of Marian Rivera don't much interest me lol

So when we go to the Philippines, as we are in 2 days, I do the same. When she speaks in Visayan I smile and pretend to listen. When I want to know what's really going on, I ask.

I suppose I could learn more Visayan, which my wife encourages me to do. OTOH, a good friend who has been married to a Filipina for 10 years says he has no desire to learn; he's afraid he might discover what they are actually talking about :)

It's all about making the adjustment and not expecting everyone to accommodate you. When you make that adjustment, the San Miguel goes down a lot easier.

Flipgariangirl
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Flipgariangirl » April 15th, 2016, 11:39 am

Hi. I know this topic is a few years old but I joined the board to respond. This is for Winston. I read your original post and respect your opinion. However, I just wanted to add mine. I am a 28 year old half Filipina woman. My mom comes from Davao city in the Philippines. My dad is Hungarian. Hence my name Flipgariangirl. I was born in the United States. I found this post by googling "do Filipino women age well?" The reason I googled this is b/c I am constantly being told I look younger than my age. My mom is 59 and looks great but she takes care of herself. I am a dental hygienist but am currently in night classes to pursue my dream of becoming a civil lawyer. Yes I was a little spoiled growing up but I LOVE giving presents as well as receiving. I'm always paying for my friends when we go out. RIght now I am in a relationship where I pay for most expenses but I don't mind because I love my partner. I don't know why I am that way. I just am. My mom is constantly giving out to people as well. I warn her not to let people take advantage of her kindness though. So I guess I was surprised when I read what you wrote about Filipinos only liking to take money and not give it. I have been to the Philippines but I don't remember it well b/c I was only 3. I hope that changes b/c my mom wants to move back to her country to retire within the next 5 or so years. Maybe my mom and I are rare or something. Also my mom is intelligent but I am sad to say that she never went to college when she moved to the states at age 28. She's a little insecure and I share that trait too sadly. I guess the point of my post Is to say that although there are stereotypes, from what I have seen, the Filipino women here in the states age well and not every person is the same. My mom did say that she would never marry a Filipino man due to their anger issues. I don't know how true that is but that is what she told me growing up.

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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Mr S » April 18th, 2016, 12:05 pm

Mr Natural wrote:
davewe wrote:under no circumstances did I ever consider it rude. I am in their country - it's not their obligation to adjust to me. If I want to know what's being discussed I ask.
Ok fine. BUT, when you are with several others in a restaurant or similar setting, who is EXPECTED to foot the bill? YOU the foreigner. Now I understand this, but if someone else is footing the bill for everyone then it's downright rude to constantly exclude them from the conversation.
If you hang around the upper middle class Filipinos or wealthy ones, usually they will insist on paying for you if you're out to dinner or something. That's my experience. It's the lower social classes and less educated that treat foreigners as walking ATM machines and want them to have you treat them for everything. Obviously around 80-85% of the population fits that category, so that's why the average dude on vacation feels like he's just being used most of the time.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.

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Mr Natural
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Mr Natural » April 24th, 2016, 3:58 am

Yes we all know that, and most of us when hanging around with girls are going to be the ones being "used". And I don't mind being used so to speak, otherwise I wouldn't be in that situation. I was just saying that if I am treating everyone at the table and they all know I don't speak the language, it is somewhat rude to knowingly exclude your benefactor from the conversation. And I don't think it occurs to them in the least. When I lived in Thailand I was there long enough to pick up enough of the language so that the same thing didn't bother me as much. I guess it's just the lack of appreciation that I am complaining about here.
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Mr S
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Mr S » May 14th, 2016, 7:17 pm

Mr Natural wrote:Yes we all know that, and most of us when hanging around with girls are going to be the ones being "used". And I don't mind being used so to speak, otherwise I wouldn't be in that situation. I was just saying that if I am treating everyone at the table and they all know I don't speak the language, it is somewhat rude to knowingly exclude your benefactor from the conversation. And I don't think it occurs to them in the least. When I lived in Thailand I was there long enough to pick up enough of the language so that the same thing didn't bother me as much. I guess it's just the lack of appreciation that I am complaining about here.
They do that where I work as well and these are the 'educated' ones. I think they just feel we are not part of the conversation and don't think it's important for us non tagalog speakers to know whats being said. I think it's more of a cultural thing. I've picked up enough taglish to kind of get the jist of topics being spoken but I'm not able to converse in their language.
"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor and stoic philosopher, 121-180 A.D.

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Mr Natural
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Mr Natural » May 16th, 2016, 4:16 am

Normally I wouldn't think anything about it, I'm in their country and that's their language etc etc. It's just that if I am paying the bill for EVERYONE SITTING THERE (ie being used) I would think they could make the effort to include me in the conversation.
Everybody has a plan til they get punched in the mouth
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by leghorn23 » May 26th, 2016, 2:28 pm

I agree with 99% of the points, but a lot of it is personal opinion of course.

