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Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

What's your story? Discussions your reasons for going abroad.

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Re: Why there's no real singles scene in America, only Abroa

Postby Winston » Sat May 17, 2014 5:08 am

IraqVet2003 wrote:Hello Winston, I am new to this Happier Abroad forum. I'm a black single guy in his early 40's who has never been married and has no children. Also I'm a military veteran with 8yrs of active duty service. I currently live in Honolulu, Hawaii. I would like to say you (and poster JAMESBOND) are correct that in the U.S. the so-called "singles scene" doesn't really exist except for bars and clubs (or in T.V. shows/Hollywood films).

Winston you are also right about your observations of a man who is single would be "out of place" in the social scene/culture in modern America. Because I too have noticed that when I'm eating out at a restaurant such as Tony Roma's, Chili's, Outback, T.G.I Friday's,etc. I see either couples, groups, or families. But hardly anyone else eating alone. And it's pretty much the same everywhere else from the beach, movie theaters, shopping malls, amusement parks, tour groups/attractions, etc. However, I have no desire to go to bars or clubs (which I think are geared towards younger people) and I don't drink.

And as for online dating sites, I don't even bother with those. This is because I have checked out some these websites and many of the women have income requirements and expectations that are out of this world!!! And than I wonder if someone who is on those sites are they trying to get a date/marriage partner or applying for a job or bank loan!! But I noticed with the Foreign dating/marriage sites such as Christian Filipina.com and AmoLatina.com they don't have such requirements!!! The women on those sites care more about a man's CHARACTER not his CASHFLOW.

Anyway, Winston I have read your E-book "Happier Abroad-Why you would be happier abroad than in the U.S." and it has inspired me to pursue a degree in TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Language) so I could leave the U.S. to teach English abroad in places (such as Thailand, Japan, U.A.E., or in Europe). Hopefully to have a wider and a more inclusive social experience.


Welcome IraqVet. How did you find us? I'm glad you liked my ebook. I divided your post into paragraphs. Hope you don't mind.

I'm glad you made it out of Iraq alive and well. Did you experience any culture or people in Iraq?

You've probably felt that something was very wrong in America for a long time but could not put your finger on it. Hopefully now you can.

There are a lot of black guys here, and asian guys too. That's because black guys tend to love truth for some reason. They can relate to feeling oppressed and like it when guys like me keep it real and do not bullshit.

Check out this new audio recording I did about the 5 benefits of leaving America that you might like:

http://www.happierabroad.com/podcasts/5_benefits_overseas.mp3
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Re: Excellent original post

Postby Winston » Sat May 17, 2014 5:37 am

Sarita wrote:You know what? I don't think there are any other websites that discuss topics this openly. At least none that I've found. I'm going to suggest it to a couple of friends.


Yeah I've noticed that too, that other sites don't talk about what we talk about. It's very odd, because a lot of what we talk about is very obvious.

I ranted about that in this thread:
viewtopic.php?t=22975

I also did an audio recording about it here:
http://www.happierabroad.com/podcasts/5_benefits_overseas.mp3
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.

Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
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Postby IraqVet2003 » Mon May 19, 2014 3:53 am

Hello Winston, it's me again. Thanks for the welcome and for your response. But my real name is Grady Cofer, Jr. I chose use the user I.D. "IraqVet 2003" because it's when I served in Iraq and to have some fun on the site. I'm also the same guy that responded to the your essay on "Why Freethinkers Will Be Happier In Europe Than In America" over a year ago. Also I found out about you and this website by your friend Steve Hoca. It was his videos "Dating Epidemic in America" and "True Forced Loneiness-TFL" that I discovered this movement of going Happier Abroad back in 2012.

Then as for experiencing any culture while I served in Iraq, I was exposed to some of it. When I was first deployed to Camp Udari in Kuwait before going to Iraq, I was given a cup of hot tea by a Pakistani truck driver. Next my unit got sent up to Camp Anaconda near Balad which is 60 miles north of Baghdad. This former Iraqi airbase was also in an area known as the "Sunni Triangle" one of the most dangerous part of the country. Everyday there were mortar rounds hitting the base. At one point the truck I was riding was nearly struck by one of them. Had any of those rounds made it's target, I wouldn't be here!!!

