Social Isolation and the USA?

[Jester]

Socializing is overrated in a society that's slowly dying. I have some close friends and it's enough that we hang out, play board games, and talk about the type of things this forum talks about.

We should all be best friends and family in this forum. Winston, please adopt me as your son.

And then it came to pass that the head of the Wu Clan found the young Dragon worthy, and adopted him as his heir...

[DatingAbroadSince1989]

Socializing in the USA after a certain age is different, especially if you're meeting new people. In college I lived on campus and had friends and even dates and girlfriends. Once I left college my socializing was restricted to the people I worked with. Also, most of my friends got married and socializing with them is not the same when they do.

What I've found is that we objectify everything in this country, including people. That includes trophy partners and spouses. I've found that in Latin America generally speaking women want a guy who will marry her and have a family with her as opposed to many women here who will only keep you around until they find someone to "trade up" to. Make no mistake, there are good women in the USA, but the vast majority of them are either taken or too young (of jailbait age). Here many women go for the player types. In Latin America many women tend to avoid them and if they find out a guy's a player, leave him, even if it means she'll be single for a long time. Here, women tend to stay in even bad relationships because they're afraid of being alone, so if a woman says she has a boyfriend, she probably does, but many times she's really looking to trade up.

I often talk to Russian girls online. Some of them are about 20 years younger than me. I'm not really being romantic with them because long-distance relationships are hard, but there's nothing wrong with getting to know people as people. WITHOUT ANY HIDDEN MOTIVES.

[Maker55]

This has struck me as more obvious recently. After a certain age it's hard to make friends in America. Everything is clique based. You walk into a cafe, bar, store and people hover in clicks. The idea of meeting strangers (same sex or opposite) doesn't really exist. So if you don't have a social network after a certain age you basically live in isolation. Contrast this with Mexico and you basically make friends wherever you go.

I only leave my house a few times a week. This usually amounts to buying groceries, going to store, getting take out food. The interactions in these places are pretty straightforward, you almost don't even need to talk. Sometimes I just go to these places to get fresh air.

There really aren't many venues for single people to just congregate in. I can see the world outside my house but it's almost like you can't interact with it. It's very closed off.

Yeah I know what you mean. So true. Isn't it so depressing? Yet who are you going to talk to about it? No one wants to hear that. All everyone wants to hear is that you're having a great day, that you're fine and that everything is great, and that last weekend was good. Etc. etc. Isn't that stupid? lol

?Winston is not unhappy he is just whitty and likes to complain.It makes for entertaining threads.

This is true. I do like to complain and perhaps am addicted to anger. Even though I have it better than most, I still complain, especially when I'm in a country I am not compatible with at all and don't vibe with or have any chemistry with. No one is totally happy or unhappy though. It's a mix - you are happy about some things, but unhappy about other things.

You're addicted to your own struggles, that's why you can't move forward.

You also suffer from procrastination instead of fixing the problem.

Do less whining and more fixing the problem.

[Maker55]

Socializing in the USA after a certain age is different, especially if you're meeting new people. In college I lived on campus and had friends and even dates and girlfriends. Once I left college my socializing was restricted to the people I worked with. Also, most of my friends got married and socializing with them is not the same when they do.

What I've found is that we objectify everything in this country, including people. That includes trophy partners and spouses. I've found that in Latin America generally speaking women want a guy who will marry her and have a family with her as opposed to many women here who will only keep you around until they find someone to "trade up" to. Make no mistake, there are good women in the USA, but the vast majority of them are either taken or too young (of jailbait age). Here many women go for the player types. In Latin America many women tend to avoid them and if they find out a guy's a player, leave him, even if it means she'll be single for a long time. Here, women tend to stay in even bad relationships because they're afraid of being alone, so if a woman says she has a boyfriend, she probably does, but many times she's really looking to trade up.

I often talk to Russian girls online. Some of them are about 20 years younger than me. I'm not really being romantic with them because long-distance relationships are hard, but there's nothing wrong with getting to know people as people. WITHOUT ANY HIDDEN MOTIVES.

True.

The best women in America get married at very young ages.

The other good women in America only date and marry without their own social circle.

[terminator]

We have many threads about this already. You should have done a search for them first.

We all feel that way. But you are not allowed to talk about it. It's taboo. You are supposed to pretend that everything is great. No one likes to hear complaints about social culture. You can complain about the economy or being out of work, but you aren't allowed to complain about social isolation or stuck up women.

Weird isn't it? lol

It's similar in Taiwan too. There's no openness and you can't just flirt openly or hit on girls that walk by like you can in Russia or Philippines more naturally.

Why did you move to Taiwan if it's just as bad as here? Why not just move to Russia instead? It seems like Russia has more approachable women from how you explain.

I didn't move to Taiwan. I just went there to rest and finish my book that was supposed to be finished in 2011. But I always end up getting stuck in a comfort zone and revising my projects thousands of times over and over again, and wasting a year. I'm not sure how to break this cycle. Also, my parents always move to the worst and most unfriendly places where everything goes against me. They've been doing this since 1982.

