Why there's no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

[Winston]

Title: Why there is no real singles scene in America, only Abroad, and how I became the Columbus of the Dating Abroad World

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

In America everything is geared toward couples and families, not singles. All around you are shops, businesses, entertainment venues, and residential neighborhoods that are designed for couples and families. Even if you go to a restaurant alone, you will be out of place, because everyone else there is not eating alone.

In America, there is this underlying assumption that if you are an adult, then you already have a partner or family, and are not looking. To "seek a woman to date" is out of flow and against the grain. You are expected to ALREADY have a partner, not to be looking for one. To be in a "seeking mode" is out of place in America. It's weird I know, but that's how it is.

Thus, if you are a single guy in America, you are essentially out of place. Sadly, there is no real "singles scene" in America outside of high school (and fictional Hollywood movies). After high school, every girl seems to be taken, even in college.

Essentially, there is nothing for a single guy to do, and nowhere to go to meet people. In a typical American town, there isn't a place where a single guy can go to meet available single girls that want to meet men. There are no friendly options to pick up girls that are natural and socially acceptable. Even in bars and clubs, people still huddle into cliques and ignore strangers. They are there to be social with people in their clique, not with strangers.

But you can't simply go out and get dates by approaching girls or trying to pick them up, because of the following major obstacles:

1) Girls in America don't talk to strangers unless it's business related. They are standoffish and paranoid toward strangers.
2) It's a taboo in America to approach girls or try to pick them up (contrary to what you see in the movies). If you attempt to, they will see you as a "creep trying to hit on them" which they view negatively.
3) The very act of asking for a date in America feels like a transgression, as though you've crossed the line and put her into a defensive position, where she has to fish for excuses to blow you off. (Unless of course, she has an obvious interest in you, but that won't happen much)
4) Flirtation is a taboo in America, seen as creepy, inappropriate and violating. You are only allowed to flirt with your wife or girlfriend in America, but not with female strangers that you fancy.
5) Even if you did meet American girls, they all think they're too good for you (and most guys). So they would blow you off and reject you anyway. As we all know, American girls are super picky, shallow and superficial, even if they don't admit it. Their actions prove this.

There is no simple or easy way around these major barriers. They have left many guys feeling hopeless and powerless. But even if you do date American girls, most of them have highly TOXIC personalities anyway. They are spoiled, self-absorbed, narcissistic, arrogant, impatient, short tempered, mean, argumentative, bitchy, addicted to drama, perpetually dissatisfied, and view men with contempt. So being around them would not even be a pleasant experience anyway. Rather, it would be an emotionally draining one. If you can't connect with them or have a meaningful down-to-earth conversation with them, what's the point?

Thus, trying to approach girls and get dates in America is an exercise in futility and a highly negative experience. It feels unwelcome and you are met with resistance at every turn. So even if you're a man of action and a go-getter, you are powerless. It's the most unfriendly social scene in human history. But unfortunately, no one has a real solution. Not even the top psychologists, self-help gurus, and relationship experts in America do. Only we at HappierAbroad do, and that's what makes us unique. But our solution doesn't get publicity because it's taboo.

Basically, the single man in America is stuck between a rock and a hard place. His only chance is to develop a good social network and be connected to cool cliques with female members. But even if he does that, if the women he meets in those networks are not attracted to him, they will still blow him off with excuses; they will claim to be taken, say that they're not looking, that they don't have time for a relationship, etc. So even if you meet a lot of girls, if you aren't their type -- and we all know that American girls are super picky, shallow and superficial -- you will still be out of luck. So if you are not the type of guy that American girls consider to be their type, then you might want to consider this.

Ultimately, it's a no-win situation. And that is the case, sadly, for many single men in America. Thus, the hard work you put into developing a social network in America often results in little or no payoff, and ultimately is probably NOT worth the effort anyway. It's a very sad state of affairs and it should not be that way. A no-win situation is unfair and sad. Social life and dating were never this difficult and barrier-ridden in the past, even in America, and are not in most of the world either. It took me many years to figure this out and realize that the problem wasn't me.

Sure you may get lucky and find a woman in America who likes you once every few years. But why limit yourself to such a shitty dating scene, where you are at the mercy of fate, when you have an INFINITE number of higher quality choices overseas?! There's simply no comparison. Plus, the women that like you in America may not be your type or what you really want. So why settle for scraps like beggars at a table? Especially if you don't have and you have better choices abroad? Think about it. It's a no brainer. But more on that later.