But despite all of this Winston I did have some positive interactions with some of the Iraqis that worked on the base. One such encounter occurred when I was assigned to work alongside a local Iraqi to do a detail using a pump/hose to suck waste from port-a-johns into a truck. He gave me a piece of bread. I was just amazed at the hospitality of these foreigners towards strangers (even in a warzone) of which doesn't often happen in America!!!

Also Winston, I had worked at the din ing facilities with other foreigners from countries such as India, Sri Lanka, The Philippines, and Nepal that were hired by KBR a subsidiary owned by Halliburton. My job there was to make sure these workers practiced sanitation when preparing food.

But when I came back from Iraq, I began doing some soul searching. Then I really had my eyes opened after seeing films such as "FAREINHET 9/11", "THE OIL FACTOR BEHIND THE WAR ON TERROR", and "9/11-THE ROAD TO TYRANNY" by Alex Jones. In addition Winston I began reading books written alternative/conspiracy authors by David Icke , Texe Marrs, Howard Zinn, etc. This was my "RED PILL" moment and I felt I could no longer support a war that was so UNJUST, ILLOGICAL, ILLEGAL, and IMMORAL!!! I will not die for something I don't believe in!!! After all my unit didn't find any WMD's, Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, and we didn't bring democracy to Iraq...ONLY MISERY AND DESTRUCTION!! So I decided NOT TO REENLIST and because I also had prior service with the U.S. Air Force from (1992-1996) which was combined with my time in the Army (2001-2005) I was not on IRR (Individual Ready Reserve) and never called back in.

Anyway Winston, my message to any of your posters on this forum is this the U.S. MILITARY IS NOT A PLACE FOR FREETHINKERS because it represents the ultimate in CONTROL AND CONFORMITY!!!! As for your E-book "Happier Abroad" it was one of the most insightful and though provoking things I ever read!!! I also consider myself a TRUTHSEEKER, an INTELLECTUAL, and an artist (drawing/painting).
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby jamesbond » Thu Jun 26, 2014 10:32 am

Winston wrote:In America, there is this underlying assumption that if you are an adult, then you already have a partner or family, and are not looking. To "seek a woman to date" is out of flow and against the grain. You are expected to ALREADY have a partner, not to be looking for one. To be in a "seeking mode" is out of place in America. It's weird I know, but that's how it is.

Thus, if you are a single guy in America, you are essentially out of place. Sadly, there is no real "singles scene" in America outside of high school (and fictional Hollywood movies). After high school, every girl seems to be taken, even in college.

Essentially, there is nothing for a single guy to do, and nowhere to go to meet people. In a typical American town, there isn't a place where a single guy can go to meet available single girls that want to meet men. There are no friendly options to pick up girls that are natural and socially acceptable. Even in bars and clubs, people still huddle into cliques and ignore strangers. They are there to be social with people in their clique, not with strangers.

But you can't simply go out and get dates by approaching girls or trying to pick them up, because of the following major obstacles:

1) Girls in America don't talk to strangers unless it's business related. They are standoffish and paranoid toward strangers.
2) It's a taboo in America to approach girls or try to pick them up (contrary to what you see in the movies). If you attempt to, they will see you as a "creep trying to hit on them" which they view negatively.
3) The very act of asking for a date in America feels like a transgression, as though you've crossed the line and put her into a defensive position, where she has to fish for excuses to blow you off. (Unless of course, she has an obvious interest in you, but that won't happen much)
4) Flirtation is a taboo in America, seen as creepy, inappropriate and violating. You are only allowed to flirt with your wife or girlfriend in America, but not with female strangers that you fancy.
5) Even if you did meet American girls, they all think they're too good for you (and most guys). So they would blow you off and reject you anyway. As we all know, American girls are super picky, shallow and superficial, even if they don't admit it. Their actions prove this.

This is all true, the only real thing for single people is bars and nightclubs. The only way meet people is either at bars and clubs or through your friends.

