Can anyone answer the big questions here:
How do you stop your mind from making excuses to block you and delay you?
How do you stop your mind from countermanding your will?
The invisible wall phenomenon
Another big problem I have is that I seem to have some kind of "invisible wall" blocking me too, in addition to the mind making excuses. I don't know if this invisible wall is from God, Satan, the forces of destiny, or from my own mind. Any of you ever experience it too?
Let me tell you a weird and creepy story.
Back in 2004, I had planned to visit a girl in Sochi, Russia that was very sweet to me online and seemed like a real gem and keeper. I was supposed to go there in June that year, when the beaches were high season. But my mind kept blocking me with excuses and stuff undone.
By the time I arrived in Russia it was August. I was supposed to leave Moscow after one week. But every time I tried, something blocked me or got in the way. So I could not leave Moscow for 6 weeks. So my schedule, which was already 2 or 3 months behind, got delayed another 6 weeks. There seemed to be an "invisible wall" blocking me. I hated it and was furious!
After 7 or 8 tries, I finally left Moscow but by then it was almost October. It started becoming cold and gloomy in Russia. All my plans were f***ed. The school I was gonna teach at in Izhevsk rejected me too.
To make things worse, bad things started happening to me. I fell victim to scams, mugging and tricks by even my own friends. (See here: http://www.happierabroad.com/Russian_Scams.htm
) More so than I ever had before. As a result of one of the muggings, I developed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome too.
It seemed that, by breaking this "invisible wall" that kept me in Moscow for 6 weeks, I invoked some kind of curse. It was as if by not obeying the invisible wall, I had upset the order of the universe, or the will of God, and so by stepping out of line, I was being punished for it by bad luck and bad events. Really weird and creepy. WTF?
The weather became colder and gloomier too, and so did the mood of the people around me, all of which rubbed off on me. So I got off to a bad start with too many delays, which zapped my motivation and enthusiasm as well. As usual, everything is wrongly timed and off schedule in my life.
I didn't arrive in Sochi until November. But by then, the beach was too cold. The girl was sweet and a gem after all, but she did not have romantic feelings for me as she thought. I'll never know if it would have made a difference if I had arrived in June instead.
So the entire adventure seemed f***ed up from the start, and then jinxed later on.
I also experienced this invisible wall in the Philippines too. It kept making things happen to delay me getting out of Angeles City for years and months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Likewise, last year when I came to Las Vegas, I planned to visit my beloved Southwest nature and canyons and then go to China by July, August, or September at the latest. But we got busy with moving the house for a month. Then my parents had to leave to get medicine in Taiwan. I don't know why they couldn't just have it mailed to them. Sheesh.
So I toured the Southwest with an old female friend that I was a kindred spirit with. But she had a very hot temper that exploded over trivial things, and was very feisty and prone to anger issues, similar to me. So I could not always enjoy everything, as two people with hot tempers and anger issues is a recipe for disaster at some point. We had fun though. But she could only stay out for two weeks due to classes.
When we returned, I got lazy to go off and travel again on my own. So I got into a comfort zone and enjoyed the peace and solitude of having a house to myself. My mind became lazy and made excuses everyday not to travel again. So I wasted June, July and August. They just flew by quickly.
By September, I was anxious to travel the Southwest again so I could go to China afterward. But stuff kept getting in the way, my mind made excuses again, and again, as in Russia and the Philippines, there was an INVISIBLE WALL again!!!!!!!!!!!!
After many failed attempts to leave Las Vegas in August, September, and October, I finally left in November. But again, as in Russia, it was too late. The weather was TOO COLD to do anything I wanted. National parks and campgrounds were closed. There was a "Closed for Winter" sign everywhere. I could not do what I wanted. It was snowing outside in Utah too. All I could do was stay in hotels, away from the cold, but that was not what I wanted. Everything was f***ed up again!!!!!!!!!!
So again, Murphy's Law applied with this axiom:
- You can't do what you want, and by the time you can, it's too late.
- When you get what you want, it's already too late to enjoy it.
I was f***ing pissed. The trip was f***ed again. And as in Russia, bad things began happening after I broke the invisible wall. Everything was closed, my plans were f***ed, and the NV brothels scammed me with ripoff prices (unlike before).
So as in 2004, my whole schedule was off by several months, and jinxed as well. I also suffered from the extreme cold in November and December. Again, it seemed that by breaking the invisible wall, I had upset the natural order of things and got jinxed and punished again.
Now I am two years behind schedule on going to China. There seems to be an invisible wall blocking me again. As usual, by the time I get there, it will be too late, and jinxes may start to happen again, because I broke the invisible wall and did not obey it.
So WTF is this "invisible wall"? Is it something from my mind? From God? From Satan? From the forces of destiny and karma? And what can you do about it?
I don't know. My only theory is this:
Perhaps if you are very deep, aware and freethinking, nature has to countermand your unique gifts and qualities by giving you a stronger dark side
than what normal people have. In other words, the more spiritual and rich you are on the inside, the more internal challenges you will have. The dark side will rise to challenge you more than it would an average person. Your inner demons, complexity, conflicts, issues and dark side will be bigger than that of an average simple person. Nature balances everything out with its opposite to create a "union of opposites" as in the Ying Yang symbol. So if something in the universe increases, its opposite will increase as well.
So perhaps this is why I have bigger demons and dark sides than others do? I don't know. But this is the only metaphysical and Taoist explanation I can think of. Many gifted individuals in history have suffered from a complicated dark side as well. We all know many examples.
Moreover, it could also be that if you are not a conformist and do not follow the herd, then more dark forces and dark entities try to attack you and weaken you as well, because you stand out as an energetic target to them that is vibrating at a different frequency than the mainstream conformist population that is easily controllable. And you are probably more of a threat to them as well.
What can you do? Any of you experience this kind of thing before?
How do you remove curses, jinxes and invisible walls? With white light spells?
I also have a problem of being too easily distracted by too many things and falling into a comfort zone as well. The mind resists change too.
Anyway, I'm exhausted now from anger and frustration. Too bad such problems have no simple solutions or easy answers.