Most people know the pros, here is my rant on cons:

WARNING: This is just my observation after 4 years of living in Phils. If you are easily offended, I suggest stop reading here.

- Traffic: epic, and never ending. Even a not so busy street can come to a stand still because people simply don't know how to drive. Getting a license for a local is simply a matter of money, people drive like either: idiots, maniacs, or senile, elderly, half-blind grandmothers, and there is nothing in between. The lack of infrastructure exacerbates the issue.

- Pollution: in any city, or even downtown in a small area it can be simply disgusting to the uninitiated. Smog, garbage, human waste, dead fish, fish blood, smelly fish like things.

- Corruption: its in all facets of life. There is essentially no justice system in the country. The person with the most money or who is most connected always wins. Officials simply don't get paid enough to not risk their job for a few hundred pesos. This could change under Duterte, but I'm skeptical.

- Public Inconsiderateness: if you are walking in the US and someone accidentally cuts you off, you can expect an mild apology or at least some acknowledgement of their minor offense. No such thing exists here. Doors being held open? Never. Driving: only the strongest survive.

- Health: most health professionals in this country are utterly incompetent. Even at the largest institutions you can expect to have more knowledge of basic things about health than many of the staff. I'm no doctor, but neither are most of the people who are allegedly trained to be so.

- "It's not my fault", or accountability for failure: Filipinos have an extreme aversion to taking blame for almost anything. Whereas its seen as noble and honorable to own up to your mistakes in the West, its quite the opposite here. Always better to blame the other person, or simply deny any wrongdoing.

- Bacteria: because of the tropical climate, bacteria thrives. Not the good kind in yogurt and the like. Foreigners find that most Filipino food is overcooked, its because they are aware of how dirty everything is, and how fast things become contaminated. Their clever solution: kill it with fire!

- Ignorance: There are many, many educated Filipinos that constantly amaze me in their sense of understanding of the world around them, however, this is the exception, not the rule. Very basic things like geography, math, simple science are not understood by the masses. Its not so much a lack of intelligence, but just a lack of real education and priority is family and security more so than personal development, hence, people can be pretty backwards in their beliefs.

All that being said, I find most of these things to be rather superficial problems that I can ignore, whereas my criticisms of the Western style of life especially related to social and romantic life are much harder to ignore, which is why I landed here I suppose. Definitely not for everyone, but if you can get past the basic issues - you can thrive here.

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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Just Curious » May 28th, 2016, 1:31 am

The dating extremes to me have been those good girls wanting a caribao (I meant husband) to provide for her, her extended family, etc.. The other extreme are bar-girls. The better educated girls only seem to like Filipinos and come from wealthier families.

My question is, how do some foreigners, old or young, find their live-in girlfriends who are not interested in marriage or babies? Some are doing this and say forget the dating sites and big cities. But, what is really happening here, what might they be paying, and how do they meet them (supposedly so easily)?

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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Johnny1975 » June 11th, 2016, 9:46 pm

Quick question.

Not every city has consulates. So if you're living in some place that doesn't have them, what do you do if you need to deal with your embassy or consulate? Do you really have to jump on a plane and go to where there is one? Or is there another way?
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by cdnFA » June 13th, 2016, 9:32 am

Just Curious wrote:The dating extremes to me have been those good girls wanting a caribao (I meant husband) to provide for her, her extended family, etc.. The other extreme are bar-girls.
So the extremes are those who whore out to one guy and those who whore out to many?

davewe
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by davewe » June 13th, 2016, 9:34 pm

Johnny1975 wrote:Quick question.

Not every city has consulates. So if you're living in some place that doesn't have them, what do you do if you need to deal with your embassy or consulate? Do you really have to jump on a plane and go to where there is one? Or is there another way?
If we are talking about the US - the embassy is in Manila. Some questions might be handled via phone or online, but yes, if you have something major to get done, you're probably gonna need to get on a plane. But I have plenty of expat friends and I don't see them flying to Manila often (or in many cases, ever). So I guess it depends on what you think you're gonna need to do.

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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by nomadphilippines » August 13th, 2016, 5:51 am

the public inconsiderateness is the most interesting part to me

people are so kind in so many ways........ yet they lack the most basic common courtesies, and when they drive they become huge assholes
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CMagaya
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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by CMagaya » September 24th, 2016, 7:35 am

leghorn23 wrote:- Health: most health professionals in this country are utterly incompetent.
Yeah, no kidding...

I think the reason is because abroad people would go to a doctor if they have a headache... while in the philippines people spend their lives walking around while falling to pieces and only set foot on a medical center when things are pretty ugly...

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Re: Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Post by Johnny1975 » September 26th, 2016, 10:04 pm

Has anyone tried to have sex with a filipina during tampo? How did that work out?
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