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Pros and Cons of Living and Dating in the Philippines

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.

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Postby Winston » Tue Jan 10, 2012 12:57 pm

smallcheese wrote:Winston,

I don't know you at all and I've only joined this enlightening site recently. But from your reply my guess is that you don't have any children? If that's true, then you don't truly understand what it means to be a parent. It's hard to explain to someone the bond between a parent and his child when the person isn't a parent yet. I don't know what Mr. S would say but if I had to take an educated guess, I think the main reason he stays in the Phillipines despite all of its issues is because he wants to be as good a father as he can be to his daughter. As a parent, your time with your children is limited and when they grow up, you can't get that time back. So being in a country that's not ideal but allows you to spend as much quality time as possible with your child is worth more than all the money and material comforts in the world, IMHO. It's a trade off but one that many loving parents are willing to make.


I do have a son. But you should know, not all parents are the same and not all people are the same. Not everyone is that emotionally attached to their children. Men are more likely to be less emotionally attached to kids than women are of course. Not all parents automatically become self-sacrificing and put their kids above everything in life, including their own life and freedom. I care about my child too, but not over my own life and freedom. I'm not the kind of person who lives to serve others. To be a real proper parent requires GIVING UP your life, freedom, and placing someone else before you. I don't derive happiness from being that way. It's not me. This has nothing to do with being good or bad, or selfish or unselfish. It's just not me. I'm a freedom junkie. Even if I love and care for someone, I'm not going to live to serve them and give up everything for their sake. No way jose. Other people might feel that they want to do that. But I'm not like them. Maybe some have a "self-sacrificing gene" and others don't.

But yes, Mr S will tell you that that is his reason. He has said that on this forum many times. It's no secret. Everyone is different. We are not all the same. I just find his self-torture in being where he doesn't belong, to be insane and illogical. As his friend, I care about him, so I tell him that for his benefit.
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Postby smallcheese » Thu Jan 12, 2012 2:00 am

My apologies Winston but I didn't know you had a son in PI. So you know exactly what the parental bond is all about. But until I hear otherwise from Mr. S, I still stand by my guess. I try to think positively vs. negatively when it comes to human nature even though I've been burned many, many times in the past. :)
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Postby sushiman » Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:15 pm

I finally got to spend some time in the Philippines.

Friendly fun open care free people, great weather, nature, decent food, fresh mango! Really great vacation spot, beats Mexico and Hawaii that's for sure.

There one thing that really struck me however, which is the reason for my post. This may offend someone but man it has repeatedly occurred to me that the average intelligence here is low. A little research says around 86 IQ. That sounds about right.

Any sort of conversation stays on the most basic level and sort of goes around in circles. Almost like you are talking to a child that forgets they already just said that 2 minutes ago. Particularly wise decision making or any sort of financial IQ seems really poor.

Just something that really stuck with me from my trip, not sure what else to say about it, just sorta weird and shocking. I'd find that hard to get used to if I lived there.
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Postby sushiman » Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:20 pm

Double post...the Internet is also really bad.
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Postby Repatriate » Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:27 pm

sushiman wrote:Any sort of conversation stays on the most basic level and sort of goes around in circles. Almost like you are talking to a child that forgets they already just said that 2 minutes ago. Particularly wise decision making or any sort of financial IQ seems really poor.

Just something that really stuck with me from my trip, not sure what else to say about it, just sorta weird and shocking. I'd find that hard to get used to if I lived there.

This is pretty normal for most Filipinos unless they were born and raised in the developed world. It's like talking with someone with a mild form of autism.
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Postby sushiman » Thu Mar 15, 2012 5:58 pm

Indeed. Like nobody is in there.

Just for kicks I tried an experiment. Conversing with a local who said "ahhh the Philippines is so poor, I don't know why!". I could tell it was hopeless but I tried simplified economics 101.

Me: "well the country has to find something it does well and trade that with other nations. For example Korea, they have Samsung and they make cell phones and stuff that other nations buy, so they have become rich. The Philippines needs to find something it does well that they can trade with other nations. You know?"

Blank stare. Silence. Topic change.
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Postby davewe » Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:27 pm

sushiman wrote:Indeed. Like nobody is in there.

Just for kicks I tried an experiment. Conversing with a local who said "ahhh the Philippines is so poor, I don't know why!". I could tell it was hopeless but I tried simplified economics 101.

Me: "well the country has to find something it does well and trade that with other nations. For example Korea, they have Samsung and they make cell phones and stuff that other nations buy, so they have become rich. The Philippines needs to find something it does well that they can trade with other nations. You know?"

Blank stare. Silence. Topic change.