Of course, you can try using American dating sites like Match.com, OKCupid and PlentyofFish. But most guys on them only get a response rate of 0 to 1 percent, which is dismal. The women on them are way too picky and bombarded with too many messages. Plus the men on there far outnumber the women for some reason. This is well documented, even by the dating sites themselves. To get the opposite ratio of more women than men, you have to use international dating sites that connect you with foreign women. (For a list of them, see here: http://www.happierabroad.com/MeetForeignWomen.htm) So again, the effort is not worth the payoff.

Overall, it seems like everything is against you if you want to date girls in America. Nowhere else in the world is the dating scene as bad, excessively complicated or difficult. However, most guys will not dare complain about it due to the fear of being seen as a loser. Instead, they will pretend that they don't care and don't have time for dating. Plus, the popular wisdom in America is to blame yourself for all your problems rather than the culture or society.

Even the best self-help motivational gurus, such as Tony Robbins or Dr. Wayne Dyer, will tell you to stay in your local town and try to work things out or work on yourself. But this advice does NOT change the hopeless obstacles above. Thus they have no answers or solutions to this no-win situation, and neither do the top psychologists or relationship experts in America. But we at HappierAbroad have found the answer: By blaming the environment instead of ourselves, we've found a real solution that is proven to work.

Before I go on, let me explain why even the best and brightest in America do not see the obvious solution. You see, most Americans hold the FALSE assumption that America = The World, and therefore, all problems and conditions in America apply equally to the rest of the world. Even the alternative media and conspiracy theory subcultures wrongly assume this as a given. But nothing could be further from the truth. So let's get to the real solution now.

The Good News and Biggest Secret is this: In most other countries, there is a REAL singles scene and dating scene. The process of meeting girls, approaching girls and getting dates is EASY, FUN, NATURAL and a POSITIVE experience overall! Overseas is where the real ACTION is at! This includes the following countries, regions and continents: Russia, Ukraine, Eastern Europe (Baltic States), Southern Europe (Mediterranean), Latin American countries, Mexico, African countries, SE Asia (Philippines, Thailand, Indonesia), China, Vietnam, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, etc. That's basically most of the world, a gigantic territory of entire regions and large continents outside the American matrix!

In such cultures, guys can go out and meet girls and get dates easily and naturally. And have fun doing it too, because the whole dating scene overseas has a much more positive vibe to it. To get a date, all you have to do is to ASK NICELY. It's as simple and natural as that, as easy as breathing in fact. I swear. No joke. Thousands of guys have attested to this. And foreign guys in those countries do not have problems getting dates. They are not forced into loneliness and datelessness without options like so many guys are in America.

The main reason is that foreign women are far more social and positive toward men, and enjoy meeting new people as well. They're not super cliquish like in America. And they are far more sweet, feminine, modest, down-to-earth, genuine, friendly, approachable, and enthusiastic toward men. They treat men better, are more loving, and are easier to get along with too, because they are down-to-earth and non-toxic. It's a very refreshing difference. That's why dating abroad is a fun, natural and positive experience. Asking girls out does NOT feel creepy or inappropriate like it does in America, nor does it feel like committing a transgression.

In addition, flirtation is viewed positively overseas too, and creates energy and excitement. Women are flattered by it, as they have been for thousands of years. It's not creepy, inappropriate or taboo like in America. There is nothing wrong with flirtation. Men have been doing it for thousands of years. And even in America, it was normal in the past. Only in modern America is it vilified. (In Italy, men are even allowed to flirt at work and on the job)

When you go abroad, you will understand what I mean. This is is something you have to truly experience to really understand and believe. Not surprisingly, virtually 100 percent of American males I've talked to who have lived, dated or married overseas, all said that they would NEVER go back to dating in America again. You can't blame them. (See here: http://www.happierabroad.com/testimonials.php)

In overseas cultures, there aren't these infinite obstacles against dating women like there is in America. And there shouldn't be. An infinity of obstacles against dating is NOT the way most of the world is, and it is NOT the way it's been in human history for thousands of years either. Rather, it's a horrible American disease and aberration.

I discovered all this in 2002 and it has been the greatest discovery of my life! It was as monumental to me as Columbus' discovery the New World in 1492. Ever since then, I've been on fire to promote all this, in the same way that the First Christian Apostles were on fire after seeing Jesus Christ's resurrection and ascension into heaven (allegedly that is).

If you've never left America, you might find all this hard to believe, and too good to be true. But let me prove it to you. Check out this collection of revealing photos from my dating adventures in Russia at these links:

http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/view ... hp?t=22483
http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Collage.htm

Notice how vibrant and happy I look in those images. That's because in Russia, I felt truly alive, liberated and free to be myself. I could meet girls and get dates EVERYDAY and EVERYWHERE there, and it shows on my face. Look at the pictures and you will see what I mean. They speak volumes. My life there was not stagnate, sterile and boring like in America -- where all a guy can do is work and mind his own business. Far from it. The images above prove this beyond all doubt. As they say, "a picture speaks a thousand words".