Cold approaching women in the US is considered "creepy" by women. The only real solution is to go overseas to meet women.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Re:

Postby Stag » Sun May 10, 2015 10:02 am

IraqVet2003 wrote:Then as for experiencing any culture while I served in Iraq, I was exposed to some of it. When I was first deployed to Camp Udari in Kuwait before going to Iraq, I was given a cup of hot tea by a Pakistani truck driver. Next my unit got sent up to Camp Anaconda near Balad which is 60 miles north of Baghdad. This former Iraqi airbase was also in an area known as the "Sunni Triangle" one of the most dangerous part of the country. Everyday there were mortar rounds hitting the base. At one point the truck I was riding was nearly struck by one of them. Had any of those rounds made it's target, I wouldn't be here!!!

But despite all of this Winston I did have some positive interactions with some of the Iraqis that worked on the base. One such encounter occurred when I was assigned to work alongside a local Iraqi to do a detail using a pump/hose to suck waste from port-a-johns into a truck. He gave me a piece of bread. I was just amazed at the hospitality of these foreigners towards strangers (even in a warzone) of which doesn't often happen in America!!!


It's stories like this that restore my faith in humanity. Living in the UK, I became a misanthope who hated people in general (as I became vilified, and ostracised for being a single male, and as somebody who didn't really fit in to society).

Now I realize that hate makes you blind, it prevents you from seeing the good things that happens, and the beauty that exists in people and in nature.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this, and becoming cynical and tired of the crap that occurs in Western society.

Thanks Winston for your expose on life in the US, and I enjoyed seeing those pics of you enjoying the company of women in those far-flung countries.

Maybe I will emigrate! :wink:
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Re: In America there is no real singles dating scene. Here's

Postby The Un-American » Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:36 am

jamesbond wrote:I can't tell you how many "nice girls" are married by age 25. The really nice girls I knew in grade school, high school and college got married by age 25. All I meet now are single mothers and women with shitty attitudes towards men.


I just turned 25 in January, and generally speaking I'm not interested in women who are more than a couple years my senior for this reason. A lot of guys actually seem to prefer older women, or at least claim to since it's the "correct" preference, but I'm personally not into saggy tits, jadedness and being a stepdaddy.

I stick to 18-27 year old women, maybe early 30s at oldest if she's really worth it. I mean if Kristen Bell or Cheryl Cole asked me to get in bed with them, I'm certainly not gonna deny them. :D
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby Adama » Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:50 pm

Once you hit 21 or 22 years old, there is no longer a dating scene. It's nice when you can hang out at clubs with high school friends between ages 18 to 21, but after that, the women seem to be fewer.

Even now in the suburbs, I rarely see an attractive young woman. Most women are pushing carriages, out with other women, or their husbands.

I also realize now that I am ineligible for 99.99% of American women.

I was in Europe a couple of times and it was much easier, and those weren't hookers either. I just wish I had had more confidence back then. Nowadays if you have a career or real job, you'll never get the opportunity for an extended vacation to pick up chicks or look for a wife abroad.

The only way you can find a woman in the US is blind luck. If she happens to stumble into the same store as you at the same time and she has the confidence to flirt you, the confidence to say yes, and the confidence to follow through. It is still likely though, that these women will flake for no apparent reason. Then you will not have another opportunity for months or possibly years.

Or you can just fly to Europe and meet women on the first, second or third day there! Likely she isnt desperately searching for a reason to flake (unless she's really, really unattractive) for no reason. I always figured in Europe that if the girl sticks around to talk to you without making an excuse to get up and leave, then you can have her. It is as straightforward as that.

In the USA, you never know if you have truly sealed the deal with a woman until a part of you enters her body. Before then, she can flake at any time for any reason, and you never have that feeling of security that she isnt going to bail. Mostly they are looking for a reason to bail on you. If you even say one word out of place sometimes, they'll object and bolt. But that is mainly cause they don't even like themselves, they lack self confidence, and they absolutely have no respect for what men have to go through whatsoever.

That's why it feels like a transgression. Their "yes" is never truly yes. You'll always wonder if you truly have consent, putting you in the situation of the b*tch. You'll always wonder when she's gonna bail and for what. You're walking on egg shells the whole time you are with an AW.

