Why You Will Have A Better Love and Life Beyond America
Why I like Filipinas the best - as lovers, playmates, and best friends
Here is an update I wrote to my mailing list in March 2007 about why I love Filipinas:
There is good news now. As I'm writing this from the Philippines, I am happy to say that I am now a perpetual happy and positive optimist. How did I do it, you might ask?
Well it's simple, but it wasn't by changing "myself" (for I wasn't the problem). And it wasn't by changing my attitude, thoughts or going through some self-help/pop psychology/New Age program or seminar. In fact, I didn't even have to change myself or who I was. I just remained the same person. Instead, it was simply by changing my geographic LOCATION, environment and culture, entering another world so to speak. Let me explain.
In the US, no one talks to me except old people, I can't get any dates at all, women are completely anti-social to me, strangers act like I don't exist, and I am totally ignored and feel like I don't exist. Unfortunately, women in America generally don’t like to meet new people. They don’t even talk to you unless you are in their clique or they grew up with you, or it’s business-related. And that’s unacceptable to me. But everything I do to try to change all that seems futile, as if trying to change any of it goes completely against the flow and against the grain, inappropriate and out-of-bounds! Ick! It's a no-win situation, or a serious incompatibility at least.
So, with everything that I am suppressed, strangled, and invalidated, how could I possibly be happy or positive, when I can't be who I truly am or act out my nature of being an outgoing fun vibrant social butterfly? It's simply not possible, nor is it natural.
But on the other hand, here in the Philippines, I can be who I truly am, and when I do so, it gets very POSITIVE results! The social environment here completely allows, encourages, and adds fuel to my very social outgoing nature, especially with women! Here, I NEVER have to be alone if I don't want to. I ALWAYS have many hot women to choose from, of all types - dark skin (chocolate), light skin (vanilla), medium olive color, cute, sexy, tall or short, etc. (If you think my ice cream comparisons are bad or cheesy, get this - when a dark skinned and light skinned Filipina are together, they like to refer to themselves as "coffee and cream") Often I have so many contenders that I don't have time for them all and have to cancel a lot of plans!
Best of all, these sweet cuties and angels in turn see me as attractive, handsome, cute, interesting, charming, significant to them, etc. etc. and that completely VALIDATES who I am! I completely exist and matter to the women that I'm ATTRACTED to here! And that's HUGE! It means more than words can say. Everyday here, I feel like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise! Literally. No exaggerating here.
Thus, I am finally allowed to be the social butterfly that I am, as well as positive, confident, optimistic and happy. How can I not be, when all my fantasies and desires and wants/needs are being fulfilled here, naturally and with the flow too!? Simply put, who I am is ACCENTUATED here, rather than invalidated or suppressed.
Some people here even say that I'm the most positive and confident person they've ever met. (If only they knew where I was coming from!) The difference is astounding. It's like a completely different universe where I'm a completely different person. The magnitude of my dating life here is literally "out of this world" (out of the world of America that is).
Critics and prejudiced Americans will commonly charge that the women here, as well as in most foreign countries, like me for money and a green card to the US. However, they are wrong because: (please read these ten bulleted points carefully)
1) Many girls here don't care about my money and STILL like/love me even after I tell them that I’m on a budget and very frugal. They like and enjoy my funny, sweet, sappy, positive, enthusiastic personality.
2) This is probably the biggest reason, and my Expat Advisor, a long time visitor to the Philippines who speaks two Filipino dialects, attests to it too. Most of the Filipinas I’ve met or dated here prefer that their boyfriend or husband stay with them in THEIR country. After all, family is everything to them, and so they prefer to remain close to their immediate and extended family. But if their lover insists, they will try to go overseas. That right there DEBUNKS this common misconception. Besides, it is an American myth that most people in other countries want to come to the US. The well traveled know that is not so.
3) I’ve slept with both bar girls and normal girls for FREE, simply cause they liked me and found me sweet, romantic, tender and charming! They never asked me for any money! Imagine that. That could never happen to me in the States. That proves right there that they aren’t after me only for money, but that I am very sweet, likable and charming to them. And I’ve gotten free kisses here from many girls too, including French kisses (and NO, they don’t do that to every guy!).
