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Dumping a Girlfriend the same week I met her in Peru?

Discuss culture, living, traveling, relocating, dating or anything related to Latin America, Mexico, or Central America.

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Dumping a Girlfriend the same week I met her in Peru?

Postby rudder » Wed Jan 22, 2014 8:49 pm

I met a girl here in Peru shortly after I arrived last week.

We really hit it off great, and I don´t think I ever had so much fun with a girl...ever! I was laughing so hard with her the other night. Anyway, I really reallly realllly like her. I'd be lucky to ever meet a girl as cool and fun as her again. I´m serious, she´s that amazing. We´ve hung out on 5 separate occasions already. She´s three years younger than me, but she has a 4 year old (she´s a single mom). That´s the reason why I'm considering breaking up with her.

I´ve already been crying tears of joy from having met her, and the very next day I´m crying tears of sadness, because I don´t think the relationship would work out over the long term since she had a kid with another man. I´d always receive less attention from her because of her child, and in Peru the men are always allowed access to their children no matter how harsh the separation was between the man and woman. So even if I did want to be with a woman with a kid I'd still have to deal with some weird dirtbag guy coming around every so often.

Anyway, it pains me greatly to have to tell her, but I think if I prolonged the relationship it would only hurt more down the road to leave her. Am I over thinking the situation? Should I follow my heart and continue to stay with her. Maybe life´s not meant to be approached from such a cold, calculated angle.

For the record I tried kissing this girl multiple different times over multiple days, but she continuously rejected me until last night. Also for the record, I knew from the start that she had a kid, but I wasn´t expecting to fall in love with her so hard and fast. We are very affectionate with each other and just spend hours sitting down and embracing each other. I guess I was just trying to score. Well now I feel really sad, because of the whole thing.

I don´´t see how so many of you guys can just jump from one woman to the next. I grow really attached, and it´s so hard to just leave one girl and immediately jump into another. I hate hookup culture. What if I reject this girl? Maybe I´ll always keep finding reasons to deny myself a woman´s love and affection.

If I keep meeting and dumping women will I ever be able to truly commit myself to just one good one for marriage? Marriage is my goal.
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Postby manly5000 » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:12 am

I'm not a "fling" type of guy either... I tried casual sex after my divorce years ago because I wanted to see if maybe I was being a "prude" by hating on the hookup culture of the USA so much, but that only cemented the fact that I absolutely cannot stand casual sex. Sex ALWAYS means something to me, and I didn't enjoy ANY of the slim few hookups I had because a big part of what makes sex great (genuine attraction and affection for the girl I'm with) was missing.

Thus I haven't had any sex at all in almost two years and am "saving myself" for when I go abroad.

My advice to you? If you do not want to get involved with single mothers, DON'T. Not even for one date. Otherwise you'll wind up exactly where you are now all over again.

Single mothers, not even once.
Out in the world living the dream!
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Re: Dumping a Girlfriend the same week I met her in Peru?

Postby tre » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:51 am

rudder wrote:I met a girl here in Peru shortly after I arrived last week.

We really hit it off great, and I don´t think I ever had so much fun with a girl...ever! I was laughing so hard with her the other night. Anyway, I really reallly realllly like her. I'd be lucky to ever meet a girl as cool and fun as her again. I´m serious, she´s that amazing. We´ve hung out on 5 separate occasions already. She´s three years younger than me, but she has a 4 year old (she´s a single mom). That´s the reason why I'm considering breaking up with her.

I´ve already been crying tears of joy from having met her, and the very next day I´m crying tears of sadness, because I don´t think the relationship would work out over the long term since she had a kid with another man. I´d always receive less attention from her because of her child, and in Peru the men are always allowed access to their children no matter how harsh the separation was between the man and woman. So even if I did want to be with a woman with a kid I'd still have to deal with some weird dirtbag guy coming around every so often.

Anyway, it pains me greatly to have to tell her, but I think if I prolonged the relationship it would only hurt more down the road to leave her. Am I over thinking the situation? Should I follow my heart and continue to stay with her. Maybe life´s not meant to be approached from such a cold, calculated angle.

For the record I tried kissing this girl multiple different times over multiple days, but she continuously rejected me until last night. Also for the record, I knew from the start that she had a kid, but I wasn´t expecting to fall in love with her so hard and fast. We are very affectionate with each other and just spend hours sitting down and embracing each other. I guess I was just trying to score. Well now I feel really sad, because of the whole thing.