I think that "change topic" thing is less about stupidity and more about embarrassment and face. My gf does it a lot. She has a problem, I make a suggestion she cannot or does not want to do and will pause and say "change topic". Its not cause she doesn't understand it's that she is hesitant to debate the issue as we might do here.

Also don't confuse less than perfect skills in English with stupidity. If you're having a serious convo or debate and you throw out a word or concept that she doesn't get in English, rather than embarrass herself by admitting she doesn't understand the word she may just ignore the comment or ask to change the topic. Hell people do that here also.

When I travel I am always more stunned at the stupidity of Westerners who assume that everyone should not only understand English but colloquial English, as well as get American cultural references. The fact that they don't is a frustration but for me a joy of traveling. I'm talking the other day with my gf and I get on the subject of the Marx Brothers. Of course she hasn't a clue who I meant. That may be cultural or just the fact that at her age anything prior to 2000 is off her radar. But instead of being frustrated I tell her I will copy one of their movies on my laptop and show her next month when we are together.

Anyway, that's my experience. You can assume that everyone is an idiot (which certainly some are) or look at it as an opportunity to connect.
Last edited by davewe on Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Repatriate » Fri Mar 16, 2012 4:28 am

davewe wrote:
I think that change topic thing is less about stupidity and more about embarrassment and face. My gf does it a lot. She has a problem, I make a suggestion she cannot or does not want to do and will pause and say "change topic". Its not cause she doesn't understand it's that she is hesitant to debate the issue as we might do here.

Anyway, that's my experience.

Not always, sometimes it's that they genuinely do not understand how to break down the topic and discuss it. Thai people do this too and they just don't know what to say most of the time. It's not really face. If you talk about other embarrassing things they will be more than happy to discuss it. However once the subject gets a little too complex for them they check out mentally.

I notice this is very common with most SEA cultures..particularly Thais, Laotians, Cambodians, etc.. all do this.

Viets and Singaporeans are much different.
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Postby sushiman » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:49 am

I was speaking very slow, also hand gestures, using empathetic tone...nothing. It almost seemed like a lack of interest in anything but the present moment combined with also perhaps not grasping high school economics.
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Postby sushiman » Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:26 am

Oh shit I forgot to mention the all the unanswerable "whys".

This happened so many times I still can't even get my head around it. Every time you say or do anything: "why?". Like that's the whole sentence. "Why?". I've only been asked that by children prior to the Philippines.

Me: I like this song
You like music?
Me: ummm yeees I like music
Why? (total blank stare sincere question)

How can anyone answer that. Why would any person with a functional brain say such a thing. Holy WTF. You give a smile at something clearly comical happening on the street..."why?". You laugh at an absurd moment..."why?". You don't like pickles..."why".

Shit I gotta get back to civilization.
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Postby Capster78 » Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:03 am

sushiman wrote:I finally got to spend some time in the Philippines.

Friendly fun open care free people, great weather, nature, decent food, fresh mango! Really great vacation spot, beats Mexico and Hawaii that's for sure.

There one thing that really struck me however, which is the reason for my post. This may offend someone but man it has repeatedly occurred to me that the average intelligence here is low. A little research says around 86 IQ. That sounds about right.

Any sort of conversation stays on the most basic level and sort of goes around in circles. Almost like you are talking to a child that forgets they already just said that 2 minutes ago. Particularly wise decision making or any sort of financial IQ seems really poor.

Just something that really stuck with me from my trip, not sure what else to say about it, just sorta weird and shocking. I'd find that hard to get used to if I lived there.


I think this has a lot to do with the poor education in the PI. I am not saying there is not good education available in the PI because there is. It is just not universally available. You have to pay to send your kids to a good private school to give them any kind of good education in the PI. I got fairly lucky meeting my wife. Her and her family are poor but somehow managed to recieve a decent education. I think it is because they have all traveled abroad. My wife's family use to all be involved in a traveling band that toured Asia. You are right though, most your meet in the PI have more important things to worry about than education. They are worried about where their next meal is coming from.
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Postby Billy » Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:27 am

A homie told me that "Jens Peters" is the guy who know much about the PI. do you read him? he is going to publish a new one this year.

http://www.amazon.com/Philippines-Trave ... 3923821328
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Food is horrible

Postby asiansexsavage » Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:57 pm

I love spending time in the Philippines Great scuba diving but the food is horrible everything is deep friend and fat . it is like doing all of your food shoppng at Wallmart. the ladies are very sweet though so I will go back!Image[/img]http://www.adultasiadating.com/images/Asian%20Women%20Philippines.jpg
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Postby Ginger » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:53 am

:)
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