4) A few girls here (but not most) have told me that I’m not their type, for they like white guys or bigger masculine guys. And conversely, I’ve seen some reject white guys in favor of me, because I’m more of the type they like and go for. Now, if it were all about “money and a green cardâ€, then “type†wouldn’t matter now would it? But it does, because taste, romantic chemistry, and attraction matter as well.
5) Filipinas have shown favoritism toward me over other older richer guys or customers. (I can't get into details about how since it wouldn't be appropriate to describe here
) This also proves that they don't like me just for money, since I am treated better, given favoritism and preferentail treatment over other guys who have more money than me, due to my higher likeability. I have a fun loving free-spirited personality that a lot of Filipinas resonate with, as well as a sweet romantic side, and a face they find young and handsome (gwapo). 6) I've been able to get acquainted and befriend middle class girls here who have enough money themselves not to need a guy (which I can't do in the states). Sure, the middle or upper class girls aren't easy to "pick up" in public, but they find me interesting and likable too, once they get to know me. And they are willing to spend personal time with me, unlike girls in the US who always make excuses and say they are busy.
7) There are some guys here with looks and money who don’t do well at all with Filipinas. I know one good looking American guy here with a good income from an international job, and my Expat Advisor knows a good looking young French guy here with a successful art business. Yet believe it or not, both of them can’t get a real girlfriend in the Philippines! They have had nothing but bad luck and bad experiences with the women here. The girls who go out with them look unhappy around them, and don’t stay with them for long. Though they will accept their money and presents, they still leave them after a while because they simply don’t like them and don’t enjoy being with them. It’s obviously not their looks or status. But rather, something in their vibe and personality just doesn’t jive well with the girls here. Some people’s chemistry just doesn’t mix well with certain countries, just like mine doesn’t mix well in American culture and its fake politeness social culture. Sometimes, things just don’t click, not just between individuals, but between individuals and countries as well. Thus, it’s not all about money and status, like some think. Here in the Philippines, my personality seems to jive extremely well with Filipinas as a whole, regardless of whether I’m their physical type or not. And that’s why almost all Filipinas, even those who aren’t into me romantically or are already taken, ENJOY hanging out with me. Now, if it were all about money, this wouldn’t happen. You’ve got to remember that these girls, though mostly poor, are HUMAN BEINGS who, like you, prefer to be with those they LIKE and CLICK with, not just anyone with money and a US passport.
Now, think about this. If it were all about money or a green card, then why aren’t poor foreign men seeking out American women the way that poor foreign women are? And why aren’t there websites or matchmaking agencies out there for foreign men seeking American women? It’s because there isn’t a market for it. Very few foreign men would want an American woman, even to get into the US. These men want feminine women, and the denial of their femininity as well as their selfish attitude is a huge turn off to foreign men. Also, ask yourself this. If poor foreign women just want money, then what do American women want? A dazzling personality and kind heart? Not! They not only want money, but they want it all, perfection in every category!9) From my experience with gold diggers and users in Russia and the Philippines, I’ve come to recognize their common patterns, such as the way they manipulate and tell lies, the way they tell you what you want to hear yet their actions contradict their words, and their tendency to ask for money within the first day or week of knowing you. And what I can tell you is that MOST of the girls who like me here do NOT exhibit these traits.
10) A high percentage of Filipinas I get involved with tend to like to bite me and pinch me. I was told that they only do that to you if they LIKE you. Certainly if they only wanted to use me, they wouldn’t be biting and pinching me. They only do that to those they like or find adorable, cute, or cuddly.
What you’ve gotta understand is that it’s not a simple case of “these women are friendlier to you cause they are poor and need your money.†I mean, yes money is a factor here. But what’s being overlooked here is that the poor are unspoiled and dependent, so they often have to cultivate good inner qualities in their personalities and behaviors to get what they need, and to compensate for their lack of material assets, especially since they have interdependent relations with others. In other words, they have learned to treat others nicely to get ahead, whereas someone who already has it all doesn’t need to be nice and can afford to be spoiled, stuck up and treat others badly. So that’s another reason why poor people are nicer. It’s not cause they only want your money, though money is an indirect cause of this, but it has more to do with their character being developed differently than ours.