I don´´t see how so many of you guys can just jump from one woman to the next. I grow really attached, and it´s so hard to just leave one girl and immediately jump into another. I hate hookup culture. What if I reject this girl? Maybe I´ll always keep finding reasons to deny myself a woman´s love and affection.

If I keep meeting and dumping women will I ever be able to truly commit myself to just one good one for marriage? Marriage is my goal.



Those guys that say they are going to "hook up" with many girls in order to get it out of their system are just kidding themselves. It warps a persons brain...they'll never likely be able to ONLY be with one woman. Even if they do, it will be a constant struggle to control their desire to cheat.

Only you can make that kind of decision. None of us know her or her history. We can't share the feelings you feel for or toward her. However, you have only "known" her for one week...that's not enough to judge anyone IMO. It often takes women MONTHS to become who they really are....especially if they really like you in the beginning. I only had a couple of gfs that could make me laugh...one in particular. That was a great thing, especially when I rarely laugh at all to begin with...
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Postby chibolo » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:58 am

I think you are the only one who can really decide here. If you really like this girl a lot maybe it is worth taking a chance. I don't think dating a single mother is a bad idea in ALL cases (but it certainly makes things more complicated). Is the father even still interested in his kid? A lot of Peruvian men just get a girl pregnant and then leave.

How did you meet this girl?
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Postby droid » Tue Jan 28, 2014 6:13 am

Would she be so nice to you, had she not had a kid?
Peruvian chicks pose as 'nubile natives', but can be pretty ruthless.
1)Too much of one thing defeats the purpose.
2)Everybody is full of it. What's your hypocrisy?
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Postby rudder » Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:59 pm

The way this story ends is that her ex kept calling me and begging me not to get involved. I just told him to f**k off, and then told the girl I just wanted to be friends. The same day I told her that, I screwed her brains out two times.

She understands that we´re just friends, but doesn´t mind having some fun. I´m leaving for a different city tomorrow anyway. She thought it was kind of weird when I told her I was already thinking about how it would be to be married to her. She basically just suggested we "get to know each other better."

The good thing about Peru for me is that if I stay in one place long enough, there are bound to be a few women that show overt attraction to me. These women are easy to compliment and then chat with and take on dates. It´s nice to go from no success with women over a three year period, to having almost endless options overnight.

Don´t be deceived though. Peru definitely isn´t the whiteman´s "p***y paradise" that a lot of guys describe. Most women in Lima and Arequipa either just ignore me or give me worried looks. Most women seem really shy. I´m going to see other parts of Peru though. Certain places are said to be better.
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Postby rudder » Tue Jan 28, 2014 5:05 pm

droid wrote:
Peruvian chicks pose as 'nubile natives', but can be pretty ruthless.


I´ve heard similar statements countless times. I've yet to hear anyone form an articulate analysis of the specific warning signs that a guy should look out for.

How about if the girl insists on bareback boning? Or is that just something normal in Peruvian culture. Another person on here told me that Peruvian men don´t use condoms, so perhaps it´s just a cultural thing.
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Postby Forerunner » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:40 am

rudder wrote:
droid wrote:
Peruvian chicks pose as 'nubile natives', but can be pretty ruthless.


I´ve heard similar statements countless times. I've yet to hear anyone form an articulate analysis of the specific warning signs that a guy should look out for.

How about if the girl insists on bareback boning? Or is that just something normal in Peruvian culture. Another person on here told me that Peruvian men don´t use condoms, so perhaps it´s just a cultural thing.



Hey Rudder, I have a couple of questions if you don't mind I would like to ask you how do you support your stay in Peru, How are you living arrangements there?
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Postby chibolo » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:13 pm

rudder wrote:
Don´t be deceived though. Peru definitely isn´t the whiteman´s "p***y paradise" that a lot of guys describe. Most women in Lima and Arequipa either just ignore me or give me worried looks. Most women seem really shy. I´m going to see other parts of Peru though. Certain places are said to be better.


No it isn't a "p***y paradise", but you do have a small advantage as a gringo.


Peruvian chicks pose as 'nubile natives', but can be pretty ruthless.


Some Peruvian girls are bad, some aren't, just like everywhere else.


How about if the girl insists on bareback boning? Or is that just something normal in Peruvian culture. Another person on here told me that Peruvian men don´t use condoms, so perhaps it´s just a cultural thing.


Yeah, a lot of Peruvian men don't like to use condoms. If they get a girl pregnant, they don't really care and just leave. Again, not ALL Peruvian men are like this, but many are. If a girl really INSISTS on "bareback" then I would see it as a red flag.
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Postby rudder » Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:09 pm

chibolo wrote:
No it isn't a "p***y paradise", but you do have a small advantage as a gringo.


