Why was my Ukraine date offended by sensible things I did?

[Winston]

Here is the girl I was referring to. Here we are walking in the park and she makes a farewell and best wishes speech to me. Notice how sweet and down to earth she is.

And 10 years after she said that, you still haven't found happiness.

The end :lol:

Well I've found love in Dianne. So her hope for that did come true.

Geez dude. Try to look at the glass as half full, not half empty. You damn pessimist. :p

[Winston]

Winston, this CLEARLY proves that "happier abroad' doesn't guarantee happiness, if you're an unhappy westerner. You really should do some soul-searching. Or just stop being a little wuss, either one.

There's no such thing as complete everlasting happiness. But there is such as a thing as being HAPPIER relative to where you were before. We've gone over this in many threads. Why are you acting so narrow?

Happiness is not an end point to be reached. It is part of a cycle of happiness and unhappiness that takes turns exchanging places. When I returned to the Philippines, for instance, I felt happy for a while, as well as natural and alive again, since I was so miserable in Taiwan. But later on, I may be upset about something that goes wrong. That's how life is. Don't you know? Everything in life comes in cycles. Haven't you figured that out by now?

So stop believing in this "happily after" fairy tale bullshit. Aren't you too old to believe in fairy tales and happily ever after endings? Geez.

Happiness is not black and white. It's in shades of gray. For instance, I may be happy to be back in the Philippines where people are more natural, open and normal, not unnaturally repressed like in Taiwan/Japan. However, I am not happy about all the price increases here, or the increase of street peddlers, or that it is much harder now to find a good barfine than it was before.

There's a life lesson for you CJ.

Plus, human nature is to focus on what you don't have. So in that sense, most people are never happy because they are focused on what they don't have and are lacking, rather than on counting their blessings. So even when you should you be happy, you aren't.

I hope that broadens your narrow perspective a bit.

Doing soul searching may enlighten you about the human condition, as Buddhism teaches, but it won't make the girls you want like you. That's a different matter. Don't mix the two.

You are using cliched useless advice of the typical claptrap that does no one any good.

[jamesbond]

Probably, she was not physically attracted to me either.

I was thinking the same thing when I saw her in the video and looked at the pictures of her. She is clearly taller than you and better looking than you. I think when she met you in person she was disappointed and turned off.

What probably happened was, when you were corresponding to her through the mail she was intrigued by you. When she met you in person she probably wasn't attracted to you and therefore no longer interested in you.

At least she was a nice, down to earth person. Most American women are the exact opposite.

[Winston]

Well she was chubbier in person than in her photos.

Even though she was nice and down to earth, she was a bit inconsiderate and had a false assumption that for a foreigner, everything is free and that the words "cost" and "expensive" doesn't exist. I've never understood that attitude.

In fact, when I returned to the states and called her on the phone, during our pleasant chat, she suddenly asked if I could mail her another box of the aplets and cotlets candy that I brought her from Washington when I visited her. She seemed to think that it was free for me to get that and ship it to her, and didn't consider that in order for me to buy a box and ship it to her, I'd have to spend around 20 or 30 dollars total. If she was my girlfriend, then that would be one thing, but since she already rejected me and just wanted to be friends, it was kind of inconsiderate of her to ask that, especially of someone she wasn't going to pursue romantically. So that was weird.

I don't know. In Russia/Ukraine, a lot of people are weird about that kind of thing. They seem inconsiderate and assume falsely that everything from a foreigner is free and that cost is not an issue. It's kind of inconsiderate, but they don't seem to be aware of it. It's really weird.

Also, how do I break it to them that their assumptions are wrong? It'd be kind of awkward to try to do so.

[C.J.]

There's no such thing as complete everlasting happiness. But there is such as a thing as being HAPPIER relative to where you were before. We've gone over this in many threads. Why are you acting so narrow?

I would agree with you Winston, if I was the person I used to be.

Happiness is not an end point to be reached. It is part of a cycle of happiness and unhappiness that takes turns exchanging places. When I returned to the Philippines, for instance, I felt happy for a while, as well as natural and alive again, since I was so miserable in Taiwan. But later on, I may be upset about something that goes wrong. That's how life is. Don't you know? Everything in life comes in cycles. Haven't you figured that out by now?

Happiness is but one small part of a wondeful life, YOU are supposed to create. I've found what many would consider true happiness. You can for example, be pissed off that you used your finances in thw wrong way, and YOU KNEW THIS. However, you can still be happy/content about the whole situation(because you can get MORE money later). Y'all niggas need psychic protection. I have already explained this on the forum, I will NOT repeat myself.

So stop believing in this "happily after" fairy tale bullshit. Aren't you too old to believe in fairy tales and happily ever after endings? Geez.