Some guys see everything in terms of money and economics. Well I’m not one of those guys of course, for I consider many other deeper factors. Not every guy with money can duplicate everything I’ve done. Looks, personality, attitude, and chemistry are strong factors too, and in this culture, I rank high in those areas to them, even in the looks department since I am far closer to the ideal male image here than I am to the one in the states. That’s why I often get preferential treatment from girls here over richer guys not as personable or likable. In reality, human beings are very complex, and don’t fit into overly simplistic pet theories like “She just wants you for moneyâ€. So these one shot labels put together by shallow know-it-all people to try to explain other people just don’t hold. Perhaps these guys are “all about money†themselves, so they can’t help but assume that everyone else is too. But they can only speak for themselves, not for others.
Oddly enough, there are some women (and men) who genuinely believe that giving money is a demonstration and sign of true love. These folks see no shame in “buying love†and are proud to utter the phrase “no money, no honeyâ€. Such women will even ask for money from a man she truly loves, seeing nothing wrong with it. But of course, I do not share their values. An effective way I’ve found, to weed these types out is to simply tell them that you are poor and on a tight budget, and act like it. If they disappear after that, then you know what they were probably after. If not, then you’ve got a more genuine girl. Needless to say, if you want to impress somebody, you don’t have to take them to a fancy restaurant everyday; rather, mix it up with several days of going to fast food or cooking at home. A nice sweet Filipina will appreciate that.
If you think though, that all my experiences here are with money grubbing whores, think again. Make no mistake, I can and have gotten NON-WORKING girls to sleep with me on a regular basis. So, please don’t assume all my experiences are with whores. Unlike in Russia, after our dates, they often prefer to go home WITH me rather than without me.
Sure, there are old fat white drunkards with money here who are also sleeping with “hot girls†too. However, there are two primary differences between them and me – 1) They usually have to pay girls to be with them and/or send financial support to their families, 2) Their dating field is usually limited to the bar girls or whores, and they cannot get dates with normal Filipinas or pick up girls in normal public settings, whereas I can easily get dates in non-bar settings.
Anyway, some of the relationships I have here even eclipse the romances portrayed in Hollywood films, to the point where when I watch them, I say to myself, "I have a lot better than that in real life!" And that's something I could NEVER EVER have said in the USA! In fact, I don’t even watch TV here (like the millions of couch potatoes in America, of which I used to be one of) because I have no need to, as my REAL LIFE is more exciting to me than what’s on the tube!
Believe it or not, some girls here have even said that I’m TOO HANDSOME for them! And that because of that, they don’t trust me! In their view, they explain, handsome men have many girls and don’t stick to one, and thus can’t be trusted. Thus, they prefer average looking men who are more likely to be anonymous, as they don’t like the drama of being in love with a guy who has many girls. Imagine that! No one in the US would ever say or think that about me! Amazing beyond belief! That’s why I say that the Philippines is total salvation for a guy’s ego!
The most significant difference for me is this: When I am sociable and outgoing to girls in the US, they think I'm a creep, and react with hatred and/or antisociality. But when I am sociable and outgoing to girls in the Philippines (and in most other countries), their response is overwhelmingly positive, and react with enthusiasm and/or attraction. That's a whole world of difference. As an incredible example, when I go to the local mall here in the Philippines, about 90 percent of the girls will give me their number if I ask for it, even if they are really hot and the kind that you would say “ouch!†and consider out of your league! 90 percent! But in the states, that percentage is…….. yep you guessed it, zero! What a universe of difference! In fact, most of the time, they enjoy being "picked up" and "hit on", finding me charming and attractive. And my sweet talk and compliments make them feel good about themselves, so they like being with me.
Likewise, the biggest difference between my life in the Philippines and the US is this: When I am dateless in the US, all I can do about it is masturbate, watch TV to escape loneliness, and eat potato chips/junk food. And if I can find people to hang out with, it’s usually only guys. But in the Philippines, I’m NEVER dateless or lonely. I have so many hot girls gunning for me and contacting me that I don’t have time for them all and have to cancel on them or postpone them! My only disappointment is not having enough time and not having enough of me to go around for all the hot chicks available here! (especially when each one wants me to be “the only oneâ€!) Thus I am constantly desired and in demand by a neverending supply of hot chicks! Now, again that’s a whole UNIVERSE of difference, beyond belief, yet TRUE!
