What's your story? Discussions your reasons for going abroad.
During the years I couldnâ€™t get any decent dates in America, I always assumed that there was something wrong with me, because the US culture gave me the impression that getting dates was easy and that anyone can do it, and if you canâ€™t, then thereâ€™s something wrong with you. So I kept looking at myself to find out what I needed to fix or change. Taking the logical approach, I would ask my female friends over and over again, â€œWhat do I have to change about myself in order to get dates and become dating material to women? What am I lacking?â€
But they never gave me a clear answer. Instead, they just gave me clichÃ©s like â€œDonâ€™t worry. Youâ€™ll find the right person someday.â€ Or just, â€œI donâ€™t know.â€
That didnâ€™t help much of course. So I try to put it to them in another way, by asking, â€œOk then tell me this: Why am I not dating material to YOU then? What do I lack that would make me dating material by your standards?â€
Yet again, they would be evasive or merely tell me, â€œCause I just like you as a friend.â€
Therefore, my logical inquiry never got anywhere. I never got any concrete answers about what I could change to get the results in dating that the culture, media and the movies told me were easy to get as long as youâ€™re a confident guy. Hence my search for answers resulted in an endless loop that went nowhere.
It was a total brain buster that I could never figure out.
So much for that.
No one in my circle ever had any answers, not even my parents.
I even went to the counseling department in my college to see a therapist. But she had no answers either. She was a very nice and good looking woman who listened sympathetically, but I could sense her uneasiness at not being able to give me any answers to my no-win situation. All she could do was ask me open ended questions about myself to get me to talk more, like a skilled interviewer. But it led to no solutions or results. She had none. It was a dead end no-win situation as far as the conventional mind was concerned.
Several times, I saw ads in the newspaper for a free catalog of Russian and Latin mail order brides. So I called and ordered a free copy. Some of the girls in them were gorgeous. So I eventually dreamed about it and thought, â€œMaybe getting a Russian mail order bride who is desperate to get into this country is the answer? It would seem I have no other choice. It was either that or nothing.â€ But it was hard for me to take it seriously. My mind was programmed to succeed here in the home town I grew up in, and thatâ€™s what I WANTED most. Plus I was impatient and did not want to get involved in a long correspondence. I wanted a girl with me physically, HERE and NOW! It was killing me.
Out of desperation, I did order a few Russian womenâ€™s addresses that I fancied. And I contacted them by postal mail and included my pictures. (It was 1995 and I wasnâ€™t using the internet yet) But the one I wanted most never wrote back. So I gave up and continued to focus locally, still believing that it was easy to get dates in California, since everyone else was and the culture said it was. I just had to be confident and cool, and then I could get hot chicks. That was my belief and I intended to make that work.
The frustration I endured was beyond imagination. It seemed like the millions of unfulfilled fantasies of mine and hours of frustration were eternal and neverending.
Eventually I did get an American girlfriend, but she was not exactly what I wanted. I sort of settled out of desperation cause I had no other choices. When that ended two years later, and then another relationship crashed, I was again at a dead end. And this time, there was no way I was going to endure the endless frustration that I did in the 90â€™s again. No way. Anything but!
Such firm determination in me that was absolutely unwilling to endure more dateless years of futility, somehow catapulted me into the overseas path, which was still out of my mental prism and paradigm at the time. But the sheer determination in me somehow snapped me in that direction, as though my instincts and sheer willpower suddenly threw me out of my own paradigm onto an alternate path overseas that I was still afraid of and had mixed feelings about.
So I began researching the Russian bride thing again and this time got more and more serious about it. With the internet becoming mainstream by now (2002) lots of information was readily available to me, including the Russian bride venture. So I began writing to Russian women and participating in online discussion groups, such as Yahoo Groups, to get as much information and help as I could.
When I finally took the plunge and went to Russia in 2002, a whole new dimension of life had opened to me, altering my paradigm and world view forever. This was The Solution, I realized. And thatâ€™s how I came to be on the overseas path.
On this first trip in 2002, I had my own little mailing list which consisted of a small group of friends to write updates and trip reports to. Later on, as I networked and got acquainted with more people online and offline, I would add them to my mailing list. And thatâ€™s how this mailing list began and grew up to now.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.
Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
I totally agree Winston, I went through the same thing you did. Any guy that stays with a western woman is out there f***ing mind, including my own father. Women in other countries have something special about them that just cannot be explained in words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr8elnyO ... re=related
If the girl isn't attracted to you, there's no point in forcing her to say it when she's trying to be polite. That's just part of knowing how to be a person.