That is because they are inherently unstable, having no true center of gravity for their beliefs and behaviors. There is no code of conduct or inviolate rules for them. They'll do what they want, when they want. That means you can never really trust them. And if you can't trust them, you'll never feel comfortable with them, and that will feel unnatural and cause anxiety.

Their flirtation is also contrived. They do not flirt naturally. They actively flirt. There is a difference here. Basically American women have learned to mimic what they believe flirtation is, and they use that in an over-the-top fashion, rather than letting the natural woman come to the surface. They are completely fake. As in, the hair flip. The hair flip is not a natural way to flirt. The hair flip is an invention of the AW to mimic what they believe is natural attraction. They love playing with their hair and looking glamorous. They love attention. But their attention is usually for sport. They are fake. So they can use flirtation for sport, because all their flirtation is fake from the start. That is because there is nothing feminine about them. They are more or less androgynous humans with female body parts and emotions but most of the best part of the software is corrupted or missing.

Because deep down you know their behavior is unnatural, you, as the man, do not know how to feel. Could this be fake too? That is what you will wonder with every American woman after you realize their flirtation is fake and sport for them.

This will lead you to mostly distrust your own natural instincts around American women, because they are fake and flakey. You can not trust your instincts because they have turned things around directly so that they can manipulate your natural instincts. They use their body language to indicate positive interest. But they often do not have any positive interest in you. It is about them, their power, their games, and they'll just claim they were being friendly, when they were staring at you from across the room and flicking their hair the whole session, when you ask her for her number.

Do you see it now? They are wholly pieces of sh*t.

If you got to Europe, women are not going to use their natural skills to reel you in only to spit you out. They are not looking to flirt with you as a game to deceive you only to tell you no. They aren't mimicking natural attraction in order to get their rocks off.

But that is what American women do.



See, they don't know how to be women. They only know how to fake being women. That facade is what we perceive from them, and we know it deep down, and we can not play that game with them.
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Re:

Postby momopi » Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:26 pm

jamesbond wrote:
Winston wrote:The worst thing about America is that there is a big BARRIER between women and us. America sucks because:

1. You are not allowed to approach girls and try to pick them up. You aren't supposed to desire women, your only desires are supposed to be money and consumerism.
2. You are not allowed to go out and meet girls or straight up ask girls for dates.
3. You are not allowed to flirt with girls. Flirtation is a taboo. You are only allowed to flirt with your wife or girlfriend.
4. You are not allowed to talk to strangers or socialize much. Communication is strictly for business purposes. In America, everything is a business, including your life. Everything has a price, including you.
5. Every girl has this stuck up attitude where they think they're too good for you. They are spoiled, self-absorbed, toxic, unfriendly, unapproachable, and have a bad attitude on their face, vibe and body language.
6. People are highly paranoid and uptight. It's on their face, vibe, aura and personality. Everyone is a competitor and every man is an island.

BORING!!! If you try to do any of the above, it feels like a TRANSGRESSION, like you've crossed the line. It's really weird and sucks 1000 percent. Only when you leave the USA do you realize that none of the above is natural, normal or healthy.


Isn't it funny when you watch American movies and TV shows, you will see women striking up conversations with men and being flirtatious towards men. WTF? This does not happen in real life at all. :shock:



...it happens in real life if the guy is very attractive to the women.

At my workplace we are not allowed to date girls from HR, but HR has the youngest and best looking girls. There's a guy at work who is quite tall (I'm 6 ft and I have to look up to talk him) from Newport Beach, young, good looking, surfer, tanned & good body, well off family, single (unmarried), etc. When girls from HR sees him they all want to stop and chat with him. I've also seen girls who run into the elevator that he's in just to talk to him.

This does not happen to the lesser mortals at work, like old, pot-bellied dudes with bald spot. I have, however, seen numerous old, pot-bellied doctors with bald spots from Kaiser Hospital come in to the video rental store (where I worked back in HS) with young nurses of various ethnicities. I'd guess that after dinner, they'd go back to his place to watch movies then have s3x.