In short, here I LIVE the kind of love life I’ve always DREAMED of!
In my opinion, Filipinas make the best girlfriends, lovers, and friends. Compared to females in the other Asian countries, they aren't as strict, serious, prudish or hung up. Instead, they are more relaxed, carefree, happy-go-lucky, easygoing, playful, passionate and sensual. They are also very nonjudgmental and nonracist. And they have a great sense of humor, enjoying the silliest things which easily amuse them. Thus, you can always have fun and joke around or play with them, even if you have nothing else to talk about. That's so nice and refreshing, especially when you are so accustomed to antisociality and hostility from women in the US.
Best of all, they LOVE to flirt. When I flirt with girls in the Philippines, they not only enjoy it, but it actually ADDS FUEL to our chemistry (whereas in the US, flirting with girls "creeped" them out and emanated a vibe of hostility from them). And that's a big thing to me, because I am a big-time flirt!
Filipinas are also a great blend of outer and inner traits. Ethnically, they are Asian, Malay and Spanish, resulting in a very exotic and beautiful mix that is very pleasing and sensual to the eyes. Their exotic sexy sensual olive complexion ranges from light to dark shades, all of which are sexy to me and many other foreigners here. And their attractive highly feminine appearance is combined with a tender romantic loving/caring inner side to them – a fantastic blend to say the least.
The way they treat you and touch you is just so sensual and fulfilling. They have this warm tender touch that white women definitely don’t have (not to sound racist). I’ve experienced it and can understand now why so many foreign men are addicted to the Philippines and to Filipinas. I think it’s a genetic thing, not just a cultural thing, as you can feel it to the bone (and soul). Not to sound racist, but just as brown sugar is healthier than white sugar, and brown rice is healthier than white rice, (as any nutritionist will tell you) perhaps brown skinned women are healthier for your mind, body, and sanity as well. They seem to bring this natural balance to your life and soul.
Thus, I’d say that even if you didn’t have a taste for Filipinas or Asian women before, if you come to the Philippines, you soon will. Once you’re here and experience females of this caliber, any preferences you had will simply go “out the window.â€
Not only are most Filipinas either hot or cute, and passionate and tender in bed, but their personality is so soothing, gentle, easy-going and accommodating that they are like my best friends too. They are just so comfortable to be around, in a way that you could never imagine possible in the West.
They are also a great blend of White and Asian traits. Their Spanish blood makes them much more wild, relaxed, passionate and expressive than Orientals such as the Chinese, Japanese, or Koreans, who are non-expressive, robotic and overly serious and strict in comparison. And they have big round eyes that are considered attractive in Western Culture (although to my surprise, my slanted Asian eyes are considered more attractive in Filipino culture than their big round eyes are). They have all the physical beauty of thin feminine Asian women in light and dark colors (“vanilla and chocolate†so to speak), as well as their humble, modest, sweet, pleasing, soothing romantic nature. The only drawbacks to them are that they don’t like to think much, don’t like to answer questions or provide explanations when asked to do so, and are sometimes moody and quiet for unexplainable reasons that they refuse to discuss. It seems in their nature to be that way. Thus you don’t get much intellectual stimulation with them. But the good news is that it’s much easier to train and educate them than it is to teach a Westernized woman to be sweeter and more loving.
Although Filipinas aren't as intellectual, educated, or deep-thinking as the European women are, they make up for it in their other qualities. They have this essence about them, warm sensual tenderness and a way of treating you that makes you feel needed and loved, like a real man, in a way that you had always wished and dreamed deep down but never dared hoped for. It's beyond words - something you have to feel and experience as a man to understand. And when you do, you realize it's what you had always wanted.and even friends. They are tender, sweet, passionate and fun.
In a way, it's like they give new birth to your heart, for if your heart had lost faith in love, they awaken it and renew it with their child-like hope and belief in love, making it a reality for you, and making you a believer again as well.
