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Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to the Asian countries - China, The Philippines, Thailand, etc.

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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Sat Sep 19, 2015 4:49 pm

A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby Balmung » Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:49 pm

mentor wrote:A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.


Image
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby MrMan » Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:07 pm

mentor wrote:A girl asked me in DateinAsia:
'So, why Asia?'

I did not respond as I do not know what is the best answer!
What should I tell to asians that ask such question?
Why a foreigner search for a girl in Asia?
There should be a good answer.


You could tell her a lot of women in the west focus on their careers and don't get really serious about marriage until they are nearly 30. You could say Filippinas tend to be very family-oriented. If you are a marriage oriented guy, that's a fair response. If not, then that's being a con man, I suppose. If you are looking for a wife, an answer like that might increase a family-oriented girl's interest in you.

You could also tell her you are attracted to Asian women and like Filippina (etc.) culture so much. Just think of the reasons for you, and explain them in a positive light.

You could even say, "White women over here don't find me attractive, but Filippinas seem to like me." Why not? If you say it in a joking way, it may work and may not sound pathetic.

I struggled to find answers to 'why aren't you married.' I thought it was kind of a rude question if it wasn't from a woman interested in me. I would say I haven't found the right person yet. But I was thinking of saying, "I'm too ugly. No one will have me." If you say that to a girl who finds you attractive, you might get some complements. And if you say it as a joke, it can work.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Sun Sep 20, 2015 10:09 am

Thanks for the responses MrMan and Balmung.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Tue Sep 22, 2015 6:58 am

My mind goes around the whole 'money' concept, the 'help to her family'.
Many thoughts arise from it.

For example: is it almost binding, the family opinion? Can a girl decide differently?
If the family is not satisfied with 'money matters', will they block the girl from a progress in our relationship?
Or there are filipinas that will go on with their own heart?
I know that the good relation with her family is the ideal thing.
But, I want some assumptions about a negative family attitude due to 'money' topic.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby davewe » Tue Sep 22, 2015 4:27 pm

mentor wrote:My mind goes around the whole 'money' concept, the 'help to her family'.
Many thoughts arise from it.

For example: is it almost binding, the family opinion? Can a girl decide differently?
If the family is not satisfied with 'money matters', will they block the girl from a progress in our relationship?
Or there are filipinas that will go on with their own heart?
I know that the good relation with her family is the ideal thing.
But, I want some assumptions about a negative family attitude due to 'money' topic.


I think several guys married to Filipinas have weighed in already. While there is no 100% definitive answer on everything, I think everyone has told you that family is everything in the Philippines and that is likely to include some form of financial help. Expect it and then if you don't get requests you will be pleasantly surprised.

Now her desire to help her family is a different issue from whether she has a bad or demanding family. You certainly have the right to tell her that her brother wanting you to buy a motorcycle for him is a no-no.

Once you get boots on the ground and see the dynamic you will understand better. Frankly, overall I view it as a positive. The way she treats her parents is indicative of the way she will treat you. If you find a Pinay who doesn't give a damn about her parents it would be a real red flag for me.
Check out my blog @ www.marriedafilipina.com
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:29 am

davewe wrote:
I think several guys married to Filipinas have weighed in already. While there is no 100% definitive answer on everything, I think everyone has told you that family is everything in the Philippines and that is likely to include some form of financial help. Expect it and then if you don't get requests you will be pleasantly surprised.

Now her desire to help her family is a different issue from whether she has a bad or demanding family. You certainly have the right to tell her that her brother wanting you to buy a motorcycle for him is a no-no.

Once you get boots on the ground and see the dynamic you will understand better. Frankly, overall I view it as a positive. The way she treats her parents is indicative of the way she will treat you. If you find a Pinay who doesn't give a damn about her parents it would be a real red flag for me.



I like this balanced approach.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:49 am

Regarding the help of the family, what do you think it's better, for my case:
wait for her to open this discussion, or take the initiative and start first (after the first conversations of course), to have a clear image rather soon?
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby MarcosZeitola » Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:19 pm

mentor wrote:Regarding the help of the family, what do you think it's better, for my case:
wait for her to open this discussion, or take the initiative and start first (after the first conversations of course), to have a clear image rather soon?


You should be honest with her. I told my wife, when we met and fell in love: I want to be with you. I want to have a future with you. I want us to have our own family, realize our own dreams. And we will focus on those dreams, before we focus on the dreams you have for your parents. You want to give them a better life, you want to sacrifice for them as they sacrificed for you to get the education and upbringing you received... but our first priority will be ourselves. We will help them when we can, but some of the big things you had in mind will have to wait.

