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How I became Happier Abroad (and in El Paso)

What's your story? Discussions your reasons for going abroad.

Moderators: jamesbond, fschmidt

How I became Happier Abroad (and in El Paso)

Postby MattHanson1990 » Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:33 am

I wanted to post here about how I became 'Happier Abroad'.

Ever since middle school, I had been going through episodes of loneliness and isolation. It all started when a girl from my elementary school I fancied told me to leave her alone a month into my 7th grade year. I became so shy that I couldn't talk to anyone except girls I lusted for, and even they started to feel crept out after a while, when all I was trying to do was be friendly to them. However I became more social from 2006 onward, but alas, another episode of loneliness hit me hard about three months into my first year of college. There was this Mexican-Irish girl from California I fancied who worked the front desk of the dorm I was living in at the time. She seemed so sweet, feminine, and down to earth in the very early days of meeting her. But then one day when she cancelled dinner last minute and told me she wouldn't reschedule until she got back from a conference, I started having fears that she would be killed in a car accident. So I ask other people about her whereabouts, and then she tried to talk to me about that. But then as I tried to walk a way upon freaking out, she said "I'll talk to you tomorrow". At first I thought she said it to actually mean she's done with me, so I said something about jumping off a building when dorm security called campus police. And then I get escorted to the mental health center for a few hours where I get asked a lot of questions. The following monday, the student hall director. the Mexican-Irish girl, and I have a meeting at UNM's accessibility resource center and we discuss how I should NOT talk to other people about another person's whereabouts, just in case one person overreacts. I learned from that mistake, but from that point onward, whenever I wanted to hang out with the Mexican-Irish girl, she always said she was busy. At first I thought she was being legitimate since it was getting closer and closer to final exams and she was taking rather difficult classes. But later I realized she was really using it as an excuse to not hang out with me; the proof of me eventually finding out she was exaggerating was that I stumbled across her blog page and found photos of her hanging out with her girlfriends and a guy friend. Ever since that incident, I was super shy around her. And then in mid-February 2009 when I try to say hi to her in the dining hall, all she says is "I'm busy bye" and then walked away. How rude of her. Eventually I cut of all contact her, and now we're just acquaintances.

I was clinging on to her because she was a rare find. At the time, I really fancied California girls because I believed California had the most attractive women in the world, but before she came my way, I mostly liked the blonde California girls.

Then another rare AW comes my way in early 2010, this time the chick I've been friends with since my freshman year of high school. Unlike the Mexican-Irish girl, she was TRULY sweet and feminine, and she wasn't a stuck up bitch. She even dressed feminine; most girls at UNM almost never wore dresses or skirts. I wanted to be more than friends with her, but she cast me in the friend zone all because she and I have been good friends since high school and she didn't want to jeopardize the friendship; however, the friendship with this girl is a lot truer compared to most other friendships I had with AW which were very superficial and drifted apart. At the same time I become best friends with another girl I knew from high school. She was also sweet and down to earth, but she seldom wore dresses. However, things changed in 2011 when she got with her current boyfriend. During the summer of that year, she got so involved with her boyfriend that we drifted apart, and now almost four years later, she still has me on the back burner.

In 2012, I put the friendships with both girls on hiatus, one of them because my romantic feelings for her DID ruin the friendship, and I wanted to take time to reflect. The other girl I put a friendship on hiatus with was because she was ditching me the whole time she was with her boyfriend. She never made time for me at all in late 2011 but made time for her girlfriends. Now, I want to mention that my WORST episode of frustration, loneliness, and isolation hit me big time right as my mom suddenly passed away in August 2012. I was so depressed, and by then, my biggest desire was finding a girlfriend. I decided to pursue 18 year old college freshman girls because I figured every girl my age was already taken. But with EVERY girl I desired, I was shut out of the dating game. Most of the 18 year old girls only wanted to date guys their age or younger. I was fairly good friends with a few girls I met in 2012, all of whom were freshmen in college at the time, but the friendships were superficial. For instance, they refused to hang out with me one on one. And whenever one cancels, the other one cancels at the same time. Even some of those girls didn't even want to befriend me. There was this hot gorgeous blonde girl I met through my friends. She and I strike up a conversation on Facebook, but when I ask her if she wants to hang out, she stops replying for good. Even when she gave me her number, she would always screen out my text messages. Now, one of the girls I was pretty good friends with would NOT let me know when something comes up that she has to change plans, until I text or call her; and sometimes it would take forever to get ahold of her on such a situation. Then when she got with her current boyfriend in July 2013, we slowly drifted apart. Four months later, she goes two weeks without texting me back and then just gives me one word answers when she does. Then finally, I cut off all contact with her for good. However in 2013, I rekindle friendships with the two girls I stopped talking to in early 2012. One of them is still her down-to-earth authentic self, but the other one wanted nothing to do with me. The one who wanted nothing to do with me, we agree to catch up. However, she cancels on me TWICE in a row. First time, it's because she isn't "feeling well". I realized it was an excuse after seeing her post photos of her friend's wedding on Facebook; she was well enough to go to the wedding. Second time, it's because she was "busy with work" and it was the Sunday before the fall semester started for the Albuquerque schools; she teaches at one of the middle schools. Schoolteachers do get busy, but she was using it as another excuse to not hang out with me. She told me she would let me know when we would reschedule, but she never did. One weekend I ask if she wants to hang out with me, and she says she already has plans. The weekend after I had my wisdom teeth pulled out, I ask her the same thing...and no response, but she posts photos of her girl's lunch on Facebook. As of today, every time I message her on Facebook, she doesn't respond anymore. In 2013, I still fancied the 18 year old girls because I still thought I would have a much better chance of getting dates with younger since women my age were all taken. But as always, lose-lose game all around. Also in 2013, I thought about relocating to cities that have more single women than single men.