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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby jamesbond » Sat Jun 20, 2015 9:47 pm

Adama wrote:Once you hit 21 or 22 years old, there is no longer a dating scene. It's nice when you can hang out at clubs with high school friends between ages 18 to 21, but after that, the women seem to be fewer.

Even now in the suburbs, I rarely see an attractive young woman. Most women are pushing carriages, out with other women, or their husbands.


I live in the suburbs and believe me, there are NO single women here at all. All I see are married women and the occasional single mother. In fact, I hardly ever see married women in their 20's or 30's. It' s mostly married women in their 40's and 50's.

Living in the suburbs is truly death to your social life if you are a single person! :shock:
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby jamesbond » Sun Aug 23, 2015 6:51 pm

Adama wrote:I was in Europe a couple of times and it was much easier, and those weren't hookers either. I just wish I had had more confidence back then. Nowadays if you have a career or real job, you'll never get the opportunity for an extended vacation to pick up chicks or look for a wife abroad.

The only way you can find a woman in the US is blind luck. If she happens to stumble into the same store as you at the same time and she has the confidence to flirt you, the confidence to say yes, and the confidence to follow through. It is still likely though, that these women will flake for no apparent reason. Then you will not have another opportunity for months or possibly years.

Or you can just fly to Europe and meet women on the first, second or third day there! Likely she isn't desperately searching for a reason to flake (unless she's really, really unattractive) for no reason. I always figured in Europe that if the girl sticks around to talk to you without making an excuse to get up and leave, then you can have her. It is as straightforward as that.

It sounds like the women in Europe are more open to meeting men when they are out in public places than American women are. Cold approaches work much better in Europe than in the US. Look at how friendly the women in Russia where towards Winston at a McDonalds in Moscow. :D

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fTKdlIQs2M[/youtube]
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"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Re:

Postby Slick » Fri Feb 26, 2016 6:43 pm

jamesbond wrote:I think once you are out of school, it becomes very difficult to meet people. A lot of people marry their "high school sweetheart" or "college sweetheart."


That was the instance up until 20 to 30 years ago. Now, most people just meet at work, work parties, or through mutual friends.
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby Slick » Fri Feb 26, 2016 6:52 pm

If you sit by yourself in bars and restaurants in the U.S., all the women there would think you're a loser and wouldn't dare to sit with you. This is why I order takeout and eat at home in front of my flat screen TV.

Also, on the few times that I go into bars and restaurants, I see a couple of women sitting by themselves. I watch them when guys pick up on them and they shoot down every single guy that comes up to them. This type of behavior seems normal in the U.S.
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby jamesbond » Sat Feb 27, 2016 1:56 pm

Slick wrote:If you sit by yourself in bars and restaurants in the U.S., all the women there would think you're a loser and wouldn't dare to sit with you. This is why I order takeout and eat at home in front of my flat screen TV.

This is why I don't eat out alone at restaurants anymore in America. It feels too uncomfortable because the women (including your waitress) at the restaurant think any man that is eating alone must be a loser. :shock:
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby Adama » Sun Feb 28, 2016 6:46 am

Yeah but who really cares what some stranger thinks of you? That kind of fear will only stop you from achieving your goals and doing what you want to do. Let them have their negative opinions about you. In fact, let them call you a loser and every other filthy name in the book. You will not die. After a few times, you'll stop caring what they have to say, because you'll realize what they think about you doesn't matter one bit. If someone needs to make fun of someone for something then that is on them, the accuser, not the target. Rather it shows a lack of class, indicates the person is overly critical of others, and probably they're insecure or jealous.

A couple of months ago, I treated myself to a lunch at a local chain restaurant at 11am, on a weekday. It was awesome. The waitress can kiss my butt. As long as she doesn't molest my food or drink in any way and isnt rude or keeping me waiting too long. ;)
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Re: Why theres no real singles scene in America, only Abroad

Postby Slick » Fri Mar 04, 2016 5:16 am

Plus in many places of the U.S., there's mainly fifty year old grandmas or high school girls. Not much with the 21 to 49 crowd especially when there's 20 percent more single men than women.
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