Basically, it’s like this: Here, there is ALWAYS ACTION to be had, so I am never bored. I can always go out, have fun, get hot girls, and any type of action I want or need, ANYTIME! Contrast that to back in the states, where I was forced to stay home all the time, as no one wanted to meet me if I went out, so there was no point. There was nothing to do, no action to be had, no one to meet, no fun to be had, etc. It was complete boredom and suffocation, as well as loneliness and isolation. (Yuck!) But now that I can get action anytime I want here, or have fun whenever I want, there’s a reason for me to go out everyday! Wow. I NEVER have to stay home and be bored if I don’t want to here! In fact, there’s always something going on here that is fun and wild that I can PARTICIPATE in interactively (I won’t give you specifics, but leave it up to your imagination), not just sit back and watch passively, more than there is time for! Best of all, there are ALWAYS tons of hot/sexy/cute/gorgeous girls who constantly want to meet me, be with me, have fun with me, get wild with me, and whatever escalates between us, MORE than I can handle! It’s literally a “sex babe Disneylandâ€!
Here, I get the best of both worlds. On the one hand, it’s one of the easiest places in the world to get sex, if not the easiest. And on the other, there are many commitment-oriented romantic old-fashioned goody Catholic girls as well to choose from. So I can get easy sex, or romance/steady relationship, for the sappy sentimental side of me, as well! I can choose from either, the best of both worlds! Thus, a person can satisfy both his lust for casual sex and need for steady relationship/romance! (though society considers both desires to be mutually exclusive, I don’t)
Anyhow, I gotta tell you though, when you can go out and get hot girls, dates and action ANYTIME you want, and you have hot cuties gunning for you daily, it’s an INCREDIBLE FEELING. Nothing beats it! It feels as though you’ve transcended the barriers and physical laws of the universe! And it makes any sacrifices you make to be here definitely WORTH IT.
Here in the Philippines, I experience TRUE FREEDOM – freedom from datelessness and desperation, and freedom to have sex with a hot woman ANY time I want! That is something that America never provided me, giving me only stupid excuses instead. As expats in Thailand say, "Americans talk about it but don't do it, Thais do it but don't talk about it."
Anyone who saw my life here and my life in America would think that I was in two different universes. I’m serious. And anybody who witnessed the difference in person would never blame me for saying all these things either. That I can GUARANTEE. I have literally thousands of photos now, from Russia, Europe, and Asia to prove it all – how different my social/love life really is here vs. back in America.
To see visual proof of what I’m talking about, see my Photos from the Philippines: http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Coll ... hilippines
So, contrary to what New Agers and attitude fanatics (the "you create your own reality" crowd) think, I didn't become a happy optimist by changing my attitude, thoughts or beliefs, but by exercising my power of choice and braving it out against the fear of the unknown, by going to another location on the other side of the globe. After all, in truth dating is like real estate, as long as you are a decent guy, it’s all about location, location, location!
And that folks, is the bottom line I want to share with you.
Thank you.
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For another awe inspiring story of Salvation in the Philippines, see my Expat Advisor’s account at:
http://www.happierabroad.com/Love_Adven ... ppines.htm
Here are some videos on YouTube that show you the wonderful world of Filipinas here!
This video that shows you the variety of women in Philippines! As you can see, they come in so many colors and types to choose from!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls4zODEbE6A
Here is an incredible pictorial presentation of Filipina beach babes. They are proof of a man's paradise! (If this doesn't make you jump on a plane to the Philippines now, nothing will!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfEhvdcOeUo
And get this. All those girls are realistically attainable types, as long as you are nice and sweet and no an a-hole.
Next, these Filipina media stars guaranteed to make you drool! Warning! Once you look, there may be no going back! hehehe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0CaOWGt6o4
And imagine this, these girls have this warm inclusive touch and vibe that just fulfill you so much that you want to forget all other women!
Here are video stills of typical expats and their Filipina wives/gf's. They are representative of what I see of typical expats and their Filipina wives/girlfriends. They all look like nice people and the Filipinas on them are very cute and attractive, to me at least.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5X0JQobPPY
More videos of beautiful Filipinas can be found from here:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_q ... type=&aq=f
And videos of beautiful Thai girls can be found from here:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_q ... type=&aq=f
Note: If you are considering going to the Philippines, I recommend you get Larry Elterman’s Ebook A Man’s Guide to Life and Love in the Philippines. It’s a must have for anyone serious about the Philippines. Click here to read sample chapters and order. Listen to his informative audio interview here.