Rather than "what do I lack that would make be dating material by your standards", ask "what kind of guys do you like" or "what do you think I can do to make myself more attractive to girls".
Sometimes the girl have preferences such as double eyelids. She won't say it, and you just have to pick it up from observation and listening to her comments on so and so have attractive eyes.
Last edited by momopi on Fri Feb 26, 2010 7:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
You don't look like this:
http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/eKUcFPf5 ... ol+Elcacho
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Again, good post. Where in Calif did you live and grow up? maybe it is stated in some other area here in the site but don't remember seeing it.
I grew up and lived in the San Fernando Valley of North Hollywood. Cruised Van Nuys Blvd every Wednesday night, and did all the screwy things that kids do there.
It was a fun place to grow up and live back then and spent years working at the Burbank airport for Holiday Airlines and PSA.
But that was then and I'm sure glad to be living here in the Philippines now...
Yes American women do want a tall, handsome guy. He also needs to be RICH! That is most important for American women! Of course, you have to have a good sense of humor, be confident and educated. She also has to like your personality and like your friends. If you can pass all of these requirements, THEN MAYBE you can get a date with her! LOL Now if you want to date a really hot American girl like the one below, you better be making at least a six figure income and promise to give the girl expensive gifts!
Being a good looking guy only helps pull the good looking women. Average looking women (85-90% of women) are not interested in going with a guy prettier than they are (exception being the obese women who think they are goddesses). It isnt good for their egos and their ability to dominate the relationship with their p***y power.
As I remember American women, especially California girls, that vast majority are interested in just three things. Money, money, and how to get most all your money (and other property) in a divorce settelment.
Thats why your income level and gross financial worth is of so much interest to them before dating you. They are not interested in a lifetime with you. They are simply--shopping!
The "3H" concept:
There's a certain duality to attraction on wealth. On one hand girls are turned off by guys who like to brag about how expensive their cars are (immature behavior), on the other hand they're attracted to men who drive nice cars (older, mature, well established).
Girls think men are pigs for wanting the top 10% good looking girls, and men thinks women are whores for wanting the top 10% men. Men want to bitch and complain when women buy a new purse, and women want to complain when the guy buys a new PS3.
Last edited by momopi on Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:02 am, edited 4 times in total.
You know Winston i am sure that after everything that happened to you especially after destiny led you outside of the crazy US matrix, you definately believe in God...Because i for a fact believe in him more than ever before... sometimes IT IS TOO EASY TO CALL A MIRACLE A MIRACLE....The truth is whenever a miracle happens to you especially if you praid for a specific miracle to happen it is not just luck it is god's answer to you...I am sure you must have praised god at least once in your lifetime to help you with the dating scene you were dealing with in america and god answered at the moment that was destined to be...I simply feel like whenever a miracle happens to us we say "wow what luck"thinking it was a chance in a million when in fact it was god who simply answered at one of his childrens prayers, after all he does have world wide prayers to deal with.... so we tend to glorify the miracle instead of thanking God for helping us.....
Anyway it is always surprising to me when you mention what happened to you in the late 90's and and 2002 Because since i hadn't left Europe until 2004 to finally visite the UNITED STATES of America( the land of the free or the land of milk and honey) to discover my own demise in the dating scene as well....I would never ever have believed you if you came to me in europe and told me how life was in the US compared to Europe...And i mean never because of all the things america showed on they're movies and how romantic behaviors were a part of the american culture wich i found out the hard way that it was all a lie...The fact is tv is not reality...it is just always surprising to discover how things are happening in the other side of the planet wether it is for the goo or for the worst....
And you know Winston i always wanted to ask now that you live a happy familly life in the filipines how do you feel everyday when you wake up kiss your beautifull wife and get out of the house to breath the fresh aire with somehow positive vibes that let you know that people around you live freely and happily despite the other disadvantages? How do you feel when thinking back at your childhood and seeing where you are now and how much you've grown and evolved?? before leaving the US matrix did you think you were ever going to make it this far in life??
Thought I'd jump in here again too for fun. I agree, God IS there and He DOES answer prayers. However, He does not always answer when we want what it is we are asking for. Sometimes it take much time; even years. And at other times His answer is no. As our eternal Heavenly Father, he knows each one of us as well or better than we know our own children. How often have we not allowed something to our children knowing what is in their best interest? It is the same with Heavely Father.