Nope! I believe in the infinite universe of possibilities. I believe ANYTHING is possible. You just need to know how the world works. If I, a lonely, ugly black nerd with my only redeeming quality being I can make ANY video game in the world, can get super-lucky and rich for at least 2 weeks, why can't you become just the same, being an asian of all races? You are much more gifted than I am, based on your DNA alone.

Doing soul searching may enlighten you about the human condition, as Buddhism teaches, but it won't make the girls you want like you. That's a different matter. Don't mix the two. You are using cliched useless advice of the typical claptrap that does no one any good.

No, I don't spout any new age advice. You and many others are good at that already. I SHUN the new age! Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek... what a load of crock!

I'm talking about making time for yourself. Doing what YOU need to do. f**k Buddhism! That didn't help ME get what I wanted. However, knowing things like for example, obtaining peace starts with giving other people exactly what they want. Instead of treating others the way YOU wanna be treated, treat them the way they treated YOU.
Someone fights you? Beat the shit out of them! Someone steals from you? Take some of THEIR stuff! You can get what you need in life, simply by doing THAT! The world is really your oyster. All the BS MLK Jr., Ekhart Tolle and Gandhi said? f**k that. That will kill you. Only be nice to people if they are to you. Remember that chick who injured the pope? She enjoyed a life of salvation, because she fought against someone who fought against her(the popes from the 80s on are satanists). One of the rules of natural law.

Yeah I admit it, I DO steal. But only from those who stole from ME! For example, if you let me into your home, helped me out and didn't be a total dick, I wouldn't f**k with your stuff, you wouldn't have to tell me once! I'd be the houseguest from heaven, doing your chores and shit. However if you were the complete opposite, well... LOL That's the personality of a TRUE human. I'm a mix of more CHAOTIC GOOD/LAWFUL EVIL though, if you catch my drift.

But stop thinking about girls and sex so f***ing much. That kind of thinking clouds what you need to do in life and will ultimately destroy you. It keeps you from being your TRUE self. Remember when you were younger? You might have HATED women, or even decided they were a waste of your time? And they are! You need to get back to having fun, earning money and accomplishing life goals. And if a woman wants to have some of your fun? Hump and dump that worthless sow, give her a taste! "Sorry baby, I'm in love with the road!"

I've never seen such a waste of energy to get p***y than I have at this forum. Try using all that energy to acheive wealth or something. Man, you guys could be super-rich! Working together, putting your heads together to make lots of money...

[Winston]

Yeah but CJ,
Money doesn't buy happiness. As long as you have enough, and are comfortable, the issue then becomes how much connection and shared happiness you have with others. Two people exchanging energy will create a stronger energy than one person alone. That's a principle from The Celestine Prophecy book that is very true.

Speaking of money, when I first lived here in Angeles City, I was on a tight budget and trying to penny pinch a lot. Now that I have a lot more money than before, I can relax and not worry about money and spend more freely (yet wisely still). Am I happy about that? Of course.

So you see, happiness is not black and white. There are things I'm happy about, and things I'm not happy about. It's all in shades of gray. We all harbor some deep pain deep down inside. Even you do.

So you see, the issue of happiness is not cut and dry, black or white. Some of you generalize too quickly with one-liners.

[C.J.]

Yeah but CJ,
Money doesn't buy happiness. As long as you have enough, and are comfortable, the issue then becomes how much connection and shared happiness you have with others. Two people exchanging energy will create a stronger energy than one person alone. That's a principle from The Celestine Prophecy book that is very true.

For me, it was connecting first, money second. When I found out that connecting to others is a non-issue(don't do it in america, or at all for that matter! LOL), I just had to figure out my money problem. The time will come when you're popular with human beings. I'd suggest against most human contact for the time being, as westerners especially, are like dirty dogs;you roll around with them, you catch their fleas. It's true that networking CAN help you prosper, but this usually only applies to rich and/or powerful people. For example a jew benefits from connecting with other jews, because they're all dirty bastards who wanna take over our world by force. But most humans aren't worth connecting to now.

Speaking of money, when I first lived here in Angeles City, I was on a tight budget and trying to penny pinch a lot. Now that I have a lot more money than before, I can relax and not worry about money and spend more freely (yet wisely still). Am I happy about that? Of course.

Actually, I'm a poor schmuck. But I get a lot of money from doing two things:
-not falling for the welfare trap(only use welfare money for government issued debts)
-controlling my good luck, by abiding by natural law and nothing else

So you see, happiness is not black and white. There are things I'm happy about, and things I'm not happy about. It's all in shades of gray. We all harbor some deep pain deep down inside. Even you do.