How a Filipina transformed this man's life and self-worth
Check out this heartfelt touching story posted in my Forum about how one man’s life and self-worth were completely changed by a Filipina!
viewtopic.php?t=6931
“Admittedly, I am not a big fan of everything that Winston Wu says and does, but I do believe there is a lot of truth in his ideas. My story is similar to his. I grew up being told that I was a freak, a weirdo, a homosexual, and a moron. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong - I was smart, caring, insightful, hardworking, ambitious, and prosocial. I couldn't understand why some people believed in all the drama that came from living an antisocial life.
I was punched, pushed into urinals, and worse. I became convinced there was something wrong with me...I even seriously considered suicide when I was in grade 11. That was in 1999, when the Columbine School Shootings happened, and I identified with Eric Harris and Dylon Klebolt.
It wasn't until high school was done and that I got into the real world that I realized that really, there isn't anything wrong with me. In fact, some people looked up to me.
More importantly, I discovered Filipinas. Well, Filipinas discovered me. What a change it was being told that I was hunk. After years of being humiliated in school, I finally found myself being adored by Filipinas !!! Not just loved - lusted after. I could be sweet, and would get love back. Gone were the days of being punched for being a prosocial person. Western high schools reward mentally ill idiots who while ignoring prosocial go-getters who will actually make a difference in this world.
My unhappiness became a distant memory...now I am loved, cared for, listened to.....Filipina girls respect my character. They respect the fact that I am not just lusting and gambling my life away. I got Filipina girls telling me I am so handsome. In fact, my Filipina girlfriend's friends all send her messags telling her that she is so lucky to have me, and one even asked whether it would be possible to marry my dad (she assumed my dad must be similar to me).
More than anything, I feel vindicated. I know that really, it isn't me. I am normal; it was the people around me who were mentally ill.
One could write an essay over one hundred pages long about the benefits of having a Filipina girlfriend. Most men appeciate the care, the devotion to family, as well as general sexiness of Filipinas as the main reasons for choosing one. Also, many of them have been severely hurt from a previous relationship with a Westernized lady, and are determined to find someone who will never hurt them again.
For me, the best thing about having a Filipina girlfriend is that I am able to show love, care, and affection and be accepted and loved in return. Growing up, I was constantly told that I need to "man up" and "be more aggressive." In Western culture, men are taught to get what they want by fighting for it. You need to stomp on someone else's head so they won't stomp on your head. I was told that I was not aggressive enough, and that I needed to be a jerk to women. Men told me that I needed to treat my girlfriend like she was a dog and make her beg for a treat. I needed to be the prize.
For a while I actually (regretably) believed that crap. But I quickly realized the nonsense for what it was. My heart changed, and then I met Mahal. I know I can be sweet and caring, and not have to worry about her treating me like a doormat. Westernized women often think that being nice means being weak. In Filipina culture, being nice is returned with kindness, and perhaps a bit of sex too.
When I am with Mahal, I feel like I can be myself. I don't have to walk around all "macho" (whatever that is supposed to mean). I can share my weaknesses, and we can laugh at each other in a supporting way. I have finally realized that it really isn't me that is wrong; for so long I had been with mentally ill people who viewed prosocial people as a weakness. You can't blame a Palm Tree for not growing in Alaska.
For the first time in my life, I have felt unconditional love and acceptance being with Mahal.
To be with someone who values me so much brings out the best in me. I want to be the best lover, the best husband, the best father, and the best servant in her church. I don't have to fear that my efforts will be replied with insult. I can serve her, cuddle her, listen to her, and support her, and not fear rejection. She is the best lady, so I want to be the best lover I possibly can be for her.
I wish all men still looking for their Filipina love lots of good luck !!!!â€
The pros and cons of Filipino characteristics
Here are some fascinating observations of the Philippines based on my experiences as well as those of other intellectual expats and foreigners here.