I can't move to Russia because the visas to keep staying there are expensive, the winters are terrible, and the crime/violence rates are high. The food there also sucks and is bland. But socially, Russia fits my personality like a glove. People there love the direct, open, aggressive approach, which fits in with the vibe and flow there.

I've been trying to explain this for ages. Guys, you cannot just pick a country and go live there! There's many obstacles... so stay home or go to a second-best country that will take you...

[Tsar]

I've been trying to explain this for ages. Guys, you cannot just pick a country and go live there! There's many obstacles... so stay home or go to a second-best country that will take you...

What is your definition a second-best country? I don't understand what that implies.

[Winston]

Yeah breaking into cliques is hard work and requires some effort. It just feels weird though. I don't know why. It just doesn't come naturally to some people I guess.

Was it always this way in America? Even back in the 70's or 80's? Did you have to break into cliques then to meet people? Was it easier?

I just realized something else.

Some of us probably do like having groups of friends to share good times with and hang out with. Humans by nature want to belong to something, such as a nice group, community or organization. And I think that is true of us too.

The problem is that in America, there aren't really any groups or organizations that we get along with or vibe with. So we don't feel truly accepted or a part of something. We also don't click with the culture and mentality, nor thrive in it.

Simply put, we don't want to conform to groups or cultures that we don't like and don't have much in common with. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't. It's not really a choice. You can't force yourself to be something you're not or to be part of a group you don't belong in. In other words, you can't conform to something you don't like, even if you wanted to.

That's probably the core problem here, not that we don't like groups or don't like belonging to communities or teams. We simply don't get along and can't be something we're not. It has nothing to do with social skills.

Does that make sense?

[SilverEnergy]

Why do you keep resurrecting old threads Winston?

[Winston]

Why do you keep resurrecting old threads Winston?

Why not? The points in them are still true and still apply.

I was moving a lot of threads and saw them in the process.

[Winston]

Here is the quintessential image of social isolation in America. These are photos I took on a Seattle ferry when I was going across the Seattle bay to Bremerton to work in a homeowner's trade show there. As you can see, everyone is in their own little bubble and there is an "ice wall" between strangers who are disconnected and distant from each other.

[Richardrli]

Winston, with all your experience, I'd like to ask what is the best way to deal with the isolation and depressing social environment?

[S_Parc]

Actually, I'd prefer social isolation over interacting with dysfunctional individuals on a regular basis.

I suspect that the Seattle area is full of miserable loners, considering that both famous rockers, Kurt Colbain & Layne Staley, had killed themselves, and countless serial killers grew up in and around the Pacific Northwest.

On the other shoe, I've actually found that many of the non-urban locales in the New England region & upstate NY to be a lot friendlier than the west coast.

And since I'd started traveling with my lesbian ex-classmate, *Melissa*, countless ppl have been engaging us in conversations and so forth.

I'm not sure if this is a northeast only phenomena but my sense is that if ppl see a 'couple', they let down their guard and open up. If they see a single guy, they first stick with their suspicions and then, loosen up if something changes.

[Winston]

Winston, with all your experience, I'd like to ask what is the best way to deal with the isolation and depressing social environment?

1. Find some hobbies.
2. Talk on the phone or skype with your friends.
3. Meet foreign women on dating sites and then talk to them on skype or the phone.
4. Go out and connect with nature to ground your mind and spirit.
5. Practice meditation and watch your thoughts so you won't be too attached to them.
6. Study history and philosophy to deepen your mind and cultivate a rich inner life.
7. Watch documentaries on YouTube and History Channel programs about subjects that you're interested in.
8. Or just go abroad of course.

Hope that helps.

[Winston]

Actually, I'd prefer social isolation over interacting with dysfunctional individuals on a regular basis.

I suspect that the Seattle area is full of miserable loners, considering that both famous rockers, Kurt Colbain & Layne Staley, had killed themselves, and countless serial killers grew up in and around the Pacific Northwest.

On the other shoe, I've actually found that many of the non-urban locales in the New England region & upstate NY to be a lot friendlier than the west coast.

And since I'd started traveling with my lesbian ex-classmate, *Melissa*, countless ppl have been engaging us in conversations and so forth.

I'm not sure if this is a northeast only phenomena but my sense is that if ppl see a 'couple', they let down their guard and open up. If they see a single guy, they first stick with their suspicions and then, loosen up if something changes.

I've noticed that too. People are more friendly and talkative to you if you are with a female or look like a couple. However, usually the people that talk to you are guys and older people or other couples. Not single young attractive women. lol

[SilverEnergy]

Winston, with all your experience, I'd like to ask what is the best way to deal with the isolation and depressing social environment?

Set some goals.

Get a mentor.

Start a business and learn how to become an investor.

Improve your life.