Then in 2014, the days of frustration and loneliness continue, mostly from finding out EVERY girl I desired had a boyfriend. One of my female friends said to look for autistic girls, which I thought were hideously unattractive girls. My 24th birthday was one I spent alone until later that evening. Another one of my female friends earlier told me she didn't mind hanging out with me one on one. So I invite her but not the other girl. Then she doesn't text me back for DAYS. The other girl's boyfriend said the girls were talking to each other and because I didn't invite one of them, the other didn't want to join. My family offers to take me to dinner in Santa Fe for my birthday but I declined and chose to spend my birthday alone. Near my birthday, it got so bad that I had suicidal thoughts again, but I chat with the down to earth female friend on the phone. So I cut off contact with the superficial friends, deleting them on Facebook. Another thing that really bugged me was that one of my roommates, an exchange student from Australia, could get any girl he wanted; he slept with every girl he brought to the apartment. Then near the end of the spring 2014 semester, he took me to a house party, where I hoped to meet single girls. However, I still had no luck. The first one I met, I later saw her with her boyfriend. And every girl I saw either had a boyfriend or several guys; it was a huge sausage fest. The girls also looked stuck up and unapproachable. The same girl who told me I would only be compatible with autistic girls sent me a friend request, only to tear me down even more. First of all, she forced me to switch my major from music to business, and then she said that a real adult has a car. Talk about being shallow. Albuquerque's bus system is actually more extensive than she really thinks. Eventually, I cut off contact with her, this time for good. Earlier in 2014, I joined this forum and realized that the problem was not me; it was this insane, toxic, and dysfunctional society.

Things slowly started to turn in October when I attended an InterVarsity conference in southern New Mexico, where I meet very friendly girls from UTEP's InterVarsity chapter, and then I rejoined them in El Paso numerous times, even though I started going to El Paso a lot in January 2014. And this was where my life started to turn around. In El Paso, I felt like I was finally living life again because the girls were much friendlier and more down to earth, one of whom I spend quality time with twice in UTEP's student union hall. And I realized that fschmidt was right on the money regarding El Paso being the least Americanized city, given the culture there is predominantly Mexican. Then recently, as you all know, I finally stepped outside the US matrix when I vacationed in Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, and I REALLY felt like I was living life. I met several friendly women in Juarez, one of whom was curious about me and was thinking about marrying me. The women in El Paso and Juarez are truly a night and day difference from most of those Albuquerque girls who tore me down. I am returning to Ciudad Juarez later this month to meet more sweet and feminine women. Then later this year or 2016, I'm planning on going deeper into Mexico, for instance to Chihuahua City or Guadalajara.

As I'm writing, I am boycotting American women at all costs except those who I have true friendships with.
MattHanson1990
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Re: How I became Happier Abroad (and in El Paso)

Postby Ghost » Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:25 pm

I hope you'll get to explore Mexico much more in the future. I haven't been there, although I like Latin women, Spanish, and it is so close to the U.S. I think Mexico can be easy to overlook. It can be all too easy to think only of Asia when thinking about being happier abroad, but the truth is that there are many places that aren't half a world away. And you didn't have to go far to see a huge difference in the women. I think you'll love it when you go to Guadalajara. (I almost planned to go there recently, but chose another Latin country.)

Hopefully you can entirely let go of Ameribitches and they can become nothing more than a distant memory. Do you think you might try to relocate to Mexico longer term someday?
Ghost
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Re: How I became Happier Abroad (and in El Paso)

Postby xiongmao » Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:27 pm

I've met Mexican and Argentinian girls here in Barcelona and I've been very impressed with them. Keep learning the Spanish as it will pay off!
In February 2013 I quit my boring job and now I'm Happier Abroad...
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