- It’s a culture of denial. When lies or dark secrets are discovered, they simply act as though it doesn’t exist. For instance, when you catch a Filipino or Filipina in a lie, they don’t try to explain it, acknowledge it, or even apologize for it. They simply act like it doesn’t exist and refuse to discuss it. Likewise, when you ask them to reconcile a contradiction or discrepancy in their story, they often don’t bother and if you insist on it, demanding “Just tell me the truth!†it usually falls on deaf ears. Or when you catch them in an embarrassing blunder, such as when a store clerk tells you “We don’t have that, sir†and then two seconds later you see it behind them and point to it saying “Well isn’t that it?†(which happens very often here), they don’t apologize or acknowledge their error. And if you then ask “Why did you tell me you didn’t have it when you did?†to try to force them to acknowledge their mistake, it will certainly fall on deaf ears, no matter how many times you repeat the question. It’s their way of “saving faceâ€.
- They don’t even like saying “I don’t know†in response to a question. In fact often they’d rather give you the WRONG directions, wasting your time, energy and money, rather than tell you “I don’t know†when asked for directions. Obviously, they are not taught that “honesty is the best policyâ€. And this applies to even good well-meaning people here. It’s definitely a country where perfectionists who demand exact answers and information will get frustrated and annoyed often. Logic doesn’t even seem to exist here, and isn’t even used in their vocabulary. Every single foreigner I’ve talked to who has been here for a long time agrees with this and reports similar experiences. Some even say they can write volumes on such experiences and even more bizarre ones.
- One refreshing thing I’ve noticed is that they do not generally judge, analyze, criticize, compare, or complain. It’s not in their nature to do so. And that’s nice in the sense that they aren’t usually going to judge or criticize you. But on the flip side, this also means that they also lack the ability to analyze, think and reason as we understand it, so communication with them can often be frustrating. And giving them lectures in logic or on being fair and considerate by Western standards, often feels futile. They aren’t as exacting as we are. In fact, asking them for explanations often results in silence as if they don’t hear you or their brain stalls. It’s as if asking for explanations “freezes up†their mind. They simply don’t like to think of “explanations†or “reasons†or even to question things. It’s definitely not an “intellectual culture†or even an organized one. Since they do not generally complain here (at least the way Americans do), services and processes don’t usually improve. It’s a non-confrontational culture.
However, all this is also beneficial and therapeutic in the sense that no one is labeled a “misfit†or “weirdoâ€, or told that they are “unusual†or “different†or that “there is something wrong with youâ€. Hence, misfits and freaks from other societies will feel like they finally “fit in†here, accepted and very much at home.
Whereas Western countries are advanced economically, the Philippines is much more advanced socially. Although its economic infrastructure is weak in comparison, socially it is far more evolved, advanced and more integrated than in the West. No one is perpetually lonely, friendless or dateless here. No one is really isolated and families always help each other. There isn’t the concept of “individualism†that isolates people and separates them like in the States, and hence there is little individuality among people here. People remain calm, easy-going, cheerful and pleasant in stressful situations, when things go wrong, and even while driving through heavy traffic on the streets. Rarely does anyone ever lose their cool. Depression, mental illness, and suicide are unheard of here and almost nonexistent. No one has to go to a psychiatrist or therapist. Finding someone here who has been to a therapist is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Now, CONTRAST that to America, where nearly HALF the population have been in therapy at some point during their lives! Somehow, people seem to be able to maintain this inner state of balance, “Zen stateâ€, psychological harmony, or whatever you want to call it.
Thus, as in all things, there are pros and cons to the Filipino ways, culture, mentality, and behaviors. But as for me of course, the bottom line is that my love life here and the women here, are a TRILLION times better than in the States. Here I have a CHOICE among beautiful women, thus giving me a sense of WORTH and VALUE. To men like me, that’s what matters the most. And that’s why we put up with all the annoyances here.
Comments to this update by my Expat Advisor, who speaks almost ten languages, including two Filipino dialects – Tagalog and Visayan:
- “One more local trait- they do not like to apologize, you are supposed to sulk at them for a few hours to a few weeks depending on the offence and then you are supposed to forget it as if nothing has happened. They will do the same to you. You will be amazed at what offences they forgive and forget. When you start mentioning some past misdemeanors, they will shrug and say- ‘but it is all in the past’. These past offenses only resurface when they are drunk.â€
- “Another trait of Filipinos is to live in today and to see enjoyment in very simple things. And if you learn the language you will see that every word sounds like a piano note and every phrase like a musical chord. So, their life is overflowing with meaning, beauty and significance that few foreigners can see.â€