Likewise, I have uploaded hours of videos from my escapades in Russia to prove all this as well, which you can see on this page: http://www.happierabroad.com/film.php

Bottom line: The dating scene in America for men is stagnant, just like Europe was stagnant in 1492 when its people needed expansion to new lands and resources in the New World. Likewise, American men need to expand to new and better dating worlds overseas as well. This "New World of Dating" is known as "International Dating" or "Global Dating". So if you are a single guy in America, I urge you to look into this option. It will probably be the best decision you ever made.

After all, if you are on a sinking Titanic, the best solution is to simply get off the ship. To try to save the ship would be a futile effort and a waste of your precious time and energy. As the late great libertarian Harry Browne stated in one of his books:

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

To learn more, visit my website and forum at HappierAbroad.com. Thanks for reading and best wishes.

Addendum: My response and questions to critics

To the narrow judgmental Americans who criticize me and argue that, "Other guys can get dates in America. So if you can't, then the problem must be YOU." I ask them these key questions that have always stumped them:

1) If the problem is me, then why can I get dates easily and naturally in most other countries abroad by simply asking nicely? (See the photos and videos linked above) And how come the same holds true for many other guys who can't get dates in America too? (See: http://www.happierabroad.com/testimonials.php) So you see, I can spin your logic around the other way too. It works both ways.

2) How come in Russia, Latin America, or the Philippines, the average guy NEVER has trouble getting dates? There is no epidemic of dateless guys with no options like there is in America. In fact, the guys there are reputed to have so many choices that they have trouble committing to only one woman, hence they are seen as "playboys" by the women there. All this speaks volumes, and cannot be refuted. Also, in Europe, single guys can simply just go out and meet girls. The social environment is positive and girls enjoy meeting guys. They don't even need to use dating sites. How do you explain this?

3) How come virtually every American guy who dates or marries abroad says that he NEVER want to deal with American women again? Why do they all unanimously say that if there's nothing wrong with American women?

4) How come if you Google "American women suck" you get millions of more hits than you do if you did the same for women of other nationalities? If there is nothing wrong with them as a whole, how do you explain that? Also, if you Google "Foreign women vs. American women" and you will see hits from thousands of writers that made the same observations and comparisons that I did. What does that tell you?

5) How come America's own nationally accredited psychologists such as Dr. Laura Schlessinger and Professor Jean Twenge, agree with me by stating in their books and interviews that relationship problems in America are mostly the fault of spoiled women with bad attitudes and an unreasonable sense of entitlement? (See here for references and citations: http://www.happierabroad.com/References.htm)

6) How are all the insurmountable problems and obstacles described above my fault? I didn't create them. Blaming the messenger is not logical. Here's a lesson for you: An authentic guy who does not fit into an inauthentic culture (like America has become) is to be expected. Not everyone fits into America anyway, for many reasons. So please drop the false assumption that America is where everyone fits in, and that misfits are always at fault. Those are fallacies and myths you've presupposed. In fact, if you read the works of the greatest writers and thinkers throughout history, you will find that they've always said that the misfits in society tend to be more sane, rational and authentic than the mainstream majority.

7) Finally, if mainstream America is so normal, natural, sane and healthy, as you presuppose, then WHY are rates of loneliness, isolation, depression and psychiatric drug use continually on the RISE in America and have been for the past few decades? Why does America have the biggest mental health industry in the world? How come it's unheard of in the rest of the world for people to go to therapists or psychiatrists?

I've asked my critics the above questions time and time again for years, yet they NEVER have any real answers, only avoidance and copouts. Therefore, they LOSE in this debate. Game over! Have a nice day.

[innovatorsclub]

Even though we had a fallout I have to tell you how accurate this is..very very few American men have connected these dots..they are in absolute denial..In San Francisco its an illusion ..girls see so many tall handsome men and of course a 7 thinks she is a 9 and will hold out for the top 7% of guys..actually nobody is good enough..a guy yesterday said he lives San Fransisco o .I said why are you dating? He said no ..dude the scenery that you have seen so many times only adds so much to your happiness..nobody is dating its true..and cold approaches no longer work..only guys man enough to admit they are failing here will have the balls to go overseas and fix it for himself

[Winston]

Oh hi Steve. How are you? Why haven't you left the country yet? What are you doing nowadays? Are you working in SF? It must pay well to work there.