This needs to be reiterated ad infinitum. Maybe these reports of Peru being the gringo's p***y paradise were from a different time about a decade or more in the past. Nowadays, this is certainly not the case. To any man in the USA, I would just suggest Mexico, because it is closer to the US, and Peruvian women aren't any "better" than Mexican women. Maybe they aren't as fat. Since the fattest countries in the world are:
1)Mexico
2)Venezuela
3)Peru
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Postby rudder » Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:18 pm

Forerunner wrote:

Hey Rudder, I have a couple of questions if you don't mind I would like to ask you how do you support your stay in Peru, How are you living arrangements there?


Right now I'm just travelling around the country spending a couple nights in each place, burning through my savings. I'm getting pretty sick of it, and am looking forward to settling down somewhere to resume my online work, and also hopefully set up some sort of distribution business for portable solar products down here. I brought samples of products with me, but I have zero idea where to even begin.

I wouldn't recommend Peru as an expat destination. I'm not sure if I'll last down here. Travelling around the country is just like hopping from one shithole to another, and the people aren't as cool as I was hoping. I'll probably just end up back in the capital, because it is a strategic location even though it is the "most expensive city" in the country.
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Postby rudder » Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:28 pm

I spent a total of about an entire day at the "deincri" (I think this stands for Departamento de Investigaciones Criminales) in a small city in northern Peru filing a police denouncement for the ex boyfriend of a good friend of mine in Lima (same woman in the subject of this thread). He sent me a text message the other day threatening to kill me if I don't excommunicate myself from my friend. What a jealous, insecure little worm. The girl obviously doesn't like him, and she obviously would rather be with me or at least have me as a friend.

The police told me that a death threat warrants jail time in Peru. So, we went to the national bank on Saturday and added some money to the phone number of the text message in order to get the receipt showing the name of the owner of the phone number. Instead of the name of the ex boyfriend, a company name appeared, so now the police have a hit a road block. I don't expect the police to be competent enough to even figure this out. I bet my police report is just going to sit on a shelf somewhere collecting dust while my friend gets boned and abused by some insecure scumbag criminal.

But I guess she deserves it, because she won't cooperate with me and send me the full name and contact information of the scumbag, nor will she go to the police herself.
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Postby chibolo » Sun Feb 02, 2014 9:13 pm

rudder wrote:I wouldn't recommend Peru as an expat destination. I'm not sure if I'll last down here. Travelling around the country is just like hopping from one shithole to another, and the people aren't as cool as I was hoping. I'll probably just end up back in the capital, because it is a strategic location even though it is the "most expensive city" in the country.


Umm..ok. Well I can understand how you feel. Peru is a third world country and it isn't for everyone. Personally I enjoy "third world shitholes", but I guess I'm weird. Where are you now? Trujillo? Chiclayo? If you want to stay in a more first world-like area your best bet is Lima (Miraflores, etc.), but yeah, it will be much more expensive.

Sounds like you also got involved with some weird people... Have you tried meeting other girls?

Don't expect the police to help you out. They are pretty much useless.
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Postby rudder » Mon Feb 03, 2014 5:35 am

No, I'm east of those cities. In the forest. I met another single mom tonight. She was working at the nearby jugueria. She had the most happy-go-lucky personality I've seen so far in Peru BY FAR. This girl was so much fun. That's probably my biggest criteria for selecting a mate. She was pretty cute too. I guess I should just accept my fate that I'm going to have to settle down with a single mom. It looks like that's what God intended for me....

We were talking for a while, but since I am planning on leaving town tomorrow, I didn't push anything with her. I was just chatting and being myself. Then, as I was leaving, she called me back in, because she wanted me to have her phone number. She told me she wants me to stay here so she can "show me around." My original plan was to stay in this city, but after visiting, I´m not sure I want to. I just might though, since it is cheap (maybe the cheapest city in the country - rooms can be rented for like $40/month, gym memberships for $20/month), never gets cold, and now I know the happiest girl in Peru. The Spanish word risueña is the word I use to describe the kind of women I love.
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Postby travelsouth » Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:40 am

If you are a decent looking gringo in his mid-twenties I'd steer clear of this girl, her kid, and her crazy ex. Life is cheap in these sort of places and you are better off keeping a low profile. You are messing with a dude and his kid (in his mind anyways). Maybe the dude is a scumbag. Maybe the woman is the real issue. Either way with your options you are best just steering clear of all this. Some people are too hard-headed to listen but for your own good just cut off contact and get lost from these people.
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