That is what I told her. We agreed on this. I have helped out financially, not just to provide for the upkeep of my wife and daughter but also for the tuition of my sister-in-law who is going to college, on occasion. I have helped out one of her grandparents when there was an emergency. And I have also paid off a few loans. I did not spend all of my savings on them, but a portion of the money I made has been spent on my in-laws and their immediate relatives. They are good, honorable people and never betrayed my trust. After a few bad investments and financial woes, I was able to help out and gladly did. They got back on their feet and have not asked for help ever since.

I helped them, because when my wife and I are old we may need the help of our children. What sort of an example would we set if we let our parents down when they needed us most? Not just for their sake, or your wife's, for your OWN sake you should reconsider your stance my friend.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby OutWest » Fri Sep 25, 2015 3:45 pm

MarcosZeitola wrote:
mentor wrote:Regarding the help of the family, what do you think it's better, for my case:
wait for her to open this discussion, or take the initiative and start first (after the first conversations of course), to have a clear image rather soon?


You should be honest with her. I told my wife, when we met and fell in love: I want to be with you. I want to have a future with you. I want us to have our own family, realize our own dreams. And we will focus on those dreams, before we focus on the dreams you have for your parents. You want to give them a better life, you want to sacrifice for them as they sacrificed for you to get the education and upbringing you received... but our first priority will be ourselves. We will help them when we can, but some of the big things you had in mind will have to wait.

That is what I told her. We agreed on this. I have helped out financially, not just to provide for the upkeep of my wife and daughter but also for the tuition of my sister-in-law who is going to college, on occasion. I have helped out one of her grandparents when there was an emergency. And I have also paid off a few loans. I did not spend all of my savings on them, but a portion of the money I made has been spent on my in-laws and their immediate relatives. They are good, honorable people and never betrayed my trust. After a few bad investments and financial woes, I was able to help out and gladly did. They got back on their feet and have not asked for help ever since.

I helped them, because when my wife and I are old we may need the help of our children. What sort of an example would we set if we let our parents down when they needed us most? Not just for their sake, or your wife's, for your OWN sake you should reconsider your stance my friend.


There is also such a thing as an ungenerous compulsive tightwad....
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby mentor » Mon Sep 28, 2015 4:38 am

Do they ask for regular help even in relationships with local filipino men?
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby MarcosZeitola » Mon Sep 28, 2015 4:41 am

mentor wrote:Do they ask for regular help even in relationships with local filipino men?


Yes. It's cultural.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby The_Adventurer » Mon Sep 28, 2015 5:38 am

So do Chinese. I don't know where some people get the idea that only Filipinos do that. I know Chinese guys in their 30's who won't get married yet because they know they must support their own parents and the wife's parents. I have a friend whose wife has a great job in the video game industry and they still fight because he doesn't give her money. She doesn't even need it! It's just cultural.
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby smallcheese » Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:25 am

The_Adventurer wrote:So do Chinese. I don't know where some people get the idea that only Filipinos do that. I know Chinese guys in their 30's who won't get married yet because they know they must support their own parents and the wife's parents. I have a friend whose wife has a great job in the video game industry and they still fight because he doesn't give her money. She doesn't even need it! It's just cultural.


This is very true. I used to be married to a Chinese woman and we sent $500 USD monthly to her parents, even though they didn't need it.

Winston may not realize this but if he ever finds and marries a Chinese woman, he will learn quickly what his reality will be. And that's not even taking into account what he will have to spend before getting married. :-)
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Re: Dating Middle Class Filipinas

Postby Ghost » Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:43 am

I had been talking recently to a middle class Filipina working in Singapore. There were a lot of issues with her, such as her making more money, having traveled more than I have, and most importantly her past made her un-marriageable in my eyes.

The money thing alone bothered me a lot. She was decently attractive, and was really pining for me, but how I am ever supposed to accept a girl who has so much of her own money to do things like travel? She was also being picky by choosing me, because she wanted a particular type of white guy. I told her to be open-minded about finding an Asian man, but she refused to listen to that. (You're always somebody's alpha...just not in the West more than likely.)

If you wanted a friends-with-benefits type of thing I could see dating middle class, but otherwise there's too much "independence" there. It would be a nightmare for me for a real relationship.
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