Sorry about our misunderstanding before that led to our fallout. I would suggest that you try to befriend the guys here in the forum. They are your bros and all that we have since we are against the mainstream. Try to look at it that way. They wish you no ill will. Trust me on that.

Yes I was inspired to write this today by the spirit within, which kind of uses me as a channel. lol. I plan to print this out and distribute it. It's one of the best HappierAbroad articles I've ever written.

Btw, don't I look vibrant and alive in these photos?
viewtopic.php?t=22483

[jamesbond]

In America everything is geared toward couples and families, not singles. There is nowhere a single guy can go to meet available girls who are seeking men. All around you in America are shops, businesses and neighborhoods that are designed for couples and families, not singles. Even if you go to a restaurant alone, you will be out of place, because everyone else there is not eating alone.

Thus, if you are a single guy in America, you are out of place. You see, there is this assumption in America that if you are an adult, then you already have a partner and a family, and are not looking. Thus, to "seek a woman to date" is out of flow and against the grain in America. You are expected to already have a partner, not to be looking for one. Seeking is out of place in America. It's weird I know, but that's how it is.

Sadly, there is no real "singles scene" in America outside of high school (and fictional Hollywood movies). After high school, every girl seems to be taken, even in college. You can't just simply go out and meet girls either.

This is 100% true, in America, EVERYTHING is geared towards families and couples and not singles. I live in the suburbs and just about every human being I see is married. I occasionally run into single mothers (who I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole).

It is absolutely astonishing that there is not more things for single people to get involved with (other than bars and clubs). Yes, there are "Meetup.com" groups but most of the women you meet are either fat, ugly, old or single mothers.

You can do volunteering but most of the women you meet are going to be married. You can also do work at an animal shelter but most of girls you meet will likely be overweight.

I can't tell you how many "nice girls" are married by age 25. The really nice girls I knew in grade school, high school and college got married by age 25. All I meet now are single mothers and women with shitty attitudes towards men.

No wonder why so many men are traveling overseas to meet women, trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics.

[Winston]

Isn't it kind of paradoxical though? I mean, if there is no real singles scene in America and no way to meet or date quality available women, then how did everyone around us become couples and families?

Are we missing something? Do we only get one shot in high school and if we miss it, then we're out of luck? Are we just unlucky? What went wrong?

[Winston]

Update:

I've just added a 7 point response to critics in the addendum of the article above. Check it out. What do you think?

You guys should copy and paste that to all the critics of dating abroad that you know. Or print it out for them.

[jamesbond]

Isn't it kind of paradoxical though? I mean, if there is no real singles scene in America and no way to meet or date quality available women, then how did everyone around us become couples and families?

Are we missing something? Do we only get one shot in high school and if we miss it, then we're out of luck? Are we just unlucky? What went wrong?

I read an article a long time ago that said in America, most people who are married met their future spouse in school (either grade school, high school or college).

I think once you are out of school, it becomes very difficult to meet people. A lot of people marry their "high school sweetheart" or "college sweetheart."

[gsjackson]

Oh, it was very different when baby boomers were in young adulthood. Not only were there a multitude of "singles bars," but there were large apartment complexes in metro areas more or less marked off as the territory of on-the-make singles. Approaching women was not stigmatized, nor was the possibility of meeting someone outside of your social circle.

How we got from there to here is a fascinating, if depressing subject, and why I keep coming back to this website.

[innovatorsclub]

oh I plan to live there starting this year no later than September for half the year at first but I may never want to come back. My brother just visited a 21 year old in China and is in the Phillipines right now. I met a few really cool expats in Bangkok. I would prefer to share with them than many of the posters here.

Does this girl I talked to on the BART ( filthy ripoff Bay Area subway) visiting from China look Americanized?

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s54/sh/3 ... 734d2d05c9

BTW you need to spread this video and point to the many comments about avoiding marrying American women as guys will eventually just become "A checkbook"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1E3PwEXAGc

[momopi]

There are numerous studies conducted in the US on "how couples meet". However, I'd caution everyone from taking the studies at face value. For example, the University of Chicago's study from 2005-2012 with ~19,000 people concluded that "more than one third of US marriages begin with online dating, and those couples may be slightly happier than couples who meet through other means":

http://news.uchicago.edu/article/2013/0 ... -marriages

The study was widely reported by the media, at Forbes, Time Magazine, etc. But when you read the fine line, it says:

"The survey was commissioned by eHarmony.com, and Cacioppo is paid as a scientific advisor for eHarmony. Joining him as authors in the study were Stephanie Cacioppo, a research associate and assistant professor in psychology at the University of Chicago; Gian Gonzaga, a researcher with Gestalt Research, who is a former director of the eHarmony Labs; and statisticians Elizabeth Ogburn, a research fellow in Harvard School of Public Health, and Tyler VanderWeele, a professor in epidemiology and biostatistics at Harvard."