I do. I harbor LOTS of it. That's why I laugh. Those who laugh the most usually have some problematic childhoods. However, my deep issues take a back seat, as my soul is pure and true. Those issues no longer hold me back. I'm totally happy in a child-like state, envigored. But with my grown-up maturity.

So you see, the issue of happiness is not cut and dry, black or white. Some of you generalize too quickly with one-liners.

Well, I do because my life is NOW a bunch of black and whites. Absolute instead of variable values. Sinks and swims, Dos and don'ts. There is no "gray area" in my life now. Suddenly, things seem much clearer for me. The only questions I ask now are "Who's against me?", "What do I need to fight them?" and "What do I get once I mess them up?"

[ladislav]

Western people will never understand us, Russians. Just because westerners are narrow-minded.

Isn't that a copout? So rather than admitting that your people are dishonest and sociopathic, you say that people don't understand you? That lame. If someone doesn't understand you, then why don't you explain yourself?

In Eastern Ukraine's cities, most people are ethnic Russians. Most "Ukrainians" which Americans write to, love and marry in Ukraine are basically ethnic Russians living there. Americans have got no clue as to them these people are "Ukrainians". Well, they were born there and are citizens. That makes them Ukrainians, right? To Americans, it does. Not to the locals.

Nothing wrong with that except that many poorer Russians come from a serf background. When you have time, do a study on serfdom in Wikipedia. Even under communism, former serfs did not change. Because communism there was just serfdom repackaged.

Most of them need to overcome the same nasty habits that plague many people in any former slave community/stratum. Work is seen as exploitation. Money as an unwanted necessity and an instrument to exploit. Richer people are seen as someone who has a special birth privilege and who gained wealth by just being fortunate by being born into a certain class and never having to work. And that is how it has been for millenia there. And you learn to be sociopathic because you learn to be sneaky so that you could fool the feudal lord and survive. Cheat him, lie to him, take his money back.

And then comes America! And Americans arrive in our poor region! Ohhhhh, Ahhhhhh! Amerikanski!!!!!!!!! We have seen the movies! Oh what wealth! What houses and what life! And Americans! My God! The citizens of the richest country on earth! Don't you always say that on TV time and time and time again till it's hammered into the head of every human on earth? And all Americans live in big houses in Hollywood and drive new Mercedes Benzes. Money flows in millions down the streets. I know, I know. And we had Americans visit us and they brought us gifts. And they get 8 grivnas to the dollar. Ahhhh! Ohhhh!

So, WTF? Who is this American? Is he an American? He is counting pennies? Impossible. An anomaly.

Does it sound familiar? Do the Filipinos who were bloodsucked by Spanish lords for 4 centuries and who think the American salary is 40 times bigger resemble these? Get the picture yet? The word is naive, ignorant, living in a dream world.

Now as far as the actual real Ukrainians go- they are hard to meet and make friends with even if you were born in Ukraine. They do not like non Ukrainians as a rule unless they are strongly integrated in the Ukrainian community, belong to the church, been around for a couple of generations and speak the language well. But even then, its a problem. Ukrainians don't like each other that much and don't trust each other. They are also stingy and don't help anyone. They don't advertise online that much at least not to foreigners. Most of them just keep to themselves. And they don't wait for handouts from foreigners. Or anyone. Ukraine is a private, silent and sulky place. Its kind of like the US except that you have very pretty girls and fresh natural food and wine.

The ethnic Russians living there who number 17 million are the only one who are socially open. These are who Americans mostly meet through these websites. Ta-da!

Most Americans don't read about the countries they go to, don't study the culture and what goes on there. Well, they reap the "rewards".

It's amazing what crazy situations develop when one uninformed person dates another uninformed person who also lives 10,000 km away.

[onethousandknives]

Probably, she was not physically attracted to me either. But then again, women don't judge on looks as much as we assume they do.

loooool.

And they also don't judge by bank accounts either.

[have2fly]

Ladislav,

I totally disagree with your last post. The Ukrainians you are describing are probably from the West (Lviv, Ternopil etc), which used to be a part of Poland. Now I am Ukrainian and grew up in Russian speaking part of Ukraine, I have absolutely NO difference between myself and local Russians in Ukraine. I had ethnic Russians in my school, besides them being a little proud of their belonging to Russian ethnicity we had no difference among us AT ALL. We laughed, talked, partied, drinked (yeah, I started drinking beer and vodka in my 6th grade and loved it).

I dated both Russian and Ukrainian girls and I have to admit - girls from Western Ukraine do seem colder and weird to me, although I am a local. Now there are good and bad people everywhere, but these are my comments just judging out of my experience.