I do know without a doubt that if prayers were not answered, I too would not be living in the Philippines and married to an angel like my wife...
I used to believe that only the wealthiest, handsome guys got all the women. Lately, I've really changed my mind. What are these guys getting exactly. They're getting sex and status but what are they losing? Anytime a woman expresses an interest in you, money will have a something to do with it. She's with you for the money you make now or the money you make in the future, no exceptions! So when a woman shows an interest in you its not exactly a complement, unless your getting something in return.
When I was young I dated women that I wouldn't even consider dating now that I'm older and wiser. I remember one girl from high school I looked up to. She had it all, brains, beauty, athletic ability, and had lots of friends. Now, I think her stock has crashed I wouldn't date her if you payed me to. She's divorced 4 times with 3 kids from 2 different fathers. Her life is a train wreck. She found the most popular, best looking guys she could and married them and now she's f***ed. Instead of finding a guy thats loyal to her, she had to have the "best guy".
Men often make a similar mistake when choosing a spouse. Men usually seek out the sexiest women they can find but this is often a decision they will later regret. Men will typically dump any woman that refuses to have sex with them before marriage. These women might make lousy girlfriends but they often excel at being wives. They have a strong moral compass and are not easily swayed by other peoples opinions and are often fiercely loyal. In addition, they can function at a high level and make practical decisions. After you've been married a few years you'll get tired of having sex with your sexy wife, it will get boring. Eventually, all you'll want from her is to stop arguing with you, make something good to eat, clean the house, take care of the kids, and basically work her ass off. Sexy women often have trouble doing these things.
Not sure about all this moral compass stuff. It has been shown that Christian women have a divorce rate equal to that of the general American population. Even if she is a virgin at marriage, I'm not sure I buy it necessarily makes her a good wife. She was still exposed to the American femmie propaganda, and as far as I'm concerned, there arent any good American women, at least not any born after around 1930.
Iâ€™m feeling more lucky with each post that Iâ€™m reading on this subject. Iâ€™ve been married to my Filipina wife for seven years and living here in the Philippines for that same amount of time.
For the last three years that I lived in the states before I moved here and married my wife, she was on my bank accounts that I had. All my bills were either mailed here and paid by her or paid by her here online. Never a problem. Never even one cent unaccounted for.
It should be noted here that before I moved here in 2003, the girl I married and I had met in person only two times in one day in an elevator in Manila. Thatâ€™s it. But we spent several years with phone calls, snail mail, email, and FAXâ€™s being sure we wanted to be married and building a foundation for marriage long before we said â€œI do.â€
Since moving here the same applies. Never a problem with finances and she has no desire to live in America or leave the Philippines. Being with and close to her family is far too important to both of us. If I could find any fault with my wife, it would be that she will not spend enough on herself.
She has set a budget for us of ONLY $130.00 us dollars per month for everything. Usually the monthly expenses run less than that.
We go to the local shopping mall about once every two weeks, our little daughter attends a private school, we eat very well, have internet and cable TV, drive and travel as we please and basically want for nothing.
Even after seven years I still have no regrets. Not even one. If I could change anything at all, it would be that I could have found her and done this years earlier.
I think we are all responcible for the decisions we make and donâ€™t get me wrong, Iâ€™ve made many in 57 years of life. But at least this has not been one of them.
There are millions of wonderful and available women here in the Philippines that Iâ€™m sure would make an equally good wife. But one thing is for sure, if anyone is looking for a good wife; one that will do right by you and will always have your best interest at heart; if you are looking in the bars of Angeles City and other locations of the same type, you are looking in the wrong place and will end up with the type of heartache and hell Iâ€™m reading about in these postsâ€¦
If you don't like American women, don't date them. It's the same with food that you don't enjoy, if you don't like it, don't eat it. You can complain all day long and it won't make a difference, until you decide to vote with your feet and order something else from the menu. Those who are capable, but choose to be lazy and blame everyone else but his own inaction, will remain exactly where he is.
I also don't understand the mentality of some people who complains about how much they dislike American women and that they'd never date or marry one. Then they go to facebook and try to hit on American girls and bitch when they get rejected or de-friended. ?_? Seems silly to me. If you really want to meet girls on social networking sites, post pictures that show you doing fun activities. Even fishing on a boat at sea can be appealing to some girls. As soon as she comments "oh I wanna go too~" your foot is in the door.
A peacock doesn't attract females by running up to them and yell "why won't you mate with me dammit? Explain in logical terms so I can understand!"
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