Gee. ;p




Here's some statistics from Harris Interactive:
http://www.snopes.com/weddings/newlywed/sweethearts.asp

"According to a Harris Interactive online survey of more than 10,000 people who married in the US during an 18-month period in 2006 and 2007, nineteen per cent of the couples met online, compared with 17 per cent who met at work and 17 per cent who met through friends. In contrast, a similar poll of almost 5000 couples who married between September 2004 and August 2005 found that 14 per cent met online, compared with 20 per cent at work and 17 per cent through friends."

[Winston]

oh I plan to live there starting this year no later than September for half the year at first but I may never want to come back. My brother just visited a 21 year old in China and is in the Phillipines right now. I met a few really cool expats in Bangkok. I would prefer to share with them than many of the posters here.

Does this girl I talked to on the BART ( filthy ripoff Bay Area subway) visiting from China look Americanized?

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s54/sh/3 ... 734d2d05c9

BTW you need to spread this video and point to the many comments about avoiding marrying American women as guys will eventually just become "A checkbook"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1E3PwEXAGc

But why are you still here? You only need to save up $800 for a plane ticket and then when you are there, find a job. Many guys do that. Why can't you?

What are you doing in SF now? Do you have a temp job or contract job? I've always told my employers here that I am not seeking a permanent position, only a temporary one. I prefer being honest about that.

Why do you dislike the guys here? Some of them are really cool, not all are jerks. If other guys here can get along with the community here, then why can't you?

Btw, your brother looks nothing like you. There's no resemblance. Are you half-brothers?

Yes the Chinese girl on BART looks FOB and not Americanized. Did you ask her out or get her number?

Yeah there are many videos on YouTube now against marriage. See the sidebar of that video in the related videos section.

[Arabian_prince]

If everyone around us is married, then why did they meet in the first place ? they must had met somewhere in America.


Also, what about those Match.com events for singles ?

I kinda agree that most of women on Meetup.com are either fat, ugly, or old with kids.

[mfpinwa]

I lived in Europe for several years and wanted to point one important factor and that is that the culture there is more open in terms of sexuality.
Prostitution is legal and commonplace.
For example, in the city where I lived there was nice building that was like a five star hotel with around a 100 prostitutes. These were nice attractive women who would do what ever you want for less $50.
I think when men have this option available it really puts women in a less controlling position.

The problem with the US is that prostitution is illegal.
Thus men are forced into being slaves to women in the form of marriage.
The US society has become a matriarchal society where females are dominating the entire society. This is accomplished with support from the government.
Men are forced to pay taxes to the government, then the government steals the man's savings and assets and gives them to the woman after divorce.
Thus men in the US are doomed to being nothing more than slaves to the state and to women.

[Banano]

I lived in Europe for several years and wanted to point one important factor and that is that the culture there is more open in terms of sexuality.
p4p is legal and commonplace.
For example, in the city where I lived there was nice building that was like a five star hotel with around a 100 hoes. These were nice attractive women who would do what ever you want for less $50.
I think when men have this option available it really puts women in a less controlling position.

The problem with the US is that p4p is illegal.
Thus men are forced into being slaves to women in the form of marriage.
The US society has become a matriarchal society where females are dominating the entire society. This is accomplished with support from the government.
Men are forced to pay taxes to the government, then the government steals the man's savings and assets and gives them to the woman after divorce.
Thus men in the US are doomed to being nothing more than slaves to the state and to women.

Legality of p4p is irrelevant, some people on this forum keep bringing this up but its utter nonsense, I am in Australia where p4p is legal and women are one of the pickiest and feminized in the world, illegal brothels are popping up like mushrooms, they are literally everywhere.
By the same logic regular Las Vegas women should be easy since p4p is legal?
Moreover, engaging into p4p is not cheap, it will cost you around $100 for 20-30 min with the cheapest hooker so it cant be viable solution for young horny guys who need sex all the time.

Doing prostittutes on a regular basis will destroy your confidence. I am banging one hooker for free and she makes fun of desperate men who come and visit her, she says something to the effect of 'these men are desperate losers, they deserve to be milked of of money since they cant find women who will sleep with them'.

She told me how some men pay for golden showers and to go down on her, so sad. I am not surprised they treat men like dirt, we are so weak when it comes to sex and women are well aware of this weakness.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

@Winston,

You have a point. Look at how the UK gets down periodically: